Ashi

Okay, sure. :-p I am not into furry and I am not even hairy. LOL. Maybe they'll even push me out since I am old. (okay, I am very conscious about my age.., because I am not getting younger) This year's Further Confusion is already over. Anywayz.... There are gay people everywhere. I certainly hope that's what you mean by it. :-p

I don't know..., your thread made me think you might be interested in attending a Fur Con. My hometown's Fur Con is called Further Confusion.... LOL! My hometown is pretty geeky. Maybe you'll find some answer in there. No, I am not into Furry. But it's kind of weird that I am out on street taking photos during Fur Con quite a bit, so I am quite aware of its existence. I always want to ask them if they can pose for me, but I am shy. I've seen one guy being leashed by another guy outside of the Fur Con in costume. Such a cool sight.

I like it. It is a great family drama. Unlike most gay genre movies, this one actually has substance. You go through emotional journey with the main character. The story isn't just about the main character's homosexuality and nothing else, it actually talks about his relationship with his family members. The part his dad always sings the same song in annual Christmas gathering is just so funny, you can't stop him! Edge of Seventeen is the other movie with this type of calibur.

My dad is like that. When he can't win an argument, he said I am abnormally serious, nobody thinks like that, or stop making things up on top of your head, when I was explaining some fact (he still argues with me that fungus is a plant, because he would say, "So you think fungus is an animal?", which I never say it is, but that's just his tactics, it's always either/or, there is no room for him that fungus could just be fungus....). And Nephylim brought a good point. I think we all hurt someone unintentionally, but when someone hurt you and still don't feel regretful even after you've told them those words are hurtful, then there is something wrong. There was one topic we covered in general psychology and the instructor simply assume everyone would feel guilty when they did something wrong. I know very well some "normal" people don't feel guilty for what they do, and therefore using "guilt" as a weapon to curb people's behavior, as some of those psychiatrist been using may not work as well as they think, and not to mention it's very manipulative....

Gotta read some of the comments of that video. It's like as if some of them didn't quite learned the lesson.... Anyways, that's why I don't go out and tell everyone I am gay. Not that I am ashame of my sexuality, but I don't like to attract this type of comments. I had someone recently told me that she knew I would love to meet her roommate (I never told her I am gay). People said pink looks so good on me whenever I am wearing that color. I should be able to wear any color I like without drawing such attention. Everyone asks me for fashion advice even when I never told them I am gay, that includes my own mom. I think it's getting even worse after I came out to her.... Some quotes from random friends: "How come you don't know how to do your hair?" "You gay people are so talented." (notice how contradictory people can be) "You sure he's gay? How can he find a boyfriend looking like that?" (don't even know where to start, it's so offensive on so many levels. Miss, I am a virgin, so what does that mean?). "So you're gay. That totally makes sense. You were totally staring at that hunk in the dancing class." (okay, I was staring..., but that was like five years ago and she still remembered :-p) "I think you'll going to love this." Then they show me some of the gaudiest, tackiest, most "fabulous" accessories in the store.... "They" could either be a salesperson or a friend for years.... I don't remember exactly what she said, but it was something along the line like "Why can't you just go to a gay bar and get yourself laid?"

Character. I like reading characters with layers, much like I like stories with layers. I like seeing people's nature change for better or worse, but if a character remained unchanged through out the entire story span, I would start picking nose while trying to finish the story... (figuratively speaking, I don't actually do that.., kind of eww). From writer's point of view, I let my characters determine the story. Trying too hard to prop the character into a storyline would make the story unnatural more easily. It's jarring when reading such story. Yes, I do care about the storyline very much, and ironically that's why my stories are character-driven. I started out as plot-driven but now it's exclusively character-driven. Also, I don't like dramatic monologue, so I try my best to make sure characters are different enough so dialogues don't become "thinking out loud, with added response for effect." That I find to be a big challenge as I prefer certain types of character, so I have to be conscious about it when I write. Anyways, to curb from a flat, dragging storyline, which can happen more easily with character-driven scheme, I start out developing characters and review it from plot-driven point of view and see if it fits a drama curve properly. I tweak both characters and plot, and iron out unnatural stuff as often as I like (usually when the story hits a milestone). That said, I do have some story outline before I even start..., but it's usually very fuzzy and vague, nothing concrete. If my characters decide they want to live their own lives, I shift my story a little bit, as long as the main objectives are met.

