Tranquility

Dearest Victor, I have so much I want to say, but I really don’t know where to begin. I guess I will start by saying I miss you. You and I, we didn’t have a lot of time together and I can’t help but blame myself for it. I keep wishing I’d talked to you sooner, met you sooner so that maybe we could have had the chance to do all the things we talked about doing. The truth is, Vic, I still can’t believe that you’re gone. I keep telling myself you’ll come back; I keep expecting you to pop back up on Skype and we’d continue where we left off. I still feel perpetually trapped in that Saturday when you said you’re going to run that marathon and we’d talk when you got back. I waited for you that day; I’m still waiting for you now. I don’t even know how many times I’ve went back and read the chat logs – and even now, you can still put a smile on my face. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you before. I have never clicked with anyone so instantly and so naturally like I did with you and I can’t help but feel robbed and cheated because I don’t think anyone will fill the hole you left behind in my heart. Do you remember all the silly plans we made? That you’d teach me how to bake; that we’d go running together; that we’d have cocktails by the pool; that we’d sit on a bench and comment on passersby? Do you remember all the times we jinxed our jinxes or that it would take us half an hour just to say goodbye? There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about you, but mentioning your name is always so hard. Our time together may have been brief, but every minute was worth more than words can say; I may have had you for only a few weeks, but I will remember you for a lifetime. You once told me I reminded you of you when you were young; I found it silly then, but it means so much to me now. I will be proud if I will be at least half the man you were, because you were a force of nature and anyone who had the luck of meeting you knows that. What I regret the most is that I never had the chance to tell you how much you mean to me – that it only took you a couple of days to become a huge part of my life. And even though you’re not here anymore, that still hasn’t changed. I made a promise to you months ago – something silly and inane – but I want you to know that I am going to keep it. I will never forget you. Love always, V

Turing was brilliant - unfortunately, homosexual activity was illegal in the UK at the time. When they had castrated him, Turing didn't so much care that his sexual drive no longer worked - but he felt that the chemical imbalance caused by the castration in his body was also affecting his brain, and that was something he couldn't make peace with. They say that he injected an apple with cyanide and bit into it - that's how he committed suicide. And the same apple made an appearance later on, as tribute to possibly the greatest mind modern computing has seen: PS: Some say this is Newton's apple, some say it's Turing's apple. Maybe it's a tribute to both *shrugs* Frankly, the fact it's bitten kind of makes me think of the latter.

What you write online can be misinterpreted by its recipient - but so can what you tell someone in person. So, I wouldn't really say it's any different or at least not that much different. Besides, use smiles to emphasize your point/feelings/intention. They exist for a reason, not just to represent LOL. And I have to say this - as far as the "stern messages" comment went, as Yoda would say: Indicate it well, you did not. I too interpreted it differently, with a negative connotation. Frankly, I don't see how anyone could not o.O So maybe had you put "stern" with quotation marks, it would've indicated you were not being entirely serious, but as it is... Just sayin' bro.

Actually, Fish-boy, I rather like these two: g) Possessiveness, 'hot and cold' treatments, and further property damage (removing the engine to your car to prevent you from driving off somewhere) is all okay as long as your boyfriend has abs of marble. h) During sex, it's desirable to get bruises all over your body so you'll look like a trainwreck in the morning. It won't hurt at all. And if he apologizes to you in the morning you should be like... why did you apologize? I'm wearing these as badges of affection. While your reasons for disliking Twilight may be deeper and more profound, I personally just cannot swallow such uninspired, rank-amateur, sad attempt at low level fantasy. Just thinking about the "plot" makes me roll my eyes.

No, you're totally right I loved all of it. The card, YT being a pet (and GOOGLE's pet to boot!), etc. It's brilliant

LOL exactly. Every time she changes her look, she says "They'll get used to it" which is the EXACT same thing I say when FB changes the layout or interface. And Bing asking Google <3 And Google so desperately trying to push his other products <3 score lol.

Just an addition to this:

These are very good, Fishy. I especially noticed I make mistakes with speech tags and punctuation And since I am currently trying to write a story, I find this blog post totally demotivating for some reason xD So on that note, screw you Fishy lol

I discovered Russel a while ago He has some funny vids. This one is not a particularly fun one, I must say though

LOL I love this. Especially Google, YT, Twitter and Facebook

Lol I'm sorry, but I am totally addicted to this/these guy(s). And if they are brothers (which only seems logical), that makes it even worse But if I had to choose one, I'd say the one with glasses. Just look at the faces he makes Adorable.

Back off, he's mine!

Oh, and many people say you can see it's a different guy (ie, twin) due to the different hairstyles. But in this vid, where Jon's hair is longish, his "brother's" hair is also longer. And in the newer ones, where Jon's hair is shorter, the brother's is also shorter; it's just styled differently.

I'm confused whether he does or does not have a brother; all common sense dictates he does. Yet, he titled the song (made me giggle btw ) as "Duet With Myself".

Uh, hell no! I'm claiming him >

^ Can't agree on that one; boring movie. :| And I'm sci fi / fantasy junkie.

I cannot agree with John Carter, but definitely, I liked Alien vs Predator I&II. Also, The Emperor's New Groove. Totally flunked at the BO, but in my modest opinion, it's one of the best Disney toons ever. The first two Resident Evil movies were awesome - afterwards, they grew increasingly cheesy and dumb, but I still enjoyed them nonetheless. Also, there was a film I really loved that got really bad reviews and did very poorly at the BO, but I just can't remember which one right now o.O

The faces he makes <3

I. Am. In. Love.

^ That!

