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NickolasJames8

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Blog Entries posted by NickolasJames8

  1. NickolasJames8
    ....take a chill pill. People are taking things way too seriously these days.
    Not just here on GA, but irl too. Here's a prime example of what I'm talking about::::
     
    I was driving to school this morning and happened to be driving through a school zone. Now, the flashing sign said 25MPH, but i was going about 15. Anyway, the crossguard (a big blubbery old lady) practically steps off the curb to yell at me to slow down. Now, before I go any further, I should mention that I was the ONLY car going through at the time, there were no kids out yet (which makes me wonder what that heffer was doing there) and I make it a point to go no faster than 15 through the school zone because when I was little (in Modesto) a kid got hit by a car near our school. I don't know why I still remember it, but since i do, I go slow when I go by schools. So slow, in fact, that people behind me look pissed at me for holding them up.
    So back to Matilda the Hun....
     
    She steps off the curb and motions with her hands for me to slow down at the same time she's mouthing the words at me. Now, it could be because I didn't stop at 7-11 yet for a Redbull, but something about that got on my nerves, so I mouthed a few words back at her. Something along the lines of, Shut up Bitch, and the next thing I know, she's in my rearview mirror, in the middle of my lane, looking at me drive away with on hand on her hip as she's blowing her whistle at me.
     
    As you've probably guessed by now, the moral isn't that she took what I said too seriously. It's that I took what she did too seriously. I've been in stick up the butt mode for the last week and a half or so, and I didn't realize it till I got home this afternoon and read a certain topic in the lounge.
     
    So I've decided to pull the stick out, throw it in a neighbors yard and get over it. Life's not meant to be lived so miserably, and if someone starts a topic you don't like here on GA, or says something irl that you don't like, ignore it. Certainly there are more important things for people to get bent out of shape over than a topic about doggy doo.
    ___________________________________________________________________________________
     
    In other news, chapter 16 of Staking My Claim is up, and I'm almost ready to send 17 in. Chapter 18 is going to be written tomorrow and since it's the end of the school year and I feel inspired, I might pound out a chapter a day until it's finished.
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  2. NickolasJames8
    It's been a while since my last entry, and it's because I've been feeling sorry for myself over things that happened here at home and not up to posting anything. Until yesterday.
     
    Let me start from the beginning.
     
    I got my license on May 21st and was soooo excited about driving my car to work. Unfortuanately, my dad needed my car because he had to drop his off at the dealership, so I took him to Charles Barker (the dealership) and then drove to work. he dropped me off and all I could think about was he next day when I'd be driving myself to school. Then, two hours later, when my dad was supposed to be picking me up at work, no one came. So I waited and called his cell phone, but I was getting his voice mail.
    About ten minutes after I started to fume, my stepmom shows up in her car and she looks really upset. I ask her what's wrong, and she tells me that my dad had been in a wreck with my car and that he's at the hospital. So now I'm upset too, and we go to Bayside. He's fine but in an ultra grouchy mood because someone rear ended him.
    I guess I just needed to hear and see for myself that he was fine, then I went into a bitchy rant about him wrecking my car and said some other crap about his speeding and the way he cuts people off and how I felt like he didn't shift soon enough when he was driving my car. Basically I was pissed that my Civic was wrecked, but I had no idea just how wrecked it was until I saw it.
    It's basically totalled. When I looked at it, I panicked again. I don't know how ANYONE survived that wreck. Not my dad. Not the lady with a baby in the car that hit him. The only thing I could do at that point was give him a hug and tell him sorry for being a selfish asshole to him. Then I went inside and said a prayer giving thanks to The Lord for sparing my dad's life.
    So I tought I was okay, but I really slipped into a deep depression that I didn't want to admit I was in. I prayed a lot about it, and I stewed over my car some more and thought about the lady who rear ended my dad. I was mad at her, but not just for wrecking my car. I was mad at her because she could have killed my dad, her baby or maybe even herself. I don't need to lose another parent and her baby certainly shouldn't grow up without a mom. So I spent the last few days telling myself what a dumbass she was and thinking to myself that she should have been paying closer attention because she's not just taking her own life into her hands when she drives....she's taking other lives into her hands too.
    Then yesterday my dad comes home from work and tells me that one of the drivers rolled a truck over on the interstate. No one knows for sure what happened, but a baby was involved and a lot of people were hurt badly. In fact, so badly that some might not make it. It's affecting him badly because the driver is someone he knows personally because he used to be her boss. When we prayed before supper last night, he asked God to watch over everyone in that crash, and his voice broke up a little and I knew he was trying not to cry.
    That's when I knew that I had no business being upset about my car. They make new ones at the factory every day. If one of the people in the wreck from yesterday dies, there's no getting them back. So, instead of being depressed about my car, I'll keep my head up and be thankful that it wasn't worse. Worse as in, loss of life or serious injury. I'll also keep praying for the families of the people hurt yesterday. It just goes to show that just when you think you're having the worst day, somewhere in this world, someone is a lot worse off than you are.
  3. NickolasJames8
    Okay, so i've been stewing about this for almost a week now, and I think I'm ready to get it off of my chest: I'm pissed off at the moronic voters here in the United States. How in the hell could they have voted Phill off of American Idol and kept that lousy ass Jordan....I'm sooo ticked off.
     
    So anyway, thats my rant for the week. I havent had a lot of time to write, but I'm gonna work on a chapter tomorrow night when i get home from work and then I'll try to pound another one out by Friday. So hopefully, I can update both stories this week.
     
