Anton_Cloche
Members-
Posts
3,206 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Content Type
Forums
Stories
- Stories
- Story Series
- Story Worlds
- Story Collections
- Story Chapters
- Chapter Comments
- Story Reviews
- Story Comments
- Stories Edited
- Stories Beta'd
Blogs
Store
Help Center
Writing
Gallery
Events
Everything posted by Anton_Cloche
-
I had to review a few chapters to try a see who set the agenda for Carleton's previous trips to ICJ at The Hague, and the side trips to pick up 'passengers'. The 'boys' who went back with Carleton mostly seem to be 'connected' with East-Europe. Are they orphaned children (collateral damage) of 'agents' who are no longer alive? Whatever the case, it has caused Carleton to demand a "...face to face briefing". His profile in the international legal community is high enough that he can't 'disappear'. But I hope he has more backup than just Alex.
-
In a word, CONTINUITY. There Is a gap between chapter 15 and 16 that requires fixing, or an explanation. But we also have to remember these are Carleton's recollections written in his 'book' (diary) and perhaps with age he's having a brain fart. However, the editor in me would suggest something to fill the gap like this: "I can't be it's been 5 years since my last big meeting in London. The one that made me a lot more money and allowed me to bring home new sons. Since my first son came to live with me, I've gone from 1 to 12 boys, gained some pet dogs, and had a massive renovation to the house to where I now have 30 boys living here. Some are graduating high school and are getting ready to go off to college. But in my quiet moments, my memory always goes back to my first lost son" It fills the gap and sets the stage for future chapters until we eventually come back to the future with our new owner and Steven talking about carrying on 'The Trust'. 'Ed',
-
The bastard boat deliverers! On one hand I hope Calamity Jane goes aground on some uncharted isle and they're not found for a LONG time, for what they did to Edwin's new MV. On the other hand, hopefully with Edwin and Uncle Robert's 'connections' they are able to reverse the funds transfer and make some and everybody pay. Now let's go on the 13 week booze cruise that is 'Below Decks'. Somebody's gonna get Keel Hauled AND Walk The Plank.
-
Absolutely amazing chapter André.
-
Thank you oh great Sage, Seer and Soothsayer. A good spinner of tales as usual. Or to quote Stan Lee "excelsior".
-
Hmm? Interesting chapter, with more things for Carleton to juggle, but how many tables are you talking about, and what shape? Early in the chapter you say: "Alex and the gentlemen of the square table..." Now you mention: "...that round table at The Hague...". Just wanted to clear that up. Things at 'home' about to get more interesting, as is London for Carleton. More seats filled on flight home? Take Care. Tony
-
(the following comments are from my 'reader/writer side, not my editor's side). "Whether it needs to be told..."? Libby, please, we're stuck in this damned pandemic (if we simply look to 1918-20 'Spanish Flu' we have a "long dark winter of our discontent" ahead), and some are heading into another lock down because of all the Covidiots who refuse to follow rules, so we need relief. You can always just do a 3 chapter arc . Chapter 2 takes Jamie, John and 'mom' Marion into the new year. Chapter 3 an epilogue 5 or 10 years later. Besides, this task gives you a break from bemoaning a smaller Turkey Day Nov 26 (if you're in States). Thanks in advance Libby. Stay Safe. Socially Distant (2 fir trees apart) & #WearTheMask. T
-
We Canadians don't know everything. If that was the case I'd win the loto. Bill you're older too if you remember 'paper' books. Bobby Ewing? He and other ancient actors like Mel Gibson appear on TV shows like Entertainment Tonight from time to time, or when they're pushing a new project. Steve Grand? First appeared in a photo spread in Australian DNA magazine in 2011. Before his singing career took off. Pi55 made news here about 10 years ago when an move to sell in U.S., failed due to "rude packaging and marketing adverts "You don't buy Bee-uh, you rent it". Vegemite? It's definitely an "acquired taste". TCSSSDWTDM? My fingers keep cramping, so I tried a short cut for Take Care, Stay Safe, Socially Distance, and Wear The Damn Mask. I suppose I could say nothing, but with almost 1/4 of a Million Americans DEAD from Covid in 9 months (with plenty of blame to go around), I can't, in good conscience, stay quiet. Especially as I have cousins in the U.S., and I live less than a 1 hour drive from the border (which thankfully is remaining shut to land crossings). Well enough of commentary. I'm eagerly looking forward to what's next from Wombat Bill, including Kevin's next adventure. Tony
-
