Question For Imagine 11/9

[Comicality]

 

Flirting! The art of bringing those nervous butterflies and bright blushes out of someone you fancy, or someone who fancies you. Flirting can be playful and vague, or more direct and to the point. Sometimes it can be harmless...and sometimes it can be a form of sexual harassment! (Learn to take a hint, people! Geez!) This time around, I want to hear your thoughts on flirting.

 

Is it really just a fun little 'game' that you play to flatter someone? Or is it something that you do to show real interest, hoping to achieve a desired result? Is it really harmless? If you were in a relationship with a notorious flirt...would it bother you? Does flirting online count? is it more dangerous for LGBT folks to flirt? Do you think that you're any good at it? Hehehe! Let us know your thought!

 

This week's topic for Imagine Magazine is 'flirting'! Spill your feelings about it! Whatever they may be!

[MrM]

I flirt with YOU all the time, Comsie, or at least on chat (on those rare occasions that we are on together) so of course it counts online!

 

I flirt with people I know and who I know are gay, but not strangers. I'm still too cautious about doing that with people I don't know. Between offense, getting attacked, or being sued or fired for looking at someone wrong, I just keep to myself most of the time. Its probably too bad because I miss opportunities, I suppose. 

 

There is a Jamie Cross that works out at the same Y that I do. He is way too young for me but he is Jamie Cross gorgeous. I smiled at him once and got a smile back (with a blush). I watched him today a bit. My gaydar is going off like hell, but . . . still I think it is inappropriate to flirt with him. He is FAR too young for me though legal, and gyms have always been problematic places for me. I never know what to do in there. I try not even to look at other guys when they are nude. I don't want to violate their privacy with my All Seeing Eye.

[Hunter Thomson]

On 11/9/2017 at 9:14 PM, MrM said:

I flirt with YOU all the time, Comsie, or at least on chat (on those rare occasions that we are on together) so of course it counts online!

 

I flirt with people I know and who I know are gay, but not strangers. I'm still too cautious about doing that with people I don't know. Between offense, getting attacked, or being sued or fired for looking at someone wrong, I just keep to myself most of the time. Its probably too bad because I miss opportunities, I suppose. 

 

There is a Jamie Cross that works out at the same Y that I do. He is way too young for me but he is Jamie Cross gorgeous. I smiled at him once and got a smile back (with a blush). I watched him today a bit. My gaydar is going off like hell, but . . . still I think it is inappropriate to flirt with him. He is FAR too young for me though legal, and gyms have always been problematic places for me. I never know what to do in there. I try not even to look at other guys when they are nude. I don't want to violate their privacy with my All Seeing Eye.

Interesting that you think that way MrM. He doesn't seem to be bothered by you flirting with him or even just acknowledging him, and I'm sure if he had a problem he'd act in a way that made it obvious that he wasn't accepting of that kind of attention. Or perhaps he is, I'm a bad judge of people so I don't always know how people are reacting or what they mean unless they outright say what their problem is. Besides, not all gays are into people solely of their own age group.

 

In terms of flirting I'll flirt with anyone, but it's a situational thing where they'll have had to say something to set up the pithy remark I want to make. I don't normally go out of my way to flirt with people, and a lot of that is that I'm a tortured soul who has social anxiety. So I wouldn't know flirting if it walked up and bit me in the face. Having said that, I can turn a phrase when needed, but it's almost always just something I do as a fun thing and not meant to have any serious feelings behind it. If I catch real feelings, I state my mind pretty clearly instead of playing games.

[Comicality]

Flirting? I am definitely guilty in the respect! Hehehe!

 

I will admit to being a notorious flirt at times, but if I was in a relationship...I would immediately put boundaries on that. I mean, deep down, I know that I'm not looking to cheat on someone that I truly care about...but does HE know that? That's the real question.

I would definitely be insecure about someone I really loved flirting with somebody else. That's just me. Especially if it was done right in front of me.

But...I measure that against my own intentions. I wouldn't flirt 'heavily' with another person unless I had some intention of getting romantically involved with them. And, I'll be honest, I get MORE nervous when my flirtations work! Hehehe, it terrifies me!

There is no smooth talking, confident, Romeo in me. Sorry to spoil the fantasy!

Flirting is kind of difficult for me. I goof around a lot and play games...but my heart gets all wrapped up in the idea sometimes (VERY FEW cuties get this level of fear from me, hehehe! Like, I have to really REALLY feel like I'm falling head over heels in LOVE with somebody before I confess it to them! They have to be so sweet, and so cute, and so amazingly full of compassion and understanding and humor and all that, before I even take the first step down that road.

So...I might flirt, harmlessly, with people in general. But in more serious matters...::Giggles::...if you see me flirting with you...then I'm probably ALREADY in love! LOL! Sad but true!

