AnytaSunday

Oh yes, good advice. I liked the style and flow of this text. I would like to see more writing/editing tips if you have got them to share. Your writing is nicely accessible.

Hmmm, it's interesting different people's opinions on the bad boy. See, I see the potential for change, and that draws me into the character. I want, really want to see him slowly realize he's a bit of a prick and change. So, actually, I find it fun to follow someone who's got a ways to grow and learn. But to me there is something quite hot about a guy with confidence. Clive seems to have that in spades. Only confusion I had, but then I think I was just slow, was when the principal mentioned Mr. Miller. I thought he was talking about another teacher and then when Phil said he was Mr Miller I thought, whoa this is going to be a very tense and interesting conflict... Anyhow, thanks for the read. (How many projects do you have on the go now? LOL)

Crapity-crap! I got so involved in reading this chapter, I forgot I'd put bread in the pan to fry. Well, it's thoroughly burnt now, only salvaged a quarter of the dinner. That, and the place reeks!!! I loved reading the scene with Arensha! Does that make me sick? LOL--nah, I just thought the descriptions especially the way you evoked the sense of smell (and taste) really added to it's grossness and evil. Cool. The weapon ritual--sigh, how beautiful was that?! Also, is it Darhan? You know what we talked about in Birmingham---is he the one? Sweet. Smiles from me!

Black days suck something awful. Just want to say,damn girl, you're so cool: Your stories are amazing and people would be at a loss without them. Black and blue go really well together. Most people only dream of going kinky. If you walk that talk then, hell, that's HOT. Never heard of Semyaza--but did a little read, because I was curious. And you have standards. Good thing. Sorry this day sucks. Hope tomorrow picks up for you.

Woohoo! I love how tense this was--really gripping. The chapter really didn't take long to read, a bit into the bar scene and I was really sucked in. Goody-goody-gum-drops, man! Well that was a nice holiday treat read for me! It feels to me that the story is really alive and bursting with energy at this point, I am excited to see where this goes next. I'm also looking forward to more of the 'dad' mystery... Oh, golly, just everything, really. Haze's mum too... Keep up the awesome writing!

Thanks Zolia! Wife, eh? No--Zoe's his little (or not so little) sister.

Ohhhh, I hear music in the background, and it's giving me the shivers.... Nice chapter, John. It really sucks not reading first, LOL. But at least I get to be the first to review (unless someone beats me to it right now). So Mich has a shiner--want to know about that... looking forward to next chappy. Thanks for the read!

Hey John, There is a lot of power in the emotions expressed in this chapter. I feel sad after reading this, yet left with a nice touch of hope. Interesting start. I think something that would benefit this story, is for more of the beginning part of the chapter to be made into a scene. Rather than have Tachi narrate so much of how he felt and how his mum was, it would be more engaging if we 'saw' this happening. More dialogue from mum. Also, break up the paragraphs into smaller ones. It makes it easier on the eyes . The second part of the chapter seemed to get more into the swing of things and the writing was easier to follow. A lot of that has to do with the fact there's dialogue--that gives so much life to a story. Thanks for the read, Anyta

Thanks, Kjoel--Yes vote is counted. I'm leaning toward pursuing this story now. I'm off on holiday for the next two weeks, I'll make a final firm decision then. Cheers for writing.

Hello again--Wow, thanks for the in depth message here--that really means something. Can definitely feel your support and for that I am very grateful and it goes a long way in leaning myself toward taking this project on. You bring up excellent points about the characters being flawed--I agree wholeheartedly, which is why I try to draft such characters--but even flawed characters can have likeable/unlikeable qualities. But perhaps I worry because an earlier version of this chapter (there were three) one of them he was a bit harder and I toned him down a notch already--seems that it might be enough, which is excellent. Yes--I believe my readers are clever and will take on the info and build it up as and when the story progresses. I will have to make sure I keep my writing (structure/wordage etc)clean. But writing--the craft of--certainly is a long process. It's coming up two years that I've taken the craft seriously and I imagine it'll be a chunk more before I have grasped more of the finer concepts and working all the things I learn together right. Thank you, again, so much for your second Yes vote. It very much counts!

LOL--You better not lose me somewhere in England, really not the best at directions, haha. I'll be lucky as it is not to get lost. Thanks, Stu--I'll be thinking about the future of this story while on my trip--so prepare your best argument for next week.

Hey RC--Thanks for your support! I'll put you down as a yes vote, I mean, I don't want you leading the angry mob of readers, LOL.

Hello John, Thanks for your honest feedback. Yes, I started this story right in the middle of the action scene, so it does take a little bit more time for the more concrete details of the main character to come through. I could tweak a little to give more clues at his age--so I'll try to do that. Thanks for taking the time to read and review.

LOL--yeah, WIP and posting chapter for chapter: It's great for the author, who can get feedback and encouragement etc... not so fab for the reader if they have to wait so long, . No, once I commit to a story I do not abandon it. However, this is still in a temporary phase. I haven't fully committed to it yet. I'm testing waters. Need to know if the MC is likeable enough to follow him throughout main story, etc... But thank you SO much for your Yes Vote--I'll store it for counting later, hehe.

Hehe--maybe, maybe. Glad you find the set up interesting. This is set in the city I studied in NZ--so I like that about it.

Clay, nice of you to check this out! Thanks--I'm still thinking on this one... But it's sweet of you to be excited for more. Cheers!

Thanks, John... yeah, as you can see I followed your recommendation and posted it up here. Still unsure of it though... I have mixed feedback. Not sure if Zen is likeable enough for one and it seems to be a little confusing. We'll see. Thanks for your encouragement, as always. So nice to have you back around.

Um, hey, I decided I didn't want to participate in the competition (mainly because I just won't finish a story in time) BUT, I loved the idea of writing something with a deaf character, so I've attempted a first chapter of something that if people like enough, I will continue (but slowly). In case you would like to check this out, it can be found here: Pitfalls of the Boot Pit (the deaf character is not the MC, but the will be love interest)

Thwack! THE LIGHTS TIMED OUT, smothering Zen in darkness. He could switch them back on, but it'd draw too much attention to campus security. Just as well he had each step of the staircase mapped in his mind. He descended two more flights, proving he'd committed each of his visits to down here to memory. The stairs ended in the basement of the humanities department. Zen let himself into the main corridor, turned left, and then ran his hands along the bumpy wallpaper, counting the doors

Zen must fight to save his home and keep his family together. And he's fighting in more sense than one...

That just said it beautifully. Honestly, I could not agree more. Pregnancy and having birthed my son does NOT make me a mother, IMO. It's the love and committment and emotional education you give your child that determines that. My hugs to Mike. Hang in there.

Happy endings! Yes, you're my type of writer hehe. Another enjoyable chapter--hiliarious surprise with the girlfriend--though I hoped she'd turn up. Interesting, interesting. Derrick was a twist I didn't expect... curious there. The tension between all the different parties has been nicely built--I can't WAIT to read the pub scene. It's going to be stellar and explosive for sure. Ohhhhh. Thanks for the read!

I agree with Agaith--he said it spot on. I was pretty shocked and affronted to read this thread.

I remember crying watching it too. Good film. Too long ago for me to offer more than that though. It was a film that while I thought was good, isn't one that's easy to watch over agian.

Hey Sid, Thanks! This is an older one, glad you enjoyed it. Yup, it's sad and at moments sweet. *sighs.