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  4. NickolasJames8

    Off to Florida

    By NickolasJames8,

    Well, we're supposed to be leaving for Jacksonville within the hour, but no ones even up yet(except for me) and I have to wonder what time we'll really be going. I get the sneaking suspicion that I could have gone to school today, which kinda ticks me off, but oh well. This whole trip is irritating me , but I guess I don't have a choice.
    I already know what's going to happen:
    My dad's gonna be in a rush to get there because he hates driving in Jacksonville rush hour traffic, so he'll go about 100 all the way down 95. He might try to speed on highway 58, the way we take from here to Emporia, but he won't do it very long because of all the state troopers who'll be looking out for speeders.
    Then we'll get into Carolina and he'll threaten us all that if we want to stop to use the bathroom to speak up because he won't be stopping again until we get into Santee, Sc. That's where we'll stop for gas and try to beat each other to the bathrooms, only to discover that there's already a line and we all have to wait.
    After that, we'll eat at Bojangles, then he'll tell us all again that he's not stopping until we get to Jacksonville, and he'll haul ass down 95...until we get to the last rest stop in SC, where he'll pull off because hehas to piss. From there, we'll probably stop one more time in Georgia and then we'll head straight into Jacksonville, where we'll get stuck on 295 in some ungodly traffic tangle and sit for an hour before we finally get to my aunts house. She'll insist that we stay with her, but we'll get a hotel anyway because we know and she knows that her house is too small for 13 people (which is how many people there are with our family, her family and my grandparents, who are there from California).
    So, from there, we'll spend the week going to "neat places" around Jacksonville, which always involves sitting in traffic for seemingly hours on hand and wondering when the hell Saturday's gonna roll back around so we can carry our asses home. In the meanwhile, I won't be online and GA will probably be a more peaceful place for it :pickaxe: :pickaxe: :pickaxe:
  5. NickolasJames8

    I can't go on

    By NickolasJames8,

    I feel so guilty for what I'm about to do. I've bugged everyone aroud me for the chance to prove I can hang with everyone around me. I worked hard and made sacrafices to rise above the naysayers who said I wouldn't last. I had to prove them all wrong and at least give it a try.
     
    I failed.
     
    Still, I'm glad I tried. If nothing else, I can say I hung in there, but in the end, I was way out of my league. Some people even tried to warn me that I wouldn't be able to see this through, but I wouldn't listen. Along the way, there were the antagonists who tried to bait me into failure, but I wasn't paying them any mind.
     
    Finally, after a stubborn, foolish stand, I conceed to defeat. I'm just not cut out for this anymore.
     
    I have to eat meat.
     
    The initial appeal to a vegetarian lifestyle stemmed from watching my stepmom bask in its glory. She takes her commitment so seriously that she even reads the ingrediants on each package to be sure there's no animal by product in it. It was going to be easy, I thought, to piggy back on her diet. But there was something I wasn't counting on.
    My insatiable appetite for meat. Any meat. Fish, red meat, chicken, pork....mmmm, delicioius, fatty pork. So, after falling off the wagon for the last time today, I decided that resistance is futile. My dad grilled up some chicken thighs today, and I made him leave the skin on just so I could endulge in an old decadent pleasure that I know is horrible for me.
    On top of that, I see that there's a roast defrosting in the fridge. I'm hoping their gonna make it tomorrow so I can trim the fat and put it all on my plate and gobble it all up. Gross, I know, but I can't help that I'm craving meat in thw worst way right now.
     
    Ok, so now that I've completely turned your stomachs, I'll update you all on my story progress:::
     
    I finished two chapters this week. One chapter of Staking My Claim and one of Time In A Bottle. I'm also working on a couple ideas for a short story, as well as a collaberation with some of my favorite authors on the net.
    I didn't have a lot of time to write this week. Most of the time I had at home was spent reading Anthology entries and working on reviews. I have to say that I feel really lucky to have been able to help Kitty out with this, and I got to read 14 really good stories in exchange
    As I was reading over each entry, I wondered what was in store for each author that submitted stories. Writing 14 reviews isn't easy, but I have to say that the stories I got to read were pretty easy to work with. Of course, it was great working with Kitty, our fearless Anthology coordinator. She works so hard on these anthologies and she deserves so many thanks for all of her effort.
    Well, as soon as I get my chapters back from my editor, I'll send them in to be posted. in the meanwhile, Kisses

  6. NickolasJames8

    Bootylicious

    By NickolasJames8,

    Ok, so I got a lot of reading and writing done today, and I can honestly say that I'm all caught up I've been a little preocuppied this week with Taylor and his new car. We took it for a spin as soon as he got his license on Friday, then we spent about four hours in his garage polishing the rims with Mothers. Man, talk about a good arm workout :pickaxe: :pickaxe: :pickaxe:
     
    To those of you who are wondering, I just sent chapter four of Time In A Bottle off to my editor, the Great Talonrider!!!! and to my beta readers, so as soon as I hear back from all six of them, I should be able to whip it into good enough shape to be posted.
    I have a little bit of news too....I might be doing some summer missionary work. I wont be leaving the states, but I'll have a chance to work at some church rec centers hold bible studies. I really want to do it, but I have to get the green light from my dad first. My pastor thinks I'd be perfect for it, and I think so too, but I have a couple things I'd have to iron out first.....The main one being if I'd be able to come home and see my parents (corny, I know, but I can't help it) and the other is coming home to see Taylor, since I'd be going without him.
    One other thing is that this will definitely drain my savings account, since I still have to pay for gas and insurance for my car. I'd get to take it with me, but my dad would have to ride with me to wherever it is I'd be (either Kansas, Missourri or Texas) and then fly home. But this is something I feel like I have to do for myself as much as for anyone I'd be helping out, and I'd also still be able to update my stories and write new ones because I'd take a laptop with me.
    So anyway, that's about it.
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  7. NickolasJames8

