AFriendlyFace

LOL, you need water to make most drinks! But once they're made adding more water is usually inadvisable

Bloom - Nirvana

I must say, Beasty, you navigate them with near perfection anyway

YAY! An accomplishment indeed! I actually seem to be having a tad bit of trouble with the site in general. It keeps like "page cannot be displayed"-ing me (you can make whole phrases verbs right? ) *sigh* I'll be celebrating if I can get this reply to go through, lol!

LOL this is true! You shall probably hit 6,000 before I do.

Well, I would freak out without my computer! LOL, basically if I'm at home in the first place I'm either at my computer or in bed. I occasionally do other things when I'm at home, but they're seriously statistically negligible well, for sure the nice thing about text based communication (whether it be text messages, IMs, or forum posts), is that you get to think things over and decide exactly how you want to phrase something before sending it. I think we've all occasionally said something we've regretted, either because it was stupid, hasty, mean, or whatever. I'm not saying this doesn't happen in "written" communication as well - because certainly it does - but at least we do have a few extra seconds to think before it's "out there."

Oh that sounds like fun! Who are "The Morning Of"? Never heard of them before! *gasps* but, but...I was a pirate for years around here! *sigh* it's a good thing I reformed before the ninja got here!

Ohh, well that's okay then. I know I for example enjoyed the bi-mi club so much that I joined it twice...

In separate glasses I should hope

*gasp* you're not thinking of renouncing your membership in the bi-mi club are you? Woo hooo!! Congrats, Richie!

I love these two So Happy - Theory of a Deadman

The former friend I referenced above as being an example of a really good listener was like that. At first in our relationship I was convinced he wasn't listening, and I would often ask if he was listening or imply that he wasn't. Each time I did that he proceeded to rattle off the last several things I'd just said - either paraphrased or nearly verbatim - plus he did remember the little things, so I soon got used to it and realized he really was listening. That sounds very dangerous! That's actually the only time I don't feel bad about zoning out and not listening. If it's this big group discussion, and for whatever reason I'm just not particularly interested, I really don't feel responsible for having to listen and interact anyway, so I do sometimes zone out guilt free. I figure it'll be able to get along just fine without me. That's a very interesting point!! I'm half tempted to start another topic just to discuss whether in general people think introverted or extroverted people are better listeners! What do you guys think about this? That's a very interesting question, Tarin! I've never really given any thought about the best way to make eye contact...I just always figured it sorta happened on its own. Of course that's a sill thing to think on my part if it isn't natural for some people, like yourself for example. It sounds to me like the method you're employing would work okay. I just sort of would say, look at their face in general but don't like stare through them. Just sorta meet their eyes - both eyes I guess - mostly just try to catch their gaze. Too much eye contact can be a bit creepy though, and can come off as a challenge or something. Don't like stare into their eyes directly and refuse to break the gaze for long periods of time, make the contact, hold it for a few seconds, then slightly move your eyes to relieve the constant staring thing. A pretty natural way is to like move your hold head ever so slightly, or just glance briefly at a cup you might be drinking from or some other "prop" and then glance back at them and meet their eyes again. It's sorta hard to explain, but it sounds like you're doing a good job, and I commend you for trying Oh I know what you mean! I have an excellent memory for social situations. I usually remember all the details. Yesterday I was having a conversation with a couple of friends and one of them started to tell us this story. He'd already told me the story before about 2 months ago, but I assumed he was doing it for the benefit of our third friend, so I just went along with it and was like "right, I remember that". He looked surprised and he said, "Oh I told you this already?", and I was like "yeah", in disbelief he said "really??". LOL so since he didn't seem to believe me, I proceeded to tell him exactly when it was (2 months ago, between about 9 and 11 pm), at a particular diner with a different mutual friend. Then I told him what each of us was wearing, where in the diner we were sitting, and what we'd ordered. I did of course remember all the details of the actual story as well. I didn't even realized I remembered all that until the more I thought about the more I realized I did. Then thinking about it somemore I realized that I can almost always remember place, time, who was there, and clothing choices for almost any given conversation. Well as long as it's been within the last couple of years. After that I may forget things like clothing, and I may only be able to give a rough estimate about time (day or night for example), but I can usually still remember who was there and where the conversation took place, as well as the main points of course. That even sorta extends to GA. For example I can usually remember who said what, and in which thread. I never realized conversation was such a battle Anyway, back to the main thing I was curious about in this post. Do you guys think that as a whole extroverts make better listeners than introverts, or visa versa? Take care all and have an awesome day! Kevin

