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NickolasJames8

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Blog Entries posted by NickolasJames8

  1. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so now I know what the sore spot is.....another dang tumor. I'm getting so sick of this. They're sure it's not cancerous, but they can't be 100% sure until it comes out on monday
     
    This is the third time I've had a tumor removed in less than 9 months. If you count the surgery on my leg, that's 4 surgeries in less than a year....wtf. Sometimes I wish I could just get hit by a car or struck by lightning and get it all over with. My dad's totally stressed out, and he hasn't slept in two days. I don't think he's going to get any sleep until he knows for sure that everythings ok, even though the doctor who's doing the surgery talked to us today and he was totally cool. He said he does this all the time and that there's nothing to worry about. He said that from the tests they've run they can pretty much say that I'm cancer free, and that I won't have to miss too much school or work. He said the incision is gonna be small and there might not even be a visible scar.
    So, when we got home today I demanded that he take me to work and stop trying to baby me. He wants to make me quit my job because he thinks I should be resting and he says I don't need a job. He doesn't let my cousin work but my cousin doesnt get good grades, so I can see why.
    Well, at least I'm off this weekend and I can catch up on the school work I've totally been blowing off when i should have been doing it since my friend Steven's been bringing it by for me.
    I guess the thing I've decided to do is to just stay positive. I can't let a few health problems mess me up. I still have things I need to do, and I'm totally behind on My Jump Off so I need to get moving right away. I think if I could stop worrying about my worry wart dad and stepmom and I could get Taylor to brighten up, I could concentrate more on what I want to get done before my surgery. Oh, well, wish me luck :king: :king:
  2. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so today has been the day from hell. I knew I had a doctors appointment. My dad made one for me last week because I have a real tender spot on my stomach, and it's getting bigger and worse. So today we go to the doctors and he presses on it real hard and I kinda yelped a little. Then he feels all around it to see how big it is, and I tell him that it's gotten bigger. Then he sits back and takes off his glasses and asks me about my appetite. I tell him that I'm eating ok, but my dad jumps in and says that I havent been eating good at all compared to how I normally eat.
    So, he tells me to be honest about what I usually eat at school, and I tell him that I eat fritos and a m&m cookie all day. So then he drops the big question......have i been on a diet lately....I tell him no, because I havent been, and he looked at me like I was lying. So, he asks if Im sure, and I promise him I havent been dieting.
    See, the last time I got really sick was when I went on a diet and didnt tell anyone about it. I ended up in the hospital for a few days because I only wieghed 87 pounds and I was supposed to be 110. Even after I got out of the hosptial, I had to drink these nasty shakes and my dad and my stepmom watched me to make sure I took them. When I went to school, the vice principal made sure I drank my shakes when it was time and that I ate some lunch. Of course, even if he hadnt, my friends were on my case about it too, so they woulda made me drink them. That was last year.
    So anyway, when the nurse weighed me when we were walking to the room where we waited for the doctor, I wieghed 102 pounds. That means I lost 11 pounds since my last appointment, when I was 113. The thing is, I'm hungry all the time, and I have been eating a lot. Lately, though, I haven't felt too good, and I guess I don't really think much about food. I eat when I go to work, and I always have dinner when I get home at night. I even eat dessert sometimes.
    Ok, back to the doctor. He tells me that he doesn't like the sore spot and sends me for some x-rays. Well, then we have to go downstairs and wait like 45 minutes for them to call us up. The whole time, my dads stressing out. He kept reaching for his cell but there was a big sign that said no cell phone use, so he had to put it away. Finally we get called back and here's where he totally embarrases me........the lady giving me the x-rays was telling me to face different directions, and when we were done, my dad was asking her why she didnt have me standing in all these other positions and kinda yelling at her that there was no way that they could see everything because they missed spots.. I wanted to die right there.
    So now that Im totally embarrased we go back upstairs and wait for someone to come back and talk to us about the xrays. They took us back and the doctor said that he wanted to send me to a specialist, so we had to go to Norfolk to Sentara for some stupid nuclear department they have. I had to lay down in the same loud machine they put me in last year and they rubbed red crap all over my chest and made me lay still.
    So anyway, we spent all day at the doctors office until 3 in the afternoon. I still made it home in time to get to work in time, but my dad was tripping out and talked to my supervisor when we got there. He told her that I might have to quit because he thinks it's too much stress on me. I was soooooo pissed.
    So now, instead of going to school tomorrow, I get to spend the day at CHKD in Norfolk while they make sure Im not dying or whatever(rolls eyes). I'm sure it's something gay and everyones just flipping out over nothing.
    I just hate it because it seems like I'm always having some kind of medical drama and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the tumors, and I'm sick of the surgeries. I'm sick of seeing my dad and my stepmom stress out over crap like this, and I hate how it makes them fight. They're like the perfect couple, but they fight like crazy whenever stuff like this happens because they're too stressed out and won't calm down.
    My dad was so worried last night that he stayed up till like 2 in the morning. I could hear him in his office working. That's what he does when he's freaking out about something. He gets on his office pc and works.
    So when I get home from work, the first thing I notice is that my dad and my stepmom arent speaking. Great. I just want all of this to be over so we can get on with things.
  3. NickolasJames8
    Okay, so I learned something this weekend, and I don't think I was supposed to know what i found out. We went camping this weekend and we had a really good time. When it was late last night and my stepmom was asleep, me and my dad stayed up and kept the fire burning so we could visit with eachother.
    I guess I should stop here and tell everyone that until last week my dad had no idea that I came here and that I was writing. He got on my pc and figured it out. Anyway, he sent me a dumb pm with his gay sn that he made, but we talked about it before I saw it and it wasnt a big deal.
    So anyway, we were just talking last night and it was nice to spend some time alone with him. We talked about poetry, and I found out he had a published poem when he was little. He still remembered it, and if it went the way he told it to me, it was really good and soooo sad. It was about one of his only memory of my grandparents being married, and while we were talking about it, he told me a lot of stuff I never knew. Hearing some of it actually made me so mad at my grandpa and it made me think about my grandma differently.
    My dad said when he was little he lived with my grandma and my grandpa never paid child support like he was supposed to, so my grandma had to work two jobs while she was going to school and my dad said he could remember when he would eat dinner but she didn't because she woould go without food to make sure there was enough for him.
    I can't even believe that. I can't even imagine my grandpa, who I love sooo much, being that way. I dont even think I want to know what his reason was. Just the look on my dads face while he was talking about it made me feel angry. The idea that my dad, who does everything for anyone ever felt that way makes me angry. He said that my grandma used to sit in her room alone and cry when she thought he was asleep and he could hear her from his bedroom.
    Just knowing that my dad went through all of that stuff makes me understand some things, like why my aunt hates my grandpa. I guess she doesnt hate him, but she's mad at him for something and I think I know what it is now. I think I'm still mad about it, and even though it's my dad and my aunt who have to forgive him. I'm not sure if I forgive him.
    We're going to Florida to see him in two weeks, and I wonder how it's gonna go. I mean, I dont know if I can treat him the same now. I guess all I can do is wait to see. Wish me luck.
  4. NickolasJames8
    Disclaimer
    This blog entry is in no way meant to be offensive or racist. I know that we're all decendants of immigrants. It's with that in mind that I write this entry ........
     