    An Honor

    By NickolasJames8,

    I don't even know where to begin. I'm sitting here looking at the announcements, the new URL and the tag next to my name, and I still can't believe it's finally happened. I'm Hosted.
    When I first found GA, I remember bookmarking the page and thinking to myself that I'd be back. I didin't join the forum because I wasn't sure if I'd fit in or not, then I went away for like 4 months. When I came back, it was because of Dom Luka, the greatest net author of all time, in my opinion. I was reading The Log Way on Nifty, and I had to follow him here to be able to read the rest of the chapters.
    Then I found his discussion forum and signed up, but I still didn't think I'd ever try to write a story of my own. About three weeks later, when I was following The Ordinary Us as the chapters came out and discussing what I was reading, I decided to take a chance.
    The first time I saw the Author tag next to my name, I was excited. Sure, it wasn't the same as what Dom and dkstories or Comicality had, but I felt like I was important. I started posting a chapter a day for the longest time, and the feedback I got from people like Afriendlyface was all the encouragement I needed to keep writing.
    When I made it to the Shared Hosted Page, I was ecstatic, and swore to myself that I was going to elevate my writing and do whatever I had to do to get better. Then I set a goal for myself of being a published author by 2009, and I still have that goal. I know that in order to get there, I have to work my ass off everyday and keep trying to perfect my writing. I know I'm far from where I want to be, but I think that with enough dedication, I can do it.
    Anyway, enough of my senseless rambling. I have some people I need to thank, because without their support, this would have never happened::::
     
    Myr: Thank you so much. Not just for giving me this chance, but for giving us this great site. There's no way to ever repay you, but I promise that I won't make you sorry that you Hosted me.
     
    Joe: I owe you a lot of thanks for the way you get my chapters up so quickly, and also for putting up with enough of my crap to last a lifetime
     
    Kitty: God, where do I even start. You've been such a good friend to me, and I honestly think that if it weren't for the Anthologies, I wouldn't have branched out and written as much or covered as many different themes as I have. Your honest feedback and just having you there as a friend has meant more to me than you'll ever know.
     
    Jan: The Great Talonrider!!! You take the messes I send you and clean them up, then you add polish and wax to them and send them back to me so I can send them in to Joe. In the meanwhile, I've learned so much from you, and I'll never be able to repay you.
     
    Rhawes16: Rob, you've been nothing but good to me. Even before I was Shared Hosted, you were a good friend who stuck by me, even when I didn't deserve it. What you did for my site was amazing, and you didn't have to do it. I miss having you around, but I'll never forget what you did for me.
     
    Kevin(AFF): You're one of the most beautiful people at GA, if not the most beautiful person. The feedback you gave me on What's The Difference made me want to keep going, even when I was sure no one was reading. Nevermind the fact that you've been nothing but a friend to me. I hope you're always here on GA, because it wouldn't be the same without you.
     
    Michael(Xiao_Chun) All I can do is give you a and say thank you for all of your support. It means so much to me, and I can't thank you enough
     
    Cjames: My favorite Goat!!! Don't worry, I have a place for you to hide from the members who want your leg on a platter....just get in this oven and let me close the door...never mind the heat
     
    Camy: The most talented musician on GA...and you're a pretty great writer too. You've been an inspiration to me, and also a great friend.
     
    All of my readers: I'd be nothing without your support. Please stick around, and I promise to make it worth your while.
     
     
    I have big plans for this year, and hopefully, people will like what I do. I have three big writing projects planned, and so far, I'm still on schedule with it. I'm just gonna keep my nose to the grindstone and during the summer, I'd like to write at least a chapter every two days, maybe more than that. The only info I want to give out about my upcoming project is that it's a tribute to a group of people I think are overlooked in Gay fiction, although I have to say that I've seen the topic covered in some stories.
    So anyway, I know I'm making a big deal out of this, but there's no way to describe how proud I feel to be on the same page as Dom Luka, dkstories, Jack Scribe, Luc, Viv and all of the other Authors on the Hosted page. It really is a dream come true for me, and I'll always appreciate the chance that Myr's given me to prove that I belong there.
  8. NickolasJames8

    Unbearable

    By NickolasJames8,

    Well today I had enough.....my cousin James has crossed a line that I don't think he can uncross. I actually started this blog entry by saying that I wanted to have him jumped, but I'm not going there right now because I'm so angry with him that I'm afraid I'd go through with it.
    This moron has his own apartment, but for some reason, he keeps sleeping at home in his old room and I think he's doing it to make me crazy. He has something smart to say about everything I do, and if he doesn't get his way, he pouts and crosses his arms and throws a hissy fit. I can't believe my dad and stepmom are putting up with him!!
    Since the last time I made an entry about him, he's only gotten worse. He was with my dad and stepmom one night when they picked me up at work and asked me where I wanted to eat, so I said Smokey Bones. Well, he stayed quiet the whole way there, then when we got there, he got out of the car without saying anything and stormed off like he was pissed about something.
    When we got inside my dad took James to the side while me and my stepmom waited to be seated. The next thing I know, my dad's back without James and he tells us that we're going to Silver Diner instead!!! I mean, it doesn't matter to me where we eat at, but you should have seen how this jerk was pouting and acting like it was the end of the world that we went somewhere he didn't want to go.
    So we leave and the whole way to Silver Diner he had this self serving. sh*t eating grin on his face that made me sick to my stomach. When we got there I ordered some French fries, a grill cheese and a chocolate shake and he got a burger and fries and a coke or something. Anyway, he saw what I had and got jealous and started pouting again, so my dad orders him a grill cheese and a chocolate shake and has them box up his burger!!
    That's just a small sample of the crap he's been pulling. I heard him on his cell phone telling one of his friends that he was getting an Avalon...an Avalon!!! This son of a bitch should be riding a bike for the way he's been acting. So I finally said something to my dad about it, and he got mad at me. Before I could start my second sentence, he cut me off and said I was out of line.
    Of course, that just set me off and the next thing I knew, I was grounded from my car. It just pisses me off that he caters to James the way he does. He's not even his real son, but he treats him better than he treats me or even my stepmom. So I've decided that I'm just going to ignore them altogether and act like they aren't there.
    I'm sick of acknowledging my loser cousin and my asshole dad, so I've decided not to. I don't care what he does next to manipulate my parents and I don't care what they buy for him. In fact, I hope they go broke buying him everything he wants. I only have to put up with this BS for another two years, then I won't need any of them anymore anyway.
  9. NickolasJames8

