AFriendlyFace

Sorry to mislead you, Tim. I definitely agree that it would be short sighted and just stupid to avoid something simply because society teaches it as an ideal. I'm certainly not going to be a contrarian simply for the sake of doing it. I just meant that I similarly wasn't going to be a conformist simply for the sake of doing it. In this case, having considered the matter (the point was mostly to consider it in the first place), I've decided the possibility is something I'm open to, and will likely (continue) to actively pursue. Well for me 'life' is the part that goes without saying, is so much as, I'd be even less likely to give much thought to having a string of temporary partners. I mean I suppose that's a viable long-term option, but it doesn't really require very much effort or commitment, so it's a less serious thing - in my opinion - to carefully ponder. I think I'm actually the exact opposite. Extroverted, but a natural, skilled, and happy loner. That's an excellent point, and at some point I agree that it's important to remember you don't have to stay. Indeed there are several things in a relationship that I would consider to be immediate, and permanent deal-breakers, but while it is an ideal and not a straitjacket, I guess what I was wondering is whether or not I should even invest in the ideal. Or instead either throw my hands up in the air and enter a never-ending string of casual (or semi-casual) relationships, or just swear off romance and dating all together (or maybe take the two in turn). Again, the question wasn't really "Why stay with a (life) partner", but simply why buy into the idea of having one. That's sort of where I see myself, only not quite to the same extent. I do occasionally actively date and I purposely put myself in situations where romance and dating can pop up, but I definitely don't see it as a big priority or consuming need. I would expect nothing less. Anyway, thanks for the comments everyone! As I said I have decide to be open to the idea. In fact I'd decided that even before starting the thread. I guess I just wanted (and still want) your opinions on why this is something you want/do/would want. Take care all Kevin

It sounds rather like being hit by a bus. So several people have commented on my word choice. I did phrase it like that for a reason. I could have said: What's the point of a life partner? But that wouldn't exactly express what I had in mind. I'm well aware of the objective benefits (and costs) of having a permanent mate. I was looking for personal reasons why people here enjoy or would enjoy such a relationship. I might have said: Why have a life partner? But that implies more passivity in the situation than I wanted to express. That's inviting people who have them already to sit there and justify why they should have this person in their life. That's sort of like asking, why should you have the particular car that you drive? Approached from that angle people are likely to justify their situation. Well it gets good gas mileage. It was the most economical choice at the time. It's easy to park. etc. Those are fine reasons, but they all operate under the assumption that the status quo is more or less going to be maintained. Again I was going more for personal and active reasons for wanting this situation. I'm well aware that saying, "Ok, now I'm going to take a life partner" won't immediately precede running out and selecting the most appropriate candidate. I know you can't make someone love you, and I know you can't really chose whom you love or why. But the question didn't really have anything to do with "having" or "getting" a life partner, only with the emotion behind coming to the decision that one might be nice to have. I also agree that while very often if/when that special person comes along they may indeed take you by surprise, but I disagree that all this requires is standing there waiting. I think it necessitates at least being open to the idea of a partner. Of at least thinking I may want to share my life with someone. If you're completely closed off to the idea it isn't going to happen regardless of how ideally suited you might be with the person. If I'm just not going to ask him out, or be receptive to his advances, it just ain't happening. I suppose part of this difference in perception, is that most people likely grow up thinking it's the way it's supposed to work. Even if they're not necessarily actively looking, or actively thinking it will happen to them there's probably still this thought in the back of their mind that someday Mr or Mrs right may come along and if he/she does then they'll go from there. For my part I try very very hard to live my life without any preconceived constructs of how things ought to be. When I catch myself mindlessly following a social mindset about something I try very hard to stop and analyze if it's really something I want to be motivated by. It doesn't matter how ridiculous it is, like "why shouldn't I walk away from my life with nothing but the clothes on my back and just stand at an intersection and try to beg enough money for food every day?" I've concluded that this isn't something that would make me happy, but I'd be completely ashamed of myself if I were only not doing it because it's socially frowned on and people aren't raised to view it as a viable option. Anyway, basically I just hate to blindly follow the status quo in any matter. I've tried to completely destroy all my ideas about life, religion, morality, philosophy, knowledge, and perception, and then rebuild them according to how I personally think, feel, and reason. I'm not advocating this approach by any means, it doesn't normally work that way for a reason (too much energy involved and potentially dangerous results), but for me personally it's important to know that I don't think or feel something because I've been told, taught, indoctrinated, or subliminally conditioned to think or feel that way. I also know that I still have a long way to go in this regard, that I haven't succeeded in destroying and rebuilding all these notions, but I'm working on it and the results are very satisfying and fulfilling. The concept of a mate is something which exists in all cultures across time and also appears in the animal world...but 'univeral' or not it doesn't mean I want to assume that I should follow (or be opening to following) this path as well. In this case I am open to the idea of a life partner. I've concluded that it's very far behind other life goals, like having children for example, and that I shall probably be just fine without a life partner. But I've decided that if the right person comes along I'll be open to the idea of something developing, and that perhaps as the mood strikes me I may actively look into finding one or pursuing something with someone. I think this is a prerequisite to having a life partner. Just my thoughts, and even if they don't make sense or seem relevant to anyone, I'm grateful for having expounded on them. Take care all and have a great day (assuming you've decided that being well and enjoying your day are worthwhile things for you to experience) -Kevin

