AFriendlyFace

Sorry, I cross-posted with Vic Well, from that perspective it certainly makes sense. I just wouldn't want to be with someone I felt like I had to "keep an eye on" anyway, so I don't think I would be concerned by how many people he was attracted to. Hmm, so does that mean you think that it's equally as much trouble for a woman to date a bi-guy? Do you think one day he's going to want to scratch the homo itch? Is he truly happy? Is he truly complete? If you think the answers to the questions are: yes, yes, no, and no respectively then I personally disagree with you (to me this would be no different than asking if he's unhappy because he can't sleep with other guys), but I think that's fair and I can definitely see your point. If however, you think that's it's only when the bi-guy is in a gay relationship that these problems exist then I definitely think that's a cruddy double standard and implies that gay relationships are some how less satisfying and fulfilling than straight ones Amen to that! Take care everyone and have a great day! -Kevin

I definitely agree with everything you said, Menzo, and I think your observations are probably correct. I think that a great deal of bisexual people choose to have a long-term relationship with one or the other gender out of ease/convenience. I guess what I'm getting at for example is hypothetically if your friend with benefits situation had had the potential to turn into something more serious would you have let it? Once the bisexual person makes the decision to be in the serious relationship I wouldn't hold the bisexuality against them. I agree with you that often they simply don't make that decision at all with regards to one of the genders. Anyway, I admit that I'm "bi-curious" myself. I don't consider myself bisexual by my definition, but under some people's I am. Would I enter a serious relationship with a woman? Hypothetically of course I would! I would consider it very hypocritical not to. In practical terms though I think it would probably be very unwise for me to do that since my attraction to women is usually transitory and of a less intense nature than it is with guys. So I probably won't "date" a woman. Way go go, Benji!! Good for you! -Kevin

Congrats, dude!

Well that sounds really cool!

Happy birthday, dude! Have a good one -Kevin

Hmmmm, Complicated stuff this. I can definitely see Jason and Vic's P.O.V ( sorry Vic ), but I do think I'm more inclined to agree with Graeme. I think the important thing is about being true to the expectations of the relationship. For me I define my romantic relationships as completely exclusive sexually. So if my S.O. is sexually physical with someone else, I don't care at all about his reasons, or the intellectual/emotional nature of their transgression, he violated my expectations. I also don't care to what extent he is emotionally or intellectually "involved" with someone else insofar as it doesn't lead him to be sexually physical with them AND it doesn't interfere with our own ability to interact in a satisfying emotional and intellectual way. I readily acknowledge that being deeply involved with someone on an intellectual and emotional way can easily lead to a physical transgression, but to me relationships are about trust so I would trust him not to allow that step to take place. If he did, then he did and it's probably over between us precisely because I would lose that trust and then wouldn't be comfortable with him being emotionally/intellectually close with people, and that would be unsatisfactory to me. I would not be willing to sit around worrying "is he getting too close with that guy (or girl)?" So if he had transgressed I would no longer be able to trust that he would know the limit and therefore I don't think I could be with him anymore. The other side of the coin is that their intellectual or emotional relationship might remain sexless but interfere with our own interaction. Again I would see that as a problem with our relationship (and may or may not end it depending on the circumstances), but I wouldn't necessarily see that as the fault of his intellectual/emotional relationship with someone else. I wouldn't feel threatened by this other person unless he gave me a reason to be (I.E. he did physically cheat, or he no longer was emotionally and intellectually connected to me), unless he did give me that reason I'd be happy for him and the other person that they were able to have stimulating intellectual conversation with each other and cared for each other emotionally. But that's simply because the benchmark I use is "is/was there a physical relationship?". I readily admit that from an objective point of view that's pretty arbitrary. Conceivably I could just as easily be fine with him having all the sexual and emotional relationships he wants with other people as long as he saved the deeply intellectual stuff for me. OR maybe I'd be fine with him having all the sex he wants and being as intellectually involved as possible with other people, but if he saved the deeply emotional stuff for me that would be fine. I'm not. My standard, cut and dry, is the physical thing. I guess because that is what would make me feel threatened for some reason (probably social conditioning). I could also readily see an instance in which none of these things would make me feel threatened and I would then allow an "open relationship" with the trust and assumption that his relationship with me (and mine with him) would remain the primary one. Anyway, I think the key thing is that both parties are "on the same page" and then abide by whatever arrangement they've made. I agree, Robbie, in fact since I had so many thoughts on this, and since it sort of seems like a different (and important) topic, I'm going to just start a new thread for it! "Bisexuality"

