LJH

Nice mix between narrative and dialogue. Good build up from winning lottery to buying the home he wants I was delighted in the beginning when he won the lotto and then castapulted into suspense and of things to come when he bought the house. The purchase of the house tells me loads about the character Linus. A well crafted piece. Louis

Thank you for your kind words. Hmmm, I wonder what you'd say. I might disguise myself as a fly on the wall and eavesdrop. Hehehe.

Thank you. An honest opinion I like, for it tells me where I'm going wrong, as well as where it is I don't need to change, ie., pacing? The hardest part for me was watching him process his thoughts, it takes a lot of digging and soul searching even when writing fiction. Thanks for the read.

Some powerful words here. You make me want to rush out and scream to the world: LET ME BE! This poem is not just about the problem of being caught in a rat trap, nor is it a cry for freedom. It is much more than that, its a pidce that says we live, then we live for others, and we forget the me individual. Your tragic tone is accelerated by the two lines at the end for here you are not seeking death, but renewal. Lovely poem. You succeeded in getting my attention. Thanks for the quick, albeit thought provoking piece. (i wonder if you would visit my poetry under the title "Windows" for i think we may have a similar kind of style) it would b great.

Thank you for the kind words. Glad you liked it. I enjoy playing with words and getting the best out of them. I want the reader to be entertained with the words the characters demand.

Thank you for understanding. A sequel is always the most diffucult to write after an action chapter. This is what I was attempting to do, where the antagonist and the protagonist are one and the smae person. In other words, we are our own worst enemies. Glad you liked it and thanks for the read. Peach blossom gaze is the chinese version of gazing at a person longingly. Dictionary. I try to use it all the time.

Chapter 2 The last two years had been a blessing, a pungent aroma, a delicious meal. My stomach snarled . I yearned for coke in a glass filled with ice and to sip it without being watched and to admire the color in a garden instead of cruising Bear bars. Breakfast in bed? A shower? A gentle man to cuddle? I wanted to wake up in the morning and feel skin beside me. No sex. I knew that wouldn’t happen. I don’t know how long I drove. Maybe an hour or two. When I stopped there were ca

As big as a car? Its a measure of size. Maybe a small car. Lol ill think o something else thanks for the review. The disparate chapters seem to be unlinked but they come together soon. These guys are situated all over the world. Thanks sgsin

Ok thanks for the review. I actually did ask for an editor and sent the prologue to him for review but no joy. This is a huge undertaking research wise so thank you for the interest you expressed. Good to hve u read my work.

Ja but its all changed. I updated. Its a crappy story but i need fantasy/horror experience

First time reader here...snippets of the past framed neatly. Keen pacing. The rush of adrenalin as something evil fights something good. Good will always be victorious. You are brave to right this and believe me, it works. I got shot and hijacked ten years ago by a stranger and lived to publish the story. It was so therapeutic and good for my health so i salute u. Braveheart!

Eish! I dont know whats next waiting for the characters to say something lol thanks for the review and you r protected no scorpion sting for u lol

Sorry for the long delay in replying. Thanks for this stunning review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Now that I'm back, I'll check out your work.

Thank you thank you. Yeah, I was thinking of continuing it. Maybe. Always good to know a story works, that it is understood. :]

Yup, me too,I stay away from ten pound hammersd lol. Also showers that resemble the one in psycho. and the ocean/sharks in Jaws. I think there's a trend here...lol thanks for reading.

oooo another cake. I love how the writer can be and do anything he/she wants in whatever they write. thanks for the read.

On a normal day...doorknob. ‘How much is this?’ He picked out an intricately carved compass... awaited him. I really like the descriptive flow of these lines. I find the rest almost hypnotic. Your characters have stature, presence and flair. They hold me from the first word to the last. I find the writing filled with passion for these two characters. Both become immediately people whom I want to care about. I am sympathetic towards both of them because the actions they take are important and memorable. Beautifully crafted.

