Effective Outlets

[Solus Magus]

One of things I've learned in life was that "unexpressed grief is a fuel for addiction."

 

To put it simply, when we internalize the things that upsets us added with the hurts that we have faced in our lives, they easily turn into destructive behaviors and could cause an addictive pattern. That's why we need to find an outlet in order for us to help ourselves to easily avoid or say "no" to different forms of vices. Addictive behavior is not easily broken, please take note. So even if you have an effective outlet, don't pressure yourself too much if you happen to relapse back to a certain recurring pattern of vice/behavior. Most prominent vices of today are: sex, drugs, alcohol, smoking, gambling, social media and games. But if you're into one of those, I'm not calling you an addict. Don't get me wrong. I'm here to learn from you people, not pick a fight.  

 

I believe most of us here use writing as a form of outlet. Even if it's not your intention to do so, I think it still serves as an outlet regardless. But I want to ask what are your other means of outlet aside from writing.

 

Personally, I have exercise and I have my "go to people" in case I am extremely upset. What's yours?

[Former Member]

I see a therapist and a psychiatrist. I also have friends I commiserate with (historically, that was my go-to strategy when I had to deal with difficult customers when I worked in retail). Masturbation (in private) is a free stress release…

[FormerMember4]

This is an extremely complicated question with many layers for me. I have self-harmed since my teens. Many inner demons and anxiety disorder. My way to keep from falling  back to old habits are many.  I write, exercise, and meditate. I see a therapist. While I don’t self-harm, my Sir does provide controlled pain for me. This is sometimes the only way for me to release and cope.

[Solus Magus]

On 10/24/2017 at 8:53 AM, BlindAmbition said:

This is an extremely complicated question with many layers for me. I have self-harmed since my teens. Many inner demons and anxiety disorder. My way to keep from falling  back to old habits are many.  I write, exercise, and meditate. I see a therapist. While I don’t self-harm, my Sir does provide controlled pain for me. This is sometimes the only way for me to release and cope.

Awwww!  

 

That's why I really am starting to appreciate the D/s lifestyle.  

[FormerMember4]

8 hours ago, Solus Magus said:

Awwww!  

 

That's why I really am starting to appreciate the D/s lifestyle.  

I appreciate that Solus. While needing pain is separate from D/s, I am lucky my Sir helps and provides this for me. Sir knows this helps his boy be whole.

[Wesley8890]

Well its weird my outlet is actually sex, video games and drawing. Mostly sex as its what I'm best at out of the three. Its kind of embarrassing to admit it. Most of my drawings are sexual but I'm not as good at drawing as I am as the aforementioned carnality.

[Sam Wyer]

In a planned way - other people, therapy, writing, reading

In a semi-structured / at least it’s deliberate way - alcohol

In a more ad-hoc way - whatever feels good or at least like it might do at the time

 

Maintaining a balance of all three approaches is what works for me.

[MacGreg]

For the most part, I'm a pretty even-keeled person. I don't stress or become distraught easily. But for excessive stress or bouts of grief, I look to physical and mental outlets. A good run, meditation, a hike in the mountains or communing with nature in some way. Even walking through an art museum or browsing a book or record store helps clear my head. Writing - in particular poetry - is a very effective avenue for tension release, as is a solid session of free-writing. Beyond that, as a Dom, I find that concentrating strength and guidance onto my partner refocuses any negative energy I may have into positive energy that I can pass along to the sub, thus releasing tension for the both of us, which is a win-win situation.

 

OK, yes... admittedly... a good bottle of whiskey also softens the edges sometimes.

[Solus Magus]

1 hour ago, MacGreg said:

For the most part, I'm a pretty even-keeled person. I don't stress or become distraught easily. But for excessive stress or bouts of grief, I look to physical and mental outlets. A good run, meditation, a hike in the mountains or communing with nature in some way. Even walking through an art museum or browsing a book or record store helps clear my head. Writing - in particular poetry - is a very effective avenue for tension release, as is a solid session of free-writing. Beyond that, as a Dom, I find that concentrating strength and guidance onto my partner refocuses any negative energy I may have into positive energy that I can pass along to the sub, thus releasing tension for the both of us, which is a win-win situation.

 

OK, yes... admittedly... a good bottle of whiskey also softens the edges sometimes.

A hike in the mountains always sounds nice. 

 

Yes, I also try to explore with poetry. For some reason, the emotions being poured out feels more raw and tangible. But so far, I was able to fully remove all forms of vices from my routine. (sex, gambling, games, drugs, alcohol). Except the regular jack offs. That's one thing that I might not be able to live without!

[MacGreg]

21 minutes ago, Solus Magus said:

A hike in the mountains always sounds nice. 