Hi everyone, The following quotes are from the If your S.O. cheated thread, but I wanted to discuss bisexuality in more depth so I thought it would be good to create a new thread. I'm so sorry, James I agree that it's ridiculous for him to expect you not to be upset about that and to continue the relationship!! That's awful And what's wrong with bi's? *evil-eye* Hmmm, I'm definitely on Robbie's side in this one. Of course, Vic, you wouldn't want to commit to someone you thought might run off and be with a lady, but surely you wouldn't want to commit to someone who might run off and be with another man either? Over and over again, especially in the gay community, I find that there's a general distrust of bisexuals. People seem to think that just because someone is "bisexual" they have to be simultaneously involved in a sexual relationship with both sexes...or want/need to be! I personally find this to be a very distasteful and offensive attitude. Yes, a bisexual might leave his boyfriend to be with a woman, or he may leave his girlfriend to be with a man, but Lord knows: -gay guys leave their boyfriends to be with other guys -straight guys leave their girlfriends to be with other women -lesbians leave their girlfriends to be with other women -and straight girls leave their boyfriends to be with other men. It happens and it sucks big time However, I really don't think I bisexual is anymore likely to do it than anyone else. A bisexual is someone who is attracted to both genders, period. Well If you're attracted to guys and you enter into a serious, monogamous relationship with your boyfriend are you suddenly going to stop being attracted to other guys? I don't think so. The point is that you've decided not to sleep with any of them. Well if a bisexual enters a relationship he/she (should) make that same decision, and if they do any failure is simply human nature versus an inherent flaw with bisexuality, in my opinion. The prevailing attitude here (not here specifically, but society in general) seems to be that bisexuality doesn't really exist. That bisexuals simply haven't "worked it out" yet. That one day your bisexual boyfriend will wake up and say "whoaa, turns out I'm straight!". Well if that happens he wasn't bisexual to begin with, he was sexually confused and for whatever reason thought he had an enduring attraction to guys, and you specifically, when he didn't. It's just like the "bisexual" guys who get married to a woman thinking "I'll just ignore the gay side of myself and focus on my attraction to women". Well, if those guys eventually find that they ARE gay, then IMO, they weren't bisexual to begin with, they were just deluding themselves. Yes, a bisexual guy may choose to be with a woman in the first place because it's "easier" or he may eventually decide to leave his boyfriend and date a woman because again "it's easier", but again, IMO, that's about him, and the relationship, not about bisexuality. Frankly I don't want to be with a guy who's with me because he has to be. Because he's gay and can't date a woman. I don't want him thinking "well this is nice but it's ashame I'm not straight". I want him to be with me because he wants to be with me. Because he considers himself blessed (or "fortunate" if you like) to have found this relationship. If he'd rather date a woman in the first place, regardless of whether he's bi or gay, then I don't want to be with him plain and simple. If he can't be happy about his attraction to me and not want to change it or take an easier route, then I don't have time for him anyway. If he's attracted to me and committed to making the relationship work, then I don't care who else he's attracted to: he's with me. So what do you guys think about this topic? What are you opinions? Would you date a bisexual? Why or why not? Obviously I voted "yes". I don't want it to seem like I'm overly vocal about this and refuse to consider other opinions. I feel strongly about it, but actually I really really want to hear what other people think. Take care everyone, and have an awesome day! Kevin

And that you spray him with water hoses

Wow! That does sound like fun! Thanks for filling us in, CJ! I shall remember this! And wow! Streets of marble! That does sound like a sight worth seeing! I'm guessing this is one of the places where people aren't allowed to drive? LOL you sure do run slowly, Beasty! I can't wait to hear more about the trip, CJ! Sounds like it was definitely a blast -Kevin

**looks at blog index** Hmmm, still not there! LOL, he must have taken that same wrong turn I took when I ran off to write about my Thanksgiving in my blog earlier this week

I believe Joe has his own hag, only he calls her a 'friend' I agree, I love straight girls Lesbians are lotsa fun too! Some of us never outgrow the awkward and annoying ... I don't know if I was ever an "oaf". Anyway, there is a HUGE difference between "annoying and awkward" and "manipulative and controlling". I will grant you that SOME of CJ's (not the goat, well, maybe him too, but I have no authority to speak on that one) behaviour may be lain at the feet of inexperience with personal relationships, but you don't have to have any "experience" to be able to restrain yourself from sending dozens of unanswered text messages. Well said, If you can't take the hint after all that you mustn't have any experience at human relationships. I guess that may be harsh, but I've had a few guys come on way too strong too, and it's definitely a turn off *sigh* also very true. -Kevin

Amen to that!