I think what Mr. Malevolentstorm needs is a little bit of support. I don't think any advice could be helpful at this moment. It sounds weird, but when I read his first post, I knew he had tried anything. Only someone who was completely desperate can talk about something that's pretty much emotional train wreck in a matter-of-fact way. Honest, direct, and no BS is because one is sick and tired of being conceal one's feeling. I think everyone already said all the critical ones. Yes, marriage is in the way and responsibility is the biggest issue here. I am the worst person to give advice as I have no experience. I only know if I got married, I would have to forget about my own sexuality, no matter how painful I am internally, because I already made the choice. If I were attracted to someone who was already married (this I have experience with), I would have to forget about him (and I did, surprisingly, without much problem). I don't believe that people shouldn't marry young. It might be a wrong choice for some, just like marriage is a wrong choice for some. Some might be more ready than others, and some might have met their right one earlier than others.... Whatever is your (Mr. Malevolentstorm's) final choice, never regret. Don't look back. Pull yourself through. You probably have been through much, how much more hurt can it get? If you feel you could get more hurt, then you probably haven't seen the bottom of it yet. Now, redirect your attention to how much hurt you can deliver to other people. If you think you can live with that, then again, never look back and have no regret for your own good. It's your life.

Kind of weird when events from high school days flashed back at cha without warning. Honestly, those were the days. I kind of accept there is a good chance I'll stay a bitter old queen til the end (not that I am really old though feels like it), but it's nice to have some sweet memory coming back (as oppose to general negativity I keep having). Anyways, enough blabbering; theses are the two events that warmed my heart today that I actually bother to write them down and share with you guys. Back in Freshman year I was one of those nerds who participated in math competitions in every chance. Never won any award but for someone who was socially awkward, it was fun for me to be part of something. I was in Geometry that year, and the guy sit in front of me was one of those math genius. He was chosen to represent the school for the Math Wizard competition at county level, and I wasn't. In fact, my English was so bad, I couldn't even understand the hint my teacher gave me that I didn't make it. Then the teacher told me bluntly. I felt stupid, but the teacher offered a slot if I wanted so badly, I politely refused. Anyways, that was one of a few times the guy in front of me turned his head and looked at me and smiled. Not laughing at my public disgrace, but a gentle smile. At that time, I guess his smile was somewhat of an intrigue to me. I began to notice him a lot.... Another day the teacher threatened him that he would have to repeat the class if he continued to miss his homework. That's a big deal to him since he was a Senior and you have to pass Geometry in order to fulfill the graduation requirement. I was one of those empathetic kids, so when I heard that, it made me think a lot... and felt really bad for him because I knew he was really smart. I knew he must be economically disadvantaged, because his greasy golden lock (curly like the one on a Greek statue) was sprinkled with paint drips. My vivid imagination filled in the background story that he must be working part time, like a hungry artist who does moving and house painting on the side. That's why he missed homework and sometimes skipped class. It's really funny how something antiquated like this suddenly surged back while I was laying on my bed this morning. Keep in mind at that age, I already knew what was like to have sexual pleasure... (well.., boys do explore their bodies, even a prudent boy like me), but I was still in a stage I guess you could say sexually ambiguous. I didn't pursue after him, obviously, since I couldn't even understand my own feeling, though I did find him a rather fascinating character. Though now it does make me think about the possibility, if I were not so innocent. The second story is more like a remembrance of the past triggered by a recent event. I was in this health care introductory class, the kind designed to let you know little about the industry before you waste too much time and money invested into a career path that really doesn't fit you. There was this guy came into the class late. He was my type! Tall and I guess you could say he was borderline good looking but you wouldn't mistaken him for a super model. There was no special air around him, the simple guy next door type basically, almost humble. If he wasn't tall, I guess most people wouldn't notice him, but for some reason, the guys I have had trouble forgetting tend to be this type. I confess I have a thing for a tall guy, as I am tall myself, and really can't imagine myself dating someone shorter than me. He had some beard scruff around his chin and wrinkles around his face; a weathered look, a man who looked