    What to do

    By NickolasJames8,

    One of the sites I post stories at, storywrite.com, is full of a lot of different authors...not just gay or straight. There's seperate story and poetry sites there, too, and I really enjoy posting there. One of the features of the site that drew me in was the story contests that people can put on. The prizes are points, and after you've built up a certain amount of points, you can have your own contest. I won Silver in one of them and grabbed honorable mention in another. So I figured I'd enter a third contest.
    Well, I submitted A Family's Sorrow and was shocked that the contest was decided before my story was ever viewed by a judge. So I entered a different story in a different contest that the same person was holding, and this time they commented that they hated the story and that further more, "gay erotica" wasn't allowed as stated in the rules.
    I sent a private message to this person and told them that neither of the stories I added had "gay erotica" in them, and she messaged me back that she couldn't relate to any gay themed story, and that she meant no homosexuality period. At that point my blood was boiling, so I sent her a reply withdrawing my story and apologizing to her for disturbing her with "my sickness".
    So anyway she messages me back to say that one of her best friends is gay, and that she isn't a homophobe. I ignore her message because reading that load of crap made me sick to my stomach. She's either lying or a horrible friend because she said herself that she couldn't relate to homosexual themes. How in the hell is she able to have a real friendship with a gay or lesbian individual if she can't stomach reading a story?
    So that was a few days ago. Today she messages me to say that she loved my story and that she could totally relate to the main character. She went on to add, "Being gay must be so hard." Please excuse me while I puke my cheese grits and collard greens up.
    So anyway, I want to ignore her and just move on, but it's obvious that she's trying to prove to me that she's not a homophobe. Here's my question::: Should I re-submit my story into her contest? Should I just ignore her altogether? Should I message her back and tell her what I phoney I think she is? Or should I message her and ask her to refrain from messaging me at all?
    ________________________________________________________________________________
     
    Well, I'm trying to keep my mind off of something disturbing that I read on another blog tonight. I just really hope that I'm wrong about what I think they were saying, but I think Sharon was right to reply the way she did. To the person who wrote what they did, if you're reading this, please stop and think about the harm you'll be doing to everyone in your life, especially your son. He doesn't deserve that. So if it's not too late, please don't do it and please, talk to someone. Anyone.
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  10. NickolasJames8

    It's Gone!

    By NickolasJames8,

    Ok, it's not gone, but it's different now....very different.
     
    So what in the hell am I talking about?? Well, there used to be a site called Pufta ( I don't want to post the URL because now it has porn on it) based out of the UK, and it was one of my faves. You could find all sorts of dieting, beauty and fashion tips there. It was basically a place for gay guys to go and get good advice. I was following the Positive Adam series too....that was an online journal of a guy named Adam who was HIV positive. It was really good, and I'm sorry that the site has obviously changed for the worse.
    So anyway, now I want to find something similar, but when I do a Google Search, all I get is a bunch of crappy sites about being promiscuous about either how fun it is to be a gay whore, or how evil the gay lifestyle is. If anyone knows what site I'm talking about (the Pufta UK site) and either knows if it's moved or if theres a site just like it I can find, I'd be greatful to you for a long long time
  12. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so I think I have this all figured out.....
     
    I work hard to keep a high GPA and I work ten hours a week. The lowest grade I've ever gotten was a B in conversational Spanish, and I practically got my ass kicked for that.
     
    On the other side, my cousin was a straight c student, and just barely. He regularly lied to my dad about his homework, his tests and his attendance. He's twenty years old now and the only time he's ever worked was last summer when my dad took both of us to work with him. When he came to work, though, he spent all of his time in the IT department "checking things out" while I worked my butt off in a stinky case room pulling milk crates off of trucks and handling spoiled milk.
     
    I love my cousin a lot. I know he hasn't had it easy, and to be honest, I'll never know everything his mom and dad did to him before he came to live with us way back in the day. I know that they beat him and that they abandoned him in some weird city that he'd never been to before. If there was a way I could take that away from his life, I'd do it.
     
    My dad took him in when he was thirteen and made him his son. He even calls my dad "dad" and my stepmom "mom". It used to bother me when I was little but I cant imagine him calling my dad anything else now, and I wouldn't want him to. But is it too much to ask that we be treated equally?
     
    Here's what's going down....
     
    James has always had a brand new car. When he was sixteen, my dad bought him a Maxima for Christmas. After he wrecked the door, my dad got him a brand new xterra in 2005. Now he wants another new car, and my dad's gonna take the Xterra and drive it and trade in his old Sentra for whatever James is gonna get.
     