     
    One of the biggest jokes I think I've ever seen is the so called Day Without Immigrants.....I mean, who cares?? In Los Angeles, they were expecting a million people to show up and at the first rally, it was only about 25% of that, and at the second rally, it was even less, and most of the people at the second rally were left over from the first one. Now, I know that 25% of a million is 250,000, but that's still a pretty gay turnout if you ask me. I mean, that's like less than a tenth of the whole population of LA.
    So, what's my point?? These people need to shut up and be glad they're here. There are hundreds of millions of people who came here legally, and this is a slap in the face to all of them. They didnt sneak in and then join gangs and demand to be made citizens. They didn't march in the streets and try boycotting stores and work and school and stuff. They came here and they worked, and they were happy to be here. They were happy to have the chance to build a good life for themselves and their families. They made it possible for everyone on this forum(unless you're a Native American or you live in another country) to have a better life because they sacraficed and came here the right way.
    It makes me sick to see these people demanding that we make them citizens....how about this....do it the right way.
    Anyway, I didn't notice that anything was different here in VA. Pretty much everoyne was at school today, and I didn't see anything on the news about people not coming to work, so I guess no one tried it here.
    Ok, so I'm gonna stop now. I went to the dentist today and had to go straight to work from there, so I'm tired and grouchy. I updated What's the difference yesterday, and I'll have My Jump Off updated by the end of the week......l8r
     
     
     
    Nick
  5. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so I know it's been forever and a day since i've posted a new chapter of What's the difference between me and you?, but I promise it's on it's way. I'm all caught up with my editor, Talonrider, so anything I send him is all he has to do. I've been working on chapter 43, so it's definitely coming soon Also, I'm missing a few finished chapters of the story, so that's why the posting of the edited work in efiction has been delayed. I've gotten as far as chapter 10 corrected, but I'm missing the next couple of chapters, so I need to get those ones from my editor and get them posted.
    I haven't had to wuit my job so far...my dad just kinda dropped the subject with me, but he does want me to cut back to 10 hours a week. I say fine, but as soon as schools out, I want to work like 25 or even 30 hours if my manager will let me. I cant believe its almost May....schools almost out and I'm good again until September We're going to Cali in July, and I'm begging my dad and Taylors dad to let him come....I want him to see where I grew up at sooooo bad. For some reason, I just want to walk with him at my old school, El Vista (the same one in DOR and Dawn of Tears) and through my old neighborhood. I have this image in my head of my mom and dad walking through the neighborhood and along the classrooms at my old school, even though I know my mom didn't even go to El Vista and my dad wasnt even living in Modesto when he went with her. I guess it's kinda screwed up, but I still have that picture painted in my head and I really want to live that moment out with Taylor if he can come with us.
  6. NickolasJames8

