Mark92

That is so true, we live with labels. Just being gay is a label too. But I dont mind that one. I dont like the word fag though. I think thats really derogatory. (hope thats spelt right I've recently been told that mine might be PTSD, does that cover a lifetime of abuse? I dont know. When I joined here I was a basket case. So scared, nervous, and shy. I used to feel physically sick with nerves, just signing in and saying hello. Everyone has been so wonderful to me, and I will never be able to thank them properly. I try in my way to give something back. There are a couple of exceptions but I wont let them win. GA is my extended family, and most families have a wrong one or two.

Hey Celes please dont stop the rambling posts I hope it helps? so please carry on. I could ramble for weeks on end. I've never really thought about putting a name to mine. Is it just one thing or a complex mixture? I really dont know. Forced isolation, no school, no friends. And beaten to a pulp most days. The rest a tyrade of verbal abuse. The one thing I always wanted from my mum was a hug. Even as a small boy I never got one. She would slap me away and tell me I was being sinful and disgusting. I was an ugly white slug. I would never ever find anyone to like or love me. Because I was a sin. Well Yarboo Sucks mum, I have found love so there But seriously putting a name to that? I wouldnt know where to start.

Sheeesh! fan me already :blush: It's hotter than Hades in here. All I can say is WOW! That was hot. I let myself be drawn all the way into that. With a predictable result. Oh man I need my Stuby right now Loved it KC

Awww man I owe you so many like points but i'm all out. This was awesome KC I was on the edge of my seat through most of it. And holding my breath throughout. And that kiss? Well I hope mine and Stuby's first kiss is like that.We talk about our first meet so often. Lovely, lovely chapter KC on to the next

Oh my KC, To me at any rate it is like cheating, the only hot dreams I have or want involve Stuby. Nobody else comes close. I love Rocket what an awesome girl. She tickles me how laid back and easy going she is. And Max? well what can I say? Cant stop I'm off to the next chappy Great work KC

Thank you guys. I'd give you all points but i've ran out This is to Nephy, I'm not jealous of people seeing him. I'm so proud he can look at himself now, and know he looks good. He says I did that, well that makes me feel good too. The jealousy stems from certain members who have teased him in the past. And he did his fair share of teasing too. Some took his teasing as actual interest, it wasnt it was Stuby trying not to be Agaith. Those people then decided , lets tell Marky what Stuby did, and what we did with him. That's what cripples me. That's what is tearing me apart. And I have to get past that or self-distruct.

Thank you to both of you Celes you dont need to be an expert on anything, just patience compassion and a listening ear, maybe a shoulder to cry on and a hug as an when needed too. And to you both Celes and Conner. If I am brave, then so is everyone else who has come forward. And all those that want to come forward and cant. Its helping me by coming out like this. I'm not cured by a long way. But different experiences bring up different feelings. So I have a long way to go still. for both of you and Conner you little bugger I'll sharpen my chopper

Before I start this entry. I want to state, I didnt write it for sympathy. I'ts to stop me bottling it all up, and sending me on a downward spiral. So lets get this out. Most of you know my past, or some of it. I didnt get the socialising, interacting, childhood most of you got. I have no experience of sharing, for instance. I had nobody to share anything with. And cut off and isolated as I was and still am. I never got the opportunity to learn that stuff. I never stop learning. Now more than ever. You see, I'm in love with the most incredible, awesome, gorgeous guy, He's a dream, he really is. What emotion am I blathering on about? Jealousy! I've never experienced it before, and I'm destroying myself with it. He is not to blame in any way. What happened before me, has nothing to do with me. I know that. But it doesnt stop the hurt. Right now in my life, I am struggling to move forward. My health hasnt been too good lately. My work load is huge. And I am trying to learn, there is a life beyond the farm. A lot of people have commented about the lack of a face on my recent pic, all I can say is read my stuff and you'll understand why. I can't move faster than I already am. I have 19 years of life, to catch up on and I've only just started living it. All I ask for is patience, understanding and a little compassion. I really am going as fast as I can. But through hell and high water I'll get there.