Well I must say I'm surprised at how many people feel as I do and wouldn't differentiate between the two! I was for sure thinking that there were going to more "It would be much worse" and at least a few "It wouldn't be as bad" (based on the reasoning that Ieshwar and Graeme discussed). -Kevin

Aww I'm sure they do, Martin, they're probably just...shy Come on guys! There's lots of you UK/Europeans out there! Let's hear from some more! WOW! That is cheap! I'm sure they'd be honoured, Tob Take care all, and let's hear from you guys! -Kevin

*gasp* well then I certainly hope he doesn't leave them hanging

Haha, I agree, I don't think there was really a topic to begin with to stay on. Unless the topic is "Things Joe has made us do"

Oh my gosh, Ieshwar! I'm so sorry, It's really none of my business, but I'm really upset for you Good! I think you're right to stick to your guns! Sorry if I'm being nosy, Take care and have a great day Kevin

Well shucks! Here I was thinking 16 was up only to be sorely disappointed! Hmmm, this is practically a cliffhanger you know

OLD!? You're not old! You don't get to be old until well after me, and I shan't be doing that for several more decades at least! Now put away that walker and get out your fake ID! -Kevin

Awww I'm sorry Joe Guys are crazy! They seriously are! I've had quite enough of gay boy drama to last me and it sounds like you're getting BOTH barrels! Good luck! -Kevin

Dude! I couldn't agree with you more! I've always felt this way! And what pisses me off even more is how blatantly unfair the system is with regards to men's rights to custody, and even worse the limited options single men that want to be parents face! It's completely possible for a single mother to decide "well I want to have a child now" and she'll damn well have it (which is awesome of course), but a single man can't just up and decide "well I want to have a child now" I'm a rabid feminist, but I'm also a rabid "masculinist" and the God's honest truth is that men face a hell of a lot of discrimination in society and none more prevalent than where children are concerned! Just why should the woman have the final say, Conner? And, Snowy, I do not enter into that kind of contractual arrangement with women. I mean I don't anyway since I don't sleep with them, but if I did it would be with the understanding that any life created is our equal responsibility and privilege. I'm not "giving" her my sperm, I'm making an investment, and if that investment proves fruitful I damn well want my share! Anyway, I won't even go into my opinions about abortion (which are probably more or less in line with yours perhaps a bit more pro-choice), but regardless of what abortion's ultimate fate will be the only fair circumstance is one in which both parties are a part of the decision making process. -Kevin

Once when I was in college I was translating this passage of Latin and my instructor was all about making the translation sound like modern English. Anyway I translated something as "Farewell" and he stopped me and said "Really Kevin! Who do you know that says 'farewell' when they leave?" I bristled up and said "ME!" That really is one of my standard ways of saying goodbye to people! Anyway, point is ya never know what kinda wacky things we yanks will say to each other in greeting or parting Farewell all! -Kevin

Thanks for defending my honour, Ieshwar Welcome back Beasty! So sorry you're not feeling well, CJ Take care all! -Kevin

What odd timing considering that I just left a spades gaming room (it's a card game in case anyone didn't know ) in which I used "gayboy" in part of my handle. I only had ONE person make a negative reference to it and he was being generally abusive to the entire room. I have to say that by and large I don't get a reaction at all when I use the name. The majority of times no one comments at all. I can remember once when I was playing with someone and they asked "are you really gay?" and when I responded that I was they just said something to the effect of "that's cool". I can also remember a one other time when someone was being a jerk about it, but once again he was being a jerk in general. So anyway, overall, in my experience I have much more positive things to report with regards to gaming with the phrase "gayboy" in your handle. I suppose card games and video games might be different though. *shrug* Take care all and have a great day! Kevin

LOL, good observation, Robbie! I've practically been a walking rash recently