This is beautiful writing:
"It’s so suffocating, this feeling. I’m genuinely terrified—terrified of my own heart, and also terrified of his feelings. I’m afraid that I might actually end up liking him. I mean… being one-sidedly infatuated with him is bad enough, but what if I end up loving him even more than this? What would happen then? Wouldn’t my heart just burst and kill me even more painfully? And what about his feelings? If he finds out I like him, but he doesn’t feel anything for me at all—aside from me facing humiliation, heartbreak, my knees buckling, my spirit breaking, and complete confusion—he himself would probably feel awful: shocked, sad, angry. Or worse still, would he end up hating me? And if he genuinely feels that way, I’d be hurt even more—face humiliated, heart broken, knees shattered, self utterly confused, magnified a hundredfold, plus getting wasted, ruining my grades, quitting sports, and even losing friends on top of it all."