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NickolasJames8

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Blog Entries posted by NickolasJames8

  1. NickolasJames8
    One year ago today I registered at Gay Authors after I finished reading The Log Way by Dom Luka, and the rest is history I found the Soap Box, then I found the rest of the forums, including The Library. The Soap Box is gone, The Library has been replaced by e-fiction, and it seems like there's all new people at the forums. I mean, there's a lot of people from last year, but it seems like a lot of the people who were here before have stopped posting, but in their place, some awesome new people came along and and registered.
     
    A year later I have my own (great) editor, my stories got hosted at CRVboy and RCWP and as of today, my one year aniversery at GA, I have my own spot on the shared hoted page at GA. I know I should shut up already about it but Im so excited I can hardly sleep. Anyway, I wanted to publicly thank my editor Talonrider for helping me get so far and for showing me things that I would have never known if he hadn't offered to be my editor.
     
    I also want to thank Joe for being so patient and for designing my page. He did a great job and I'm a little stunned when I look at it. I really had to stop and think about how much I've written and I never realized I had so much material.
     
    The most important people to thank, though, are my readers. You guys have been awesome. I get pm's, emails, ecards and encouragement from you all and I dont know if I would have ever been this motivated to write if it werent for all of that. From the very start, when i was posting What's The Difference on a xanga page, to when I started posting at the library and then at efiction, from CRVboy to RCWP, it's meant so much to me. I'll never be able to express how I really feel about the support I've gotten.
     
    To Kitty for doing such a good job on my anthology entries and for helping me get here, thank you and here's a To Mary from RCWP, the greatest webmistress of ALL time, and to Robb at CRVboy for givinig me my first chance to be hosted at a major site.
     
    Ok, Im gonna stop now because Im getting all emotional I just feel so blessed to have found not just GA, but the entire gay net authors communitty. To anyone who's thinking about writing and is unsure about whether they have what it takes, go to the Library and read what I had been posting when I first started. Trust me, you'll most likley blink and say, WTF???? lol...and then go for it.
  2. NickolasJames8
    OK, so if you haven't heard the news yet, I just made it to the shared hosted page on GA. I'm very excited and very nervous, but I'm more excited than anything. I've got a lot of writing to do, and I'm proud that I get to do it here.....I promised myself that I wasn't going to stop working until I made it to my own Hosted site at GA, and now that I'm almost there, I feel like it's time to turn things all the way up. there's only one problem I seem to be having.....
     
    I need to design a page and the program I was going to use, Presentations 12, is ultra wack So I'm off, in search of something better.....of course, getting that something better means either having someone do most of the work for me(which would make me feel bad because no one should have to) or begging my dad to buy a better program for me. (sighs) Trying to get my dad to spend anymore money on my computers going to be hard. I already told him that I wanted him to get me the Vista upgrade when it comes available, and he looked at me like I had an eyeball in the middle of my forehead or something. I could ask him to let me take some money out of savings, but that's going to be drama too So I'm going to keep looking for the next day or so, then I'm going to have to try to bust him down for what I need :2hands:
     
    I've gotten lot's of good feedback on Bodega Bay. Even a couple of the hosted authors have contacted me about it, so I know I'm moving in the right direction with it....it seems like I have good luck with anthology's Everytime I sit down to write a story, I end up with a chapter story and I have to start over on something new That's cool, though...I like starting on a short story and suddenly realizing that I have something I can work with that people might like :ranger:
     
    So, I'm almost done with chapter 3, then I have to get it edited and send it in Hopefully in the meanwhile I can get something figured out about building this page...wish me luck
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  3. NickolasJames8

    Buried.....

    By NickolasJames8,

    Well, I made the mistake this morning of sending chapter one to Nifty and I got a reply from them saying that they added it to the No Sex section of the site.....I guess that's kinda where it belongs, but it kinda ticks me off because no one goes to that part...it's the same place they buried Obligation To Myself, and I was a little pissed about that too.....
     
    I wrote a new poem today where I think I was finally able to come to terms with something thats had me depressed since I was a little kid and even though the poem looks like Im forgiving my dad, I think it's more about kicking myself in the head, forgiving myself and moving on.
     
    So anyway, Mary from RCWP built me a page for Bodega bay and I'm in love with it here's the link Bodega Bay
     
     
    Im really excited about working on this story again. I've found a direction to take it in that I feel really good about. Also, congrats to someone else who has an awesome page there too
     
    Anyway I just wanted to update this thing since i hardly do it as often anymore
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  4. NickolasJames8

    Luau

    By NickolasJames8,

    Aloha!...lol......tomorrow Im going to a Luau at Fort Story and I get the feeling it's gonna be awesome. Im a really hyped mood about it. Also, I finished My Jump Off for anyone who didn't know.....I posted the last chapter yesterday, then I posted chapter two of Bodega Bay this afternoon. I'm still working on chapter 31 of What's The Difference because I got a little sidetracked by My Jump Off and Bodega Bay. I was so excited about finally finishing a story that I my mind started to work a million miles a minute and I had all of these ideas for Bodega bay and I wanted to hurry up and get them all down before I forgot about them..lol.
    Also, I'm in the middle of a new short story that I actually worked out in my head on the plane on the way home from Cali. I woke up, looked around and saw everyone, and the whole thing just popped into my mind...I hope you all like it
    So anyway, in case you haven't seen it yet, you should go check out RCWP Mary hooked me up with two awesome pages with music. I have Your The Only One For Me by Brian Mc Knight playing on the one for My Jump Off and I have Beautiful By Christina Agulera playing on the one for Obligation To Myself.
    Also, I did a little editing work today..lol. I hope the person who's story I worked on likes it. I'm not exactly what someone would call a real editor(just ask anyone who reads my stuff before it's edited) but I'm always willing to help out where ever I can.
    So anyway, I got some really good feedback about the last chapter of My Jump Off, and I might decide to work on a sequel. I know it was only 10 chapters long, but considering that it was supposed to be a short story for the Spring Anthology, it ended up being pretty long
    I plan to have the next chapter of What's The Difference and the next Chapter of Bodega Bay finished by the end of the week, and hopefully, my short story can be finished by then too.
    Well, anyway, I'm out...I have to get ready for another card game. A couple of our friends came over last night and we played black jack and Rummy....I'm thinking that maybe I could just forget about getting a real job when I turn 18 and just move to Las Vegas or Atlantic City or something :king: :pickaxe:
     