Personally, I think Rupert Gint (did I remember his name properly? Ron) is cuter

Oh that sounds wonderful! It must be a lot of fun I look forward to seeing the pics I can definitely assist you, although Joe's actually the one who handles that. If you're interested though I'll make sure to let him know and get you set up. Basically it's the read plaque below your name/avatar with "Author" written on it. Beyond looking pretty though, it gives you a different set of permissions which will enable you to interact in the writer and editor forums, so I would recommend getting one Let me know if you're interested or just contact Joe directly and ask That's CJ There is one thing I might be able to suggest that'll make things a tad easier for you. I saw that several times through the thread you'd posted consecutively as a means of responding to multiple people. There's actually a much quicker and easier way. You can do just like I did in this post by simply clicking the "quote" button below each post that you want to respond to. It'll become highlighted a brighter shade of red and the symbol will change from a "+" to a "-". Anyway just click each quote you want to respond to, then when you're done and ready to add your response hit "Add Reply" (NOT "Fast Reply") at the bottom of the page. It'll then take you to the normal posting screen and all your quotes will be there. Simply click your cursor below the quote after the [/quote] box and above the next [quote name='...] box You can also trim the quote down if you like by deleting extraneous text within the quote tags and simply leaving the relevant text. (just please don't misquote anyone or purposely take anything out of context ) Anyway, it actually makes it much quicker and easier for you Take care and have a fantastic day Kevin

Oh cool! Thanks

...bite down perhaps? Sorry, that happened to you, Menzo. That's really cruddy

Ohh yeah, I'm considering naming my firstborn that now Hmmm "Myr Face"...you think he/she would get picked on in school? YAY! Not only did I get you to think about it, but you agreed with me LOL, and another one on-board! Perhaps we can all unite and form the Myrrh movement! (Sounds a bit like a dance doesn't it?) Ah, well that's what you get for thinking! You should actively avoid it like some people J/K ya'll -Kevin

LOL, well I live just fine with very little IM-ing in my life.

They do say that, but then they also say that you need to get out there and mingle and give it a shot. Half the time people are likely to be telling you to forget about it and let it happen the other half they're likely to be telling you to quit sitting around complaining and go meet people. I think what it all really comes down to is being social and open to the idea of being in a relationship without being desperate and trying too hard or taking the first thing that comes along. Ya gotta walk the line, lol I'm sure you'll make it though -Kevin

Well said

Well, so far it sounds like the 5 people that have responded are pretty typical listeners! They have the potential to do a really good job, but may zone off if the subject is boring are the person speaks for too long. I think this definitely sums up how most of humanity approaches the activity of listening. Also, it made me consider my own ideas about how skillful a listener I am. I admit that it might be pretty difficult for me to pay attention for more than a couple of minutes about someone discussing sports or automotives for example. I also had a friend that was into programming and sometimes he would go into details about things I simply didn't understand and couldn't conceptualize because of my own limited experience in the field. In these instances I guess I am guilty of "zoning out" like the rest of the world. I think the main thing I try to do though is see how the subject affects the person discussing it and pay attention to that. For example if a friend wanted to sit and tell me all about the basketball game he'd just finished watching, for the majority of it I probably would tune out, even if I tried not to, however I would try to remember key things like how he felt about the outcome (was he disappointed? Excited?), and what was going to happen next (Can the team turn things around and go on to win? Are they eliminated?). I'd probably ignore all the technical stuff and the play by plays, but I'd try to get a handle on what personally mattered to him. I would feel like a bad listener and a disappointing friend if a week or so later he asked, "You remember that game I was telling you about?" and I couldn't at least vaguely recall having the conversation and whether or not he was pleased or disappointed with the outcome. I'd also probably ask questions that were at least slightly relevant and interesting to me so that I'd have an easier time paying attention and would recall at least something. Like maybe "oh, where's that team from?", "how's their record this season?", "who was favoured to win?". I probably could remember things like that later on. I can usually work up some enthusiasm for the most basic aspects of almost any topic. -Kevin

