Yettie One

LOL Escape artist Billy. (or is it breaking in Billy hehe) I got a nasty feeling Billy is going to get hurt by this moron. And I'm not sure I am happy about it. Are we allowed to feel protective of a character in a book. Love this story.

That whole transition phase when dad is moving out must be really hard to deal with. watching the home life fall apart slowly like that is tragic, and I kind of admire Billy for dealing with it as well as he has, and I'm not saying that he has dealt with it well, but still, he's not totally lost it, and he's still getting on with things. Keep your chin up buddy.

Well, he's lost his cherry, lost his gf, got knifed in the back by his best mate.... It's all going on in Billy's life. I think it's a bit rich him being so angry at Joanna, but Sam, well that is another thing. It is an unspoken rule, you just don't go there with the ex of your best mate man!

Ya huh, so the fact it might just be a hook up for AJ is starting to dawn on him now! That sucks. I knew I didn't like AJ. And it looks like he's losing Brandon to Bobby now too. Argh it's all going sideways for poor Billy.

Given that Nate came back to Erin is something he's not allowed himself to acknowledge yet poor boy. I know he's got this whole fear of loosing anyone he loves or gets near too, yet he's missed the point that although he did keep him waiting, Nate actually came back. I think Erin needs a good slap! Wake up boy! I have to say that Nate is a saint. God I wish I had his patience. The colour linking to emotion in Nate is a wonderful way of tracking his characters inner conflict and a very clever way of you being able to express his emotional state without being direct about it. Again the creativity of this is wonderful. And I love the uncertainty of Erin, even if it is bloody frustrating. It gives life to the character in a very real way. As long as it is balanced against the rest of the plot development, and does not become a central element of the plot, it will be exciting to watch you develop the inner conflict within Erin and see its resolution when he realises what he really wants. Fire in the front door? I didn't realise that the front door was open? A new mystery arrives, so now even more questions. OMG!

Argh Such a frustrating chapter for poor Nate. I think that Erin is being a bit irrational given that it has dawned on him that there is attraction there between him and Nate, and his assumption that Nate is going to get bored of him is unfounded. But having said that, I know that feeling of self doubt only too well. His uncertainty would certainly make him worried of hurting Nate as you've touched on, so I guess I can get a sense of his thought process on that one. I suppose if he's still attracted to women, then he's going to be really conflicted, and if this is the first guy he's had a thing for then it will throw him for a loop till he can work it out in his own mind. I just hope he has the time he needs to accept it and find his comfort zone. I love the tenderness of Nate. He strikes me as a war hero with a soft side and I kind of feel for the poor guy. He's being a true gentleman, even if gentle is not in his normal walk of life. I find myself routing for him, which is wonderful for the reader, as you discover you are more than just interested in the story, you are living it, so well done. I did find towards the end that there was a repetitive nature to Erin's thought process. We know that he's got these issues and repeating them can be a trap that leads to a reader skipping over parts of a chapter they feel is repeating what they've already read once or twice before, so keep an eye on that one. No real answers to any of the questions thus far, so we are not really any the wiser after this chapter, so on to the next.

Dude....... You are such a tease it is perfect!!!! (but oh so friggen maddening) I have to be honest and say that the realm of magic and fantasy is not a strong suit of mine, so I am probably at a loss, other than maybe an obvious choice for a guess at exactly what is unfolding before my eyes, but I'd imagine that you are being a little devious with the plot here, and that our amazingly mysterious Nate is not going to be something we'd guess easily, especially considering he is one of a kind. However, part of me is now thinking that our dear Erin is not all he seems either...... Oh the plot thickens. The delicate nature of the boys growing attraction and dawning romance is quaint and sincere which I totally appreciate. I love that Erin is scared and uncomfortable with things, yet does not want any of it to stop. I love that Nate respects Erin. I love that they don't seem in a hurry as most would expect teenagers to be. So is this another pointer to their unique differences? Erin saw through Nate's attempt to give him reason to be cautious, another reason I am making an assumption he's no ordinary teen, and of course Nate basically confirmed his folks were from "his world", so that kind of hints at Erin being something special too. Pink = happy. Interesting choice. Pink eyes must be amazing. "A waterfall of serotonin!" What a wonderfully poetic expression of sensation. It is simple things like this creativity that breath life into this story. Loves it. Still got more questions than answers, so next chapter for more info it is then.........

Step by step I was walking with Erin. His pain becomes the readers pain, his disillusionment is visceral, you feel it and live it with him throughout. The moment of communication was so special and alive with creativity, I loved that. Looking forward to the next chapter.

I really love how you create such a visual and palpable image for your reader, the mind explodes into life as a vision of your text is unveiled. I also love how with so few words you are able to convey so much between these two. They connect on some level that goes far beyond natural ties and bonds, and this is clear to the reader in simple yet powerful dialogue and sensational writing. Every step forward we take, dawns another question, yet more probing questions and a desire to understand driving us on. Drip feeding us, yet the experience is not one of frustration but real enjoyment. Wow Well done. Gotta keep on reading now so I'll shut up and get on to Missed Busses.