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  5. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so I'm in an extra good mood right now.....after a long hard struggle, I finally got myself hosted at another site...... RCWP. The webmistress, Mary, is a total sweetheart, and she's been doing so much to make sure I have a good page at her site. There are so many great authors there, and trust me, I can tell you from personal experience that it's a hard site to get hosted at. She does a great job there, and I'm proud that my stories are going to be read at that site.
    She hooked me up with the coolest design for my page, and it's even going to have music too (not yet).
     
    Ok, I have to ask Dom Luka something if he's reading.........WILL YOU MARRY ME???...lol. I friggen love TOSOM. I won't ruin the story for anyone who want's to read it by talking about it here, but trust me....if you haven't read it yet, go read it right now. Dom is truly the master, and all others shall bow at his feet
     
    As a matter of fact, I've stopped reading all other stories until the comepletion of this story. That includes With Trust. Maybe if we're lucky With Trust is gonna turn out like Dessert Dropping and when he does get back to it, it'll turn out to be his best ever.
    BTW, the July winners of the Nickolas James awards are listed to the right. Don't forget to congratulate the winners
  6. NickolasJames8
    Ok, I have a little confession to make..........
     
     
    I've been depressed ever since we got home from California. I know what it has to do with, and it's really silly, but it still has me feeling bad.
     
    For as long as I can remember, we've always gone to the cross at the spot where my mom died and took flowers. When we lived in Cali we did it a lot, and every time we've gone back we've done it too. Well, the last time we went back was for my big papu's memorial, and we didn't go because we didn't have a lot of time. I really wanted to but my dad said we'd go for sure when we came back out.
    Well, last week we stopped and got flowers and we drove there, but the cross was gone. I know it's not the end of the world, but I feel like we missed our last chance to go there when we were out there in March. I mean, I know she's not buried there, but it's still symbolic to me for some reason. I feel like what happened there changed the course of my life and the lives of everyone else I love, and now there's nothing there to remember my mom by. Nothing to say, hey, in August of 1991 someones mother, someones daughter and someones girlfriend lost her life right here. Drive carefully.
    I thought I'd be okay about it, but the truth is, I feel horrible and dissapointed. I've been sleeping a lot since we came home and my dad got so worried about me that he said I have to be out of bed my 8 in the morning no matter what day it is because he doesn't want me sleeping all day. I'm really trying hard to move on but it's hard.
    So I'm sorry to everyone who's been waiting on the next chapter of My Jump Off, What's the Difference or Bodega Bay. I haven't really been in a writing mood, but today I finally sat down and got moving on What's the Difference. Sometimes I think writing that story is thereputic for me because it let's me live some of my memories, the good ones and the bad ones, and it let's me think about my life my families lives too. So I'll probably be working more on that than on My Jump Off for now, but I'll still get another chapter of My Jump Off out by next friday at the latest.
  7. NickolasJames8
    Well, we made it back yesterday California was nice to visit, but by the end of our trip, I was glad to be coming home. We had a really good time, though. I dont even know where to begin.....
     
    The flight there totally sucked. I started to panic a little when we were about to take off because I thought I could smell something burning, then the lady in the seat behind me asked the lady who she was sitting next to if she could smell smoke So anyway, by that point, we were going really fast down the runway and before I could say anything we were taking off. So now I'm totally freaking out and the plane starts jerking around while we're going up in the air.
    Finally, we go out over the ocean and turn around, the when we did, the seemed like it was bouncing around and hitting bumps The whole time it was happening though the flight attendents were just acting like everything was normal. Finally it seemed like things were pretty smooth and they turned off the seatbelt sign until we landed in Dallas.
    When we got to Dallas we were all hungry and grouchy because we had to wait there for 2 hours before we could leave for Sacramento, but we found a good place for food. I had 2 bbq beef brisquet sandwiches and Taylor had 3...they were friggen good
    So on the way to Sacramento I thought I smelt the same burning smell but no one else could smell it. When we got to Cali the car my dad rented for my cousin was totally wack and it didnt even have a CD player, so we made him upgrade to something else There was no way we were gonna go a whole week with no CD player.
    Ok, here's where I should stop and tell everyone something........... I guess not everyone in my family knew I was gay. I'm sure they know now, though. I introduced Taylor to everyone and told them who he was. One of my dads cousins was being kinda snotty about it, but when we played football, Taylor put a hard ass hit on him when he caught the ball and knocked him on his fat behind. He got up and looked mad and tried to catch the ball again but Taylor intercepted on him and ran it back for a touchdown. He was HOT after that and he said he had to go inside for something..lol.
    We had a really good time, though. We went to Great America and Taylor even got to ride on a Bart train. It's kinda like a subway but it's in California. While we were in San Francisco we walked around with my cousin and found some pretty interesting people....lol. There was even this one guy with leather pants on but his butt was sticking out.. He looked like he could have been a biker or something except that he was a total flamer. It ruled!!
    Then we went to Reno for my great great grandma's 100th birthday party. I can't believe she's really 100 because she looks like she's about 70. She still walks and does things on her own and she wanted to go there so she could gamble. The party was pretty good but me and Taylor didnt get to drink champagne at the toast because the hotel staff was pouring it
    But there was this guy who worked at the Starbucks inside the place who was sooooo cute My cousin James was totally perving on him, but I dont think he was gay. Anyway he was still hott!! and James had a major crush on him. He kept going back and buying stuff so he could talk to him.
    I dont really remember much about the flight home because I slept the whole way. I dont even remember taking off from Dallas to Norfolk. I sat down and closed my eyes and when I opened them back up we were in the air, so I just went back to sleep.
    I studied all day yesterday and today I got my permit That's right....if you live in the Tidewater area you might want to thinnk about staying off the roads for a while... lol j/k ......I think I'm a good driver
    So anyway, I was excited to see that the anthology was up. I logged on a couple of times when I was in Cali, but we had to go to a library to do it and there was almost a fight between this guy and this woman because he was reading his email out loud and she was sitting next to him and it was bugging her.
    Also, I got to take Taylor for a walk in my old neighborhood. We had to climb the fence to get on the school grounds at El Vista, but it was worth it. It was just like I thought it was going to be
    So anyway we're back and I'm totally inspired to start writing again. I already finished a whole short story yesterday and I just need to go back over it to make sure it makes enough sense before I post it...also, Taylor wants to write a story too, but usually he says he wants to do something like that and he never does. We never got to go to Bodega bay, but we're still ready to write the next chapter. The only problem is that i dont know why I picked the city I picked that kevin ended up in at the end of chapter one......I dont really know anything about it... Oh well, I'll still make it work
  8. NickolasJames8