Wow...I know this isn't really what the article is about...but it reminds me of my lesbian girlfriends! Like in freakish detail actually! And yeah...one in particular. LOL, I recommend everyone get at least one close friend they could never possibly have a romantic relationship with. It works phenomenally!

Happy Holi, everyone! Thanks for telling us about, Beasty

Woo HOOO! Welcome to GA, Julia! It's really awesome having you here; I'm glad you finally took the plunge! Yep, now you can lay to rest that pesky, "but am I going to get bitten if I join?" fear This is true. I had to follow him around for a week just to clean up the mess! Welcome again! Let us know if you have any questions or anything -Kevin

"Take Me or Leave Me" - Rent Soundtrack LOL, it's also got one of my favourite quotes right before the song: "There will always be women in rubber dresses flirting with me"

Finally turned 100 huh? I hope you have a very fantastic and happy birthday, Camy!!! May the coming year bring you all the happiness and peace you deserve -Kevin

I have some thoughts on this. Like all aspects of interpersonal dynamics experience and length of time are only one among many factors. It's logical that you'll experience more things overall, both emotionally and tangibly, if the relationship is longer. However, there are so many other factors that come into play such as: -How intense the relationship is -How much time you spend with the person -To what degree you "naturally click" -The context and intensity of the events around it Obviously there quite a few more, but that's just a few. Just to make mention of the last though, they've done studies and determined that the intensity of emotions experienced relating to a separate event then in tandem effect how you feel about the people with whom you related during that time. For example if you are going through a war or other disaster you WILL be more bonded with the people around you. Of course it needn't be a war, it could be anything dramatic or even anything very intensely good. In any case these other factors are going to influence the relationship. I think the second point, "how much time you spend with the person" is another major factor. You can know someone for years, but if you only see them once or twice a week for an hour or so, it's going to be considerably different from someone you spend the majority of your days with for several months. So really, while I would say that there's some correlation between length of time and what you experience emotionally etc. there's just too many other factors to say out right that there will always be an effect. I think also, the major thing that's actually being explored here is trust. Trust often takes a long time to form, but it will also be impacted significantly by those others factors. I'm sure that you can, and I'm very sorry that this happened to you and Gary Fortunately for myself, I don't think I can say that I've ever regretted a relationship, romantic or platonic. I've had some that ended up on unfortunate footing, and several people the idea of re-establishing those bonds, especially to the same degree, is wholly unappealing. Nevertheless, I'm still grateful for the good times we had together, and despite how cruddy things might have finished up I don't regret having those experiences. LOL, I hate to point this out, but unless you're counting Jason and Sas as a single unit or something, I think your math may be a bit off Take care all Kevin

Congrats, dude! That's really awesome Robbie, you know I always do that anyway On another note, I can't imagine wanting my car to make noise. Like it seems to me you'd want it to be as silent as possible...I would anyway.

