LJH

Absolutely beautiful. You have the power ma'am. This is one of those stories that become, over time, a treasure. You want a full on review? You gonna get it and how! So let me dry my eyes first and refocus. It is going to be a review that will be a pleasure to write... Hugs Louis

Ryden and Luke hmmmm ok tears streamIng down my cheeks like a river. Oh, the angst. Oh the emotion. Like some powerful force of nature. The aesthetic qualities you bestow uPon these characters on an emotional level beggars me to read on . I think he was pushed ... We shall see. I so am in love with your style of writing ... Especially real life drama .

Get one of your vamps to exterminate the animal that is his father. Intense. Emotional. Full review after third chapter

well, I have three books on egyptian fiction: The Seventh Scroll by Wilbur Smith. Ramose: Prince in Exile by Carole Wilkinson and Nefertiti by Michelle Moran. Haven't read them, they just in my shop...hot or cold?

A beard ? Hmmm maybe egyptian but just a guess ...

sheeeeesh lol

Forgiveness comes from the heart and lives in the soul. Joey has a special bond with forgiveness. He's different to Andy, who gives just as good as he gets. Joey, in my view has an enormous role in Andy's life, and that is to teach him something. What it is I do not know. I hope, that when the lesson is learned, Joey does not move on, but sticks around with Andy. They make such a perfect couple. On the other hand, it seems, from the divine intervention, that Andy has also been set a mission. The mission began in chapter one, not in CH14. We all, as humans, are leading somewhere, every move we make, every turn we take, every smile we smile takes us closer to our destinies. There may be many destinies, and Andy's destiny began in CH 1. I'm loving this story. It deals with the violence that many of us have faced as gay people. Even thoughts, targeted at us, are violent in nature and thank the lord we do not need to answer or respond to a person's private thought, for if we could, there would be chaos in this world. Divine intervention in the form of Andy's mother, is dream like. It's not far fetched. It happens all the time in operating theatres in hospitals across the world. People have out of body experiences. Visitations from the spiritual world, especially from the Lord, cannot be defined in terms of language. The writer has taken dramatic licence and he is entitled to. We all, when writing our own stories, make homo fictus larger than life, Billy hasdone just that. Billy.

Bravo! This is Writing at its very best. This is going to be a difficult journey for you, but bear in mind your talent as a writer is up there at the top. I am sucked in by the colours you so vividly describe, by colours i mean Chris's persona. I was hooked from the first word and hurled into the story from the moment Chris realised exactly what he was up against. The sentences are like some wonderful drug and worth every minute spent reading. This is akourney i will not miss. A journey where i will get to meet homo fictus in all his glory. A story worth the effort.

Ja and i woke up a heterosexual this morning after drinking rooibos tea last night. Altered states. Lol

Frosteeeeeee.....

The Hunger Games?

I fully agree with Carringtonjr and recommend this story. I found the same emotive qualities and could not stop weeping. I was disappointed that the story ended, I wanted it to continue forever.

I enjoyed this story immensely based solely on the technical challenge this kind of story presents to the writer. In a sense, this is a "confession story", similar to "True Confessions", a magazine sold in the UK and mostly written by women for the confession market, except, of-course, this is a gay confesssion. Technically, it has all the attributes of a confession story. Let's look at them for a moment: 1. You begin with the main character, a typically normal gay man about to be married, in conversation with his confidant, the person who knows his secret. 2 You immediately establish a character weakness. A flaw (aren't we all flawed). Now, as the reader, I was wondering well, what is it? Is he a lazy person? Bad tempered? Bitter? Jealous? Over ambitious? Slovenly? Mean? A criminal? I find out, very quickly that it is none of these. Instead, he is not to be trusted. (He is keeping something from his husband to be.) 3.You have placed your character in a dramatic crisis which has been brough about by his character flaw. He is about to marry the man he loves, but has not told him everything there is to know, and if they do marry without the truth being told, the marriage could dissolve into disaster. 4.You allow him to tell his confidant in dialogue the moment he reached this dramatic crisis. 5. In order to resolve the crisis, the truth must be told. You bring in the man he is to marry and they begin to discuss the crisis. 6.You allow a moment for suspense where the result of his confession is met with doubt. 7.The crisis is resolved when both men resolve that there will be no room for infidelity in their marriage 8. The marriage takes place. Of-course, this is just a quick plan for what has taken place. The deeper meaning, and to quote Billy Joel: Honesty, is such alonely word, everyone is so untrue... I think they will live happily ever after. So, from the technical aspect, the formula whther you knew that or did not, is almost flawless. Nice work.