    Moving On

    By NickolasJames8,

    I would just like to say for the record that whatever happened in the last few days is over as far as I'm concerned. I deleted the blog entry that was related to it, and I've also dropped some dead weight that I had been toting around for a while now. It happened, and it was sad, but I'm ready to move on. The only thing I'm sorry for is that I let myself be angry enough to pollute my blog with that garbage. I owe Myr and all of the readers at Gay Authors an apology for doing that, especially the ones who follow my stories.
    So, moving on, I posted a new poem today. I hope Myr doesn't mind that I posted the actual text in the lounge, but I thought it was important for Viv, Camy and Rhawes to get the credit they deserve. They put it down for real, and I think that they easily had the 3 best entries in no particular order. I know everyone worked hard on their entries, and I give anyone who wrote a story for the anthology props because they deserve them.
    So, this brings me to my confession.....I've never actually stopped to read anyones stories on this site except Dom, Lugh, dkstories and Comically. Well, I just recently started reading stuff from Dio, and it's great too, but I havent got very far yet. But to be honset, Viv, Rhawes and Camy are awesome(dare I say as good as Dom???). I don't know how Camy isn't a hosted author here, because his writing style is so good, and Viv's blew my mind. I try so hard to write like she does, and I work detail into my stories that I think make it better, but good Lord, Viv. You do it better than anyone I've ever read, and that includes Dom(puts on flame retardant suit).
    Best friend was such an awesome story that I can't even describe how it made me feel. The rollercoaster of emotions that Rhawes took me on was amazing. Now I have to find the time to read everything Viv, Rhawes and Camy have written. Of course, I have to go to efiction to find camy's work, but maybe Myr's gonna see it one day and offer to host him, because to me, he's that good
    So, to all three of you,
     
     
     
    Nick
     
    Edit 11:46 pm
    I read Yankee by The Zot, too. Sorry, I forgot
  7. NickolasJames8
    Well, I had it out with the old man tonight. He wants me to wuit my job because he says I'm too young to have a job and to be taking the kind of classes I'm in at school. I told him no way, but he pointed out to me that I was up last night past 3 in the morning finishing my hw. He's right about that part, but that doesn't always happen. Usually I can finish my hw before I'm off work. I do a lot of it while I'm at school and I try to finish it while I'm on break. But last night I had a lot of work to do, plus a book report I knew about for almost a month but I never started until last night. We read Grapes of Wrath in January, and she gave us until today to have the dang thing done. But of course I had to wait until it was panic time and I ended up with about 2 hours of sleep last night. So. I admit, I've been grouchy all day.
    When he said he wanted me to quit, I told him no way. Of course, he told me that it wasn;t my choice, and he's right about that. But, if he makes me quit, he know's I'll never forgive him. I mean, I really like having a job. There's something about going to work and making my own money and trying to do my job as good as I can that I really think is cool. Maybe I'm just a nerd, though. idk. I know that if I did have to quit, I'd have my evenings again for Taylor . I really miss spending all afternoon with him and having dinner with him here or sometimes at his place. But on my days off we still get to see eachother, so it's not like we NEVER get to spend time together. It's just not as much as we used to. Plus, I like having my own money, even if my dad only lets me keep 35 dollars out of my check and makes me put the rest in savings
    Anyway, we fought all the way home and even after we got there until my stepmom told us both to shut up so she could hear the tv So, we'll see. I guess that means I have to get my stuff done on time and not be up until 1 in the morning every night(actually, I do that anyway so I can watch Wondershozen)
  8. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so a lot has happened this weekend, and it hasn't been easy. But I know I have to keep moving, and I'm going to. Myr just posted the Anthology today, and I was proud to see my story there. I'm not saying it was all that, but to have a story posted on the same page as Lugh and RHawes and Viv was amazing to me.
    Also, I have goals and I have to keep working to get them accomplished. I started almost a year ago on xanga, posting What's the difference for about 5 readers, but that grew to about 20. Then I started posting it here at the Library, then at the efiction section of the site and that number got bigger.
    Then I met Talonrider, who got my story straight and got me hosted at CRVBOY and also hosted me himself at The Talon House .
    In the meanwhile, I started my own forum, Nick's Story Discussion and eventually, my own pageNick's Story Page . I also started on My Jump Off and started writing poetry. I know that in order to ever be considered good enough to ever be a hosted author here, I have to keep writing good stories and poems and posting them everywhere I can to make my audience as big as I can.
    Anyway, I had to stop and think about what I wanted to do. I don't ever want to leave this place. I love it here too much, and even if I never make it as a hosted Author, I promise to keep posting my work here and to make as big of a contribution as possible.
  9. NickolasJames8
    This was supposed to be a good day. It's a Saturday, I only had to work a few hours and I got to go to the movies with Taylor and 4 of our friends. It was just a guy thing. Later we were going to meet up at Taylors and party and kick it in the pool even though it rained here.
    Well, when I got home and logged on to GA to see if there was any news about Green, I suddenly felt like I got punched in the belly. I'm sure most of you know by now, and it's probably the worst thing I've read. I want to go to the topic about him and post, but I don't really know what to say because I'm so sorry doesn't seem like it helps anyone.
    So I went into Live Chat to see how everyone was and in about 2 minutes, I was crying and had to leave the room. I usually don't talk about my emotions too much, but it was all too much for me. I just can't find a reason why it had to happen. I've thought about it and prayed about it and talked to Taylor about it, and part of me understands that everything in this world happens for a reason, and God's will and His plan is what it is. My mother died and it was God's plan. I was born gay and it was God's plan. That doesn't make this any easier.
    So for a few moments, I thought about my online life and what it really means. I mean, I used to say that there were only a few people who I knew from online that I really cared about, but maybe I'm wrong. For that few moments after I left Live Chat, I thought about taking the advice of the people who voted in my poll for me to leave the forum and asking Myr to delete my account so that if this happens again, I wouldn't know about it and I wouldn't feel any kind of pain.
    To be honest, this is the first time someone from a forum I belong to has passed away. I didn't ever stop to think about it, but Taylor reminded me that we're all human. Even though we just have screen names here and on AOL or whatever you use, we're all still people and someday we all die. I guess that's just a risk we take when we get close to people online, and even though Green wasn't someone I knew really good, he was still part of the GA family and now he's gone.
    Then I had to stop and think about his family and about Chaz. I mean, what now??? I don't even want to think about losing Taylor, and Green's mom and dad and even his no good brother lost him too. Also, there's all of his friends that we've read about in his blog. What about them?? I just wonder if it's really a good idea to let myself get too involved in the forums and in Live Chat.
    We lost a brother today here at GA, and it's not going to be the same here without him. Maybe Green doesn't get to see this entry, but I hope that he knew how important he was to Gay Authors and all of it's members. To Chaz, I know you've read this a lot of times already, but I'm really sorry. That's all I have to say now, because if I keep going, I might cry again.
     