like he had been through some life experience. I knew I should have paid more attention to the class, but whenever I had a chance, I would look toward his general direction. He was quiet, but appeared to be intelligent. Yes, I dig for a smart guy, especially if he was also tall. :-D On the second session (and final meeting) of the class, the enrollment was significantly thinned out. In fact, in this session, only a handful showed up (I guess the rest went to another section of the class, since the instructor allowed that). He was there in the class before I entered the door and I was glad he was there. The instructor gave us one of those "Hello, My Name Is..." stickers to put on our shirt front. That's when I learned his name. It is not a name you could forget, because in the U.S., it's usually a female name, though it's not always true in other parts of the world. That put me into another level of affinity to him, because the only other guy I knew with the same name was someone I knew in high school. The guy I knew in high school probably was one of the shyest boys I have ever met in my life. I was shy myself (I am still very shy but much more confident now), but nowhere as quiet as him. I always took more notice about other shy guys, I guess it's some sort of unspoken affinity among us introverts. If someone asked him a question, you could know it's a yes, if he showed his smile with those shiny braces. Kids of our age (Sophomore year in high school) usually were really self-conscious, so I really couldn't blame him, especially he had a girl's name, a haircut done in home garage (the Beatles style), and those shiny braces which I thought made his smile so cute, but I never could tell him. Though he was my age, but I looked like a Junior compared to him. He was very cute and sweet, albeit he could be seen, but rarely heard. There was this unshakeable shadow of a doubt that these two guys were one and the same.... It is rather interesting, because this guy I met in health care class was so much taller than the guy back in high school. It's possible he was a late boomer. To make the matter even more confusing, when he smiled, I couldn't help but notice those braces around his self-conscious smile, except now the corners of his mouth were accompanied by some folds of age. He was not a boy like the one I remembered, but someone date-able. I don't know why, but I always forget to check out some little clues like if the guy is wearing a wedding band or not..., or tries to get some hint if the man is gay.... I don't know, I guess I hate getting disappointed. I know the guy's last name now, too, so it's not that hard check with my high school year book to know if they're really the same person.... I know..., what a stinky personality I have here, but what is wrong with keeping some sweet memory untainted? I guess if I ever met him again (there can always be hope), I will try my best to tell him what a beautiful smile he has.

I'm not qualified to give proper suggestion in your case, but I think your doctor (if you're seeing one) would suggest there is no rule in some of the stuff. I don't know how to date either. If you read one of my threads, you'd know I would turn "ice queen" when I met someone I like. This is growing pain, and everyone goes through it in some form which I called it the modern rite of men. I know you have a more difficult time to deal with it than others, but please try to let go (some) of the rules. I'm very rule obsessive also by the way.... Such excellent sense of logic is both our strength and weakness. I wonder if you have watched a movie called Ordinary People. Don't watch it when you're depressed, so be forewarned, though it can send a positive message. But let me tell you one segment that I think may apply. The main character (Conrad) told his psychiatrist he wanted to be more in control, his doctor said, "Why do you want to be in control?" Think about it. I know it's painful to be a perfectionist, because perfectionism is a flaw itself.

Even if you wanted to contact Ryan again, it has to be when he is ready. I don't know the entire situation nor I know Ryan personally, but I think sometimes when people lashed out at people, they were angry at themselves and too shameful to admit. Your very presence is enough to trigger his anger, and made him even more mad at himself. Both of you would get hurt though it's neither of your desire to do so. Learn to move on in the mean time. I've been through something similar and I don't want you to waste your youth like I did. If he came back, let it be a pleasant surprise rather than feeling sorry for yourself, which will affect your physical health and appearance (and people will stay away from you and your frowning face). Easier said than done, I know, but please try. I left someone alone once, just because I believe it's the best interest for him that I should stop bothering him, but he got hurt. Not everyone takes the situation the same way. I think only you know what kind of person Ryan is, but since he changed so much.... Is it possible he realized he wasn't gay? Just brainstorming stuff here. I'm not a psychiatrist, so please take my opinion with a grain of salt. Everything I said is merely a possibility.