 

Yes, I also try to explore with poetry. For some reason, the emotions being poured out feels more raw and tangible. But so far, I was able to fully remove all forms of vices from my routine. (sex, gambling, games, drugs, alcohol). Except the regular jack offs. That's one thing that I might not be able to live without!

Sex as a vice? How about sex as an integral part of a healthy mind and body?

Edited October 25, 2017 by MacGreg

[Wesley8890]

5 minutes ago, MacGreg said:

Sex as a vice? How about sex as an integral part of a healthy mind and body?

I agree sir, although I may do it too much

[MacGreg]

1 minute ago, Wesley8890 said:

I agree sir, although I may do it too much

True, too much, or having an obsession with sex all the time, is a vice if it takes control of your life.

[FormerMember4]

31 minutes ago, Solus Magus said:

A hike in the mountains always sounds nice. 

 

Yes, I also try to explore with poetry. For some reason, the emotions being poured out feels more raw and tangible. But so far, I was able to fully remove all forms of vices from my routine. (sex, gambling, games, drugs, alcohol). Except the regular jack offs. That's one thing that I might not be able to live without!

Sex is a wonderful outlet. Not a vice. This releases endorphins and other things in your body. Bringing you center and focus.

[Mark92]

Most of you know about my childhood. My first coming out and writing was when I joined GA  in 2011, I was 19 and still on a remote farm. 

But I had actually started writing at the age of 13, it was pure escapism and probably the reason why I am as sane as I am.

BTW It was a straight BDSM story.

[Former Member]

33 minutes ago, Mark92 said:

Most of you know about my childhood. My first coming out and writing was when I joined GA  in 2011, I was 19 and still on a remote farm. 

But I had actually started writing at the age of 13, it was pure escapism and probably the reason why I am as sane as I am.

BTW It was a straight BDSM story.

Have you seen God’s Own Country yet? It’s set in Yorkshire and was written/directed by a guy who grew up on a farm in Yorkshire. One of the lead actors was sent to the director’s father’s farm for prep for the role.

 

That movie and All Creatures (mmm – Peter Davison!) are all I know about Yorkshire!  ;-)

[Solus Magus]

3 hours ago, MacGreg said:

True, too much, or having an obsession with sex all the time, is a vice if it takes control of your life.

I stated it that way because it used to control my life. And manipulating others to get it. That's why it's in "my list of vices." Just to clear it up.  

[Hunter Thomson]

On 10/23/2017 at 2:02 PM, Solus Magus said:

One of things I've learned in life was that "unexpressed grief is a fuel for addiction."

 

To put it simply, when we internalize the things that upsets us added with the hurts that we have faced in our lives, they easily turn into destructive behaviors and could cause an addictive pattern. That's why we need to find an outlet in order for us to help ourselves to easily avoid or say "no" to different forms of vices. Addictive behavior is not easily broken, please take note. So even if you have an effective outlet, don't pressure yourself too much if you happen to relapse back to a certain recurring pattern of vice/behavior. Most prominent vices of today are: sex, drugs, alcohol, smoking, gambling, social media and games. But if you're into one of those, I'm not calling you an addict. Don't get me wrong. I'm here to learn from you people, not pick a fight.  

 

I believe most of us here use writing as a form of outlet. Even if it's not your intention to do so, I think it still serves as an outlet regardless. But I want to ask what are your other means of outlet aside from writing.

 

Personally, I have exercise and I have my "go to people" in case I am extremely upset. What's yours?

 

It's an interesting topic, so thank you for writing about it since we all have very different ways of coping with addiction. It's funny for me since I tend to use one of the addictions you highlighted as a replacement for one of the other ones, so I'll go on a binge for one or try to go on a binge for one, and then realize I'm going overboard and then go in a totally different direction to alleviate the stress of that for me. 

 

For clarity, I'm a pretty big gamer and I pride myself on being pretty good at what games I do play, but every so often I'll realize I'm getting too into my games, and then historically I'd go trolling on grindr for sex. But then I'd go overboard on that and spend all my time on social media talking to people because I don't want to see them in person because that takes away from gaming and grindr time, so at that point I was doing all three at once which I can tell you is a real talent for multitasking when you're playing guild wars PvP, maintaining a grindr conversation and trying to keep up with the Joneses via social media.

 

All of which I tend to do as a direct response to my graduate studies and before that my teaching job, which caused me significant amounts of stress. 

 

My preferred form of stress relief and stress outlet is unavailable to me right now, and that's to sing. But I have three roommates who would most definitely would not appreciate me singing at the top of my lungs for hours each day. I'm a decent singer, but we're all graduate students trying to study for final papers and other school things, and an impromptu daily concert is not conducive to good study habits. So I rely on those other forms of stress relief instead. Which reminds me, I haven't logged onto my games at all today...