    Sabatoge

    By NickolasJames8,

    Well, it's official...my dad's trying to ruin my vacation
     
     
    I knew this would happen. Here's what he's doing.........
     
     
     
    I have my own job, and I make my own money....also, I have a lot of report card money, too. I wanted to take a thousand dollars with me to California for our vacation, but my dad wouldn't let me. Instead, he only let me have three hundred dollars out of my savings account, then he gave me 500 dollars to spend why we're there.....I told him that he wouldn't have to give me any money at all if he would just let me take a thousand dollars of my own money. He's such a jerk sometimes......
     
    Anyway, I'm just gonna try to avoid him when we get there. Me and Taylor and my cousin James are just gonna hang out together and go wherever we want to......one place I know I want us to go by ourselves to is Great America I havent been there sine I was a little kid. James and Taylor havent ever gone, so it's gonna be fun for them too I want to ride Survivor, the new ride they have. It looks awesome.
     
    So while I'm gone, I wont be updating any stories to efiction or Nifty.....my stuff at CRVboy and The Talon House always updated without me having to do anything(thanks to my editor, The Great Talonrider!!) so you can go there and see new chapters.
    I'm almost done with the edit on What's the difference between me and you? at the efiction section.....I've been going slow because I want to make sure i'm doing it right Also, I'm almost done with Chapter 31 of What's the Difference, so hopefully by the time I get back, I'll have it ready to post. Anyway, for the people who had to read the bad spelling/grammer versions of my stories, I'm almost done fixing it all.
    Now I just have to figure one thing out......how to save my stories in html form using word perfect.....I dont think I like word perfect anymore. It's pretty wack because there arent that may options for formatting text.
     
    Today we have to go get me a new pair of shoes or I can't get on the plane I dont want to be seen in public with my old Air Force Ones, so I need a new pair. Actually, I hope I can talk my stepmom into getting me two pairs. I also need about 12 new shirts and some new shorts too, so I have a lot of shopping to get done.
     
    I'll try to get online and check on the forums while I'm there, but I dont think my uncle has a computer He might be the only person in the entire western hemisphere without a pc or a mac. I can get online at someones house though, so I'll at least be checking my email......in the meanwhile, I wont be on GA for a whole week (hears a loud roar of celebration from everyone else )
     
     
    Kisses,
    Nick
  9. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so this has been a pretty good day. You know what I did today???
     
     
     
     
     
    Not a damn thing
     
     
    I sat around, edited and posted chapter nine of My Jump Off and basically relaxed. I don't know why, either, because it's not like I did a lot this week. I worked a few days, and we went to Water Country USA on Friday, but other than that, I just messed around and did what I wanted to do.
    I guess not having to go to school everyday has me really care free, and even a little bored. I sat down and pounded out chater nine of My Jump Off like I said I would, and I also finished reposting all the chapters to my stories so that they'd be perfect. I was able to cut What's The Difference Between Me and You down to 30 chapters from 44, and it looks much cleaner, too. So instead of saying that I'm working on chapter 45, I'll say I'm working on chapter 31
    Okay, so there's this other forum I belong to , and I don't post nearly as much there as I do here. One of my friends is a moderator there, though, so I ike to go. There's a grip of people who go there and post, maybe even some from this forum (idk) So anyway, yesterday I made a post and I called something gay, and the very next person to post was all, Why don't you say what you really mean...faggot. Then we'll all know what you're made of
    Of course, being the cool headed, calm, collected, non confrontational person I am, I refraned for the most part from lashing out at the guy. He's obviously not that good at too much in his life, and he most likely just got dumped by his man or something like that...anyway, so the owner of the site directed the moderator who I'm friends with to start a topic about it, which he did...the overwhelming response has been that most people think it's gay to be offended by the word gay....lol.
     
    Well, one week left until we go to Cali I'm sooo excited. I still can't believe Taylor's going with us. It's like a dream come true for me. The first thing I'm going to do with him is take him to my old school, El Vista, and walk the school grounds while we hold hands. I just want him to see where I lived and where I went to school. We'll be staying at our old house that my uncle lives in now, and I can't wait for him to see it for some reason. Then I'm going to take him to get some Thrifty's ice cream, double malted crunch . That's always the first thing me and my dad do when we go home. Of course, if you haven't had Thrifty's ice cream, you wouldn't understand, but trust me, it rules :ranger:
  10. NickolasJames8
    Today was a pretty good day except for the crappy weather, which always sucks..lol. Anyway, I was riding home from work with my dad tonight and he was listening to a CD by Memphis Bleek, and there was this one song that was playing that was so deep. It made me thinnk about my dad and everything he does and how hard he works to give me and my stepmom and my cousin everything. The lyrics go like this....
     