    In the meanwhile, I could have gotten a 2007 Civic but with no options. Instead, I looked around for a better deal for all of us and found a 2005 with a system and rims already on it. My dad put a system in James's first car, and the Xterra had a bad ass Bose system in it when they got it. Plus, both of his new cars were loaded. I don't want my dad to have to pay for a brand new car, anyway. He already works hard enough, and I'm willing to accept less if it means he doesn't have to stress out about another new car payment.
     
    So, you say, It was your choice to get the 2005, Nick.
     
    I agree, it was, but here's what pisses me off. I'm working my butt off, trying to actually save some money so I can have a decent summer and maybe afford to buy my own school clothes in September. James, in the meanwhile, isn't doing crap but going to college. So what does my dad tell me? I have to pay for my own car insurance and gas or I cant drive at all.
     
    Ok, I don't really have a problem with that, but James has never had to do anything like that. My dad still pays for all of his crap...including his gas, his car, his insurance, his college and his apartment. I had to call my grandpa and ask him to help me with some money for the down payment and license and all that other crap I didn't know was part of buying a car.
     
    I know I sound jealous, and maybe I am just a little bit, but everytime I think about it my blood boils. I haven't even gotten my license yet and I'm already forking over all kinds of money that my cousin didn't have to have. It makes me feel like my dad loves my cousin more than he loves me, and I hate feeling that way because I know it's not true. I just can't get it out of my head, though.
     
    ___________________________________________________________________
     
     
    Ok, so I was chatting with Talonrider today, and he asked me a good question....
     
    Where does Time In A Bottle take place?
     
    I will now answer the question in full.......the same place The Christmas Letter takes place. The Moores live right across the street from Jude and Quinn from The Ordinary Us, and around the corner from Chris and Owen from The Log Way.
  13. NickolasJames8
    Some people might not understand what this blog entry's about, and if you don't, count yourself as one of the lucky ones. For those of you who know what's up, well, you know......
     
    The last few days have been tough for me. I took a bold step and walked in to the unknown, a place where I felt unwelcome and unwanted, mainly because I gave myself a sentence of purgatory in a moment of rage and isolation. People who know me on this site know that I'm a stubborn asshole. I have my ideas and no one changes my mind about things. I like to come to my own conclusions about things and not be influenced by others who try to change my mind. Nothing I decide is final for the sake of having an opinion...ask me about my abortion stance one day and you might walk away scratching your head and saying, "Damn, he's f'd up, isn't he?"
    But that's not what's important here. What's important is that I get what's on my chest off of it, and in the process, clear a few things up.
    I had a nice discussion with one of my favorite authors tonight, and we had a short but real talk about things that have been going down between us, and I'm glad. There was a time when I would venture into the same area of the site he was in and look forward to hearing him hiss at me. Somewhere along the line something changed, and as long as you don't tell anyone, I'm willing to accept the blame for that.
    I lost a really close friend behind something stupid one night here at GA, and somehow, I managed to mix up my anger and hurt over that with how I felt about other people I used to enjoy talking to. I was stupid, though, because things didn't have to change like they did. Still, I swore to myself and to everyone on GA that I'd never go back and associate with my old friends, and I kept my promise.
    The other day I dared myself to go back. I don't know what brought it on, but I did. The thing was, when the room started to fill up, I got nervous and didn't talk. Then someone said something that got me a little upset, but instead of speaking up about it, I decided to be a smart ass and drop subtle hints here and there about it. If there's one thing everyone here should know about me by now, it's that I'm a jack ass, and I'm actually quite proud to be one, thank you
    The problem with that, though, is that no one knew where I was coming from. So I let my presence be known to a few and chatted with them, but when I knew I was going to be gone or too busy to chat, I purposely stayed in chat on away status. I know what people were thinking, but I didn't care because I had to prove a point. What point was that? I have no idea, but I still had to prove it .
    So anyway, I want to thank Lugh for having the class to talk to me and tell me what was on his mind, and for listening to me. Now that we've done that, though, I feel like I have to do my part. Thus, this entry. Take it anyway you want to, because it is what it is. But at least I can say that I'm at peace with myself and can move forward from here.
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  14. NickolasJames8
    I got a really encouraging email from someone who must be reading Bodega Bay on Nifty. Here's an excerpt:
     
     
    My guess is that the guy went to the No Sex section of Nifty by mistake, got mad because there was No Sex (go figure) and lost his temper. Anyway, if you're a reader of mine who's(not whose..see Razor, I do know the difference) easily frustrated by a lack of sex, don't read any of my short stories, and don't read Time In A Bottle.....the ironic part is, if he would have just been patient, he would have come across more sex than he's probably had in all of his pathetic years....but, such is life.
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  15. NickolasJames8
    First of all, I'd like to apologize to anyone I offended with my recent user name, MikeH*wk(*** it ****). I agree that it was in bad taste, and I hope it hasn't caused any troube for the Administrators of this site. That was the last thing I wanted to do....I admit that sometimes I can be a real jack ass, but I'm working on that
     
    In the interest of striving to change my ways, I've made a few decisions....I think it's time for me to just sit back and monitor things around me for a while. So, there'll be no more outageous name changes and no more controversial blog entries for the time being. My plan is to just sit back and look around, take notice of the things that happen around me and keep my mouth shut. See you all around
  16. NickolasJames8

    All night long

    By NickolasJames8,

    Last night we had my birthday party and Im still kinda wiped out from it all. Everything started at 5 and my folks cleared out for the most part, which was a good thing. My dad and stepmom spent the entire day cleaning and getting everything set up for me, and I feel bad because my dad even got the hot tub cleaned out and ready but it was too cold for us to use
     
    We had such a good time though. My buddy Jonny manned the grill and we had brats and wings, and someone else brought about 60 cans of whip creams. It wasn't my first time doing them, but I guess I forgot how intense it can be :pickaxe: :pickaxe: It just seemed perfect because even though it was cloudy, it never started to rain. I was a little worried that the music was too loud, but I guess that was silly because it wasn't like my grandparents, who are our next door neighbors, were going to call the cops on us :2hands:
     
    So anyway I have this really good friend Stacey, and her and I had a really long dance to one of my favorite songs by John Legend. She just broke up with her bf less than a week ago and she's been really bummed out, so it was like a double bonus for me. I got to dance with my best girl friend and I actually got to see her smile a happy smile, not one that she was faking.
     
