NickolasJames8

Awwww.....you can always come eat Thanksgiving dinner at our house... ...of course, Im helping this year, so there might be food poisoning involved

If your mom is in denial or doesnt accept you, that's her loss....I know Im not in your position, but you still deserve to be happy. I really feel like you owe it to yourself to at least try to fnd happiness and go to one of the meetings.....what's the worst thing that could happen?? You might meet someone and hit it off?? Or maybe you'll make friends in there with someone who knows how you feel?? Like I said before, your life is worth it.

Ok, Im breaking a promise that I made myself and everyone else on this forum, but this is so important....it's immoral to kill yourself because YOU ARE WORTH SOMETHING. Your life is worth more than what some therapist says, or what others are going to think about you. Please don't go through with it. This isn't something you can decide to change your mind about once you do it, and the people who love you wont ever be able to get it out of thier minds. At least give them a chance to love you for who you are....if they can't, there is someone in this world who will. You deserve to give yourself the chance to find that person and let them love you, and to love them back. Also, what Dom said about not having to be promiscuous is true....the person who said that to you is wrong. You should just do what you feel comfortable with. Just please don't give up on yourself, or your life.

Well, this weekend I lived a nightmare...lol....not really, but it wasn't fun. We went to Jacksonville, Florida this weekend because my grandfather was there from California visiting my aunt and uncle and cousins. Well, my dad's a republican, my grandpa is a democrat, and my aunt thinks we should live in a theocracy where the governmnt pays for everything for everyone(Im not sure what to call that party..lol). Anyway, they started arguing about everything political, and it was unreal. My uncle and my stepmom and me just left the room and let the 3 extremists go at it. Later on, I got on the computer and logged on to GA because I was sooo bored. I went back an looked at some of the old topics in the soapbox that I posted in, and I realized that I had some really wild wars in there...lol. It was like reading the argument that they were having. I guess that just like my family, we all had different ideas and we had to have it out. Then I got on my blog and read some old entries, and I came across the imfamous hetero sex entry....I still cant believe how cool everyone here was. I went from feeing like everyone hated my guts to feeling like the richest person in the world for belonging to this forum. I guess I just want to let everyone know that I never forgot about how you had my back. Thanks Well, if you ever read stories posted in the library, you might have seen that I've been posting chapters of my story. Im still getting the chapters I have finished edited, so Im not really posting them very fast. I know they have a lot of mistakes still, but if you can believe it, they were worse before. I promise to get them posted as soon as they're edited,though. I think that as the chapters go on, the stry gets better...I know that the first few chapters sucked, but I think it got better when I got the hang of what I was doing. Anyway, dont be shy about PMing me to tell me wat you think..even if it's a flame. I want to know so I can get better.....if you want, you can even flame me here if you want(or just give me some feedback) Nick

No matter what happens, good luck.

The "jerk" at your job sounds he needs his a*s kicked....sorry for my outburst

Dom, Im so excited that you're working on DD again......and BTW, yes, the Doobies...the first time I read Log Way with my bf, we were listening to a Best of the Dooble Brothers CD, and we decided to take the best songs off of it and make it the official TLW soundtrack.(I know, we're weirdo's). Anyway, after we read TLW all the way through, we started on DD, but of course, it was only 8 chapters at the time, so we moved on to TOU....but through it all, we only listened to the Doobies while we read your stories...lol. The only other artist that we like to listen to if his cd happens to be in when we read your writing(like it was when we found chapter 9 yesterday) is Musiq Soulchild....but still, for us, the Doobie Brothers are the official Dom Luka group...lol

I dont think you were being preachy at all. Your whole post made perfect sense. I think that what really upset me about this whole thing is that I trusted him as a friend. I spent a lot of time online with him, just chatting, and now I feel like a total moron. Anyway, Im not gonna let it bug me anymore....thanks for taking the time to post such a cool comment on my blog.