    "Y'all don't understand me still
    I never enjoyed success but my family will
    And I'm alright with that.
     
     
    Ok, so it's a rap song, and I know that a lot of people here don't like hip hop. But the words to it were so touching. Basically the point of the song was that the Memphis Bleak hates stardom and all of the stress that goes with it, but he does it to give his mom the life she never had and to give his kids the life that he didn't have growing up.
    I just thought it was funny that my dad was playing it because i can say the same thing about him. He's obviously not a famous rapper, but he works his butt off to give us everything. I can remember when my cousin James came to live with us when I was little and he had like 3 shirts and some tore up from the floor up shoes, and my dad took him in and worked even harder than he already was to make sure he had a good life.
    I always thought my dad had it really good when he was little, but then I found out how poor him and my grandma had to live, and I understand why he does it now. Some of the stuff I learned was shocking, and the idea that my dad had to hear my grandma crying in her room when she thought he was sleeping because she didnt know how they were going to make it upsets me, but it also makes me understand so much about him and why he's so strict about appreciating everything he gives us.
    It also makes me mad at my grandfather, but I've decided that I don't have anything to forgive him for. It's up to my dad and my aunt to forgive him if they're still mad at him. I think my dad already has, but my aunt hasn't, and I don't know if I blame her. My grandpa has always had a lot of money, and when I found out that he wouldn't even pay child support so that my grandma could feed her kids I get upset.
    A few months ago I posted about a lady my dad bought bread for at 7-11, and I was pissed because she had a brand new pack of ciggarettes but she didnt have money to buy food. Well, I didn't get it then, but now I do. I didn't know what had happened to him when he was little, so I couldn't see why it was so important to him for her to get that bread.
    Then I had to sit and think about how hard he really works. My dad is always on his cell phone to his job. Someone calls every hour of every day, and sometimes he has to drop everything and go to work all the way in Newport News, which is like 40 miles from our house. He used to spend a week or more at a time in Carolina for his job too. I know he hates it. He doesn't have a job he likes, he has a job that pays a lot of money because he doesn't want my stepmom to have to work and he doesn't want me to have second best anything and he wants to be able to send my cousin to ODU and pay for it so my cousin wont have to work while he goes to school.
    So, in a way, that song is a perfect description of my dads life. he doesn't get to enjoy his success. Instead, I enjoy it, and my stepmom enjoys it and my cousin enjoys it. I just hope that someday he gets to relax and enjoy the life he's worked so hard to give us
  11. NickolasJames8
    Well, I did it. I went out on a limb and I did something that I might or might not regret. I guess I'll find out for myself soon enough because I already sent the email off and there's no way to get it back I won't say what I did, because if it doesn't go how I hope it does, I think I'll be crushed, and I don't want people to see that side of me. Sometimes I don't know why I'm scared to take chances, even though in the end I know I'm going to do it whether I'm scared or not. That's just how I am. Not knowing what would have happened if I hadn't have at least tried is worse to me than trying and not making it. If it doesn't go the way I hope it does, at least I can say I went for it. I'm still nervous.
    ***********************************************************************************
    Well, I got What's The Difference Between Me and You? cleaned up. I merged some of the chapters and I have about 75% of it edited by Talonrider. I'll get the rest of it done soon enough, then I'll be posting only edited chapters. Speaking of that, Talonrider started yesterday on My Jump Off, and he got chapter eight back to me today, so I posted it. I'll have the first seven chapters reposted and all cleaned up in no time flat .
    I'm already half way through chapter nine, and I'm feeling pretty good about my writing again. I think I just felt a lot of pressure for some reason, and now I know how silly I was being. I just need to relax and remember why I write....because I enjoy it. If I ever stop liking it, I won't do it anymore.
    So anyway, if it seems like I'm crankier than usual (is that possible? ) it's because I'm starting to get really serious about what I'm doing here. If I stay on the efiction page forever, I still want my stories to be the best they can be. In fact, I want them to be the best at this site. I mean, it's going to be a challenge, but to be honest, I think I can do it. I have a lot of learning to do, but I'm not going to just settle down and say,"well, that's it. I have a few good stories and now I can stop growing and learning." I think it sucks when writers do that, and I'm not talking about anyone in particular, but the truth is, I can name some.
    I think part of being able to enjoy writing stories is being able to relax, too. I mean, no drama at home. Lately my dads been on my butt about a few things he wants me to do around the house before we go to Cali, and I was putting it all off. So I got it all done yesterday, and I feel stress free(at least as far as that stuff goes). Today I just hung out with Taylor at his place so we could be alone for a change. it seems like no matter what we try to do, we get interupted. If we try to sit alone in the backyard, someone comes out there. If we try to hang out here, someone calls and wants to get together. If we go somewhere like the beach or the mall, we run into someone we know. If we go online and try to read a story, someone IM's us..lol. So today we just went to his place after we knew his parents were gone to work and we kicked it in his pool. Then it got cloudy, then it started to pour.. So we went back inside and just chilled out and listened to Cd's. I've been listening to a lot of old Santana, but we listened to the Eagles today, and when the song Tequila Sunrise came on, I thought about what I talked about in the beginning of this post.
    So now I'm home and it's still ugly outside. Taylors actually doing a driving lesson in the rain with his dad, and I wanted nothing to do with that..lol. I'm going to look at chapter nine of My Jump Off and put on my Santana CD and see what flows out of my twisted mind for Jarred
    By the way, I posted a lyric to the right from Tupac Shakir. I'm thinking about trying to write a short story just based on that lyric alone. I think it'll be fun to see what I can come up with.
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  12. NickolasJames8
    Well, I admit it....I've been slipping. My writing has been sucking lately. I feel really dissapointed in the last chapter of My Jump Off that I posted. Here's what I think happened....
     