     
     
    Nick
  10. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so I've started a Poetry Series at the efiction section of this site. and I've been getting some good reviews. I mean, my first poem wasn't that good. It didn't rhyme, so I think people naturally hate it. But my other poems have gotten some good reviews.
    Of course, that doesn't mean that I'm not writing stories anymore. As a matter fo fact, I'm almost done with chapter 6 of My Jump Off. I'm going out tonight, so I won't get it done until either when I get home tonight or tomorrow. But I promise that it will be posted no later than tomorrow.
    Anyway, if you read my poems, please leave me comments and rate them. Even if you hate them and you think I'm the worlds worst poet and writer, I would like to here from my readers.
  11. NickolasJames8
    Okay, so I'm thinking about changing my user name for some odd reason. I'm not sure why, but I have this idea that somehow changing my profile name might make my stories seem more exciting and people would want to read them. Unfortunately, I went to change it, and the name I was going to go with (Nick) was already being used by someone who hasnt been on since like 2003. Oh well, I have a few other names in mind....here's the choices I'm considering
     
     
    Mikehawk(sayitfast)
    W00t1991
    SouthsideNick
    Nicktheprick
    ********* (okay, this one is a secret because i don't want anyone to steal it)
     
     
     
     
    I'm open to suggestions if you think there's another name I should think about using
     
     
    Edit: 12:30
     
    YAY!!!! So far, two people want me to leave the forum!!!! I feel so loved Thank you, thank you very much
  12. NickolasJames8
    Happy Easter
    Ok, so I know I just updated this thing. I messed around and did the same thing on myspace. Anyway, I'm doing really good. I didn't have to work as much this last week as I thought I was gonna have to. But, I did get paid
     
    Besides that, it's back to school for this boy, and I'm actually ready to go back. I felt guilty about not having to wake up and go for some reason. Maybe it's because I have my routine down and I got to break it last week. Either way, I'm glad to be going back....btw, guess who got straight A's on his report card.....not Taylor Sorry, Taylor. I couldn't help myself.
     
    Also, I've been hard at work getting my story, What's the difference between me and you? edited and fixed, now I can start posting the finished work on Gay Authors again. I really love the way my editor worked hard with the mess I gave him and made it look so good
     
    My other story, My Jump Off, was updated today. I posted chapter 5 this morning and I have to say, I'm pretty happy with the character development. Also, I've been trying my hand at poetry. I've been getting some good reviews on it, but I posted a poem at Kaspers forum and no one has said whether or not they liked it...maybe they didn't Oh well, it's okay, because I'm gonna keep working hard to get better at it.
     
    The first poem I wrote was about dysfunctional relationships, and no, it wasn't about me and Taylor at all.
     
