Lux Apollo

I definitely was feeling like The Hanged Man. Still do, to be honest. Onward and upward! Thanks Tim!

Thanks. It was a difficult time. Thanks Parker. Thanks Gary. Thanks Skinny. for you all.

I miss you, Skinny.

My relationships have been a mixed bag of wonders and wounds. That relationship was... I don't even know anymore. I think someday I will write a thorough reflection piece on it. It would probably do me some good. I didn't realize how toxic and damaging the relationship was until years later. I was just a young boy desperate to be loved and scared of being out in the world surrounding. On reflection, though, I could have been writing about someone else I had a long, complex mess of a relationship with as well... Eventually.

Thanks Tim! I'm really glad it came across well.

I'm glad it came through well, though I don't wish it on anyone. It's a pretty unique feeling, once you've been there I guess. Thanks for reading!

Oh AC, I don't wish this stuff on anyone so . I do my best to keep my eyes pointed forward and put one foot in front of the other. I'm doing okay with it, I think.

Thanks Parker. When one is hypomanic, and has been at the game long enough to be self-aware about things, you get to know the difference between the 'helpful', harness-able parts of the phase, but you reach a point somewhere that you just can't keep track of the thoughts and your judgement can start to skew and at those times the mistakes and failures start to creep in.

Thanks Gary. I've been in a bit of a state the last few days, and I just needed to put it to paper. It's mentally exhausting except the mind doesn't seem to know how to stop. Oh well, it will pass given time.

Like an electric arc Pulsing between my brain And my intestines Constantly moving Seeking the best path Never finding the right one Always could be better Could be different Could do this Could do that Could do more Can’t focus All this energy Even with the rush Of creativity The Muse looks on in horror And stumbles away Stricken with vertigo I’d be useful If I wasn’t useless

Louis Couperin, Pavane in f# minor Something melancholy for a rainy day. Love some of the crunchy harmonies that shine best in the mean-tone temperament Christophe Rousset has chosen here.

Good for Liam to get some more catharsis, even if he isn't fully settled about his father. Liam is very lucky to have Marty as his pseudo-brother. One of the hardest things about being a child is not being able to see or understand what our parents are going through, and not really having a way to adequately communicate our more meta needs... I won't pass any sort of judgement on Liam's father, because there is too much unknown, really, but Liam does need to let more out and find that space for forgiveness because holding on to things the way he has affects him deeply. More and more, this is revealing things about how Liam ticks, and how that has affected him in both good and bad ways within his relationships (with Alek and otherwise). Seeing the contrast between Liam's relationship with his father and the more overbearing and involved family life of Alek shows why it hurt Liam so much - despite Alek's fears and issues with coming out, in a lot of ways he had something Liam wanted, an active relationship with parents. I feverishly doubt that Alek could ever have known how deeply that would hurt Liam, beyond just the act of being hidden away. Liam, at the same time, didn't understand how psychologically consumed Alek was by that fear... It was good to see Allie giving Liam some advice from the flipside of the coin; how broken is broken, indeed? Sometimes it takes some falls to learn how to fly.

Love it. Such a filthy little dagger.

Glad that Ritch was okay on his own. He was a real trooper with the driving, too. Hopefully the rest will do both Park and Ritch some good, after they deal with Lydia. She's going to be bound up in some tough emotions, for sure. I wonder if she's going to want to see the man carrying her husband's animal soul? Deke is being Deke, of course. It will be nice to see some of him and Kraig, now. I wonder how Kraig is doing? (Also, you changed spelling Ritch to Rich partway through the chapter...)

What it a mistake or just a difference in the edition? The editors sometimes make changes based on what they think are printing errors, or what the editor thinks the composer meant if they are working from a messy hand-scribed original manuscript or copy.

Yeah, I figured that was going to be the issue that comes up. That's still pretty heinous in a situation involving a teenager in the middle of high school. I guess it just depends on what kind of judge they get.

Nice chapter. Lots of new, little things happening. TJ is being very proactive, and is lucky to be building a support network so quickly. I doubt Mel has anything but malicious intent. I think she regards Josh more as a possession than as a son. What her exact angle is I guess we will find out. I just hope for Josh's sake that nothing goes wrong. The fact of the matter is, Robert should be able to use her past behavior and Josh's age as factors preventing any change in custody. She was the one who walked away. Josh is at an age, too, where he should be able to decide for himself which parent he resides with and the court needs to take that into consideration. Will Rachel be another ongoing thorn? Maybe. We need another chapter or two to really establish the dynamic of the school.

More great insight into the flipside. The dream sequence was awesome (if horrific). We now have a clear picture of Bailey's troubles - though now we have this incident with Mason to wonder about as well. The breath part is kind of disturbing; I hope it was just because of closeness and not something worse having happened.

Scarlatti is such a joy to play, and a joy to listen to when played by nimble hands.

This chapter started with a sweet date and ended with another big revelation. Fendral's grandson? Wow, I definitely didn't see that one coming. It kind of makes sense now, too, why Fendral had spent so much time around Kellar's cabin back at the beginning of the story. The pull of family bonds are strong, it seems. As always, waiting for more...

This is a wonderful short piece. The confusion, defogging... it holds together so well. Great job.

Sometimes we can only truly expand our horizons, our toolkit, our prowess when under extreme stress and this moment at the end was definitely qualifies. What does it say about John that he was never able to manifest this to save himself when he was captive in Iraq? Maybe nothing, or maybe it relates back to a fundamental lack of self love or excess of loathing and self disgust.

Thank you for reading! I personally don't know how I'd deal with the situation Dom was in - likely not very well over time. In no way do his actions match up with the severity of John's subconscious slips. I guess we will find out how John deals with him moving forward.

I hope it didn't leave you in too bad a place, Gary. Dom is even more a mess than we might have suspected. And there is more to learn...