Yup they do come together in the next chapters and then the story shld write itself ... Im hoping lol thx for the read D

I like watching the mechanics of writing. I dislike getting into plot and talking about what a character should be doing next. Dialogue moves the story forward = yes Dialogue creates the characters = yes Dialogue sharp = yes In my view you do dialogue without dialogue tags. Could i be at liberty here to ask the reason? Im not saying its wrong. Im saying most authors do use dialogue tags. I liked the piece. It has strong elements. Im not knocking you on the dialogue, cos there are no fast and hard rules in writing. A good fast read.

who says sundays need to be boring? LOL . For me, the structure of the build uo between the two characters is important. The message is simple. Temptation strikes where temptation will. You've described a moment in time. Framed it, and you do it with a superb passion. I loved your beginning. I sailed through your middle, and I read the end twice. Nice one.

technically speaking, this chapter is flawless. Two sides playing to win. Strong, passionate characters with clear motivations and adversaries. Rivalry. Fascinating stuff. Your writing is a forest of excellence. The questions, the surprises, create images where i got lost in the tale itself. This is a tale about what happens to characters. To me, it involves people that are determined to live out their particular destinies and how others change their destiny. Will the defence choose a moral argument? Has that been overruled by the judge? It's also a story about the search for truth and you're connecting the dots better than Steve Martini, or even Harry North Patterson whose books have sold in their millions all over the world. By far, your technique has matured to that of master just by the way you allow your words to create the power. A dramatic court case is often a case of how many changes you're going to inflict upon your characters, and you have done that for me. And I'm expecting a lot more, such is the enetertainment value of this work. I lovethe way you stay away from gilded lawspeak, you throw it in just so that I coukld understand what it was all about. You brought the languagew to the reader, and in my estimation, that's first class. Also, you create exciting sentences. Sentences that have moved me the way you weant me to be moved. Your characters are memorable. I found that you choose your words carefully to evoke fear, despair, happiness, sadness and anger. You do this by pacing your short sentences with powerful verbs. You vary sentence structure You don't start every sentence with a noun but you do it beautifully by using verbsm adevrbs and sentence fragments to keep me interested. Your characters in this court case are beautifully rounded off and their environment reflects their personalities. Thank You for writing so professionally. Yours is a high standard to attain, or beat. It is just so fine to see the spoken word written with such command. oh, i think there's a were instead of a where somewhere. Can't remember now. LOL. See, even maestro's like yourself are prone to the little green gremlin. Mwahahahahaha. Seriously though. Thank you.

Writing flash is an excercise not to be taken lightly. In my view it requires the same elements as a fully blown short story. I love flash for the very simple reason that it challenges my word skills. It is true power writing for I must choose the exact words to complete the tale. Your flash fiction brings in all these elements I have mentioned. And more. The surreal. The unbelievable chaos that swims in a man's mind in open heat in the desert without water. I could feel the heat of the sun, the dry mouths, the blistered lips. I could sense redemption, but I did not expect death. Now that's a tale I like to read. The unpredictable. Yes, I think there are gremlins. Of-course there will be many edits. Editing is the chemical make-up of flash and flash requires a dedication to this craft that defies my senses. Thanks for making music. LOL The above is flash, it's saying thank you in like 8 lines and the only criteria is to begin with the word Writing, and end with the word, music. Hehehe

In my opinion this was a neat piece. You have an easy kind of laid back style to your writing. Normally I'd slate that. This time, I'm letting my guard down because I think any story to do with writers and books and writing, turns me into an angel. First impressions are always important to me and the way you transitioned from the first easily written part, to the prose in italics, caught my eye. I enjoy reading prose too. Good job. Just go easy on misplaced comma's lol.

Beautifully executed. I could mot habe done better. Well...what do we hve here? A personal experience? An overwhelming personal experience. I identify with this experience and altho i did not weep (maybe cos my own exp has desensitized me), i felt drawn to tell you that the place where souls go has a place for every soul. Gay souls are not punished. Gay souls do not require healing. If you want to read excellent stuff on the soul try: Journey of the Soul and Destiny of the Soul bu a guy called Newton. I am still gobsmacked by his revelations. Powerful writing. Powerful subject.