    The second poem I wrote was for my dad. I just got up one day and sat down and wrote it for no reason, but it basically said all of the things I wanted to say about how much I love him. That's the one I posted at Kaspers forum.
     
    The third one I wrote was for my boo, Taylor. It was all about us and our relationship and how much I love him and how we've grown in the Word of God.
     
    The forth one I wrote was for my mom. Even though she's been gone my whole life, I still love her and I miss having her in my life. I just wanted to let some of my sadness out and also to tell her that just because my dad and Lori are married, that doesn't mean I don't think about her everyday. Because I really do. I have dreams about her and I wonder about all kinds of stuff.
     
    Anyway, I'm gonna stop now because I'm getting all emotional and I don't want to do that. I have so much to be thankful for in my life. My family(that includes Taylor and his folks), my friends, my church and most of all, God, who sent his only Son to Earth to die on the cross for our sins.
     
    That's what Easter's all about, right? I mean, yeah, we have the easter egg hunt, and we eat candy and have Ham and Mash potatoes and rolls and brocolli and pies, but in the end, it's all about the miracle of Christ's resurrection.
     
    Okay, so I'm done now I just wanted to check in and spill my guts for a little bit. I hope everyone has a blessed week
  13. NickolasJames8

    No apologies

    By NickolasJames8,

    This I'll never be sorry for
     
     
    Having my own opinion
    Being different from other people
    Telling someone that they're wrong
    Demanding facts when somoene tries to change my opinion or prove me wrong
    Winning political debates in the chat room (and I did rather easily)
     
    Well, for everyone who forgot why Myr closed The Soapbox, if you were just in chat with me, you now know why
    I'm never going to let someone tell me that my opinions are wrong without an argument, and then have them make statements they can't back up with facts. If you want to say someone did something, go ahead. But I wont believe you unless you can provide proof.
    Things got pretty weird in the chatroom tonight, but who cares?? I'm happy it happened, because I don;t want people to think Im just some dumb kid who cant stand up for himself in a political debate. Everyone just assumes that because I'm gay that I'm automatically supposed to be against our president. Well guess what.........that's not going to happen. I hate stereotypes, and one of the worst ones is that gay=democrat. What have the dems done to earn the support of the gay community?? Have they come out and said they would legalize gay marriage across the nation?? Did they oppose the Defense of marriage act?? Did the democrat who ran for president in 2004 say he wasn't opposed to gay marriage?? It's pathetic, and so is any self respecting gay person who supports the democrats or the republicans.
     
    As far as the president goes, I don't support him either when it comes to gay rights and abortion. he's wrong about gay marriage, and the fact that he says he wants to use the constitution to ban gay marriage shows how little he knows about the constitution. The purpose of the constitution is to limit the power of the federal government, not the people that the federal government serves. Of course, this is the same idiot who said that the United States is a democracy. We aren't a democracy. We're a constitutional republic. It's disgusting that our own president doesnt even know that.
    My point is that as gay Americans, we shouldn't be supporting ether party. Civil Unions are worse than a ban on gay marriage as far as Im concerned because they say that we're "seperate but equal". Sorry, but that's discrimination. The same type of discrimination that blacks went through in the 50's and 60's. It was wrong then, and it's wrong now. I just wish that the gay community had someone like Martin Luther King to wake us up and make us stand up for our rights. We have the right to marry, and we have the right to live free of harrassment and discrimination by our president and congress.
    Ok, I'm off my rant now. I just get so upset when ignorant idiots try to say that Bush and the republicans are the only ones who hold us down. It's basically turning the other way while the dems do it too.
     
    Have a good week everyone I'm off for spring break but I have a feeling that I'm going to have to work a lot. I dont have to go in tomorrow till 4, but then I get to see the schedule for the week and find out what they want me to do (hopefullly, I'm off )
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  14. NickolasJames8

    Am I mean?

    By NickolasJames8,

    Ok, so appearently, I'm mean. This is according to a source who says that 20-30 people have told him that I'm mean. So, I want to know.....is it true?? Be honest, too because if I am, I don't want to be mean. Normally, I don't care what people think of me, and really, if it was just a few people, I wouldnt worry.....but 20-30 is a lot. So, if you're one of those people, and you think I'm mean, please tell me why.
  15. NickolasJames8
    Warning...rant ahead
     
    Ok, so I'm at it again. Yesterday someone told me that 20-30 people said I was mean, so I put up a poll (it's still open, btw) and the results are in..........including me, 3 people think I'm mean. One person didn't know who I was and 19 people said I wasn't mean....out of those 19, eight said I was sweeter than July Jelly.
    So, I'm now asking the "messenger" to please round up these 20-30 people, and have them come vote and also leave comments if they would. I'd like to know what makes me so mean and rotten to the core.
     
    Also, I talked to someone in the chatroom tonight and I just wish I could give that person a great big He deserves it. He's such a good friend and he seems like a good person, too. There are a few people here I feel that way about, and I'm glad I got to know him, because now, he's in that category too.
     