Love it KC simply love it. I've got so many questions firing off in my head. You big tease! You best say soon whats in that god damned box or i'll have to come and open it myself LOL Mystery, intrigue, arousing sex and an awesome author. KC you have me hooked.

Thank you Celes for adding this to the thread. If we get plenty of ideas together who knows, we may all find something that helps. It sounds like you, your mum and your brother, have really gone through it. And I hope there is a light at the end of your tunnel. I'm in the UK too but hidden away on the Yorkshire moors. Where abouts are you? Not for any other reason than being nosey lol. With so much first hand experience of that kind of depression. I wonder if you would help, anyone just starting into that? or wanting more info. If we can help just one person, or each other in any way. Then its all worth it. Thanks again for sharing

The only thing I've used as a way of relief, is a harness. It was made by my mum out of various sized straps. It was a form of punishment against sinful thoughts and actions. I dont think I have to spell it out what it actually was to stop me from doing. When she was gone it became a tool of self-harm. It edged out the bad side of my mind. It was a different sort of pain. It did sometimes cause physical injury. But that was a result I could see at least. I hav'nt used it for months now. And thats thanks to having someone to focus on. A goal for me to achieve. And I'm doing my damnest to reach it

Mine is a definate yes. If It was the man I loved, then I wouldnt even think about it. My love is for life. One man gets it. Thats all there is to it.

Different things seem to suit different people, meds or a shrink, or writing. But talking about it too is so good. Especially like this where you dont have to look into another face, to say what you feel. Its a bad day today for me, I dont know why, just mums voice in my head, for some unknown reason. I'm trying to stay focussed on other things but it's really hard sometimes. The names she used to call me are screaming in my head. And I keep crying. Not actually sobbing, just tears running down my face and dripping off my chin. But I will bounce back I just dont know when.

Happy New Year Everyone

My doc was there about 10 minutes after I was born. at home. Mums friend was the midwife. So my doc is in his seventies now. And out here in the sticks there isnt a choice for docs. You get what there is

Happy Birthday Kyle Have an Awesome Amazing Day

Well from one that found love through GA I can say its true. We were friends first. But it soon grew. I have no real life or social skills., my circumstances are so whacko. But I am in love. And its wonderful and magical. And I aim to tell him every single day that I love him. Because I actually do. The first story I read here was (in)visible by Anyta Sunday. For the first time in my life, I felt good and warm. This girl knew how I felt, without even knowing me.

Thank you Daddydavek, Most of us have our own devices for overcoming depression. Or even just lessen it a little. A while ago my doc brought a psychiatrist out to see me. He had an expensive car and expensive suit and talked to me like I was something he stood in. He didnt even try to understand what was behind my depression. And even said I should be put into care. I hav'nt had any deep dark depressive thoughts for a while now. Instead much smaller panic attacks.

Awwww man I'm crossing my legs for poor Percy. I know what that feels like. The hard as a rock and followed by a downer. It hurts you know? LOL I cant wait to find out what is in that box. And I laughed out loud at Comic and Rusty LOL You are a great story teller KC. On to the next

This is still so much me and Stuby. The anticiapation and the teasing. Not saying we both have magnificent ahem's either Making one wait is as exciting as actually doing it. If you think about it hard enough LOL The build up the tension all work up to a magical mixture of arousal. Awesome chapter KC I laughed out loud a few times too.

That was........only word I can think of is "moving"

Thank you for your part in this thread. Finding someone to just listen is a start. But not just to listen but to hear too. And follow that up with a few words of support. To be there if you need to rant and rave. And to have a shoulder to cry on if need be. Thats what this panel will be about people to listen, and care, and help where possible. I still havnt heard about it. I will inform everyone when I do. Thanks again. And there is an ear here if you want one.

Thank you Lily, that was so moving. I hope you're feeling better right now?

Thank you Comic You help me with this so much, some recognition should go to you too I havnt done with Adam yet Better get on to the next chapter

Your reviews always make me laugh Conner. Thank You. James cares nothing for Jenny and grabs every opportunity to show it LOLThings are about to change a little for Adam. And yeah the logic is very twisted I have no idea where he gets that from Thanks again