    Of course I got lots off cool stuff too, like a sh*tload of clothes. My cousin James got me a bad ass Nike jogging suit, which I needed bad, since I've pretty much outgrown my last one.
     
    Anyway about six of my friends crashed here last night and I should have gone to bed too, but I was way too hyper to go to sleep. So instead I stated up till 5 in the morning, then I finally crashed until noon. When I got up almost everyone was gone except for my cousin and Taylor. My folks were off to church so we made a big breakfast and trashed the kitchen. I may or may not have slopped waffle batter in between the stove and the counter and I know I spilled a whole bag of popcorn kernals when I was looking in the cupboard for something.
     
    So anyway now it's raining and I have nothing to do. I tried on some of my new clothes but what I really wanted to do was go car shopping again..I guess it's not necessary. I already know what I want, and my dad said he'd get it for me, but I have to pay for the gas and help pay for insurance, which I think is total BS but I guess I have to take what I can get.
     
    Of course, that meant I had to get a job, so I called my old boss at the commisarry and asked if I could come back. She said no prob, but right now I'm only going to work ten hours a week, at least until the end of the school year. I'll still be working for tips, though, so that means I have to hussle more than I used to so I can be back at the register and bag for more people :wacko: :wacko:
     
    As far as my writing goes, here's where I am.......
     
    I finished Bodega Bay, and I started posting Time In A Bottle...in the meanwhile, Staking My Claim is going to be my primary focus. I just posted chapter seven and I'm working on eight right now. I don't know how many chapters this story's going to be, but I promise that no matter how many it is, I'll make it worth your while (if you're reading it, that is)
  17. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so I know I haven't been very active lately, but that's because I've been working on a few writing projects and doing some planning for the next couple of years. Yes, I said years. I have a goal in mind, and I need to give myself a lot of time to achieve it.
     
    Reader: So, Nick, what kind of goal takes two years?
    Me: Becoming a published author
    Reader: (Snickers)But Nick, you can't even get yourself Hosted at Gay Authors....how the hell are you going to be published at all, let alone in two years?
    Me: (Glares at the nay sayer)I'm going to work my ass off and not give up until I get that good
    Reader: (Holding side and trying to control laughter) Fat chance Nick
     
    So yeah, I want to be a published author by the time my eighteenth rolls around, so I've been working on a lot of different types of stories. I figure I need to accomplish a lot of milestones before I can ever do something as important as a publishing a novel, but it's honestly all I can think about. I feel like I have to go for it, because if I don't at least try, I'll never know what might have happened.
    So if I try and fall flat on my face, at least I can say I tried and I can try again until I make it. If I make it, even better. Maybe I can really reward my editor, The Great Talonrider!!!!!!! ,for all of his hard work.
     
    All I know is that I have a goal in mind, and one of the first milestones I have to meet along the way is being considered a legitimate talent. I have to be able to write a chapter story with no sex, and it has to be written well enough to keep my readers interest all the way to the last word of the last chapter. Then I have to improve from there.
     
    I've even considered trying to write sci-fi, but I honestly have no interest in the topic. Fan fics are out for me, too.
     
    I have to be original. That's why I'm writing Time In A Bottle. I have some really great Beta Readers, and they've told me a lot. I'm going back and rewriting a lot of chapter one, and then I plan to go through it all with a fine tooth comb when I'm finished with the rewrite. The response I get to this story means a lot to me. In fact, I've actually lost a little sleep behind it because I keep thinking of ways to improve what I've already worked on improving.
     
    So I've decided to add a little more pressure to the situation by declaring on my blog that I plan to be a published author with a book that has its own display rack at Barnes and Nobles and Borders by Feb 21, 2009.
     
    Wish me luck
  18. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so maybe not. I went onto You Tube looking for some west coast rap about a week ago and came across something I never new existed....West Coast Soft Rock. Don't ask me...anyway, I found this old clip of what looks appears to be Howard Stern singing the song people always here at the grocery store or in an elevator.
  19. NickolasJames8

    Time In A Bottle

    By NickolasJames8,

    Ok, so it's update time again
    I just sent chapter one of my next story, Time In A Bottle, off to Talonrider. it's still in Beta Mode, so I haven't completed all of the changes to the first chapter that I plan on making. On the other hand, I personally feel like it's off to a good start, and that things are going to flow relatively smooth once I get the little bugs worked out.
    This story's much different than anything I've ever written before. I wasn't too sure i really wanted to tackle something like this, but I felt like if I didn't, I'd never be able to grow as an author. My main issue in this story is dealing with heartache on a massive scale, something people don't tend to see in my work. True, I've had a couple sad short stories lately, but I don't think they come close to comparing to what's in store for the main character of this story.
    Which brings me to my next issue.....the main character in this story is in his mid sixties, so I'm really counting on my beta readers to tell me if I'm F'ing up somewhere along the way.
     