    I posted my very first piece of poetry tonight. It's a little dark, but I was listening to a song on the radio and it made me think of relationships that are so bad that people can't let go, and out came that poem...I hope you like it, but even if you don't, and you've read it, even if you hate it, please leave me some feedback. Even if its in a pm
     
    Kisses Everyone
     
    Nick
  16. NickolasJames8
    Where I work we have a radio that plays through the speakers in the cieling, and they always play old rock music. Well, lately, I've been hearing the same song a few days in a row, and I'm really starting to like it. I think it's called Find 100 Ways, but I'm not sure who sings it. Even though it's a breeder song, I still think it's soooooo sweet
    The other song I always here at work is one that I think is called Just a Song before I go.....it's really good. I know it's all old and stuff, but I think the people who sing it might be gay. But, it's a breeder song too, so maybe not. Either way, I'm on a mission to find these two songs and get my dad to buy the CD's, only to download them later and never actually listen to the CD's
    I think I might have caught a cold at work too. It was storming yesterday and I had to take people's grocieries out to there cars and then the AC was on in the commisarry and now I'm coughing and sneezing and it's hard to catch my breath I'll get better though Ok,I'm done....
     
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  17. NickolasJames8
    warning....not really a rant, but possibly an offensive post ahead
     
     
    I go into chat a lot. I havent been here since last Monday, but I got back on Sat night and went into chat on Sunday afternoon and chatted with someone i really like a lot as a friend. I guess something happened the day before in chat that hurt someones feelings and the person I think of as a friend was involved.....
    Well, I'm not going to comment on what happened between them, but I know that as a result of whatever happened, at least one person has gone off and said bad things directly to my friend who had nothing to do with the situation, which is why I'm making this post. So, to my friend.......
     
    (name edited), don't let ignorant people bug you. I think you're great, and I want you to know that. I wouldn't like going into GA chat as much if you weren't there. I don't know if anyone has told you that, but I am. You make it fun to be here, and I hope you always stick around. Like I said, I don't know what went down, but I don't care. I don't have anything bad to say about you or the person you had it out with. I just want you and everyone else to know that I like you a lot and that I support you. I'm proud to call you my friend and I want everyone who reads this to know that. Don't pay attention to haters who call you names, especially since they have no idea about what actually went down.
     
    Personally, I think it sucks that someone wants to leave GA because of what happened, but that's his choice. He'll be missed, I'm sure, but there are lot's of other authors here, and there's the new hosted authors here, too. GA will survive, I'm sure. If we're lucky, though, he'll change his mind and stick around.
     
    But, no matter what happens, I just think it's important for my friend to know that he has my support and that I'm down to stand by his side till the bitter end.
  18. NickolasJames8
    I have a really bad habit....I forget sometimes that people online dont know me in real life, and i take a lot of things too seriously when I shouldn't let them bug me. I wont say what happened, but I will say that after it happened, I acted like a jerk....in a way. I didnt go off on anyone or something like that. Instead, I just stormed off like a dummy. There's no way that the person I was offended by could have known he was offending me. Anyway, I just want to say sorry to everyone for being a real jerk, even if you didn't know I was doing it.
    So I guess this is gonna be my last entry before we leave for Cali. I just didn't want to dissapear before I got this off my chest, because I have a headache thinking about how I acted. As a christian, I dont feel like I exactly followed the Word of God tonight. So I feel really bad righ now about it. Anyways, I'm sorry.
    * * * *
     
    Well, it's official. I lost every song on my hard drive. Eight hundred and eighty songs and over a hundred videos are gone. And even though I can get the songs back, some of the movies I had i can never get back because they're ones that friends and family had made. The good news is that one of my friends was able to send me about 80 of the songs that I used to have that he had too So, at least I'm on my way to getting my songs back Plus, a lot of the songs on my pc were from CD's I had uploaded, so all I have to do is upload those CD's again.
    BTW, iTunes is wack!! Its good for my ipod, but as far as being able to share the files that I paid for with my iTunes card, it's totally gay. I'm not gonna pay for another DL from that site.
    Also, I plan to post the next chapter of My jump Off as soon as it's done. I won't be finished until I get back, so it's going to be a little bit. Anyway, I only have one comment on the last chapter, so I'm kinda wondering what people actually think about the story. maybe if someone gets around to reading it, they can leave me a comment
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  19. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so I have to go on a small rant before we leave to pick up my suit.........
    I guess some people don't like it when I use the word gay to describe things, and I guess most people think that when I say I think sometings gay, I mean bad. Well, listen up ...................
     
    Gay doesn't have to mean bad.
     
