Toast
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Everything posted by Toast
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Well written and for me very nostalgic. Civility, that is very evident in the prologue. The sexual encounter... well the hidden side of life, very raw, sex was only acceptable if it was wrapped up nicely in ritual and religion and social etiquette. Fear, of knowing that you are different, considered even criminal. Love, only to be repressed and dreaded discovery. And yet the need to be who you are. All here and more. It hits in the gut.
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Looks like Michael is going to learn his human lessons the hard way, despite his magic and his jinni. You have two good characters here and a good story line and lots of fun bits and details. The writing style though is still choppy at times and a little confusing. You know your story I am sure but remember your reader is seeing it for the first time. I like your story and want to read all of it.
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Terrific!
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Poor Nate. A broken heart changes a person.
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Happy Birthday Jwolf!
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I loved this, brilliant
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A second change in a perfect world. How that beckons. Because often love fails or we fail. Maybe the fondest of dreams. A very good poem and bittersweet insights.
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A mind growing up faster than a body?
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Of the three I like this one the best. Are they meant to be of one piece? They seem to work that way for me.
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Desperation and sadness and a final sleep. But often sleep is healing and I hope with the morning the skies are blue and the flowers are straight again.
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Is this a fear of love, that intimacy once achieved ends lust?
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You wrap the most profound emotions in the gentlest of ways. It's marvelous to me.
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Through dark and cold seasons
Toast commented on Bleu's story chapter in Through dark and cold seasons
This is the best kind of poem. A very ambitious task, and the care and love and talent and intellect it takes to do this makes me stop and think of you with awe. I know I will read this poem many times. Will give reps tomorrow, all out atm. A great poem to remember a great love. So many moments told and a life revealed. I cannot say enough how wonderful I think this is. -
Shattered Moon, Broken Rose
Toast commented on S.L. Lewis's story chapter in Shattered Moon, Broken Rose
Oh, I like the imaginary. It is a whole mystery in a few lines. It speaks of death and love and love and death in a dance. Very nice. And I like the sound it makes. Wonderful. -
I like this. To me it has a whimsical appeal to it. Subtle. But there. It is like a formal announcement printed on the best kind of paper. This is over, our break up is finalized. Life goes go. Politely, we regret. And then I think of the emotion this covers. I like your poem, Delores.
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Excellent. A consideration of life and love. Love found and lost. And love found and cherished. Personified in the two men. David You were a man when I met you, Now you're just a boy with dreams, That never will include me. Life lessons are often paid for with hard reality. Aaron I don't care to look foolish, As long as you're the one laughing. And I say I love you. When you're too far away to hear me. Love and wisdom here. I very much enjoyed your poem Krista.
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For me, this chapter was perfection. The pinnacle of the story so far. If it can get better than this, then WOW!
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Well done.