I wanted to read a story that would create a tsunami of emotions. I wanted a story to fill a void I had been missing so much. I wanted red, yellow, black and grey. I found this story, eventually. Trials and Tribulations by Billy Brat has everything. Boy meets boy. Boy loves boy. Strong, feisty guys. It has crime. Hard boiled. A touch of police procedure so far. It could attract both male and female readers. It is also a thriller where lives are placed in danger. Fast paced. As a romance, it is written well. Loosely. Fairly detailed descriptions. Sensuous. And above all, these sensuous descriptions are often tied directly to emotional responses. It has suspense, where the plot is always more important than setting, with brief physical descriptions. Crisp. Underrated. The tone at times, is chilly. Before I go onto the characters, let me say something about the setting here. It’s a school. A normal, living, breathing school. It’s a small town, just as alive with it’s own culture. Hence, the setting in Trials and Tribulations will define the characters. And it does, in heaped spoonfuls. Quote I’m a fifteen year old sophomore in a small town high school nestled away in the Appalachian Mountains of Eastern Kentucky. I guess you could say I lived in the heart of the coalfields where coal is king. Everything revolves around coal. The stores, the restaurants, the banks, the vocational schools, even the churches are all here for the miners and their families. Most boys grow up knowing that one day they’ll be miners or working in some way supporting the mines or miners. But I have no intentions of walking down that road. I had finally decided that I would somewhat follow in my father’s footsteps and become a lawyer. But, I would find a job in a big city somewhere and get away from small towns like Pine Hills. I’ve lived here all my life; and the one thing that bugged the crap out of me was everyone knew everyone’s business. I didn’t want everyone knowing my business, because I had a big secret, I’m gay. The naïve character of JT and his father; the over the top character that is Joey’s violent and abusive father, are crucial in this setting. I found, whilst reading, that the writer has weaved the setting to form his characters into what they are. His lead characters, Andy and Joey, use the current environment to further the story, to create obstacles, to move them out of their comfort zones and to make us believe that what is happening is possible. The environment is not unique, by no means. There is a plethora of stories that take place in small towns and schools. But, Billy Brat has made the setting unique by placing one eccentricity. One observation: Quote: Most boys grow up knowing that one day they’ll be miners or working in some way supporting the mines or miners. Once again, before I move onto the characters, I’d like to say something about description in Trials and Tribulations. I like to read stories that show instead of tell. The trend in modern fiction is to stay away from gilded prose as far as possible. Simplicity is the key to description now. Maybe Billy Brat knows that he is competing for a place in a crowded market. The internet, television, movies, magazines, newspapers etc., have all taken their toll and today’s reader will not tolerate long flowery sentences and page upon page of boring backstory. Having said this, Billy Brat knows that it is even more important to make his descriptions work for him and he packs a punch with a single word or phrase… Quote: For the second time today, I saw the back of that curly blond head. I guess it was time to pay the piper. His shirt had streaks of blood across his back. This writer weaves the details in and doesn’t waste time writing them in long blocks. Quote: I really did have a love/hate relationship with this town. I mean when people were hurting, generally everyone rallied behind them with all kinds of help. But, if you cross some moralistic line, holy hell would descend upon you from every direction and from everyone. I had no intentions of crossing that line publicly. Description is all about creating exciting sentences. Sentences that move the reader where he wants them to go. The writer becomes the artist. He is taking his reader on an emotional journey in this story. He wants us to encounter people and places we have never met and probably never will. Mr Brat makes this memorable for us. He has created emotional images in our minds, forming a perfect picture, without interrupting the flow of the story. From locker room to stadium to the school to the church, he does it with ease and class. Now onto the characters: I don’t want to read about just anybody. I want to read about interesting somebodies, characters capable of evoking in me some measure of emotional response. This writer has achieved that. Why do I say this? Well, it’s very simple. I demand that homo fictus be more handsome, or ugly. Joey is handsome, so is Andy. I see JT and his father, and Joey’s father as over the top ugly inside and outside. Homo fictus must be more ruthless, nobler. JT is ruthless, so are his father and Joey’s father. I see Andy’s father, our Judge, as being noble, and so is Roger. Homo fictus must be more forgiving, brave, or cowardly. Andy’s father is forgiving. The principal of the school is forgiving; some of the town folk are forgiving. Andy is the bravest soul I know, but then Roger and Joey are also brave. JT and his father and Joey’s father are cowardly. Homo fictus must have hotter passions. Colder anger. Fights more. Loves more. Changes more. Has more sex. Lots more sex. Homo fictus has more of everything. Even if he is plain, dull and boring, he’ll be more extraordinary in his plainness, his dullness and boringness than real life counterparts. His characters have stature; the Judge. Presence, Andy. His characters are memorable, because Billy Brat knows them inside out as well as he knows his sister or father or mother. Andy and Joey are people I care about. JT is someone I care about too, because I actually hate him, and yes this is an emotional response and I know he is being forced to commit acts of violence by his father. Roger, I love Roger for he is noble and wise and funny and easy going and he takes care of his friends. Andy’s family is just such a beautiful family to care about. The story is essentially Joey’s story but it is also their story, each and every one of them and I want to know what happens to them for their motivations drive this story. Andy is made powerful enough to make his own decisions. Joey is the centre of attraction. The other characters talk about him all the time. They think about him. Joey’s actions as well as Andy’s actions are important and memorable. They incite the reader to respond to every action they make. The reader is sympathetic towards them. Having said all this, it is clear that I love this story. There are gremlins, sure. But even published stories have gremlins. The editing on this story is first class. I would like to have seen a lot more line by line edits to make the story free of all imperfections. I have this advice: once you have completed the revision of the last edit, return it to your editor for the go ahead to publish. Do not publish without his go ahead. This way, the editor will see where the gremlins are for he must read it. This is a powerhouse of a story. Absolutely stunning. If it is true I cannot say, but it smacks of authenticity. I would recommend this story to everyone.

