Cia

I'm a mishmash. At my dad's house biologically I was the youngest til I was 9. Then he married I became smack in the middle with 1 older step and 2 younger steps. As a teen I would visit my mom and there were 6 of us and I was 2nd oldest. I'm not quite sure where that puts me I've been middle and youngest. I have to say middle probably describes me the best, though not all of it fits. I'm married to a youngest.

I would never be upset by a valid critique Bob, and yours is that even if it stings a little. I'm not quite sure why you would consider my writing to be that 'amateurish' even with your questions. What did I write/not write specifically that made it seem that way? What was or was not fully realized in the story that would have completed or balanced it, in your opinion? Did I make this too cliche? Did I throw out certain story plots that have been overdone and made them my own in a poor mish-mash that was too pat? Joey is the character the scenes all revolve around, even if he is not present within them. However, I do not think of him as the sole main character in this story. It's too involved for that. I plotted him more as the catalyst, or central character to allow me to incorporate more of the side stories of Paul, Anton, and Danny. Because the main thrust of the story for me as I wrote was the mental toll the abuse has on those affected I needed to be able to show all of the characters, how they felt, and why they felt that way based on their own thoughts, feelings, and pasts. Danny is a character that was necessary to give Joey someone to relate too. It's very hard for an abused child, of whatever age, to trust someone who is similar to their abuser. I didn't speak to Danny's sexuality because it wasn't the cause of his abuse that was important, just that he was also abused and the impact that it had on his psyche. Like speaks to like. A boy will trust another boy who has been through something similar before being willing to speak to an adult any day. The fact that Paul and Anton are gay is important in the story in my mind. They are who they are, and they are happy because of that. Their pasts were not delved into in this story but that they support and love each other is shown as a contrast to the abuse the father heaped on Joey for kissing a boy. In addition, I've found that adults who can relate to the suffering of a teen tend to be more sympathetic and more involved. Look at all the abuse advocates who are passionate about their causes because they were affected previously in their lives. Well, until and unless you have more specific instances of how the story didn't meet your expectations that's pretty much all I can say. I'm not sure exactly where the story went wrong for you, nor how to more fully highlight the explanations I just gave in the story itself if these are your main criticisms. If you do have more though, please feel free to post them here. I'd like to continue discussing this with you if you have more that I can answer to.

Unfortunately the story does not ring any bells for me. Did you try searching the genres or tags in GA Stories in case the author has posted it or we moved it during the changeover? Do you remember if this was in e-fiction or a hosted/promising author or in the archive? Single chapter short story or a serial chapter? That might jog the memories of members who come across this topic. In the meantime, welcome! I hope someone comes through and helps you find the story, on or off GA.

Hmm... I guess you have a good point about him coming home with them. I think that I glossed over that in part because I intend for that aspect to be highlighted later. There is still quite a lot to come with this story, more than I thought there would be. I will look at the parts with the Jaguar though and see about changing some of that. The naughty bit was a bit graphic for me. I've been a tad more overt a time or two but not often. I also agree less that more for the most part. I was trying to tread that thin line of having the sex actually written in but not a play by play. If I was less lazy you would get more than one chapter a week but I'm not, so You're just nicer to your readers than I am, sorry!! lol Thanks for the specific comments. I really like hearing what does and doesn't work for readers too!

Another chapter posted and this one is HOT! Enjoy Two of a Kind Chapter 6

The Jaguar huffed, odd sounds of amusement as he looked at Bashta. "You are silly, Dear One. Your clan, all clans, are my people. I created you; I succor you in times of trouble and share with you in times of joy. I will sing for you, for both of you, in your bonding ceremony." He padded over to stand directly in front of Cavel and Bashta. "Stand." They stood before him. "Bow." Each bent and the Jaguar touched his forehead to each of theirs briefly. His warm silky fur felt like a soft caress

No longer a teen. You're getting old already! Hee hee!! Happy Birthday!!

I liked the story. The way the characters were classic teenagers but you made us think by adding in all the small bits of you. For example: I said, employing the politics of seniority: only with an entreaty from their superiors could I dodge inquiries regarding our sexual development. LOL. I think most teens would just be thinking, OH HELL NO! I am not talking to you guys about who he might or might not be diddling or wanting to diddle. But what you wrote just... works. I also like the visualizations you incorporate, like this one: The sun hung low over the water, casting upon the waves all the shades of warmth and gold. When writers include the other senses it really helps me be 'in' a story. Okay, so I have recently been working on the speech tag issue. Some say people should only use said, exclaimed, or asked for tags. Anything else is lazy. Others say you should use as few as possible. I'm trying to find a happy medium myself but I have found that showing an action from the person who is speaking can actually take the place quite well for the speech tag and also allow the reader to have a better visualization at the same time. For example: “Tell that man patience isn’t what’s going to kill him, the bacon and eggs will,” said my mother. I would maybe use something like: My mother's hand went to her hip, "Tell that man that patience isn't what's going to kill him, the bacon and eggs will." Anyway, those are my thoughts, ideas, comments... Good work so far. Keep going on part 2.

