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Mark92's Blog

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Before I start this entry. I want to state, I didnt write it for sympathy.

I'ts to stop me bottling it all up, and sending me on a downward spiral.

So lets get this out.

Most of you know my past, or some of it. I didnt get the socialising, interacting, childhood most of you got.

I have no experience of sharing, for instance. I had nobody to share anything with. And cut off and isolated as I was and still am. I never got the opportunity to learn that stuff.

I never stop learning. Now more than ever.

You see, I'm in love with the most incredible, awesome, gorgeous guy, He's a dream, he really is.

What emotion am I blathering on about? Jealousy!

I've never experienced it before, and I'm destroying myself with it.

He is not to blame in any way. What happened before me, has nothing to do with me. I know that.

But it doesnt stop the hurt.

Right now in my life, I am struggling to move forward. My health hasnt been too good lately. My work load is huge. And I am trying to learn, there is a life beyond the farm.

A lot of people have commented about the lack of a face on my recent pic, all I can say is read my stuff and you'll understand why.

I can't move faster than I already am. I have 19 years of life, to catch up on and I've only just started living it.

All I ask for is patience, understanding and a little compassion. I really am going as fast as I can. But through hell and high water I'll get there.

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I think you know we're just teasing you because we love you, right? There is absolutely no pressure to show us your face, since we have seen the real you.


Comment about jealousy... now that is a sneaky bastard, rotten feeling. But sometimes it's good for the heart. It reminds us of things we must not let pass us by or give up too easily. When you find something worth loving, you fight for it.


You are a gem to me, to us all that know you.

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Jealousy has a pretty bad rep as far as human emotions go. It seems we have to feel guilt or shame for having this emotion. Well, I disagree. It is a human emotion and if we feel it, we feel it. It's what we do with it, how we act or not act on it that is important. From what you've said here, you have identified it, you've looked it squarely in the eye and have seen it for what it is. It's not serving you.


As for your pic, some of us never looked for a face. We got stuck on the buttons. lol

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What have I told you about putting pressure on yourself. You do not have to explain anything to anyone. The fact that you have come so far proves what a strong and wonderfully brave man you are.


You say that your health has not been good, then concentrate on that and get yourself well and strong before you do anything else. Stress does bad things to the body, everyone knows that. Stop putting more stress on than you have to.


Like you said, you have 19 years to catch up on but you don't have to do it all at once.


as for jealousy... well we've all suffered with that and, unfortunately there is no cure. The worse thing you can do it push it aside or fight with it. It is what it is. Let it be. If you're jealous of those who have seen, are seeing and will see your lovely boyfriend, well, that's just selfish.


You have something rare and precious and incredibly fragile... your lover's heart and soul. Don't be so mean as to deny the rest of us at least the joy of looking at his lovely face without being cross about it.


What is in the past is in the past. look back, acknolwedge, move on. Keep your eyes on the future and live for the present and you'll do fine.

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Thank you guys. I'd give you all points but i've ran out :)


This is to Nephy, I'm not jealous of people seeing him. I'm so proud he can look at himself now, and know he looks good. He says I did that, well that makes me feel good too. The jealousy stems from certain members who have teased him in the past. And he did his fair share of teasing too. Some took his teasing as actual interest, it wasnt it was Stuby trying not to be Agaith.

Those people then decided , lets tell Marky what Stuby did, and what we did with him. That's what cripples me. That's what is tearing me apart. And I have to get past that or self-distruct.

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Ouch... now that's not cool. That's not a simple emotion of jealousy, that's hurt on top of it. I'd probably slap the crap out of anyone from my hubby's past that had approached me like that, simply because I'm a tad possessive. How much worse do you think it would be if you didn't care at all what they said? I think it'd be way worse. At least it shows you care, as long as you don't go all violent or nasty; jealousy can be healthy to an extent.

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growing up is never easy ... but you're on course ... and learning a lot by sharing


as for those people that causes hurt and trouble ... they haven't grown up to be an adult

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Hey dude :) Well done man; you have come so far :)


You only have a little few steps to go but take all the time in the world.


You know you have love; you know you have friends out there ^_^ We all love you and we know you can do it; these things take time :)

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Thanks guys, it really is appreciated. I just want you all to know, regardless of anything I'm trying. :hug:

So much is new to me, as well as emotions. But one at a time I will learn them. Thank you so much for the continual support. I love you guys. :)

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Hey Mark,I'm seeing you everywhere.Be glad you have him to feel jelousy for.Just know the feelings are there.Like Neph said (Hi Neph) It is what it is -let it be.The situation was shoved in your face,right.Of course your feelings come out.He loves you.You love him.Screw them.Don't give them the power to hurt you.

Hope i'm helping

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