Andrew Q Gordon
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Chapter 12: More phone calls
Andrew Q Gordon commented on Cia's story chapter in Chapter 12: More phone calls
Wow okay, that was unexpected. Bashtar's sister's doll? well yeah that would explain how the plague made and the mystery of who is now something to ponder. Why does Cavel call that other guy Sir? Is there some confederation of clans that rules the clans separate and apart from the human government of the area where the clans reside? And I do hope you plan to explain the who mystery of why Davis is so hated? Right? RIGHT?? -
That ending was perfect. Lovely, beautiful, romantic and sweet - perfect Nuff said I suppose.
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Well that was sweet - Marry me SO you DID give us 4 chapters of nice, can't say I'm upset.
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Meh minor speed bump, where's the big wham coming? I feel it, I know you have it in you. I can't say dad's reaction was unwarranted. If Kyle were my kid and someone tore him up like Jared did, I'd be madder than a wet hen on a cold July day. Yeah sure, Kyle and can forgive but love blinds you sometimes. Loved the twist of Jared leaving again - God how that must have hurt Kyle. Fortunately he came back - not sure how Kyle would have reacted long term to Jared walking out like that. Very nice writing.
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Well so far you haven't traumatized them again - yet so that's good right? Right?? Interested to see what all was in Chels journal. Also interested to see what Matt thinks. I mean he was living with her wasn't he? Or was he a part of this too?? Hmmm Something's up. You aren't going to give us four chapters of nice are you?
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UGHHHHH so just when you have me thinking it isn't her it IS her. Well hats off for that. Okay so with 4 chapters to go, what ELSE are you gonna do to these two?
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Okay so now I don't think it's Chels - maybe it's a family member of Jared? As I said when I started reading this again, I only read but so much - this wasn't as far as I'd gotten. So now you have me. I sure hope Brian isn't dead, he seemed nice enough that he didn't need to die. But now I gotta go see who And I thought Cia was bad. You shoulda won queen of Cliffs.
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That was cute - the end at least I thought you did a good job of capturing the tension between them. Two years is a long time to be apart, and the try and pick up after that time as if nothing happened, well there are bound to be issues. I think everyone would like to think that if they were reunited with their true love after two years of painful separation that they could make it work, but truly this was how it probably would be -
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Another good chapter - I like - like in the sense it was good stuff - how even thought they are together and 'home' things aren't a fairy tale ending. Jared isn't going to just slough off the attack without some residual damage. Kyle - though I'm sure he's up to it - will have his hands full for a time, even after they find the real attacker.
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I thought the Kyle/Jared make up was handled really well - I have one tiny critique but I send it to you in a PM. I still think its Chels - but then, I guess that is what you want us to think so maybe it's not. Tricksy rabbit that you are - you're probably misdirecting us even more.
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Okay that chapter confused me - I don't think anyone would really do that - sorry, the Matt confession was a quite a stretch. Now this isn't a criticism, just an observation - I was surprised that Kyle went down so easily to Bubba - yeah there's always someone bigger, tougher and stronger - so that makes sense. It's like when some favored contender goes down without much of a fight. So if Matt didn't do it, who did?
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When I read things like police investigations and stuff i look at them through the lens of my work. Clearly everything isn't the same everywhere so how we do it isn't how everyone does, but I think I have a good feel for stuff - and I thought the interview with Kyle and the Detective was spot on - I could just see the detective with this who the F are you kidding, we know you did it - ignoring every explanation etc. Comment mode - funny how Kyle the two people most likely to be responsible for the attack to ask for 'help' Yeah they know he didn't do because they know who did
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Okay that's messed up - we all know Kyle didn't do it, but then who did? My money is on the Chelsea - checking to see if he has a fever - please - Chels is even more upset at Jared's return than Matt - seems that Kyle just doesn't know it. Okay so what is Matt bitching about when Chels got home? Are they a modern day Bonny and Clyde? On their one team crime spree to terrorize Jared? Ah yes the plot thickens. Nicely done.
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I'm still not sure Matt did it. Too convenient. Too easy. There is always dad right? I mean Jared is carrying the family name, disgracing it with his deviant ways - my words not yours, but they seem like the type of garbage the dad would spew. I think I missed something - Matt said something to Chels about Kyle and Jared being back together - she seemed madder than a wet hen - madder than Matt - I don't think i saw her express that - did I miss it?