     
    I started off just writing for my boyfriend, but i felt like I wanted everyone to read what I was writing, mainly because I think I wanted to know if it was any good or not. I mean, getting an honest opinion from Taylor about a story I was writing just for him was going to be impossible. So I started posting my first story on Xanga. Well, from there, I started posting in the Library here at GA and I got a lot of good feedback from everyone here.
    Then Myr opened up the efiction section, and I started getting even more feedback. Then, I scored a really awesome editor, Talonrider, and the next thing I knew, I was learning how to write.....when I say that, what I mean is, I learned the rules of grammer and punctuation. I also learned the difference between to and too Then I got hosted at CRVboy, and at the Talonhouse. I was soooo excited, especially when I started getting even more feedback from people, good and bad.
    Then I felt a little frustrated when it seemed like the GAC's were trying to hold down the non hosted authors by keeping us from making story announcements and i wrote about it right here in my blog. Then, I got some advice about posting at Nifty. I didn't want to do it, but in the end, I decided to submit a story.
    That's when things really picked up. It was awesome to open my inbox and find between ten and twenty emails from readers about my story each day!!! Then I went to my page and saw that I had gotten a ton of hits. I actually averaged about 100 hits a day, which isn't a lot compared to this site, but it's a lot to me. I had about 600 hits on my page when I first posted on Nifty two weeks ago, and now I have over 2500 hits
    So, when I was writing my anthology story, I thought I would have a really good feeling about it. Instead, I felt a lot of pressure to make my story at least as good as my spring anthology. So unfortunately for Kitty, I changed my mind a bunch of times and then I couldn't decided what I wanted to do. Finally, last night, I made a decision (sorry Kitty )
    Then I sat down and read chapter seven of My Jump Off over again, and I stopped to think about what happened with it. I think I had the same problem. I was getting so much good feedback that I didn't want to dissapoint my readers, and I also felt a lot of pressure to hurry up and get the next chapter out and I think I rushed it. Even if no one else can tell, I can. So, I've decided to take my time with the next chapter and do what I've been doing.......enjoy writing this story. If I start hating it, it's going to suck, and I know it.
     
    ****************************************************************************************
    You see, time is passing, people asking how come none of this ain't lasting
    Money will make people deal like they don't even have to feel
    But no, it ain't real
     
     
     
    Some lyrics from the CD I've been listening to a lot lately. I've gotten into Santana, and I love listening to everyting he's got. But to me, his best ever song, and I mean ever, is Do you like the way? featuring Cee-Lo and Lauren Hill. It inspires me to think and to write
     
     
    PS: Little Buddha.... I did it. Wish me luck
  13. NickolasJames8
    warning......serious self exploration ahead
     
     
    Ok, so I got this email from one of my Nifty readers, and they asked me a simple question....why do my two longest stories and all of my almost all of my poems involve plot lines or themes where the main character has a good family????
    I had to stop and think about it for a minute, and then it came to me in a flash.....because I think families are important. Not just because I come from what I think is a good family, but because, as a Christian, i've always been taught that besides faith in the Lord, there's nothing more important for anyone to have.
    Sometimes I read stories on Nifty or even here at GA, and it seems like the parents are the villians, and the rest of the family are always homophobes. Now, not all of the stories are that way, and I didn't take any of that into consideration before I wrote my stories, either. I mean, for one thing, What's the Difference Between me and you? is a story about my family, so in a way, I can't help the theme in that story. But Jarred in My Jump Off has a strong family too, and I didn't even give it a lot of thought before I wrote the story. I just let it all flow out as I was writing, and when I was done, he had a cool mom and dad. Well, maybe not that cool, but if you've read it, you know what I mean.
    I guess what it all boils down to is this......family means a lot to me. I know it's not realistic for me to think that everyone is going to have a supportive family, and that when they come out that their parents are going to not just accept them, but actually support them and accept their boyfriends or girlfriends. But I think it's okay to wish that it could happen for everyone.
    By the way, speaking of My Jump Off, I'm half way done with chapter seven. I'm gonna try to get it finished up by tonight and get it posted either tonight or tomorrow, but no promises
     
     
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  14. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so I've been totally bored today. We got home today from Carolina and I slept all the way home, but I was sharing the back seat with my cousin James and I had to sleep sitting up, so I had a sore neck and a headache when we got home. Then I got online and chatted for a while but my PC crashed and I had to restore it back to it's last recovery point.
    In the meanwhile, Taylor hasn't called and I'm getting depressed, so I started reading. I found a story by Matt, Unrequited, and it was good. I immediately gave it a soundtrack, so it had to be good. Only good stories get soundtracks because I can get a feel for everything in the story. I know that sounds goofy, but it's true. So I only listen to Carlos Sanata: Supernatural when I'm reading it. I've only gotten as far as the second chapter, so I might add more musc to it. The song, Do you like it that way featuring Lauryn Hill and Cee-Lo is the best intro music for that story. I suggest playing that track while you read the beggining paragraphs if you decide to check it out.
    I guess I should mention that Taylors in Tennessee visiting his real mom. Him and his real parents (his stepmom and dad) went, and they'll be home tomorrow. It wasn't as bad as last year was when he went because ...
     