So I've been thinking about this a great deal over the past couple of days, and I've decided that conversation is perhaps the single most enjoyable non-solitary activity I can imagine. Other activities have their appeal, but I think they're generally more fleeting, and have a greater tendency to "get old" or just plain repetitive after awhile. Anyway, obviously attentively listening to the other person is a major part of a conversation. I'm the sort of person that gets annoyed if the person I'm speaking with only appears to be paying half-attention. I've realized that this is probably largely responsible for the fact that I insist on turning off/muting the radio or television if I'm speaking or being spoken to, and also the reason that I seldom get on messengers anymore - since the nature of the conversations is often spaced out and casual. I had a really enjoyable chat with someone the other night on MSN, and the reason I enjoyed it so much - other than just liking the person and enjoying his company - was that it really seemed like chatting with each other was the primary thing we were doing versus just being a background or co-activity to other things going on. I also realized that one of the things I enjoyed the most about a friendship I used to have was that the other guy really would listen. There's a difference between pretending to listen - even to the point of fooling the other person, and perhaps yourself, at the time - and really listening. I knew he was listening because I might make a very casual, unimportant comment like "I don't like mayo", and then weeks later we might be somewhere and he'll recommend something and say, "just remember to order it without the mayo". It was little stuff like that that made it clear that he was listening, even with regards to the unimportant, mundane things. Conversely my best friend, whom I'm absolutely crazy about, will periodically obviously zone out when I'm speaking to him. More often though I'll tell him something like three or four times and he still won't remember it. There's nothing wrong with his memory in general, so I'm pretty sure it's just a matter of not paying attention in the first place. Unfortunately though when it comes to listening it seems that most people are more like my best friend and less like my former friend. I've known maybe three or four people who always made me feel like they were listening and then remembered the details later to prove it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be too harsh with the others. Indeed by and large, I know they're trying and that it's just human nature to have your mind wander occasionally. I'm also not saying that they're really all that bad or unacceptable when it comes to listening. They usually seem to be listening (and actually are). It's just there's very few people I would rate as really excellent listeners. I do think I'm a good listener. It's something I pride myself on. Of course I'm sure I have room for improvement, but as I said when someone speaks to me, regardless of the medium, I'm going to do my best to give that person my full attention and push other thoughts and activities out of my head. If I'm busy or just unable or unwilling to focus I'll generally avoid initiating conversations in the first place, and if someone else does, then I'll decide between making myself focus on them or gently letting them know that now isn't a good time. Half paying attention and continuing what I was doing or thinking about doesn't feel like an acceptable option to me. So what kind of a listener do you think you are? Is it important to you that the other person give you their full attention? Take care all and have a great day! -Kevin

I think a discussion of euthanasia would be very good and very interesting. I have quite a few thoughts on this topic, but if we do discuss it I think it would probably be better suited for the Soapbox. I know I for one may get...passionate about discussing it. In any case, just with regards to the euphemism - and ignoring actual thoughts about it - I agree with JF that it has the potential to be very confusing and scary to kids. I personally think that by far this is the clearest example thus far discussed in the thread of the need for calling a spade a spade.

Nifty! Congrats