LJH

I'm in a Clive Cussler novel where the writing is entertaining and flawless. You certainly cut to the chase. As with all Prologues, I think you achieved what you set out to do, and that is give me a powerful kiss to a superb mystery. I'll get to read the rest of the work, but I'm wondering if this is not the ending to your story? Making the entire novel a flashback? I know it's integral to the story but that's not directly obvious at the moment. Why did I mention that, because in my view you succeeded in every aspect of writing a prologue. It left me with a promise, that someone will get to the bottom of this mystery. Brilliant work!

thanks. A lot more coming through. In a sense Im learning all the time. Nothing is clear cut in writing. Even this story has gremlins, but no one has pointed them out yet. Sigh...well, the idea was to kill Barry off. a ten pound hammer and a jealous lover did the trick lol

Grenadilla please. (You can have some too). I like happy endings too. Make me cry and play classic (note I didn't say morbid depressing stuff lol) music. I love writers who do it right. Like Nicholas Sparks, his work is romantic, sappy, sad and redeeming (as per his publishers). My skin crawls when an author gets anything right, especially if I know the author. I'm babbling. Thanks for liking it. Barry is one mad son of a bitch. I would have liked to have gotten to know both characters, but that's all they have to offer right now. Pity. lol

Hmmm yes it was sad and dark. This is something i hve wanted to do to several ex boyfriends. The paper way is safer lol keeps me out of jail lol

There are blossoms on our peach tree and the breeze is warm. Pink blossoms announce the arrival of spring and Sal is in the house instead of in the garden enjoying the first warm rays of a welcome summer. I could call him, but he won’t come. Our relationship isn’t what it used to be. It’s on the collapse, he knows it, and I know it. Blame him. He’s the one who compromised everything we had built together. I see him sitting up on the bed. Staring out at me. He doesn’t see me like before.

Barry's life is about to change when his husband, Sal,tells him he's seeing someone else.

Very tight. Gripping. You have structure here and I mean going from an action scene, immediately into the sequel, also an action scene. I'm betting, that if there is more, the next scene will be a sequel, which relies on more truths emerging. At the end I asked myself, what kind of hospital is the narrator in? is it important at this stage? I ask, is this a science fiction story where dreams are articulated thru a device of some sort? You allowed me to use my imagination and really thin where you might be headed. It stands ready as flash fiction, and the twist at the end is told in an almosty apologetic way. I like the ideas and images here. You skip the aesthetics and dive directly into the story. Maybe its a guy going through hypnosis? I think that the denouement is the hook to this story as it stands. A quick, makes you think, tome. I Like. Thanks for making music with your words.

Hi bro. Hope u doing okay, and congratulations on the purple. I I loved this account of the confusion and overriding sense of doom that pervades in this chapter. Your characterization of Chase and Cooper, and the family, create a strong visual image. You have chosen words that reinforce the type of character you want to create. Like the harsh words where divorce is brought up for the first time. I now know that she's a fighter and always has been. There are five kinds of scenes that I like to see in a writer's work and you have employed all of them. Scene - cause and stimulus. Sequel - rest/decision/emotion. Flashback scenes ( In the rest of the story) and All Dialogue scenes - to increase the pacing. Only one is missing from the lot, but that's because it's not the kind of book you are writing from the viewpoint of a lesser character. Of-course, in my opinion, not everything is buttered on both sides. LOL. The only criticism I have is overusage of the word 'just'. I personally try not to overuse the word, I cut out most of mine. But then, we're not all the same. I would prefer it if one character uses the word and drops it in wherever. You create for your character a speech mannerism. I think characters should have different speech mannerisms. I mean I’ve sat in a restaurant eaves dropping on conversations around me, noting that each conversation has a personality and characters all of its own. But back to what I consider the great stuff. I like how you intersperse your writing with words that make the grey think: like “conniption” – so we rush to the dictionary after reading the piece. Why after? Because I know that to interrupt the flow of the piece, one would have to stop reading and this was that exciting to not stop. You make her motivations for the house so utterly believable. It makes sense. Stuff the other things. They’re material. Her noble protective mother instinct rises like a phoenix out of the ashes as though you were that mother, you were defensive . The kids have a right to worry and only to know those aspects of the breakdown a spouse wishes them to know. The rest will come later. So true of all divorces where children are involved. They are the innocents trapped in an adult situation and you brought me into the scene where I could watch as they interracted and intersected. Man. You have a way of suspending reality for me. I hope you never stop writing. Your insights are simply awesome.

Death Of a Fallen Leaf - 2012 A huge explosion rocked the house. Serrina O’Connell dashed down the rickety staircase into the basement and found Plato lying face down on the floor. ‘Senora de la Luz! What on earth have zhew done this time? Zhew always making these big bangs like a stupido! And zhew know my heart she won’t take it but still zhew go on and on and on. What am I going to do with zhew?’ By this time she had her hands in the air, a small woman, with a robust m

This chapter is psychologically violent. By that I mean oh please do throw out the dolls, after twenty years start a new "life", get rid of the current pain and go into reverse love. By the same token that Chase had never picked up the phone to contact Cooper, Cooper never had the balls to tell Devon of his insecurities over the years. No sex for 29 days? Leap year? LOL I did not read The List, so at the moment I think Cooper and ChasE will have to boil under my skin for a while. If I love them, I'll let you know. If I don't love them, well, I'll wait twenty years to tell you. I'm following...albeit slow, but following...