Thanks for the support and the good advise about TOU....lol...you're right. That was a really awesome ending to a really awesome story

*long sigh*...lol...I can't believe the chapter of TOU that I just read. I mean, that was easily the best chapter of the whole story. Dom Luka, if you read this, you've out done yourself. I love reading Doms stories because it's something that A) My bf and I do together B)Gives me an excuse to listen to my Best of the Doobie Brothers CD C) Inspires me to write my own story So, thank you Dom Luka for being such a great writer and a cool guy. **************************************************** In my last entry I talked about the changes I was making in my life, and I wanted to update everyone about that...first of all, thank you all sooo much for the supportive posts. That means so much to me. I think you guys are the greatest. Well, today I found out that one of my freinds wasnt really my freind at all.....he got mad and he said that someone had brainwashed me into turning to God, and that I was turning into a preacher or a recruiter on my Xanga page. I pointed two things out to him 1) I've always been a Christian 2)That even if I was a recruiter(which I dont think I am), it wouldnt bother me to be a recruiter for Christ. In fact, it would be an honor to be a recruiter for Chist in my opinion. Anyway, he told me that he only read my page because it was easy for him to imagine what me and my bf did in bed, and thats when I realized that when we would chat, that was his reason...he was nothing but a pervert who acted like my freind to get to talk to me. So, I blocked him from sending me IM's anymore. BTW, I never talked about me and my bf doing anything sexual on my xanga page, so I dont know how he was able to imagine that kind of stuff in his head. It's scary. Well, if you're wondering about the title of todays entry, I went with a line from an old Doobie Brothers song that reminds me of Log Way...the name of the song is called real love, and right now, it's playing on my Xanga page www.xanga.com/Nickolasjames Kisses Nick

Well, Im pretty sure that I have pretty much wierded out most of my online friends....lol..well, at least the ones who read my blog on Xanga. I did a lot of thinking while I was home from school and I realized a lot of things about myself. So I decided to make some real changes, and I want them to show in every part of my life, even on my Xanga blog and on this one. The main problem was that I was trying so hard to fit the gayboi/emo/whatever image that I forgot who I was. Im not a queen. I love to play baseball and football and help my dad work on his car and ride motorcycles and all kinds of other things. But I just stopped doing all of that stuff because I thought it was stuff that straight people did, not gaybois, and I got really unhappy really fast. I felt like I couldn't relate to my friends or my boyfriend anymore. Luckily, I have a boyfriend who tells me whats up. He'll let me know if he thinks Im messing up, and we talked some stuff over. So, after I pulled my head out of my butt, I had to stop and think about the things we needed to do to make our relationship stronger......one of the things we decided is that we needed to get closer to the Lord. We've always gone to church, but one of the things we always had was a close personal relationship with God. We used to have bible study's and we always gave Him praise, but for some reason, we stopped. But that's changing. We know that if we're going to continue to grow as a couple, we have to grow in the Holy Spirit. I know that this isnt what peple were expecting to read here, but Im writing it anyway. Im proud of who I am, and I feel like I love the Lord so much. I really tried to hide that from everyone, and I wish I could take that back. I didnt realize that I was even doing it, but when I look back at all of my blog entries here and on my Xanga blog, I realize that I really was. Even though I wasnt exactly saying things like, I dont believe in God, nothing about my blog entries would tell anyone that I love the Lord as much as I do. Anyway, I know that I have a lot of work to do, and a lot to learn, but I feel like Im going to be ok as long as I can grow in the Word of God with Taylor. I feel really good about getting back to doing the things with my boyfriend that helped us become the couple we are.