    I think it's sad that just because people have heard people call things gay and mean it as something they don't like, they automatically assume that gay = bad.
    Have a little self respect, people.
    I mean, gimme a break. We don't have to conform to stereotypes. If we did, we'd all have girlfriends and we'd never tell our friends and family that we're gay. Yet, somehow, we allow the word that has been used to identify our sexuality to mean bad.
    True, I use it that way too, and I do it because it amuses me.
    Just like some African Americans choose to use the "N" word, I choose to say GAY. Here, I'll say it again...GAY.
    It's not a bad word.
  21. NickolasJames8
    They called me an idiot. They said I was crazy. They filed a restraining order prohibiting me from coming within 500 feet of them. But now my right-wing grandparents are eating some serious geriatric crow, for recently obtained videos prove once and for all that Bush not only knew about the existence of Hurricane Katrina days in advance, but personally steered the storm into New Orleans to kill as many poor, inner-city Blacks as possible.
     
    Up until now, the Shrub has maintained a false fa
  22. NickolasJames8
    Warning:::: No rant ahead this time
     
    Alright, so I've been working to make my stories better through my editor, Talonrider, the greatest editor of all time IMO. While he's been working his butt off on my story, he's also been working hard to get me hosted on some really awesome sites, including CRVboy and his site, The Talon House. There's no way I could ever pay him back for all of his hard work and his patience with my bad spelling and grammer.
    While he's been doing all of that for me, I've been a little busy myself......I just threw together a webpage the other day, and when I say I threw it together, I really mean it. I have to go back and re-align some of the links and work on the design, but I added what I hope will be my final banner (I've changed it a lot of times ) to the GA top site......I've moved up already from somewhere in the 180's to 114, and I'm hoping that more people will vote for my site. I have to work today from 10- 3:15, but when I get home, I'm going straight to my pc to do some more work to it...in the meanwhile, if you want, you can go check it out
     
    Nick's Story Page
     
    I know it looks kinda gay right now, but I just wanted to have another place to host my stories. Im gonna keep working on it to make it better.
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  23. NickolasJames8
    Ok, so I'm kinda gonna go on another rant, but on a different subject, so here goes...warning, rant ahead
     
    I was sitting alone in the breakroom at work (because i cant stand to be in there when my supervisors in there since she stinks the place up with her ciggerrettes) and I was thinking about my life and what it's about right now. I mean, I'm definitely doing different things with it, and I'm happy about what I'm doing...I'm even managing to keep up with my homework even though I dont seem to get home before 9 at night.
    I was thinking about something that happneed last night on the way home when my dad took me to 7-11 for a sprite (we were out yesterday and I have to have sprite). There was this woman who walked up to us and said she needed 50 cents to have enough money to buy a loaf of bread. My dad asked her what kind she wanted and went inside and bought it for her. That was cool, I guess, but she was smoking a ciggerrette when she walked up to us......then, after my dad gave her 2 loaves of bread, she took out a BRAND NEW PACK OF CIGGERRETTES and took the plastic off the top while she was saying thank you......so on the way home, I got on my dads case. I think of the heffer had enough money to buy those nasty cigs, she could have bought her own bread. Of course, I really cant stand ciggerrete smoke, and i dont understand why people do it. I mean, it's pretty much a guarantee that if you smoke, you'll strangle to death one day. It says so right on the package.
    Anyway, my dad told me that I need to stop judging people and that we dont know her situation and that she might have had kids....i told him that was bs because if the heffer had kids, she should have bought them bread before she bought her stupid cancer causing, bad ass breath giving, life shortening ciggerrettes
    So anyway, we argued about it all the way home, but it wasnt that big of a deal. The thing is, I thought about it all day today at school and later on at work. I mean, I can remember in the Soapbox when I said people should make their own lives better how everyone got all mad and said I was wrong, but I dont think I am.....even now. I think my dad worries too much about other people, and if she has kids and they dont eat, he can't live with himself. But shouldnt she buy bread before she spends money on cigs?? Or should she even smoke at all??? I mean, if she cant even afford food, why does she buy cigs??? Thats kinda gay if you ask me...........
    So, getting back to my point, I think I'm missunderstood. I guess if I had the money and her kids were starving, I might offer to do what my dad did. But I dont think I'd do it without telling her that she's a dumbass for poisoning herself and limiting her lung function, which is ultimitely going to take her away from everyone who loves her. Maybe if the bread was important enough to her, she'd at least hear me out and think about what I said. Or, maybe she'd walk away from me and look for someone else like my dad.
     
    OK, end rant.....
     
    Works going good, BTW, except that my crotch is really raw right now from 3 days of running carts back in the store...I'm getting good tips though
     
     
     
    Nick
  24. NickolasJames8
    Warning.....Rant Ahead
     
    Ok, the first thing i want to say is that I had a completely different entry written and even posted but not published. I deleted it because I didn't want to cause any trouble and hurt anyones feelings. I guess that's how I am. I have a lot to be angry about (in my mind) but I don't want to express all of it because I don't want to cause problems for everyone else.....if I can't handle whatever it was I made my deleted entry about, I can always stop coming here and ask Myr to delete my user name.
    What's so sad to me is that my last post was actually a warning for a lot of people who I'm worried about. I can see something happening that I'm not sure they see themselves, and I don't think it's right for me to just sit here and stay quiet. But, since it's mostly none of my business(except when I'm involved involuntarily) I'll just shut up now.
    The reason I'm making this post is because I can't sleep. The problem has been on my mind for a few days and I hate that I'm letting it bug me. Unfortunately, I can't get rid of the sick feeling in my gut because i feel like a coward for not having the balls to publish what I wrote in the first place. I'm just nervous that if i did, people would decide to either
     
    A.) Flame me and say I'm being silly. Or...
     