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Jared may have wished he never left, but after the time he is having, he might wish he never came back. The conflict between the two is really well done. You can see how much it is hurt Kyle, but it also shows how right Jared is to hold back. Right now Kyle isn't being honest about why he wants Jared back. Sure he hates where he lives, but he wants him BACK. And that isn't right at the moment. Although signs point to Matt as the attacker, I just don't see it. He a chance to do what he wanted when he was there - not like there were witnesses in that place. But I've been wrong so many times, this might be just another of those times
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Talk about two stupid dumbasses. Both are being foolish. But Jared did make a good point - he needed to prove himself before he could let kyle take him back. But me thinks he did overreact just a tad. But what in the blue hell is Matt up to? I suspect he wants to get back in Kyle good graces and knows the only way to do it is to be nice to Jared but this seemed a bit over the top. If he were a bit smarter, I'd be worried.
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While one can understand Jared's reason, it is still lame - one wonders if it wasn't cold feet as much as his professed shame? Either way, it's not going to do much to thaw Kyle's heart. If he could leave once, why not again? Jared got his work cut out, Kyle's still being in love with him not withstanding.
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I do so love to be the first person to review stories I like. I started reading this on the old eFiction, then stuff got crazy with everything being transferred and posted etc. So now I'm starting over. Seems so weird that Jared, who by all accounts seems like a decent guy, would just up and walk out on Kyle. Sure he musta had a reason but still, Much as he might like, clearly there is no way Kyle can refuse Jared, he still cares way too much. Nice start, and no, I don't know how it ends yet
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Chapter 5: Shot Across the Goal
Andrew Q Gordon commented on Andrew Q Gordon's story chapter in Chapter 5: Shot Across the Goal
Okay so I had to go back and read this to figure out what you were talking about - I think the last two names might have been meant for me - Darryl was the best friend everyone wants but so few have. That's my take and I'm sticking to it. -
Chapter 4: Dare to be Happy
Andrew Q Gordon commented on Andrew Q Gordon's story chapter in Chapter 4: Dare to be Happy
That is so romantic. And then the texting--hehehe, I wore a smile throughout. Thanks for that! One of the things about writing about first kisses and such is you get to make it exactly how you wished yours might have been. Mine wasn't so bad, but I think this was better -
Glad you were #365, but did you read it too or just steal the coveted 365?
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Chapter 14: Need A Light
Andrew Q Gordon commented on Jwolf's story chapter in Chapter 14: Need A Light
I'm not sure what to say as a comment - that was just really briliiant - in all the twists and turns it has. So I'll eave it at that. -
Chapter 13: American Flags
Andrew Q Gordon commented on Jwolf's story chapter in Chapter 13: American Flags
You write so well and the characters are great but I have to say that whole notion of actions and words. I'm not feeling Travis like I used to. Hard to feel Travis really loved Tyler when he was sneaking off to bone Wade. Then he realizes he's caught in some messed up triangle between the two and kills one then asks the other if he loves him. When the answer is no, he leaves and goes to the police That's not a criticism, I find him believable to be sure. His act of confession makes sense - spurned by the man he loved whom he did the unthinkable for, he's back to being in fear for his life so he rats out Tyler. Why do I feel there is nothing to his story and his torching of Easton Park, that there is another major twist coming lol -
Definitely NOT what I expected, but then I don't think I expected any of it so far. So much for Travis being a decent guy. Sure Wade attacked him first but to kill him? Really? Oh well, now he is stuck with Tyler I suppose. Be interesting to see where that goes. One does wonder if he really killed Wade in self defense or if it was to eliminate his 'one' weakness.
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Chapter 11: A Better Man
Andrew Q Gordon commented on Jwolf's story chapter in Chapter 11: A Better Man
That's a hard chapter to wrap my mind around - on the one hand, I don't get Travis - he's given up everything for Tyler and he wants the clown? Not only that, but he finds his impersonable attitude after sex disconcerting and he goes back. And he is not even being safe with the clown. Douche. Nice to see Tyler call him on it. Scary as it is that he knew it was Wade. But then we sort of suspected that is who it was.