[MrM]

14 hours ago, Hunter Thomson said:

Interesting that you think that way MrM. He doesn't seem to be bothered by you flirting with him or even just acknowledging him, and I'm sure if he had a problem he'd act in a way that made it obvious that he wasn't accepting of that kind of attention. Or perhaps he is, I'm a bad judge of people so I don't always know how people are reacting or what they mean unless they outright say what their problem is. Besides, not all gays are into people solely of their own age group.

 

In terms of flirting I'll flirt with anyone, but it's a situational thing where they'll have had to say something to set up the pithy remark I want to make. I don't normally go out of my way to flirt with people, and a lot of that is that I'm a tortured soul who has social anxiety. So I wouldn't know flirting if it walked up and bit me in the face. Having said that, I can turn a phrase when needed, but it's almost always just something I do as a fun thing and not meant to have any serious feelings behind it. If I catch real feelings, I state my mind pretty clearly instead of playing games.

 

I don't think that little smile was anything, Huntipoo (sorry. there I go again). Just a brief nice thing. He is young enough to be my son, seriously, and such an age difference usually makes a big difference though not always. I have a rather cautious view of younger gay guys that show attraction to me. I have my reasons.

 

There are a lot of 'Twinks' in my gayborhood that I have to watch out for because they are looking for a 'Daddy'. They tend to be rather predatory. Far too often I've seen that kind of relationship exist as a form of 'soft' prostitution. I don't want to use and be used in that way in a relationship. I want something honest.

 

But, Eros knows, perhaps there is a strange attraction between 'Jamie' and me that might work, but I think it's more of a situation like what Ashi has with his red headed inventory manager at his local warehouse market. A distant appreciation for someone beautiful.

 

I'm fine with that. He gives me something to look forward to when forcing myself into the gym.

 

6 hours ago, Comicality said:

Flirting? I am definitely guilty in the respect! Hehehe!

 

I will admit to being a notorious flirt at times, but if I was in a relationship...I would immediately put boundaries on that. I mean, deep down, I know that I'm not looking to cheat on someone that I truly care about...but does HE know that? That's the real question.

I would definitely be insecure about someone I really loved flirting with somebody else. That's just me. Especially if it was done right in front of me.
 

 

I'd probably not flirt at all under those circumstances. I really am a kind of 'Year of the Dog' personality. I am loyal to a fault. The fault being that if I'm betrayed I probably won't be able to attach that loyalty fully again. I'll be able to forgive, but never trust again. I guess, in that respect, I really DO think like a 14 year old boy. So, for me, flirting would seem like a betrayal of trust to some degree. I won't want to do what I would not like to have done to me.

[Solus Magus]

I'm good at flirting with other guys. But I don't use winking or smiling. Since I am a very touchy person, I would usually give random hugs to people I am close with. Or sometimes, if I am really comfortable with them, I'll try to chew on their shoulder. Like how a cat would play with you. (I got it from one of those teens I need to watch over a few years ago. Whenever he was trying to be sweet to me, he would try and bite my shoulders. It became a habit for me as well.)

 

However, I suck at analyzing if other guys would flirt at me. Either I would overthink friendly gestures as a flirting, or I would overlook flirting as friendly gestures. Lately, there's this cute guy whom I instantly become close to. And I just had to refer to another gay friend of mine just to tell me that there were red flags all over. I just thought all of them as friendly gestures. Now, I'm crushing on this guy. But our closeness for now is just too vague. It's a headache!

 

I play safe, though. I only play sweet when it's safe to be sweet. There's no way I would be flirting in public.  

[Hunter Thomson]

2 hours ago, Solus Magus said:

I'm good at flirting with other guys. But I don't use winking or smiling. Since I am a very touchy person, I would usually give random hugs to people I am close with. Or sometimes, if I am really comfortable with them, I'll try to chew on their shoulder. Like how a cat would play with you. (I got it from one of those teens I need to watch over a few years ago. Whenever he was trying to be sweet to me, he would try and bite my shoulders. It became a habit for me as well.)

OMG Yes hugs. I hug everyone so no one even considers that to be flirting from me anymore. It's just that thing I do that people put up with or enjoy depending on their mood. I don't bite though.

 

2 hours ago, MrM said:

 

I don't think that little smile was anything, Huntipoo (sorry. there I go again). Just a brief nice thing. He is young enough to be my son, seriously, and such an age difference usually makes a big difference though not always. I have a rather cautious view of younger gay guys that show attraction to me. I have my reasons.

I'm young enough to be your son too, that doesn't stop anyone

I can understand that there are probably good reasons why you're concerned about younger men getting flirty or attached. There's a whole social stigma about the issue that makes it really hard to talk about.

 

2 hours ago, MrM said:

There are a lot of 'Twinks' in my gayborhood that I have to watch out for because they are looking for a 'Daddy'. They tend to be rather predatory. Far too often I've seen that kind of relationship exist as a form of 'soft' prostitution. I don't want to use and be used in that way in a relationship. I want something honest.