I find the fact his eyes change colour so quickly and with such interesting and vibrant variations and hues mesmerising, and I am just a reader. Imagine what it'd be like to watch those eyes transform before you. And I thought the fact you used a brand name was cute. We all love a skittle or six when perched on a park bench flirting. Soooooooooooooooo many questions dude. wow, I can't wait to get my head around this wonderful character that appears to have such a heavy burden on his shoulders and a job that weighs on his heart.

Such awesome use of vocabulary and I love the quirky air you create for the plot to unfold in. So much to wonder about and so many reasons to read on. Fantastic character development, and I think that the mystery and intrigue that you've created is wonderful. Looking forward to seeing where this goes.

Hmmmmmm, I knew I didn't like AJ. And still can't believe he hasn't worked out what the hell is going on ith Joanna, although I think he's starting to get an inkling that a break up is on its way.

The trouble with keeping a diary is that some day someone other than the writer is also going to read it. I learnt this lesson a long time ago and have never kept one since.

I think the idea of your parents splitting up is one of the hardest things for any kid to accept. It is quite simply terrifying. I know I kicked off when my folks when through a tough time and thought about splitting up, so I can kind of relate to how he is feeling. Still think he's blind, although it seems things with Sam have reached a point where he's going to have to realise what is going on pretty soon. Not sure I like AJ. He seems a bit of a jerk!

Awwww Billy is such a clown sometimes. A little judgemental at times, but I guess that is what a teen is like, but yeah, I'm still convinced he's blind as a bat. I had to giggle at the whole shower scene. I could just imagine most of us having tried something similar at some time in our past.

Sometimes I think Billy is blind. The only girl Sam's been talking to is right under his bloody nose! And as for Brandon, surely he can sense that he might be gay. I meant he's never around girls and kinda flirts with Billy all the time. Hmmmmmm, he's blind I am sure of it. So he's popped his cherry, and I don't think I'll ever see swallowing in quite the same way again after his little analogy there! Thanks Comicality! x

Being faithful is not exactly a priority when you are a teenager, learning about sex, life, love and emotions. Billy is being an ass yes, selfish yes, possessive yes. He's being a whole lot of things. But he's a kid and learning, so hell let him learn. He'll get his heart broken somewhere along the way and realise it is not good to do all this random bouncing around without thinking about other people's feelings. We've all got to make our mistakes and get things wrong to understand the effect we have on our own and other people's lives. I just hope Jimmy gets better.

When you get to have a look at her twitter feed, she seems like an all round well brought up bigot and one hell of a party animal. You have to wonder if that had been an Asian person saying much the same stuff about white people if they'd have had as lenient treatment. Sad!

Hmmmmmm By the title of the chapter I'd expected something a bit different. Maybe it will turn out to gain some form of credence as the story pans out. Still, for what it is worth, Aaron seems to be fairly nice, if not just a good looker. Have to agree with Lisa, the name Zeke is cool.

OMG Someone finally gets the whole Lord of the Flies thing as well. That was awesome. An aweful lot that I could relate to as a teenager, and your opening paragraph where we all have those persistent "what ifs" in our lives that we know would have changed something tangibly for us had we ventured a chance and taken the risk. Good first chapter.

"When I came, three, perhaps four years later?" Wow, hell that must have been one hell of a coupling session. Daddy is right, financial concerns are always a driving factor in change. In some ways I can kind of understand it, no government wants to see its people suddenly robbed of jobs, income and personal independence through earnings. Getting change just right is a difficult balancing act that needs everyone to get involved in the debate.

Hey Cole.Thanks so much for reading and leaving your review. I have to be honest, I really wasn't sure how I was going to describe the trenches at first, so I used the only experience I could come close to, to try imagine what things would have been like. I remember once when I went to play paintball with colleagues from work, that the most vivid thing I could recall was the smell from the smoke bombs we used in the game more than anything else, and so decided to use smell as a big part of my descriptions. I am really glad that it paid off now. Thanks for the high words of praise, I am really glad you enjoyed the story, and thanks again for sharing your thoughts with me.

Heya Percy.I really love getting your feedback. It is always so insightful and thoughtful. I tried most of all to get the emotion right through the story and had a lot of help from Lewis to get that just right, so it is as much his effort as my own that delivered the depth of feeling in this story. I am so glad that the time we spent on that part of the tale paid off. I had not even realised there was another period story, so thanks for the heads up, I'll go have a look. It'd be really interesting to read. Thanks again Percy. x

Hi Timothy.You are so right, sometimes war is a necessary evil, but at times it is without point or justification that so many must die. You have to ask yourself why commanders and leaders of the time did not realise quicker that they were locked in a deadly stalemate using flawed tactics that simply added to the death toll without any sort of benefit or advancement of their cause. There were over 6 million lives of potential beauty and love snuffed out in WW1, and this story was meant to show just one of those possibilities. I am really glad your understanding brought that point out, and thank you for taking the time to share your view with us. x

The sad thing is Jimmy is right. People do suck. We are only human and imperfect and get it wrong. I feel is pain so much it is unreal. Poor kid, I hope he can see through the darkness.