I'm cool on the whips and chains front so I know it's hard to find people if you're not quite 'normal'. No platitudes will be served here. Sometimes people don't find that 'special someone' they are waiting for, it's a fact. Can't sugar coat it. I truly hope you find something that will make you happy though, even if it's not a person. I hate the fact that you're unhappy and all the way over there and I'm here. I'd take you out for a drink or ten and we could talk toy collections and eyeball men and women together. Hugs hun. It's not much but we're here for you when you need to vent. I hope it helped a bit.

I'm just a lazy ass. I like getting my exercise vicariously through reading about all you did. Yep, I'm agreeing with Sharon, I think I got a whole workout just listening to yours! Wonder if Mr. Friendly will come on any stronger, so I'll be checking back, Mr. Braggart. JK! You're not bragging. You work hard to look good so good for you. And while Yang mentions a good point about being careful about your body you're obviously seeing a doc so I'm assuming you are being careful and not going overboard. Don't make us couch potatoes squish you if you become workout addicted to the point of danger now.

Small towns with sherrifs don't usually have unmarked cars. We didn't have any in our county for a long long time so I never think of them when I write small town. Besides, if he was caught now what else would I use for the rest of the story? Andy kicked me around a bit on my timeline for the court cases but I tried to keep the action/cop stuff as realistic as I could get it. Thanks for continuing to review as you read. It's been fun getting your comments the last few days!!

I think a lot of teenagers get that sort of advice, especially if it looks like their relationship is serious. I was 16 when I got together with Josh though so I'm a firm believer that young teens can make it if they really want to find the balance between life and love, no matter what the gender the couples are.

Thanks dear. Who knew you were parading through my story outting people? Bad you! Bad you! Hugs!!

Nah, that's what a lot of people look for in books or stories they like to read, some way to connect to the plot or the characters. Some people like the familiar. Others like the stories to be completely unfamiliar and are more fantasy fans. It depends on the story and my mood for me. P.S. I'm glad I am not a guy The idea of waking up wet and sticky, lol. No thank you!!

Of course jocks can be gay Gay people come in all types and preferences, so why not jocks? It's just prejudice that keeps most of them from being able to admit it. I like challenging stereotypes!

It was a bit of an error in one way. In my head his mom had gotten him a new phone the next day but I just forgot to mention it. All fixed now! Thanks hun, for the reviews and helping me keep the story plausible!

I had a friend I felt like that about. I'd protect her from anything I could, though it wasn't attraction type love. I used that feeling for this chapter because it really fit how Tap would feel about his friends and especially Dane.

LOL. And yet you have a blog! Don't stress, you're not alone. Those are things I struggle with too. I think a lot of people have issues with that sort of thing actually. Take a breath, try to imagine whatever you need to write about is from or about another person, be objective. That might help.

Awwww, thank you! What a great compliment. I'm so glad you are able to identify with Tap that much. He's one of my favorite characters that I've written. I can't say how and when you'll find out who Tap is into but they are teeangers. I had to try and keep the story a bit realistic in that respect, lol. It was fun trying to get in that young mindset again. Can't wait to read your next reviews!

LOL! I like to throw a few twists into a story. I can't make it just what a reader expects, where is the fun in that? This was an evil cliffhanger though. Oh wait... I don't write those. Umm.. yeah, it was just an interesting end to the chapter. Aren't you glad that you can keep reading since the story is finished though?

I love hearing that a chapter affects a person so that they become angry or sad on a character's behalf. Thank you! This chapter was hard for me to write but this part of the story needed to be told.

Keep it civil guys. The biggest issue I have isn't the gist of the comment made but the manner and sentiment it was said in. Politeness counts and that goes for addressing anyone and everyone who comments in this site and the forum, each other as well as Dan, since he is the person it is for.

Another review, yay! Hugs! No one ever said 2 people flush in the 'new love' feeling aren't a bit well... blind.LOL It's hard to see past one's own insecurities and fears and that's a big one for Bashta. The next chapter offers a lot of 'working out'... (now who's a tease again?) 5 days to wait, can you take it?

You can tease all you want darling... I'll just sit back and enjoy it! Funny business 4 chapters in and yet I get 'finally'? Wow, I must be getting good if I make it seem like a long wait and it's been less than a week for the characters.

Responsible (something I don't have to be this weekend, PARTY!!)