    A ) We were going to the Outer Banks anyway
     
    B ) There's no medical emergency like last year (his mom had cancer)
     
     
    I'm pretty bitter about it though, because she's never been there for him and he's always there for her. In fact, if it weren't for his dad, Taylor would never get to see his mom. His dad actually plans the trips to go see her because she's so selfish and rejects him.
    Anyway, let me get off of that subject, because it makes me so mad I actually start to shake. One thing I can say though is that I thank God everyday for my family. I can't even imagine being treated like that by my dad. We might argue and fight, but he's never made me feel like he doesn't want me or that I make him anything less than proud.
    So anyway, right now I'm wondering what's going to happen next on this site. It feels kinda weird not to have Myr running things, and I can see the difference. It's not necessarily a terrible thing, but in my opinion, not everything seems to have been planned very well. Either way, I would like to congratulate Jack Scribe on becoming hosted here at GA. He definitely deserves it. When I was first hosted at CRVboy, he was the very first person to email me about my story. I read what he had to say and I took a lot of his advice and I feel like the difference is there. I've had a lot of people talk about the difference they've seen in my stories, and I can honestly say that at least some of that comes from what Jack said to me about establishing certain things right away in my story. He also gave me a compliment that meant a lot coming from someone like him. He's a really good addition to the hosted authors.
    Also, I got my summer anthology entry off to Kitty, and I'm waiting to hear back from her. I had a couple of questions about it, and I wanted her honest opinion. I mean, she does an awesome job for LBTW, and with the anthology too. So whatever she suggests is what I want to do.
  16. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so I finally resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to submit the story, My Jump Off, to Nifty. Well, I felt really bad about it the first day and into the the next day. But then, something funny happened........the first thing I noticed was that I had 200 hits on my page that werent there before. The second thing that happened was that I noticed I had moved back into spot 26 on the Top Site List here at GA. The third thing that happened was that I noticed my inbox was full. Then I noticed that I had moved passed everyone in The Ten's at Efiction and was ranked #1 in a certain spot(I dont like to brag so I wont say what it is), then I noticed that I moved into #2 on the most reviewed stories list in the same ranking. On top of that, I just saw this morning that I moved up another spot to #25 on the top site. Oh, yeah, my inbox was full of feedback too. I just got done sending in chapter 3 to Nifty, and I'm also working on chapter 7 as we speak
    So what does all of this mean??? I'm not sure yet, but I think it means I got some good advice about Nifty. I dont think Im going to send in What's the Difference Between Me and You?? though, because I dont think it's the kind of story you read at Nifty. But it's cool to know that people liked my stuff
     
    BTW, school's out now so Im gonna be working more. My boss said she can let me work up to 32 hours a week if I want it. I might since we're going on vacation and I want to have extra money of my own to blow. But I promise to also pick up the pace on my writing between now and September:)
  17. NickolasJames8
    I want everyone who reads this to know that this isn't a rant......
     
     
    I recently got a couple of "talking to's" about giving away too much info about my life, so I made a few changes in one of my blog entries....so let me make something clear for everyone.
     
    I'll never post a pic. I'll never post my address or even the street I live on. Yes, I did say what school I went to, but it's like 5 miles from my house and the only reason I even go there is because it's a magnet school and the high school in my neighborhood isn't.
     
    I've had a bad experience before and I'm not trying to go through anything bad again, so don't worry about me not being careful.....besides, if someone tries to get me again, I'll shoot them with pepper spray When they grab their eyes, I'll aim it up their nose and empty the can.
     
    Ok, maybe it won't be that easy. But I'm not too worried about anything. There's cops at my school and like I said, I wont post a pic, my last name or my address. If I have to, I'll throw down, too. Trust me, if I think I'm in danger, I'll swing as hard as I can and aim for the crotch
     
     
     
    In other news, I submitted My Jump Off to Nifty Im really unhappy about it because I think Nifty's such a trashy place, but I guess I dont have a choice if I want to have more readers since we've basically been cut off from the story announcement forum here, leaving us no way to let others know that we've updated our stories (the non hosted forum is pretty much useless). I know it seems like I'm whining, but I'm not. I'm just trying to bring attention to something I think is wrong and that I would like to see changed.
     
    I noticed that the banner at the top was finally fixed after my post yesterday, but the toolbar still sucks. Maybe if I talk about it sucking enough they'll fix it too I'm not trying to start problems or be a trouble maker, and I'm not even trying to insult anyone, but the site I love has gone through some really bad changes and I'm not going to just sit here and watch it go downhill without saying anything.
  18. NickolasJames8
    Warning...possibly offensive statement ahead
     
     
     
    The new layout at the top of the page here on Gay Authors sucks!!!!
     
     
    I'm sorry to Myr or anyone else who might be offended by what I just said, but the fact is that it really does suck. For one thing, the Frequently Asked Questions banner seems to overlap into itself, and that's just the beginning.
    The second part that sucks is the bold toolbar with the links that read Home, For Readers, For Writers, Forums, For Teens, Site Map andHelp
     
    Maybe I'm just against change, but it seems like this change was a really bad idea. To me, it made more sense to have it the way it was. Also, there's no link to the E Fiction area at the top of the page anymore. Which brings me to my next complaint......
     
    It was a bad idea to seperate the story anouncements
     
    I know that they wanted it for the hosted authors only, but now the rest of us have no way to announce our work.....okay, I know we have the non hosted announcement section, but it's not the same. The hosted authors have people who regulary check their sites and forums for updates and who know all about them, but the rest of us are trying to get our work noticed and it seems like cutting us off from the real story announcement forum makes it twice as hard.
    I hope I dont tick anyone off by saying this, but I just feel like I needed to say something.
    ****************************************************************************************
     
    Ok, now that I have that off of my chest, I can talk about things that make me happy
     
    June 7 was me and Taylors aniversery. We officially became boyfreinds 3 years ago and I cant believe it's really been that long. Also, Taylor got his permit yesterday :wacko: :wacko: Ok, so why the confused face??? Because he's not that good of a driver yet Seriously, he needs to keep practicing. But he already got to take me for a ride and it was pretty cool. His parents let him drive us to Mc Author mall in Norfolk. I love that place. It's a huge mall, and my favorite place to eat, Jonny Rockets, is inside. We didn't eat there yesterday because we had something to eat at Nordstroms, which was okay. But I was a little ticked that the Haagen Daaz store wasnt open, because I wanted a smoothy.
    So anyway, on the way home, Taylor and his dad were arguing and he almost took us on the wrong entrance on the freeway. We wanted to go east and he got in a long line of cars that was headed west to Portsmouth, then he made this huge scene in traffic getting over. The whole time, his dad was flipping out and Taylor was yelling at him to calm down and that he had everything under control(yeah right). Me and Taylors stepmom just sat in the back seat and held on for dear life once he got us back on the freeway going the right way.There was a traffic jam though, so we were barely moving. I think it was the first time I was ever glad to be stuck in a traffic jam on the freeway
    Anyway, we lived, and Taylor and his dad went alone today to practice. If they make it back alive, we're going to a jazz festival down by the oceanfront later
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  19. NickolasJames8
    Ok, I have a confession to make.....everytime I try to use the size, font or color options above I get messed up
     
