First of all, I think this thread is an excellent idea and I support my boyfriend, Marky, in his efforts to keep this thread open. Also thanks to Lily as I believe that she has had a good impact too
Although, for the most part; I am happy and gaining more confidence by the day about myself, there were times when I hit big lows. I don't know if it was depression but it was numbness. Just a very deep apathy to anything in my life. This apathy made life, particularly social life, very difficult and became a downward spiral.
This lead to even further lows and although never have done and never attempted to, I have contemplated suicide several times. Only realising how much I would crush my family by doing so and I'm not that selfish to do that.
As some of you know, the word Agaith is a word from the fictional Eldar race which roughly translates to 'false face' or a mask. And that is what happened, even through the turmoil inside me, or the numbness inside me, I still put on a brave face and carried myself through the day. I'm sure some people can relate to that on some level.
I began to believe the mask at times and only when the low broke through did my bad feelings come back, although this time worse.
I refused to go to counselling, some close friends here on GA suggested it might be a good idea but I decided against it.
For a time I felt like I was doomed to this cycle because I couldn't see a way to break it.
And then came an angel, Marky. Friends at first and now boyfriends, he has helped me in a way no other has managed to do. He can see through the false face and I can share my feelings with him openly and he can me.
Marky has helped me the way no other or no other counsellor could ever hope to because he understands me and balances sympathy with a small dose of a kick up the bum! (I didn't say that )
Finding someone who you can open up to completely is priceless, without Marky I wouldn't be where I am now and it is to him I am truly thankful and I am eternally grateful. I love him with all my heart and I hope everyone will find that person, friend, boyfriend, girlfriend etc to open up to completely
Here's to the happy times staying and to people finding their own happiness even if the road ahead still looks dark
Stuby (not Agaith) signing out