Andrew Q Gordon

Mike, I hate to disappoint you if Peter is in a bad way, but things don't always turn out so well - but more will become clear in the next chapter. Thanks for reading - and commenting = you have always been very supportive. Andy Andy

Marq Sorry no promises on if he is okay, but more on that in the next chapter. Things definitely will not improve however in the next chapter - sorry. Thanks for the feed back. Andy

Philippe 25 is written, I am just dragging out the suspense - well not really, I'm trying to get the last chapters up and ready so I don't have a long gap between chapters at the end. Thanks for reading and for all your support along the way. Andy

Thanks Darkstar, Most of it is written, just working a few more chapters so I can wrap it up. More will be us soon, promise. Thanks for reading and commenting. Andy

U said that to Anyta.. what have you to say for yourself Q-Man, huh??? Awesome stuff!! Waiting for more.. write fast.. please! Hugs, Frosty! Um . . . I'm not a queen ?? HEY!!!! Stop laughing Sorry to leave hanging - well no, I'm not totally sorry, but the next chapter will be up soon enough. Thanks Frosty

Taking the steps two at a time, he wondered why he was in a rush to get there. Their quiet evening at ‘home’ was about to take a detour. He avoided the subject when they talked earlier, begging off explaining by saying he had to get to practice. Truth was, he still hadn’t found a good way to explain this to Peter. Even though he had a key, Jason still knocked. Peter told him a hundred times this was ‘their home’ and he should let himself in, but he still felt weird opening the door

Stuart, They went from not speak to being official lovers, with Daniel getting full 'honors' and such? Uff that was fast. Golly, but you answer one or two questions a chapter, then raise 5 or 6 more - dag that is frustrating, nicely done, but frustrating. I have questions, but will post those on your forum, that way I can respond to your response if need be Nice - now get working on 10 Andy

Long those lines

Thanks for reading - I had hoped when writing that this wouldn't be too predictable - hopefully I have/will succeed in that objective - Thanks again for taking the time to comment.

Imo, Thanks for the detailed comments - basically clueless is how I would describe Royce - in his mind there isn't anything wrong with pretending to placate Jason's mom. He doesn't - as you suggest - understand how this would NOT be okay. Glad I got the emotions right for you in this chapter - next chapter - sadly things do get worse - but I won't make folks wait too long for chapter 24. Thanks again reading and commenting. Andy

It's funny, when I started writing this, I had a terrible formal style, next to no contractions. I have been trying to keep the dialogue more 'natural.' I know I often forget. Thanks again for commenting. I tinkered with that last scene for a while, glad to hear it worked for you. Andy

Thanks for the comment, I always like to hear what people think. I know it is not the easiest to find time to comment. As for rushing into the sack, I wanted to give them a chance to know each other first. Also, I don't do a lot of sex scenes, I don't think I am good at it so I get to that point and let the reader imagine for themselves what happened. That way no one is disappointed Thanks again for taking the time to comment, I really appreciate it.

Thanks, I am glad to hear that the tension I was trying to build came through, this was one of the harder chapters for me to write. I have to give props where they are owed. Anyta has pushed me to show more of the emotions of the two. I feel this is much better because of her input. Thanks again for letting me hear from you. Andy

Thanks Mike, without the support of people like you I wouldn't feel the drive to keep going. Thanks for taking the time to let me know you are still reading, it is always appreciated.

Soon, I promise. Can't say folks will like what happens, but it will be up soon.

Chapter 24 will take things in a different direct. Let's just leave it at that. 24 will be out soon - just trying to get the new few chapters edited. Thanks for reading and especially for commenting. Andy

Focused on the email he was reading, Jason absently opened the door to Peter’s apartment. More out of habit than any conscious thought, he turned the top lock before slipping the bag off his shoulder. “That you, Jase?” Peter was in the kitchen, judging by the sound of his voice. “Yeah, Pete.” He put the phone in his pocket. It was only then he realized what Peter said. “Who else has a key to your place?” Peter appeared from around the corner. “Awful slow on the return there, Soc

= one word not two I would use a comma and not a period. "Come in and sit down," the older man said... = "halfway" is one word not two Wow, who knew Douchebag was one word? Not spell check, it still shows it as two. But the URBAN dictionary says it is one - so much for spell check to help me with my favorite insults. Dangling prep-a-what??? That stuff was never my strong suit - no excuse, just don't read this with a fine tooth comb, I readily acknowledge I will make those kinda mistakes, same with speech tags, I know it is; comma, quote, speech tag beginning in lower case - boy do I know that - are you reading this Anyta??? I appreciate the heads up, I try to catch stuff like this when I edit before posting, and when writing new chapters. I just don't always succeed. The idea with Jason saying stupid or even hurtful things to Peter is to show how the conflict inside can make his say the wrong thing. That you saw that - well I guess it worked