Sometimes kids are more adult than adults. DC seemed to be a strong kid. Anyways, my opinion is similar to Nephylim's except for one thing. If the kid explicitly said he wanted to be donor, I would honor his death wish, despite I can't bear the thought of someone close to be cut up like that. I'm too traditional. The dead body must be whole when I enter the other realm..., but I admire someone who is brave and less selfish than I am.

There are also a lot of people wrongly diagnosed with Autism or Asperger's. Don't always believe what your doctor says. Shy is not a crime. If Einstein was born today, he would be put into a special school instead of being recognized as a genius. If the symptom is just mild, like yours, Rilbur, I think it's better to just hang in group you're most comfortable with and see if things gets better. Sometimes it's just confidence issue. I think this world is too aggressive. Politeness is a symptom of a supposed psychological condition? Shouldn't rudeness be the problem we have in this world? If there is nothing better to say, than silence is golden! I used to know another online friend who also suffered from Asperger's, that's when I first became aware of the condition. He was a great kid! The last time I heard from him was his parents wanted him to interact with the real world and I bid him well. I wonder what happened to him now.

I clicked on the link and saw it generated lots of reactions among Amazon reviewers so that's good already. I'll see if I could find it in local library. Now onto the book that changed my life. Short answer: I don't think I have one (yet). Long answer: I read Metamorphosis when I was in high school and that only made me confirmed I shouldn't self-pity too much (I was a headstrong kid). If that's life changing, I guess yeah, but not much. What it did do though was making me really interested in literature, but it isn't really one of my favorite books (but it's life-curbing). I read The Catcher in the Rye on my own. Didn't change my life, but it fascinates me a great deal with how much teenagers' lives didn't seem to change much over the decades. High school life is still like that in a broad sense. It also made me more interested in literature. Secret Sharer, now that's just a short story (a very difficult to read one though..., took me a long time). A guy and I were connected by that story. He hated it, and I liked it. And I think he noticed me more afterward, which would end up being a very dramatic episode of my life. Life changing? Yes. But not because of the content (it's borderline homoerotic by the way).

Didn't know what to do first also. Figured it out after made the first mistake. 88% first try.

Can't comment on Japan, but I used to live in Taiwan (ancient history now). Guys aren't afraid of fashion like here in the U.S.. The couple lived up stair had my mom babysit for them. One day I caught the guy went to work with a pair of purple dress pants with matching umbrella. Okay, that's quite audacious even by my standard. That was almost like 20 years ago, so the shock value was even more. Maybe this might help you break into Asian culture, but guys do make friends with similarly dressed people (there in Asia). Well, it's not unlike emos tend to stick with emos and hip-hop people tend to group together here, but that has more to do with subculture.... If that makes any sense? If you are unkempt..., you might not get friends (or at least, you might be ditched in a corner with other unkempt people). I know it's culture shock.... Almost everything is the direct opposite. Keep in mind in cosmopolitan cities like Tokyo or Taipei with millions of residents, if you don't catch people's attention, you have no identity. It's a different world. I recently dig out some old photos. I found my kid photo back in the 80's. I was dressing in a fair isle cardigan, layered with a souvenir turtleneck from a theme park, and a no-brand digital watch with a large white block face. So fashionable. LOL! My manner was so much deliberate when I was kid too. That really brightened my day when I found my childhood photos. I say dress up your kids in outrageous fashion, so they have something fun to remember.

