Camy

OCD. Hmm. Both Kevin and Patricky think they have it, and I just wrote a reply on Patricky's blog saying it was all twaddle. Then it crossed my mind that I have it too! Whenever I go to the beach I have to find a stone with a hole in it. I mean it's not a total compulsion, but I do get annoyed if I have to leave without finding one. Luckily there are lots of stones with holes in them, otherwise I'd probably need a straight jacket. This 'stone with hole' thing started a year or so ago. Now I have a large bag of stones with holes in them and possible OCD too. Ah well. The weather was fantastic today: Clear blue skies, with just a hint of the spring to come, though still chilly. Sadly I've been stuck indoors. The cat, who is on my knee as I write, would like to send her regards. Camy

Thanks guys. I think? Mud Bugs? Ok so I googled it and crayfish aren't so bad. I quite like Lobster if I don't think about the poor wee beastie being thrown alive in boiling water... 'k, so I've gone off Lobster too, thanks very much... But Hells Teath. Testy Fest! Agh yick poo... and why do you have to be over 21 to attend? Hmm. Something not right here. I'm terribly fussy with food. I dissect things to remove fat and 'grolly'. So please understand the problems I'm having with the Bollock eating weirdness that seems to abound cross the pond... Erm... not that I'm against 'eating' bollocks per se. It's just I like to return them in good condition Camy the squeamish

I was trying to think of another name for this blog: I ponder a lot, and really 'A bunch of Balls' wasn't doing it for me. So I googled, as you do, and damn me if the truth is worse than any of my putrid mental fictions. Those who live in the good old US probably know already that Rocky Mountain Oysters are Bulls Bollocks cooked and apparently eaten with a side helping of Chips. I was, and still am frankly amazed, and feeling rather squeamish. Yelch. Real Oysters are bad enough. Camy

Yeah he's gay, and he's mine! (finger's crossed) If our talk last night is anything to go by (unless I was dreaming it). I'm hopeful anyway You are soooo lucky! Thanks. I will. Camy

Yes Please! I always thought Justin was a college type. Though whatever you do I'm glad you're continuing with them. They're good characters. Camy

I need an editor. I thought I probably might need an Editor at some point but after reading some of the excellent prose on this site, and having read a lot of utter twaddle elsewhere it finally struck me that one of the main differences was Editor. With Editor good, without bad. So now I want one, how to go about it? I know there is a thread about the subject, and having read it I'm no further forward. It seems to me that the relationship between Author and Editor is a bit like a marriage... And I don't know how to go about that either. Something else to get angsty about. --- I spent some time today with M, the guy I want to live with until we're old and decrepit. I sat in his room watching TV. He was lying on the bed and kept giving me these odd looks. A whole raft of futures flashed through my mind. Obviously there was the one where we are living happily together (with the house, white picket fence, roses blah blah blah). But then there was one where he stays with the guy he's with at the moment (M is a career for A: a young man with cerebral palsy, who is very manipulative). I try really hard to be nice to A, when all I want to do is shout at him, tell him to F off and stop using my friend. M seems oblivious to all this. --- Ah well. These things are sent to try us. Camy

Yeah. Gee Kevin. Thanks for that... So I might be troubled, hurting and lost (sob, wail, howl, gnash, blubber) but I really, really... (Agh, waaaail! & more tears) didn't need to be told... Sniffle Almost everything you say I agree with, except the moving on bit. For sure the internet is like a buddleia jungle for Butterflies; but once you find a place you feel comfortable, get to know people you like, and more importantly, people of a like mind, why move on? Camy

"It's so much easier to read this stuff than write it." True. But where would the fun be if we didn't try?