Hmmmm, objection! What a crud! I couldn't drag my eyes and senses away from this chapter. You lawyers need a damned good spanking for being so bombastic and better than thou. lol. Overall, an action packed trial, hopefully the ending will be a rollercoaster of brilliant penmanship. I have Grisham on my left, and you on my right. I'm comparing. So far so good. You're ahead but only by a page or two. LOL So get on with this now, i want drama drama drama...(tongue in cheek).

The trial begins. I am a sucker for Grisham, Michael Palmer and Richard North Patterson's courtroom dramas, I know I'm going to be hooked on yours. Hmmm, let me peek at the next chap... (pssst, just some typo's otherwise nothing out of kilter here as you well know lol).

The Funny Thing Is… Fine is always fine until it’s not quite fine anymore. There was once a time when Saturdays were about fun. This is the reason I love your work. You immediately set up the mood and tone of the chapter and the reader is suddenly catapulted into suspense. Why are Saturdays not fun anymore? because Coop has gotten himself into a rut, and altho things seem so right and perfect and even he agrees that everything is fine and pewrfect, well, there's this little question of... Chase...and so I'll get to the next chapter You're making music with your words again.

I love this because it is sooo close to home...so here goes. Casey buries Tom. After a few months the questions begin. Others may say, move on, get over it. Those who know understand that these questions are asked out of a deeper enquiring nature, throw a question out to the universe and it bounces back with an answer sooner or later. Also, very often, the healing process starts with questions. A powerful way to begin the story. Your use of the word robbery as a reason for his death and then your comparison to it stealing other things, is so real. Nothing can take away that pain. It lives with you forever. You begin again. You discover new energies that never existed. When the time is right, you move on. Sometimes you are distracted, sometimes you are courted, sometimes you are lost in a world where the sexiness is nailbiting stuff. I think I've just bit all my nails.

The hook and it must b in the first chapter or 1st page or 1st patagraph. No hook, no read.

errrr...it could have been. But I think It's time to meet one of the antagonists. I hope to make this an epic adventure. Lots of gremlins to iron out I know. Thanks for the read, D.

The Art Of Nose twitching and Ear twiddling. Date – 22 February 2013 Montgomery Jordan Smith collected candles created by the best names in the world. Candle crafters were in possession of his contact details so it didn’t come to him as much of a surprise when he received an email inviting him to make an offer on a recent acquisition made by none other than the famous candle maker Benjamin Willowson. He replied, saying he would be delighted to view the candle

Hi Cia. I am impressed by this tale of regaining belief in oneself, by the way you handle all the aspects of the narrator's fears. he is remorseful, scared, and lonely after a life changing experience and the emotion of it lingers well after the last word. You have written into this story, another character: loneliness and the narrator's fears are grasped in one sentence: "whatever...real. Talbot is also lonely. And, altho we know what happened with the narrator, I cannot help but think that Talbot's introversion has also been caused by some life changing event. The narrator's first glimpse of "softness" is when he says: But Talbot was different. This line tells me that Talbot has a chance no other person has. The last para sums up the entire feeling for the whole piece. And the tale runs full circle, back to where you started, with his feelings of loneliness. Cool effort.

Hmmm I never looked at it like that. LOL. Nice touch to it. We'll see, I might use your idea mahahaha. Thanks for the kind words

The Tail and the Sting…1939 Candles. Wall to wall; floor to ceiling. Large, medium and small, all arranged in perfect order by height, perfume, and colour. Every one of them, a masterpiece of skill and passion. Each one of them represented a history. Professor James Fellow stood in awe of the craftsmanship. He edged forward a little, holding the torchlight high above his head. They had broken into the last chamber of the maze of caverns beneath the palace of Qin Shi Huang

Okay, now that I know that it continues, I'll reserve all my energy for the reviews

Go for the jugular, girl. This is brilliant. I love the way you infuse and resolve all the micro subplots and weave the story thru to the twist. It's like looking at a Hopper painting and finding the stories he paints. All good short fiction must embrace the same rules as applied to writing shorter stories or even novels. It seems logical, only at the end of all the suspense, that Ty will walk away, but why? And when the twist came, it blew me away...well done ma'am.

Shot. The hook, characters, beginning and mid story were suspensefully deliteful to read. The aim of any storyteller is not to simply tell a story, but to make sure the reader lives that story. In other words, the journey is nb and i am looking forward to the next destination.

I was hooked from the first word. More when I've read it through a second time.

QUIN DYNASTY September 9th210[i] A cloud descended over the hills and valleys east of Xi’an[ii], choking it in a sheet of fine rain. The mist hung low and manifested like dew on the twisted bark of the Chinese Jupiter[iii]and the red leaves of the wild Nandina, pregnant with red berries. Inextricably, the sun’s rays filtered through the thick canopy and settled on spider webs in the bark and between the leaves of the trees. But the ecstasy was over in a few moments, only a