Andy, one of these things is not like the other. I wouldn’t consider a chop shop an “industrial business”. A chop shop is a slang phrase for an illegal location or business which disassembles stolen automobiles for the purpose of selling them as parts. It may also be used to refer to a location or business that is involved with the selling of stolen goods in general, or a brokerage that sells non-existent equities, both fraud and stolen goods. Hmmm… I happen to really like “classic” cars but is “older” synonymous with “classic” here or do you mean decrepit and rundown cars? A.K.A., junkers. This seemed a little awkward because the relevant information seems out of order. I know this is dialogue but would it have been smoother if you’d written, “The landlord is kind of picky because she lives here, so most of the tenants are good folks”? Anyway, I love this story and I'm really enjoying the read. I also read everything critically (I can't really turn it off). I hope you don't mind. I will go change Chop Shop to Junk Yard - To be honest, working in Law Enforcement, we really don't see 'chop shops' much so it was more a reference to a place where old cars go to die, but point taken, I will change it. I will insert the work older model, and no I don't mean junkers and the like - my neighbor has an older car - its like a 2000 mini van - they aren't especially wealthy so a new car isn't in the budget, so older was just that - not new. Not crappy, just not new. Yeah the picky landlord could have come first, but that one doesn't bother me. Sometimes we all don't get things in the perfect order. Makes it a touch more 'normal' - I hope lol Thanks as always, I need to keep up with your reviews by posting new chapters faster LOL Andy

Thanks - I am not good with compliments so Let me leave it at thanks :)Oh and yeah I am afraid that those looking for wild rabid sex are going to be disappointed, I am good at alludig to it but not so good at putting it in print. part of that is because I like to imagine THAT for myself, I don't want someone to tell me how it happened but then again, some people are better at describing it than others

Don't rush things, Jordan will get his - karma is like that you know. Modest? about what??

Very vivid detail - I sound like a broken record when I keep repeating that but it is true. One thing - getting f**ked to death has got to be the best way to go a gay man can image - no??? BUT along those lines, just because the Valion Knights will all want him, he is not exactly without the means to defend himself if need be. I would imagine there isn't much chance of him being boned to death by the horny Valions unless he wanted them - which I think is what happens to an Omega, with just a touch from a Knight, he will want them as much as they want him. I like this chapter and how you detail his childhood of sorts - his is a sad story - being raped as a kid makes you want to kill a few dozen scum of the earth types. Anyway, the end was brilliant, he acknowledges he is NOT a saint and he too has done some terrible things in his life. Too bad - Constantine sounds like a straight up guy - for an assassin that is

Woo Hoo I get to be the first to review your story on the new system - I am going to start with Chapter 5 because this is where I started reading since GA Stories went up. First I can NOT believe the amount of detail you present - and I don't mean that in a bad way - the images you are painting for us is amazing. Sucks he had to abandon his comrades to save himself and Dylan, but in truth, they were doomed the minute they signed on with Dolmani as their 'guide'. But I kinda of like those that survived. Especially the lion kid, sucks he had to die One thing, I think - not sure but think you got your numbers mixed up. There were only Five left when they found Dylan the elf, the wizard, Dolmani, Kian and the lion kid [sorry I forget their names and am too lazy to go look. When they ran through the lightning you said five ran while Kian held off the lightning, and later you commented on the six of them. The big smelly guy was dead by then so it was five not six. Unless I can't count which is always a possibility. More in when I review chapter six

Checking the time on his phone, Jason left the Java Shack, coffee in hand. Darryl would laugh at him for drinking coffee on a hot August day, but then Darryl wasn’t waiting for Peter to finish working before he could eat. “Jason!” Hearing his name, he froze. It couldn’t be him, he thought. Rather than look, he decided to keep walking. Maybe he would get the hint. “Jase, stop.” The voice was closer now. “What do you want?” Jason didn’t try to be civil. “C’mon Jase,” Jorda

Haha, I'll set up the Octagon and you two can have your MMA battle, but I wouldn't mess with Frost, esp since you are gonna have an up hill battle converting Darryl