    B.) Leave because of my entry. Or.....
     
    C.) the GAC's could ban me .
     
     
    I'm not trying to have any of that happen, so I'll just vent a little here and let it go. Maybe i'm just a little nervous because I'm starting my first job tomorrow at 4:45. I'm really excited about ot, but I'm also worried that I might not do good. I guess I can't actually do bad, and it's not like I'm getting paid from my employer. I'll be working for tips as a bagger
    I think what I'm most worried about about is that I wont be able to handle working and keeping my grades up. My dad already said that if my GPA falls even one one hundredth of a percent, I'll have to quit. So, there's the added pressure of letting him down. I just wonder what's going to happen.
    I can remember when I first started this year and I had triple the homeowrk I had in middle school and I was staying up until one in the morning sometimes to finish it. Now it seems like I have even more homeowrk, but I'm getting it done in just a couple of hours and I figured out that I can get some of that done at school if I spend less time socializing and more time doing my homework at school since we actually get time to do that in most of my classes.
    Of course, that also leaves me with another problem.......my social life. It's not like I do much during the week, but I'm always out doing something with Taylor and some of our friends on Friday night and Saturday night. I guess that since the commissarry closes at 9 I can get home and still have time to go out, but it wont be the same. If it were a regular grocery store, maybe my friends could come hang out with me there like we do with my buddy Steven who works at Farm Fresh. Ugh. I better stop and try to get a little more sleep before I have to get up. It's like 4:25 and I have to be up in an hour.
    Okay, if you read this, I'm sorry i went off like I did. I'm just stressed out and I've had a lot om my mind
     
     
    Kisses
    Nick
  25. NickolasJames8
    Today I got some really good news. I'm hosted at www.CRVBOY.org :pickaxe:
    I got such a good feeling when I opened the link to my story. I felt like I was sitting on a cloud. Then I opened my email and was suprised to see that I had email about the story already, so I hurried and opened it. The first email I read snapped me back into reality. It was a flame, and to be honest, I'm so grateful for it. It let's me know that just because I'm hosted on a really respected site, that doesn't mean that I can afford to stop improving. I have a lot to learn still, and if I can't except the flames and the dissapointments, I might as well stop writing.
    So, in my reply, I kindly thanked the writer for reading my story and told him that I'd continue to work hard to get better.
    Then I opened the next email, and it was from a reader who was looking foward to the next chapters because he had so many questions about where the story was headed. He gave me plenty of compliments and boosted my confidence again.
    The other day, I sat down to start on my Spring Anthology entry, and as I got through the first few paragraph's, I realized that I was inspired all over again to start a new chapter story
    I've had a lot of feedback on the story so far, and three chapters in, I'm really excited about it. Also, I have another Anthology story that I've already started, and I promise not to turn it into one of my chapter stories
    Anyway, I'd like to take the time to stop and thank everyone here for supporting me with my story, What's the Difference Between Me and You?, and I would like to give another shout out to Talonrider, my editor. He worked really hard to get my story in order and to get me hosted....so, Talonrider, this is for you
    There's no way for me to ever repay you for all you've done for me.
    Also to Myr, who gave me a place to post my work. I feel so proud to be an Author here, and I promise to work hard to get better and to keep posting my work here. It's my dream to be hosted here some day, and even if that never happens, I'll never stop working toward that goal. To me, being hosted here is like being the world champion of net authors.
    To everyone who took the time to read my stories and to rate them honestly and to give me honest feedback, I need to stop and thank you too. Without that feedback, I might have given up on myself. Of course, this also means the people who read my story when it wasn't posted on Gay Authors. There was a time when I used to put my story on a xanga page, and even back then, I had readers who went there to read the chapters and leave honest feedback. I can't tell you how much all of that means to me now. I know I'll never forget that.
    So now that I've made it to hosted status, it's time to step up my game(I just stole that from E40...I'm watching MTV). I promise to woek my hardest to make my stories as good as they can be, and I promise not to sell myself short. Please keep supporting me by reading my work and giving me feedback. In the meantime, Im slowly getting my edited chapters of What's the difference posted at the EFiction section of this site and start posting the newest chapters.
     
    Thanks for helping me out, everyone.
    By the way, don't forget to check out the winners for February of the Nickolas James Excellence Awards. Congratulations to all of the winners
     
     
     
    Kisses,
    Nick
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