Im far too emotional right now to respond... Save to say that i read all twelve chapters nonstop in one sitting. Give me a few hours to calm down. .... Eish .....overwhelming...

I'm heading straight to this story and reading it from Ch1...expect a review and discussion. I'm hooked, simply by reading these discussions lol

I read this because I wanted to see how the writer deals with Stream O C writing. I abbreviate this to SOC. But, before I offer any thoughts on SOC let me say that Caleb is really messed up. Intentionally. The conflict he harbours races along at a wild pace. The results of which are filled with humour, and later, maybe a coming of age. Essentially this is a coming of age story. All stories are built on conflict and there is enough here to speak volumes. SOC writing is very difficult to master. It requires discipline and passion. The original thought, the concept can change twenty five times in a single paragraph. Even tho this piece is similar to SOC, what i see is a well writen story about a lost teen who will struggle to find himself. I certainly look forward to the next chapter.

Looks like we are in for a ride here with Mark and Dillon. I like the way the sentences have been structured ; short sentences. One word sentences. Long sentences. Your attempt at SHOWING vs TELLING is admirable too. So many young writers cant get away from essay type telling. It takes a lot of work and passion to Know where and how to show action and the flow of the story is easy.

Louis clutches the pearls Around his neck and sighs .... Damned if i know! Shrugs his shoulders and walks away with tail between his legs mumbling to himself : sounds like a modern day greek tragedy oh well, maybe i will get a chance maybe next year sometime. Lol

Do not tell until after college. Bugger morals and ethics. Siphen every penny he can. He does not need prrmission to be gay, Did they ask permission to be straight? Take it all. And more. Dont pay it back. Homophobia is an illness. Rather put them away in a mental institute. Back to the moral issue. What moral issue. With homophobic parents err on the side of caution.

I see the pathos and the hope in this prose. It builds up through images we all see clearly, the darkness of not being accepted and the light when we are. The euphoria of being treated as equal, the sadness when equality is shifted and negated. There is more of a positive feel to this piece and we can see this by the words used: boundless ambience, flickering illumination, omniscient star, universal liaison, transcendental expression,lucent beams. Vivid images comparing what the the Queer I is perceived to be. One line makes the impact: morbidly thorned.... This impact is felt powerfully because it pricks at the "I" conscience where there is a battle for good and evil, the queer I will always be centre stage. The center of attraction. The "I". How much better will this world be if the the "i" can co exist with the morbidly thorned. But if this were to happen then there wiould be nothing thorny or painful, and certainly nothing to write about, because all fiction, and in s sense, all life is based on conflict. A powerful house of prose, when one pairs the parts of it to a cry for acceptance in a cruel world in an undiscriminating universe. Nature itself cannot discriminate, only humankind....

So right . It is the stranger ... Heeheeeee. Your turn....

Oh so difficult! Is this twain?

It is summertime... Almost winter... Your turn...