I only know you through your writing, which I think is good btw. You sound really stressed, and life is honestly too short for stress (Ha! I'm a fine one to talk). I promised myself that If I wrote a blog entry I would never delete it. You should do the same. They are part and parcel of who we are. Several times I've read stuff back and cringed, finger hovering over the delete button... Does it really matter? If you can get away with awful ranting anywhere It's probably here. This is one cool community. so erm, yeah. Chill. Good luck with your job too. Camy

Yes, Yes! That's a really apt analogy!!! Though one of my other big problems is that I hate getting up in the morning, and have broken several alarm clocks along the way :wacko: It'll all come right in the end, of that I have no doubt. It's like everyone knows Christmas will arrive eventually. It always does. I just want it now. NOW! Thanks Kitty. Camy

Hiya Kevin, Thank you so much for your comments. Once I'd written the blog entry I wasn't going to post it; then once I had, I was going to delete it... But I made a pack with myself that if I post I will never delete; on the basis that every entry is a 'slice of life', embarassing or not. The division 'thing' is really hard, though I think we all do it to a greater or lesser degree - one person with the bank manager, another when out with collegues, and another with friends. The same person, just different aspects: That's day to day life. My personal sexuality is now getting more vocal and demanding. It's upset, won't be denied, wants to be heard and is fed up of being ignored! I guess the bottom line is that I'm a repressed fool. A lot of that is down to the British educational system. At school, especially single sex boarding schools you can't cry otherwise you're weak. It's the 'stiff upper lip' attitude... and EVERYBODY knows there is sex going on, but you don't talk about it... It's all just a nasty phase. So. My best friends know I'm Gay, and I truly love them both dearly: but I'm living with the wrong one! Life can be a real bitch at times! Anyway today is a fresh slice of life, and I feel so much better... Today. Thanks again. Camy

Albert's Day Chapter 5 is up. Enjoy. Camy

I'm rather like that parrot in the Monty Python sketch. I'm pining, but not for the fjords. I want... I want some defining person to enter my life and tell me that it's really all going to be OK. I blog here (well duh) and elsewhere too. Here I am probably as whole as I can be, in that I'm reasonably happy to discuss my sexuality; or as happy as I'm going to be anywhere I guess. However, and here's the rub: I can't be completely 'me' without talking about what else I do, and that scares the shit out of me. It's the 'outing' concept. Conversely on the other blog, and online places I visit, I can't talk about my sexuality... So am I turning into more of a split personality than I was before I started blogging here? Is this doing me any good. Should I just bury the sexual 'me' and carry on my merry way. Or what... I have two very close 'best' friends one male, the other the woman I live with platonically. They both know that I'm gay but they don't know how much I'm hurting at the moment. I guess ultimately there comes a point when you get fed up pretending and just say 'f**K it this is who I am. If you don't like it I don't care.' I can't seem to get to this point without backing away in terror. Not that I show it. I can't seem to cry either, and this oddly really upsets me. Crying is so cathartic, and lord I could use some tears now. Sorry for the pathetic rhetoric. I'm not out to garner sympathy. I could, perhaps should be writing this privately; but this is GA and where else could I be so anonymously wimpy. Camy.

Right back at you Mikie, and thanks!

Albert's Day Chapter 4 This chapter contains my first real attempt at writing a sex scene. It was hard (pun definitely not intended) really hard, and I am amazed at how long it took. I have a few notes I thought I'd share... Though please don't let them put you off reading the story. 1 - Never ever EVER write in the third person. It makes everything so much harder than it has to be. 2 - Here's an idea. Work out a plot before beginning 3 - Frequent shorter chapters are better than longer chapters every blue moon. So I've blown No 1. That's for next time. No 2 is nearly sorted out, and I'm actually resonably happy with the result, and No 3 is a done deal. This all leads me (nifty segue) on to another slightly harder topic. I found and eventually joined this wonderful site, and I'm gay. Well Duh. But I now want to start telling people about this 'startling revelation'... And I find I can't. Gah. Camy

I cannot express how happy that makes me Erm... Probably WOOT! I had a quick Google and came up with a couple of interesting sites: http://www.fathom.com/course/21701754/session4.html Says: A point of interest about Oliver Twist's original publication is that serial fictions, not being self-contained, incorporate the times. Eminent scholars have identified many topics of the day to which serials make reference. This is absolutely true, though I suspect if you take any modern fiction it would embody the time in which it was written. From the point of view of language and the l e n g t h of the paragraphs...This just made me laugh. http://www.lang.nagoya-u.ac.jp/~matsuoka/CD-Shelston.html I'm sure it's 'worthy', but definitely better than sleeping tablets. Thanks again for your comments. Camy