     
    So, Nick, you ask, what does that have to do with your entry???? Nothing at all. I just thought I'd point that out before I went on my little rant
     
     
    Warning......rant ahead
     
     
     
    It seems like everyone has an opinion about something. Crazy right wingers have a low opinion of gay marriage. Crazy leftists have a low opinion of the war on terror. George Bush, all the republican politicians and all the democrat politicians have a low opinion of voters.
     
    Even people who read stories here and on CRVboy have low opinions about things. Well, I have a low opinion about something too..............
     
    I have a low opinion of an autoshop teacher who thinks I'll be behind his lesson plan next year if he let's me join because I wasn't in his class this year. I also have a low opinion of a guy at work who never washes his hands after he goes to the bathroom. I mean, the first time I saw it, I was pretty grossed out. He comes out of the stall, gets his hands a little wet, then he shakes them off and walks out. How gross is that????? Its worse because my floor supervisor saw him do and and tried to talk to him and he acted like it was the end of the world that he wanted him to wash his hands after going to the bathroom
    I also have a low opinion about people who spread rumors around about certain other people and say they said things they never said. I was at school today and one of my best freinds came up to me and he was pissed because some other guy said I told him that I could kick his *** if I wanted to. Well, I never said that, and as soon as he told me that I was so mad I was shaking. So we went and found the guy who told him and the guy denied that he ever said that about me in the first place!!!! I was hoping my freind was going to shove him or something, because he totally made himself look like a liar(which he is, btw). I mean, I dont really walk around worried about who I can beat up and who I cant, and if I have a fight I'm gonna try my hardest to beat the other guy down. But I dont want to have any problems with my freinds. I mean, there's one person at the whole school that I know from last year. Everyone else is from other parts of Va Beach. All my freinds go to ***** ***** and I got stuck at **********. It sucked at first, but I've made a lot of good freinds, and I'm not trying to have some retarded idiot ruin it for me with a rumor.
    Anyway, if you can't tell, I'm in a grumpy mood. My dads flipping out about our vacation next month to Cali and I'm stressing over finals and over Taylors report card, because if he has any F's, he cant go with us and I really want him to come.
     
    Edited by Nick on 6-8-06
  20. NickolasJames8
    Wow....I'm not sure if I should be imtimidated or happy. I got on the site today and I noticed a bunch of new stuff. It looks great, and I'm sure it's going to help out a lot. Of course, I was a little dissapointed that one of the new features I had noticed a while back was gone, but maybe they're working on it or something. Or maybe they decided it wasn't needed. Either way, I like what they've done.
    While Myr's been busy working on his site, I've been busy working on mine too. I have a lot of plans for my stories this summer, since I'm going to have way more time to work on them. Schools out on the 14th and I'm gonna have the time I need to get serious about my stories. I'm about to wrap up My Jump Off
  21. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so I'm conflicted.....I have an idea of what I think should happen, but I want to know what you think should happen.....if you've been following the story, you know where we are. So what now?? Please vote and let me know....I'll leave the poll open for a few days, then I'm gonna make a decision. I'm not gonna necessarily do what the poll says I should, I just want to know what y'all think I ought to do with Jarred and the mess he's in.
    Also, thanks for the love on the last poem I submitted......I'm glad so many people liked it
     
     
    I dont really have much to write about today. We went body surfing yesterday and had a blast...I love the oceanfront when it's packed with people for some reason....it let's me know that summers here and it's time to have fun. Oh, and I started on my summer anthology today. We were going to hit the Afram fest in Norfolk today, but my dads doing something with his cd player in his car...I got a cd stuck in it on the way to Florida and now it wont play any cd's at all anymore. So needless to say, I'm on his list right now...
     