Heavens, I had no idea you lived in Vancouver. We have a very similar problem up/down there with predatory twinks hunting for sugar daddies. I know a whole bunch of the people in question and they live it up in their downtown apartments, but I know *exactly* how its paid for and it's not from their minimum wage slavery. I know who's connected to who and what the exact relationship between all those people is, and on the one hand I suppose everyone is getting some kind of benefit from it, but on the other hand its pathetic and disgusting to me to see people reducing intimacy to simply a matter of financial exchange.

[MrM]

40 minutes ago, Hunter Thomson said:

3 hours ago, Solus Magus said:

I'm good at flirting with other guys. But I don't use winking or smiling. Since I am a very touchy person, I would usually give random hugs to people I am close with. Or sometimes, if I am really comfortable with them, I'll try to chew on their shoulder. Like how a cat would play with you. (I got it from one of those teens I need to watch over a few years ago. Whenever he was trying to be sweet to me, he would try and bite my shoulders. It became a habit for me as well.)

 

However, I suck at analyzing if other guys would flirt at me. Either I would overthink friendly gestures as a flirting, or I would overlook flirting as friendly gestures. Lately, there's this cute guy whom I instantly become close to. And I just had to refer to another gay friend of mine just to tell me that there were red flags all over. I just thought all of them as friendly gestures. Now, I'm crushing on this guy. But our closeness for now is just too vague. It's a headache!

 

I play safe, though. I only play sweet when it's safe to be sweet. There's no way I would be flirting in public.  

 

 

Yes, I tend to be a hugger. But there are hugs and then there are, um, . . . hugs.

 

48 minutes ago, Hunter Thomson said:

OMG Yes hugs. I hug everyone so no one even considers that to be flirting from me anymore. It's just that thing I do that people put up with or enjoy depending on their mood. I don't bite though.

 

I'm young enough to be your son too, that doesn't stop anyone

I can understand that there are probably good reasons why you're concerned about younger men getting flirty or attached. There's a whole social stigma about the issue that makes it really hard to talk about.

 

Heavens, I had no idea you lived in Vancouver. We have a very similar problem up/down there with predatory twinks hunting for sugar daddies. I know a whole bunch of the people in question and they live it up in their downtown apartments, but I know *exactly* how its paid for and it's not from their minimum wage slavery. I know who's connected to who and what the exact relationship between all those people is, and on the one hand I suppose everyone is getting some kind of benefit from it, but on the other hand its pathetic and disgusting to me to see people reducing intimacy to simply a matter of financial exchange.

 

Ah, but Huntipoo . . . your maturity level is that of a full grown man. 'Jamie' still strikes me as something of a boy. Not boi, but boy. Hehehehe. I'd have no problem dating you. 

 

I'm sure that Vancouver and San Diego and San Francisco and Chicago, for that matter, have very similar dynamics in their gayborhoods. I mean SilverDaddies.com is there for a reason and I'm more than fine with intergenerational relationships as long as they are honest. It's the honesty that gets me. I hate it when one side of the relationship or the other is being deceived and used to benefit the other who really does not share the same feelings. Someone is going to end up hurt there.

 

Like I said, I'm a loyal person and when I give my loyalty to someone I would hope that it could be mutual. If the relationship isn't equally yoked then at least be honest about it.

[Page Scrawler]

12 hours ago, Comicality said:

Flirting? I am definitely guilty in the respect! Hehehe!

 

I will admit to being a notorious flirt at times, but if I was in a relationship...I would immediately put boundaries on that. I mean, deep down, I know that I'm not looking to cheat on someone that I truly care about...but does HE know that? That's the real question.

I would definitely be insecure about someone I really loved flirting with somebody else. That's just me. Especially if it was done right in front of me.

But...I measure that against my own intentions. I wouldn't flirt 'heavily' with another person unless I had some intention of getting romantically involved with them. And, I'll be honest, I get MORE nervous when my flirtations work! Hehehe, it terrifies me!

There is no smooth talking, confident, Romeo in me. Sorry to spoil the fantasy!

Flirting is kind of difficult for me. I goof around a lot and play games...but my heart gets all wrapped up in the idea sometimes (VERY FEW cuties get this level of fear from me, hehehe! Like, I have to really REALLY feel like I'm falling head over heels in LOVE with somebody before I confess it to them! They have to be so sweet, and so cute, and so amazingly full of compassion and understanding and humor and all that, before I even take the first step down that road.

So...I might flirt, harmlessly, with people in general. But in more serious matters...::Giggles::...if you see me flirting with you...then I'm probably ALREADY in love! LOL! Sad but true!

I was a notorious flirt in high school, but only when I was in-between boyfriends. Pretty sure I could have turned a couple straight guys, if I tried really hard. Now that I'm married, though, I don't flirt...very much. It's just empty words, usually meant as a joke. If I thought for a second that somebody was taking me seriously, I would stop immediately.