hmm interesting I like it, That being said the only reall major problem is that you're stuck on very long detailed explainations. It takes away from the story, and slows it down. You should piece it out through your chapters... a casual reference here or there... remember your character has to deal with his past throughout the entire story not just the first chapter, therefor the long explainations aren't needed.
btw for all that big explaination of Jayden not showing himself... the reader never saw his face even when you reveal it, i would almost expect it to be shocking or something the way you kept pointing out it was being hidden from the readers/main characters point of view....
also what was the main boy's hair look like, i either missed it or you didn't put it in
It's a good premise over all and I want to read more WRITE MOARE!