I have that one too!! LOL, well I certainly am not pregnant...I may very well be hormonal though! :wacko:

LOL, sorry for the delay! The story has now been added, thank you very much for your submission, Kit. And please do let me know if you have any other stories you'd like to submit! -Kevin

Good chapter Well, making him a slightly more fashionable, hotter goth can't hurt

I'm actually talking about food here. I bought a bunch of fresh fruit the other day when I went to the supermarket. Like a really big variety of only fruit I like. However, I ate all the oranges first. Like whenever I'm thinking "fruit would be nice", I almost always crazy oranges. I love mangos, plums, apples, bananas, grapes, strawberries, kiwi, and the list just goes on and on. But I seldom crave them. I just can't figure out why, because I really don't think I like oranges better. I also don't think it's like a level of difficulty thing. Like pomegranates are good, but they're just a pain to try to eat. A lot of other fruits are actually much easier and more convenient than the orange. Yet the orange is the fruit I want. I also don't think it's a matter of habit or routine because as much as I regret it it's actually much more rare that I have fresh fruit on hand than that I don't, and when I do (like now) I never really buy more oranges than other types of fruits. So if it's not taste or practicality or habit...what is it? Anyone else experience something similar? -Kevin P.S. I realize the irony that I'm comparing apples and oranges, and please also refrain from the obvious remarks about "fruits" that one might think of in this forum.

I'm going to go check it out! "Thunder only happens when it's raining" - Fleetwood Mac

Is that a cover of the Elton John song? By an amazing coincidence I woke up with that song stuck in my head...and it's not even a song I'd listened to or thought of in a very long time...weird! Flo Rida - "Low"

Well I'm not going to have a serious reaction to this article. I just think it's delightfully amusing!

Hi everyone, So I've been reading this story not at GA, and I was really enjoying it. I was really invested in the characters, etc. Well the story was quite long, and over its course the characters have evolved considerably. It mostly works. I mean it's very well written, and as they've changed the author has add events to their backstories and stuff and made it at least...consistent for the most part. The trouble is with the addition of all these things the characters themselves are behaving in ways that are...well very unexpected. Also, while the backstories are added to, or revealed to have been false and what not, I can't help but think, "OH, so we're just now finding out that this major event happened 5 years ago?!". When the character's history has already been pretty thoroughly explored and something as major as this would have been mentioned or at least hinted at by the other characters. Anyway, the point is, I was actually quite disappointed in some of the things that happened. They were at least mostly plausible and very well written, but they weren't consistent with what used to be the central elements and key aspects of the characters and story. The story itself was written over the span of several years, so it's understandable that the author would want to explore new things. I also believe that an author always has the complete and total right to do whatever they like with their story and characters. I guess my "bone to pick" is that I think at some point the story should have stopped, and a new story with new characters should have explored and experienced the things that the author wanted. It really would have made several excellent stories, but as a single story with the same characters it was just too meandering and inconsistent. As I said though, that's the author's right, and I'm not going to flame them or anything like that. I also recognize that the main reason I was upset about the events of the story is because it was so good and the characters were so compelling. Anyway point is have any of you guys ever experienced something similar? Where you felt like the story and characters wandered too far from their starting point. Or where things just got weird after awhile? Please do not post any specifics or enough details for anyone to guess which story and/or author you're talking about, particularly if they're affiliated in anyway with this site. I was mostly just curious about whether this was a common feeling that readers get sometimes and what they think about it? -Kevin

There was so much collateral damage that many couples who had been going out passed away and several of their pets had to be put to sleep.

There's also a big difference between a potato and a cow. They don't deserve or warrant the same treatment. That's what I was trying to get at when I pointed out that there was a very big difference between what I find acceptable treatment of pigs and shellfish, vegetables and plants would be considerably below shellfish on that scale. When it comes to how to treat living things I think one ought to consider such things as their degree of sentience, emotion, and sensation. The potato doesn't get scared, it doesn't hurt, and it isn't sitting there thinking about it's fate. A cow definitely gets alarmed, definitely feels pain, and there's really no telling what's going on in their brains. A pig, or dolphin or something would take all the cow stuff to a higher level, and a human being would presumably take it to the highest. I just think we ought to try to act accordingly. -Kevin

Wooo hooo! I'm happy and proud of ya, dude Yes, I suspect that all pretty true. Almost certainly it does depend on the particular person.

Congrats, Nick I'm always pleased and excited to read your posts

Congrats, Steve!! I'm looking forward to seeing what comes next!!

I'm on my computer quite a bit, and about the only things I do on it are internet related in some way. I mean I don't use it for games or anything...well sometimes I play card and board games on it...but that's on the internet Anyway, my computer would be essentially useless to me without the internet. Oh I suppose sometimes I'd turn it on to type things maybe, but I'd use it like a fraction of 1 percent of what I do now.

Yes, I was thinking along these lines myself. That's always been my assumption as well. I mean I figured they would also use the rest room whilst there, but I figured there was actual make up applying going on in many if not most instances.

A bit less than a month. Congrats!