Watch "Breakfast on Pluto." Cillian Murphy played a drag. It's not always how it looks on the outside and it's not always glamorous. Working in the fashion retail before, so I was exposed to the subject first handed. A co-worker had a second job as a drag. I didn't make any judgment when he acted flamboyant, but it does turn me off (when some of us tried not to, they deliberately do the act). But you know, I don't think that makes him weird. That's just him, being him (or being her, I am confused). It's a persona. He's a decent guy really. I sometimes feel he was more insecure than anything. The aforementioned movie is a good study for the subject. It is very depressing, however (life is a drag?). Hedwig and the Angry Inch is another good one. Like Tiger and other mentioned, it's just for entertainment. And drag is a straight thing too. Some men just love to wear women's clothes. It still awes me that there is a section when Holden Caulfield (sp?) saw (voyeur?) a businessman secretly dressed in drag in The Catcher in the Rye. I don't think that guy is gay, you know. It's just some stuff people do. Do you consider guys who wear skinny jeans gay? Before they made skinny jeans for guys, some people buy women's jeans you know. They're not gay, just scrawny. They buy kids clothes, too. (kid's clothes are a lot of fun)

My gaydar is the most broken piece of you know what. I set people's gaydar off when I'm being myself the most (e.g., enjoying myself in some social setting). That's when I forget to act straight and start doing shifty eyes (because I know I shouldn't stare!).

The case is closed. I'm back as his friend. I do not expect more unless he expressed something. I am fine as the way it is. Thank you guys for the advice. Yes, start everything from a simple friendship. I don't think I could ever do a hook up. I fall in love hard, but I don't fall in love quick. I don't trust strangers, I guess....

This is too private to talk about in public. I'll PM you for it. I don't think he'll appreciate it if I let the whole world know. It'll just kill my chance to ever get back to him. I don't know whether he's lonely or not. It's hard to tell if the guy is an online friend, right? I do know I am the one who is really lonely since I left him. Thanks. I learned that the hard way. Ex #1 acted like he had the biggest crush on me (shy around me, cried when we separated). Ending..., married a woman, so I know appearance can be deceiving. The guy #2 has a little bit of gut (though he is still the most gorgeous guy on Planet Earth). The thing is, I'm not very good at making friends. I never know what to say, and that makes people think I'm stuck up or unfriendly (you guys meet me online, so you don't know how painfully shy I am). Interesting enough, nowadays I have less problem being in a large group than one-on-one, since such communication is so impersonal. And thanks Linxe..., I've been a wallflower for too long, and it's been taking toll on me, that's why I am taking steps nowadays. I'm not getting younger.... I've been told I was playing with love, once. WTF.... I was not even interested in him. So I've been very careful not sending the wrong vibe, but being an ice queen is not helping! I've been killing my own happiness for ten years now. I don't wanna be a graceful lady but end up being a vase. Have you watched Miss Austen Regrets? Very decorated life Jane Austen had. Died a lonely lady. In any case, I'll ditch my dignity and write an email to Guy #1. If he ignored me or flamed me, that's still better than being cursed like this. I'll take my chance. I can't believe I let a guy affect me like this. Stupid. Hmm..., interesting. I just noticed Guy #1 is a parallel to Ex #1, and Guy #2 is analogous to Ex #2, and I chose personality over look both times. I hope this time it's not gonna be the same result.

Omededou gozaimasu (hope I spelled it right. It's been a while since I took Japanese class).

(*hugs Duchess*) No matter what I'm going to say it'll sound wrong, so that's all I'm going to do. But I think it's important to have a head up, so you're not alone, okay? Be strong.

Background: I've had guys who sent mix signals to me. They turned out not gay. This is VERY frustrating. I'm not going to fall for straight guys then get myself hurt. I've never been physically hurt before because of it (never say never, however...), but psychological pain is killing me. They could have been my best friends if I kept hiding my feeling toward them.Question 1: How do you approach someone you don't even know if he's gay or not? Question 1: How do you approach a guy if you don't even know if he's gay. The question really is, how do you make him confess to you without offending him. He might still be in the closet or has good reason not to admit he is gay. Question 2: How do you approach a guy if he is most likely gay? I won't take two guys at once, obviously, but I need to confirm something so I won't get hurt. I need to approach them somehow (hopefully only one guy is gay and interested, then everything would be easy). Thanks in advance. Question 3: What if guy No. 1 is your ex-best friend? It doesn't matter whether he's gay or not, you still want to be his friend again, because you do like him a little too much for your own good....