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  22. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so I have to warn everyone that I'm a little grossed out right now. Me and taylor went to a party at our freind Justins house and his folks were gone. There were so many girls there...they probably outnumbered the guys like 3 to 1......anyway, it seemed like all the guys there were scoring with like 2 chicks at a time. Now, a lot of people know about what me and Taylor did before.....well, it didn't happen again (shudders). We got our swerve on, then we hiked it back to my house. I was hungry when we got here, so right now, Taylors cooking something downstairs with my cousin James.....I'm not too sure, but it can either be hamburger meat I smell or sausage. It kinda smells like both. I went down there, but they kicked me out of the kitchen because I kept eating the cheese that James was grating.
    So, now I'm back up here, and I went into my ebooks folder and opened up my poetry folder that was inside of the ebook folder. I found a poem I wrote when I first found out that I needed to have another tumor taken out. I guess the real reason I wrote it was because we didnt know what was gonna happen, and I admit that I was pretty scared. But I prayed about it for a long time, then, when I was done feeling sorry for myself, I felt like writing a poem. So I did. I didn't really know what I wanted to say, but once I got moving, everything just flowed out and it all came together.
    Anyway, I wanted to share it because I feel like I should be proud of myself. I dont want to sound all arrogant ( I know, too late ) but I felt like I stayed pretty strong through it all and I was able to keep myself pretty positive. That wasn't easy, either, considering that my parents were fighting non stop and my dad wasn't sleeping. I just knew that I had to be the strong one this time for everyone.
    I hope you guys like it. If not, that's okay. I still wanted to share it with everyone, because you're all like my second family. Ok, it smells like the food's burning.....
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  23. NickolasJames8
    I don't want to say who sent me that pm, but I can say that I got it over a year ago, and it's funny how what he wrote back then still applies. I don't really care too much about my blog rating, but I just think it's funny that the lowlifes at this forum who can't get past our disagreements and the fact that I've moved on from those dissagreements continue to come to my blog and even to my poems and stories that are posted on efiction and purposely give them low ratings. It's petty.
    So, you ask, why don't I just ignore it?? Normally I do. But when I open my email after a weekend of not being here and find an email from someone claiming to be a GAC and they say that they're glad I was in the hospital and that they think I deserve to have cancer (which I don't have, btw), that means that I'm staying on their minds.
    Now, I know that I've had problems with people here before. Even one of the GAC's and I really don't like each other. But I don't believe that even the GAC that hate's me would send me a hateful email like that. So, when I saw the name that the person signed at the bottom of the email, I knew it was total bull. Even if that GAC was mad at me, and I don't think he is, there's no way he'd ever send me or anyone else here something stupid like that.
    So I have to wonder....why do people do stuff like that?? Am I that important to them??? Honestly, I don't get it. There are so many other things that the person who sent that email to me could have done..... oh well, it's nice to know I'm always on your mind, whoever you are. Anyway, I hate to ruin your day, but I went back to school today, and I even went to the beach in Florida this weekend and got in the water (but only up to my waist ), and I'm going back to work tomorrow and I'm gonna get on my boogie board this weekend. So, I got better, and you didn't get what you were hoping for.
     
     
     
    * * *
     
     
    Ok, so now that I took care of that, I can move on..........
    We got back at like 12:30 last night from Florida and Im totally sunburned....idk if I was supposed to stay out of the sun, but it's too late now. I was having such a good time at the beach in Mayport that I couldn't help myself. I can't wait for this weekend, I'm gonna hit the water down at the oceanfront and tear it up. I'm feeling soooo much better, and I'm totally not stressing out about finals like I thought I would. I'm just glad to be back where I want to be as far as my health goes, and I feel really good about the last chapter I posted of My Jump Off. I'm just waiting to get the two chapters of What's the difference Between me and you? back from my editor and I'll get them posted too...also, I think I have an awesome idea for the summer anthology
    Well, it's like 12:20 now and I guess I should lay down...I've been talking about how wiped out I feel from the trip to Florida but now I can't sleep :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: I know if I don't sleep soon I'm gonna end up taking it out on everyone else tomorrow, so, I'm out.....
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  24. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so I had the surgery yesterday and the doctoer removed the tumor. We have to go back today for a followup at the doctors actual office somewhere in Norfolk. When we're there, I think I'm gonna give this guy a piece of my mind. He promised me that it wouldn't hurt, and that I would hardly know what happened.
    The truth is I'm miserable. And maybe I'm just being grouchy, but I really think this jerk either lied to me or he screwed somthing up and I'm not supposed to feel this sore and tender. It hurts to even take a deep breath right now, and everytime I try, I cough, and that makes the pain worse. It's almost feels like someones stabbing me in the lung. At the same time, my dad had to redress my bandages, and when he pulled them away, I think we both almost fainted. The cut actually starts at my belly button, and I get queezy even thinking about it. Someone acutally cut me open at my bellybutton

    Ok, so now that I'm totally grossed out and I'm thinking that the worst is behind me, I find out that when we go in today, the doctor might decide to admit me to the hospital for a night if he doesn't like how my incision's healing
    I can say for sure that I don't like how it's healing, so how in the world is he going to like it??? I'm hoping to God that I'm wrong and that it's okay......I guess we'll find out at 4.
    There's good news, though. I finished chapter 6 of My Jump Off , and i got it posted today. I hope everyone likes it. Also, I worte a poem when i first found out I had another tumor, but i'm not sure if I'll post it or not. It's a little defiant, and maybe in a way, I was trying to poke death in the eye, even though I didn't know yet what was going to happen. It's a little personal, but I might post it someday. I mainly wrote it for myself as a way to stay strong in case the tumor was cancerous, which I'm sure now that it wasn't because they would have told us yesterday at the hospital if it was.
    The other good news is that I'm actually all caught up on my school work, and I found out that these days I'm missing aren't going to count against me. With finals, that's a good thing. I know I can stay on the A/B honor roll, but there's no way I can make the principals list because I've had too many referals this year. I don't really care about that though.
    So anyway, sorry if it seems like I'm complaining. I really don't feel good, and my throat still feels dry from not having anything to drink for almost a whole day. I just needed to vent a little.
  25. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so as of midnight, i'm not allowed to eat or drink anything. That totally sucks because I know that when I wake up from my surgery tomorrow I'm going to be thirsty and it'll probably be the same guy as last time feeding me ice chips with his bare hands
     
    That said, I've come to a conclusion......I'm like P Diddy.....no, I'm not a famous rapper who lives in New York, and Suge Knight doesn't want to kill me (at least I hope not :wacko: ) but for the last few days, I've been saying things like, I won't stop. Of course, that's the P Diddy signature saying on just about every song he's in.
    But it's the truth. I just finished chapter 44 of What's the difference between me and you and sent it off to my editor, so hopefully if I can come home tomorrow night, I'll have the energy to post it. If not then, definitely Tuesday. I'm also still writing poetry, and I posted the mothers day poem I wrote for my stepmom, My Mom , in the e-fiction section of the site.
    Also, I'm still gonna get to work. I can go back next week
     
    So anyway, call me Diddy......or just call me Nick either way, I won't stop
     
    Someone important to me once said this in a PM he wrote to me:
     
     
    Life is like driving NJ. There is a rearview mirror and it serves a purpose but to get to where you want to go, you've got to be looking forward.
     
     
    BTW, the next chapter of My Jump Off is coming soon
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