    In other news, Chapter Six of Staking My Claim and Chapter 25 of Bodega Bay are posted. The last chapter of both stories ended with cliff hangers that have earned me some rather testy emails :pickaxe: Bodega Bay is winding down now, so if your waiting for the story to be finished before you read it, you don't have too much longer to wait.
    As soon as I'm done with Bodega Bay, I'll be devoting more time to Staking My Claim, which I admit to neglecting lately. As soon as I finish Staking My Claim and Time In A Bottle, I have a plan for a series that I'm hoping people can get behind, but I don't want to give away the details just yet.
  20. NickolasJames8

    One of my turns

    By NickolasJames8,

    So I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I've come to the following conclusions.......Bodega Bay is almost finished. I'm not sure how many chapters it has left, but it's not more than 5. Ok, that's not one of the conclusions...I knew that already. The first conclusion is this......I'm devoting all of my energy to Staking My Claim once Bodega Bay is finished, then I'm going to start something new that's definitely going to be unlike anything you've ever read from me(btw, that's the other conclusion).
    I admit I'm a little nervous about the new project, but it's important to me as a writer that I at least try. I have a story in me that needs to be told, and I'm going to drive myself nuts thinking about it night after night after night if I don't get it all out. The thing is, there might not be any sex at all in this story. The other thing is, and this is the part that's making me nervous, the main character is going to be in his early 60's.
    I have absolutely no idea how to approach this yet, but I also had no idea how to approach Obligation To Myself, My Jump Off and Bodega Bay. The only thing I can think to do is have confidence in myself as a writer and work my hardest to pound out the best story I can. I feel like no matter what happens, I can only grow as an author and maybe I can pick up some new readers along the way. It won't be the feel good teenage drama like Staking My Claim and My Jump Off were, and it won't be loaded with lots of steamy sex and pot smoking, either. I don't want to give too much away, but I will say this.....it's going to have a solid plot and a realistic time line. I won't drag it out for a gazzilion chapters, but I won't be in a rush to finish it either. I guess what I'm hoping is that people will be willing to give it a chance once I release it.
    In other news, I have to admit that I'm completely shocked and humbled to be nominated for so many categories in this years GA Awards. One of the biggest honors for me is to be nominated in the same category as Dom Luka, dkstories and Little BuddhaTW. Those are my 3 favorite authors, and just to have my name in the mix with them is amazing. I don't even care if I win or not, because I already feel like I've won something when I see my story along side LB's, Dom's and DK's. I really mean it when I say that I've learned by reading these guys and trying to soak up their styles.
    Well that's about it. I just wanted to post and let my readers know what I have planned in the near future.
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  21. NickolasJames8

    It's a new day

    By NickolasJames8,

    Well, a lot of things are happening today. The new congress takes over and for the first time in history, there's a female Speaker of the House. Another forst for today is the swearing in of a house representative on the Qoran, and a lot of people are flipping out over it. Well here's what I think:::::::::::
    Warning: Rant Ahead
     
    The representative who's choosing to be sworn in with the Qoran is exercizing his faith, and I feel better about him taking the oath on the Qoran than I would if he were taking it on a Holy Bible.....let me explain.
    He's a Muslim, and if he holds the Muslim faith in his heart, why wouldn't the people in his district want him to take his oath on a Qoran??? How would it mean anything if he swore on a book that he didn't believe in?? I wouldn't feel to good about a congressman who didn't take his oath seriously, and it's obvious this guy does.
    I think it's a sign of what so called conservatives really think about the responsibility of a representative of the people when they say he should take his oath on the Bible. I'm a proud born again Christian, and I take my faith seriously. So if I were going to take an oath and it were on any book but the bible, I wouldn't take the sacred nature of the oath seriously. I think the same rule applies for anyone of any religion, and the fact that so many so called conservatives are upset that he's taking his oath on the book of his faith shows how little respect they have for the people he represents, and for the task of being an honest representative who upholds the constitution. Then again, they've proven that time and time again, and it's obvious that they can't be trusted with the power they crave so desperately.
    Speaking of faith, I'd like to say that now would be a good time to say a prayer for the new congress....I think if Republicans were the Christians they claim to be, they would have called on their followers from the Christian right to do just that. Well I have, and I'll do it again before I go to bed. Anyone who's read my blog knows that I have a special place in my hatred for both Democrats and Republicans, but no matter who's in charge, they need our prayers and our support because we need them to do the best job for our nation that they possibly can.
     
    End Rant.
     
    I recently took down What's The Difference, as everyone knows, but I'm ahead on Bodega Bay and I'm steadily working on Staking My Claim as well. Also, I'm rewriting What's The Difference and it'll be back up once I feel like it's stalker proof :pickaxe: In the meanwhile, I recently followed a google link here for a site called Story Write, and I liked what I saw and joined. My second day there I entered a story contest with a short story I never put up on my site because I thought it sucked ass, and it came in second place :2hands: Anyway, the link's too the right if you're intersted in reading it.
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  23. NickolasJames8