Thanks Kevin. I really appreciate your comments, and I'll try and update tonight. I've nearly got chapter 4 finished... Camy

Hey, I've got to say two things. 1) quote from your web site: "The purpose of this web page, besides hosting my own feeble attempt at writing..." Don't be so self deprecating. That is actually an English trait (I should know) and not one you normally expect from an American. Anyway it's total balls because: 2) 'Someday out of the blue' is excellent. There. 'nuff said. OK not enough. Now I want to winge at how your damn story kept me up until 4.30am. I'm now tired and grouchy, but if chapter 6 happened to be posted I wouldn't complain... You've got a great taste in music too. Excellent. Camy

Sex. We all do it, we all enjoy it, but the fact of the matter is (for me - can't speak for anyone else) the concept, the dreaming about it, the eroticism of reading about well drawn and liked characters 'getting it on' is often far more powerful than the real thing. Much like like orgasms. You get orgasms, and then occasionally you get ORGASMS! Age difference is interesting too. Why is it that the idea of our parents, or grandparents having sex is such an anathema? My guess would be genetics. Anyway, you don't need anyone telling you how to write anything. Camy PS Eat the cookies if they are 'fluffless'. Though if you waited to read this they're probably mouldy in which case don't. Battlestar Galactica is good, but you have to get into it, which requires time... Beware! TV soaks away our lives.

I think the Python's would quite like this Nice one!

Albert's Day Chapter 3 is up for its sins. I was trying to work, and all I could think about was the story. I've come to the conclusion this is probably not good, but it is necessary. After all, characters, whether in real life or fiction, have lives; and those lives are important... Especially to the one writing them. Fail and they die; not on the page necessarily, but in the readers heart. I've said that I hate serials because you never know 1) if the writer will bother to finish it, and 2) because I'm really, really impatient. I must add to that that 3) my mind/brain/squidgy thing in my head removes things faster than I'd like. I can read a book, and a while later (year or so) re-read it as if I'd never read it to begin with... So with long running serials with l a r g e chapter gaps - and there are a couple I like, I find myself having to start at the beginning several times, or at least skim read them. This is a pain. Anyway. I've kind of changed my mind, and for this reason: Serials are fresh. They are a slice of time that you live through with the writer. You don't know what's going to happen, and probably neither does the author. This makes them exciting. Waffle over. Camy

Wow! Thanks a lot. I'll try not to disappoint! Camy

Chapter 2 of Albert's Day is up on the e-fiction section. Enjoy it or not, I care not a jot. Of course I do really, but we all need a cushion. I must be addicted to writing. Ok... So I'm Gay and addicted to writing. Neither of which I'd have dreamt of saying, even in an anonymous blog a couple of weeks ago. Possibly because then it wasn't true. It's odd, damn odd; how this bit of me has leapt to the forefront of everything I'm thinking, and doing. It's even intruding into music, which I'm quite shocked about. For sure I'm still in the closet and no one I know in the real world has the vaguest inkling that I'm sitting here doing this. They know I write a bit, they know I blog... But not here. It's a start I guess. That damn draft button is taunting me.

Wasnt it kinda shocking for you to be born in a time when there probably wasnt even tv yet and now you have CD's??? When I was born we didn't even have cars! Biplanes were a luxury undreamt of, and I used to get up to go to school before I went to bed. Those were the days my son! aye. Speaking of which I must remember to..... <snooze>

Hi, If anyone tried to persuade me to sell my CD collection I'd firstly go ballistic 'cause I love music; and then I'd wonder why. I have friends who have literally thousands of CD's MP3's don't have the quality of a CD, so even though Green has them on his hard drive they're not actually as good. Um... Just saying, and none of my business... But music is really important, and personal. Camy