I've met a few guys that wax everything off :| I don't even want to think about what happens to the loose and delicate parts.

Seriously, this topic has had me giggling and snorting from the title I prefer some hair on me men. Though I don't mind it if they're shaven either - except that I kind of expect a man to have hairy legs. I mean, come on. You need to draw a natural line somewhere with that damn razor Me personally, I trim. I don't like shaving. Itchy and everything and I don't like the way it looks on me either

Omg I wants it so bad @_@ I've been waiting for the next SimCity game since like... 2002. This is like a dream come true

I'm coming into the discussion late, but I think for once I should add my two cents to a topic. You have to understand that the situation is different for everyone, because it's a complex social and physical phenomenon and not two social environments are quite the same. Maybe I should start by answering your original questions and head on from there. Was I afraid? It's not so much in the past tense, rather I still am. In part, it's because I know the feelings of my friends and family for the subject and in part, it's because of the place I live in. These are factors you seriously have to take into account. I am not so much worried about my family (which is not saying that I'm not worried in that regard at all), I am more worried about society, and not so much that I'll be rejected - rather, whether I'd be safe or not. When faced with an non-accepting and potentially dangerous environment for LGBTs, what you really have to do in my opinion is weigh the pros and cons of coming out. Will coming out increase the quality of my life? No, it won't. Will it give me a better chance to meet someone? No, it won't. Why? Because here you'll never see two guys holding hands on the street, and that's because the sentiment I have 95% of the rest share. Simply, the costs associated with coming out heavily outweigh the potential benefits and so there's no point in doing it. Take for example an even more extreme situation, if you were in a country where being gay can be prosecuted by law (and there are such countries unfortunately) or even countries where being gay would earn you the death penalty (still 7 such countries in the world). Hell, even Turing was chemically castrated some 60 years ago for being gay, and he did the UK a huge effing favor so to speak. So this question is really complex and you cannot expect to project the environment you're faced with in California with the environment gays are subjected to in other countries. Societal and cultural differences are an amazing thing. As a friend of mine said, "In Holland, you're a-okay if you're gay, but if you're a smoker, shame on you." Though, even in the most accepting of societies, there's still the family factor to take in. Some of you have it easy in the sense that at the very least, you don't have to worry about society. Some had it ideal, and didn't have to worry about family either. But when you have to worry about both, it makes things so much more difficult. As for your second question, the answer is no. I've never felt disgusted, ashamed or had trouble with accepting it. There were moments, perhaps, when I thought how life would be easier if things were different. But because I never went through this whole self-acceptance phase, I too cannot understand how some guys need time to discover themselves or to accept what they are. I don't say this in a condescending sort of way, of course - I can, to some extent, understand that it is not as easy to come to terms with one's sexuality for some. I just personally didn't have to go through these unpleasant motions. Also, I'd just like to point out that the authors you've read (in particular, I'm referring to DomLuka) are the ones that like to dabble at the whole coming out and getting to terms with yourself theme. It's a popular subject, for sure, but there are authors who don't really care about it and would rather get down to some other subjects which may or may not be less frequently explored. There was a time, especially when I read DomLuka's stories, where the whole coming out subject was very interesting for me. Now, I don't particularly care for such stories and would rather read about something else. Is the fear founded? Yes, it is - but as I said, it's different for everyone. I don't think we're truly ever fully accepted. Sometimes people may say they accept you, but in truth they don't - they just refuse to process the entirety of the information for whatever reason; in the best of cases, this reason is because they really care for you. But I've known a guy online whose family was entirely accepting, only for him to bring his boyfriend home some months later and for the situation to become extremely awkward. Saying it isn't the same as showing it and living it. A lot of parents accept the fact in the sense that they'll love you no matter what, but they find trouble with dealing with it when it's in their face and they come to realize that this is it, he/she really is different - and all the other connotations associated with being of a different sexual orientation. I do think that having the support of your friends and family is extremely important because it will facilitate dealing with the problems that may occur when faced with the rest of the world in this sense. To be honest, even if I was now placed in a far more or entirely accepting environment, I still wouldn't be one of those "in your face" gays. The difference for me would be, I wouldn't hide who I am, especially not if someone asked, but I wouldn't parade it around either because I really see no point in doing it. I get why some guys feel the need for it and I can see how they would argument my case, but should people be walking around and making sure you know they're this or that orientation? That's not to say I have a problem with guys that dress, talk or act in a way that screams they're gay - not at all! But some of them do it not so much because it's who they are, but because they have the need to distinguish themselves and make sure everyone knows they're gay. I may not agree with it entirely, but who am I to judge. On the other hand, I'm not an entirely big fan of self-loathing gays either They make such difficult relationship material. But honestly, I've yet to meet one that truly hates him or herself for what they are. So, I hope all the comments you received help you better understand. You cannot apply one situation and generalize it to all others. I'm sure someone who's had an incredibly rough time going through the process would have quite different things to say on the subject. To the people who were faced with rejection and even danger every step of the way and still had the will and strength to last it out and take it to the end, I bow down to you. God knows you had more in you than I do.

Happy Birthday Cassie!!! <333