You're helpful because you care. Awww.... After a quick search, it's Ermenegildo. I wasn't sure about Zegna's first name either, but I knew you were way off. As for Wayfarer, the first time I saw it's comeback was from J. Crew. A model wore it (as eye glasses). They made him look dorky when I first saw the picture, but they worked for him. Yes, they're for reading glasses too, not just for sunglasses. If you can find a picture of James Dean wearing them, that'll give you an idea. The classic colors were black or tortoise. (Non-glossy) Tortoise might work for Johnathan, though some idiots might tease him at first. A few years back there was a tortoise fad. I still have a pair of them. They still look cool on me, but I may have to change the gradient lenses for something else before I show my age.... Like Wayfarers, tortoise can either make you look glamorous or a total dork. Wear them with confidence.... Brown-black color is cool, Johnathan. It's very classy for a British gentleman. I need to know your hair color because that means lighter green won't work for you (unless you're really going for that high contrast look, which is very attention grabby. For photo shoot it's okay, not for everyday stuff). Matte frames and darker shades are (usually) better for you. Rush, your glasses are cool. I have a guitar belt! I think they'll match. I don't play a guitar, so please don't ask. Tomon, those looks like 1969 jeans I have. Mine are torn.... Couldn't get them anywhere anymore. Hachiko..., is that (Minamoto) Yoshitsune's dog or something like that? Or is it the Satomi eight heroes story? And there is another small Statue of Liberty in Paris.

I hardly read (I'm a slow reader because English isn't my first language, and I read between lines a lot), but I've watched a lot of them in movie format. If there is not a note saying I read it, then I watched it: 1. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald - Read it in high school. I quote it sometimes (e.g., it takes two to make an accident), but I don't like this book. Why is this book banned? 2. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger - Read it on my own. One of my favorite books of all time. Still can't believe it describes a business man who cross-dressed in private, and the teacher was suggested to be gay (the book was published in 1950's!). 4. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee - Read it college. 5. The Color Purple by Alice Walker 8. The Lord of the Flies by William Golding 9. 1984 by George Orwell - After couldn't finish reading Animal Farm, this book is still sitting in my room. Watched the film. 12. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck - Watched the John Malkovich movie. Didn't give me much impression. 15. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller 16. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley 17. Animal Farm by George Orwell - Read half of it then gave up. It's an allegory of Stalin and his rival. Too political for my liking. 39. A Room with a View by E. M. Forster 40. The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien 41. Schindler's List by Thomas Keneally 42. The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton - Couldn't finish the movie (Daniel Day-Lewis/Michelle Pfeifer).... Found the movie to be boring and pretentious. 49. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess - Watched the Stanley Kubrick classic. May revisit it again. Found it to be too rebellious at the time (I was kind of young when I watched it, and I was really straight-laced), but maybe I have overlooked some important messages. 52. Howards End by E. M. Forster 53. In Cold Blood by Truman Capote 54. Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger - Never read it, but it's on my to do list. 71. Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier 74. Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh 75. Women in Love by D. H. Lawrence 98. Where Angels Fear to Tread by E. M. Forster Stuff I can't find on this list: East of Eden by John Steinbeck - Watched James Dean version. He is over-dramatic as usual, but it's my favorite Dean movie. Adventure of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain - Read it in high school Maurice by E. M. Foster - Merchant/Ivory production. Very dry, but a classic. Was "The Sweet Bird of Youth" by Tennessee Williams ever banned? Love the movie though (Paul Newman was really handsome I thought).

I don't go to gay clubs or bars, so maybe I'm just weird. I live in the SF Bay Area, and I've never seen two guys kissing each other in public. Okay, the part of the Bay Area I live in is less tolerant on gay people (many of my ex-coworkers were fired, and I suspect it's because they claimed to be GLBT on their Facebook), but still... even when I go to Castro District in SF, the closest I've got is someone checking me out. That's it.... I don't get to see gay men kissing in public. How disappointing.