    Goodbye CRVboy

    By NickolasJames8,

    CRVboy was my first official home, but I'm telling it goodbye for good, and I'm not looking back. I wish the site well, and Rob seems like a nice guy, but there's no order there, and the moderation team sucks. In reality, the field of writers there isn't up to the standard of Gay Authors, Awesome Dude or RCWP, either, and I had to ask myself if I really wanted to be listed on the same site as some of those guys. The easy answer was no, especially when I compare the site as a whole to the three major sites I'm affiliated with.
    Gay Authors is obviously the best story site on the net, hands down. The caliber of authors here is second to none, and our efiction authors are better on their worst day than the authors at most other sites on their best day Add to that the community we have here and the things that the administration is doing for all of us, and you can see why GA is the best site around.
    Awesome Dude is right behind GA. The work they put into that site is amazing, and I have to wonder if it really is just a few people doing it, which is what it looks like. The audio files are great, and the forum is nice and has a friendly feel to it. Of course the blogs are great too, and the stories there are top notch.
    RCWP has great authors and a webmistress that cares about her site. She doesn't always make the right decisions, but that's something I can overlook. She's very picky about who she hosts and what stories actually make it to the site, but once they're there, she works hard for them. About the only gripe I have with her site is that she recently added these silly comentary pages about politics, and she takes sides too easily for it to be fair. For that reason, I choose to send her chapters and nothing more
    I think CRVboy could have been a great site, too, but they step on their own feet. The forum is boring at best (Simple Machines Forums generally suck) and spooky at worst. There's a politics forum, but the moderator their attacks those who dont agree with him and threatens to delete their posts if he doesn't like them. The story discussions are pretty much dead, and there's no participation from the administration anywhere else on the forum. It's sad, but I'd be surprised to see that site still open in six months.
    _____________________________________________________________________________
     
    I want to wish everyone here a Merry Christmas. The Second Annual Nickolas James Awards will be posted next Sunday. Also, I plan on sending in the next chapter of Bodega Bay on January 2, so look for that. I'm a few chapters ahead on that story, so updates won't be so far between. I'll have it wrapped up in several more chapters, then I can concentrate on Staking My Claim and Book II of What's The Difference Between Me and You, as well as the fairy tales anthology :ranger: :pickaxe:
    Taylors still getting better. Actually, I should say that he seems like he's completely recovered because he's making us all crazy. He came over the other night and I was mad at him for going out in the cold, but I understood how he felt. He missed us. Well, not me sice I go over there everyday, but my parents. It's funny, but I feel the same way about his folks when I don't see them. We get so used to being around them that they become a huge part of our lives, and I know how bad he missed my parents.
    We spent most of the afternoon yesterday in his room just laying down and holding each other and talking about things. It was kinda deep how we were just being with each other and talking. We didn't make out or even kiss. We just communicated, which was nice for a change. We came to a lot of conclusions too. Some easy for us to deal with, some that are going to be hard to come to terms with, but I think we'll be okay. The one thing we both know and said was that no matter where our relationship as boyfriends goes, we'll always be there for each other as best friends.
  24. NickolasJames8

    Now Im Pissed

    By NickolasJames8,

    I got home tonight at eight o'clock after I had a nice day with my family. We spent a lot of out shopping and on the road, but we actually got to relax here too for about an hour this afternoon.....anyway, I come upstairs to my room and there's an email in my inbox from Youtube. They sent me my password and told me they hoped it helped me to log in to my Youtube account.
    There is no word to describe how mad I am. I know I have fans, but I have a right to my private life, and I should be able to enjoy myself online without having to wonder who the hell's stalking me. I have a right to be on myspace without people knowing how to access that page, and without idiots looking for possible screen names that might be mine. I have a right to get on my PC when I come home from wherever the hell I was and not have to wonder who the hell was trying to access my youtube account.
    I hope it wasn't someone who reads my stuff on this site, but in case it was, I'm taking action right away. I've sent a PM to Joe, Myr and Kitty and I've asked them to take down my very first story, What's The Difference Between Me and You?, and I'm also pulling it off of efiction. To anyone who's been enjoying it, I'm sorry, but obviously there are some people who don't have lives of their own and want to intrude on others.
  25. NickolasJames8
    What a difference a couple of days makes.
     
    Not only has Taylor been steadily getting better, but today he actually got out of his house (stupid ) and came over. I know he's been going nuts at home, and I'm sure he's been driving his folks up the wall. He moved downstairs to the couch a few days ago and has been controlling the remote control like a Nazi. I was just glad to see him up and around, much less kicking it at my house this afternoon. He won't admit it, but I think he's dying to go back to school when we start again in January.
    I've been civil to my dad. He's actually been really patient with me for the way I've been acting toward him, so I can't really stay mad at him for long. Maybe we'll get a chance to talk about all of this some other time, but my papu (thats Greek for grandfather) is coming on Thursdat night, and so is a bunch of family from Florida. So we're going to have a full house and I don't think it's appropriate to nag my dad about something the two of us should be dealing with in private when we have guests.
    I get the feeling that some of our guests (hopefully my stepmom's brother and sister in law and their kids) are going to be staying next door with my grandparents and maybe across the water with my cousin. We have like 15 guests coming, and I can guarantee that no ones sleeping in my room, and no ones gonna want to share a room with my papu (he snores louder than anyone in America).
    So anyway, this might be my last blog entry until after Christmas. If it is, Merry Christmas everyone and be safe this holiday. Please don't drink and drive, and please watch out for the morons out there who inevitably will drink and drive.
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
    BTW, I have a new writing playlist that I'm really excited about......

    Woman by John Lennon
    Watching the Wheels by John Lennon
    Starting Over by John Lennon
    Emotional by Carl Thomas
    Summer Rain by Carl Thomas
    I wish I never met her by Carl Thomas
    Find 100 ways by James Ingram
    Cupid by 112
    Love by Musiq Soulchild
    Just Friends by Musiq Soulchild
    Half Crazy by Musiq Soulchild
    Games People Play by The Spinners
    Daniel by Elton John
    Little Jeanne by Elton John
    After The Love Is Gone by Earth Wind and Fire
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