I want everyone to know that I even though I havent really posted a lot, I've been home since thursday and I've been reading all of the super sweet comments everyone has been making :wub: . I feel really lucky to be part of a forum like this one with all kinds of cool people. Im doing really good now. I had to stay the night on Wed because they couldn't really control my bleeding and my breathing was kinda messed up, but I got to come home on Thursday morning. Im sure that the nurses were glad to see me and my dad go. He was bugging the nurses non stop about every little thing, and I think he yelled at one of them for rolling her eyes, but I was half asleep when it was happening, so I don't remember all of it. I could'nt have grits or cheesecake right away, but I did finally get to have grits on thursday night, but my bf had to blow on them first(I know, Im a jerk for making him feed me....lol) because the steam was bad for me. Part of he tumor was up in my nose, so they had to go in and get it out of there, and they packed my nose with these things that they pulled out yesteray, and I swear to god, I think I'll just let the tumor grow next time...lol...j/k. But I did get sick when they pulled them out, just because I couldn't believe that they were in my nose. I had to lay down and they put a wet rag on my forehead so I wouldn't feel so sick. Anyway, I feel 100 % better now, and I just wanted to make sure that I came on and let everyone know that Im ok, and that I think that you all are such sweethearts for leaving me those nice comments BTW, I read TOU 23, and Im so excited....I wonder if Murphy and Mrs. Moore are gonna actually get it on...that would so RULE!!!! Of course, the only good thng about TOU ending is that DD will start again, and Im even happier about that...as much as I love Quinn and Jude, and Aiden and Owen, Rory is my favorite character. I can just relate to him fo some reason. I also started on chapter 28 of my story, so it should hopefully be posted by tonight for anyone who is following it. Kisses Nickolas BTW:::::::: I had a piece of cheesecake yestersay. My dad drove all the way to the Cheesecake Factory to get me a cheesecake. Im not sure how many miles it is from here, but I think it's half way to Norfolk, so it's pretty far. Anyway, it was double delicious

I like cheese grits, but I can eat them with Jam or grape jelly...the jam has to be strawberry, raspberry or apricott though...otherwise, I like them plain with salt and pepper

lol.....I love grits...they RULE!!!!..lol

Well, this is it....my surgery's today, and Im hella nervous. I probably wouldn't be, but my dad's all stressed out, and it's stressing me out to(too?). So anyway, Im just gonna go with it...the suckiest part is that Im dying of thirst, but I can't drink anything untill after the surgery.... Anyway, we have to be at Sentara by 9:30, and I don't think we'll be done till late at night. I hope I can eat tonight, because Im gonna make my dad buy me cheesecake and grits... Wish me luck..... Kisses Nickolas

I would say that in no particular order, my favorites are Project Window and Doo Rags by Nas, Extinction Level Event by Busta Rymes, Year of the Cat by Al Stewart, My Buddy, I smell Pussy and G'd Up by G Unit, Vincent by Don Mc Clean, Money Power Respect by the Lox and One for Petey by Petey Crack. The one I love the most is Count on me by Jefferson Starship. It's the one song that I would sing to my bf if I had a voice that was good.

100 Miles and running by NWA????

lol...actually, we're baptists, but my dad and stepmom just fast every once in a while. I wanted to do it this time, but my dad said no My G-d Baptists are fasting? This is gonna get confusing. Next thing you'll be watching television and dancing! Hope you didn't torment the hungry too much. xx Wait, we aren't supposed to watch tv either??? Uh oh....

:wacko: Um....we aren't supposed to have pre-marital sex?? Ooops

I will...I promise. I guess I shoulda said its not a cancer tumor, its just one thats growing and has to be taken out Kisses Nickolas

Thanks Micheal........as for my bf, he better come snuggle with me or else...lol

lol...actually, we're baptists, but my dad and stepmom just fast every once in a while. I wanted to do it this time, but my dad said no

So am I Brett....I didn't stop bugging my folks about from the moment you told me..lol Kisses Nickolas BTW, Welcome to Gay Authors....read some stories now....Dom's here

Yesterday my stepmom bought me the full second season of Da Ali G Show, and all I can say is....f**K Yes!!!! Sorry, but I haven't laughed so hard in my life.....if you've never seen it on tv, you should go out and get the first and second seasons on DVD....it's so funny. Well, besides that, I was supposed to be fasting this weekend with my family, but my dad wont let me...he says Im to skinny and to young to fast... ...That's ok, I've been making him pay....since I have to eat, Im eating in front of him...bite after delicious bite, in his face, under his nose, making his mouth water At least this is my last weekend of being grounded for the f I got on my english paper, so next weekend, Im out like the vapors....lol. But after that, Im having surgery on my throat...October 12, Im having a tumor taken out of my throat...it's up against my windpipe. At least I get to go home that day, but I have to be out of school for the rest of the week. Someone from this board has been emialing me...I wont say who,. but it's not someone Im happy to be hearing from. But I told him that if he cant be honest with me, to leave me alone. Hopefully, he gets the message. Kisses Nickolas