Whaaat? It's all been a dream? It's FAKE? (yeah, yeah I know 'Fiction'). If it's a dream, (please wake up), who's in my steamy shower when I open the door? Bobby Ewing? Liam and/or Chris Hemsworth? Chris Brown the Bondi Vet, Steve Grand? (you see where this is going?) Next thing you'll be telling us is that Bindi Irwin's grandparents are Crocodile Dundee and Dame Edna. That Pi55 is a premium lager. That Vegemite helps you lose weight (well that's probably true). On the other hand (the 3rd one), if it meant Covid-19 never happened, and that being Boss of The Apprentice was his biggest gig, could we live with that? Dunno. But I still have OZ on the bucket list. All right then, what's next from one of my favourite Aussie writers? TCSSSDWTDM* Tony
-
'It was a dark and stormy night, suddenly, a knock at my door..." (with apologies to Snoopy. and Charles Schultz. At least I didn't go to the next sentence. LoL). Another interesting chapter, with more background on the types of Corporate Espionage Carleton had to deal with. Which begs the question: has he built up enemies he doesn't know about? Enemies who might resort to 'digging for dirt' to ruin a lawyer. Its one thing to deal with known criminals at ICJ, it's another if you (Alex) can't anticipate. Assuming a time line for Carleton that largely pre-dates the corporate giant that is now C. H. Ina Inc, who didn't start 'actively' copying (stealing) I.P. and making knock-offs until late '80s. Matthew will fit in just fine with Stevens guidance. New permanent Limo driver Peter assigned to Carleton, knows 'Company' and Alex. Does he have other skills to watch over Carleton and his family? Tune in next time (to the pod-cast)... TCSSSDWTDM* Tony * not quite the shortcut / anagram I want.
-
Maria is concerned she's not up to the task. In addition to being 'chief cook and bottle washer' (what my grandmother used to say, jokingly), Grandma to Carleton's 'sons', and now there's a massive renovation coming? But hopefully David and the other 'grandsons' will get her to stay. Matthew at 12 years old has already had his young life torn apart, but now, Steven has given him hope for the future. A future that includes a loving family with a father, grandma and enough brothers to make up a baseball team. (sorry, tears are messing up my vision)... , I don't think so, but related to the theme Salvation. Street Children, whether in fiction or fact, face a dismal day-to-day existence. As winter is making itself known (to those in areas of the Northern Hemisphere), there are literally thousands of homeless children (families and others) on the streets, or soon to be , thanks to Covid. One possible interim solution, to at least give them shelter from the freezing cold & snow? As businesses close and shutter their property, government at all levels can exercise 'eminent domain' and open these spaces until spring. Out of work food service people can get temporary work making meals, with subsidized pay. Those who WILL complain this only adds to economic woes? Better giving children and other people a helping hand, than adding to the burial list. Sorry, Looking forward to more chapters of Salvation, Book I. Book II* can be about the growing boys including Steven up to 'losing' Carleton to his angel son, and Robert taking up the baton to race on towards Carleton's goal. SSSDWTDM Tony * I'm hopeful, not psychic. Can't 'see' next winning lotto #s in advance. If I could? Legacy Trusts to help.
-
Based on your 'Pen Name' are we to expect vulgar language, off color remarks & satirical comedy? I recently saw a documentary on 'Lenny Bruce' that made radio 'Shock Jock' Howard Stern seem tame. Or is your name just a coincadink?
-
Chapter 40 – The Confrontation
Anton_Cloche commented on Bill W's story chapter in Chapter 40 – The Confrontation
Bill, What a chapter! This one is like juggling chain saws (aside from climbing ladders, it's one more thing not recommended by AARP for Josh Sr to do). Even though the Currie family works hard to keep things going smoothly, every so often it appears that Rocky Road is not just a dessert. Giving Thanks at the Currie's is always something to behold, it's a terrific family gathering that features their strong faith. Unfortunately it's now being sorely tested by the arrival of Rev Belec (or Bellicose?). Having been 'encouraged' by his former Bishop of Cleveland to go to another parish (told to 'flock off'?), he's descending on the Currie's church with his cauldron of brimstone. I think he missed taking the road 'down' to get more 'Fire'. Based on his rude conversation with Josh, I think he's going to find that "Hell hath no fury like a congregation scorned". Then, after helping Deck The House out for the Christmas season, Ho Ho Hold the phone, young Joshie asks: "Grandpa Jake, are you gonna dress up like Santa Claus again on Christmas Eve?" Heresy! When does the coal arrive for stockings? Stay Safe Bill. Take Care, 6' or 6 Yule Logs apart, and be like The Lone Ranger and Wear a Mask (nose to chin instead). Tony -
Another revealing chapter. This time, more. More insight into Carleton's sons, from 8-year old Charlie who can't get enough time in 'Dad's' lap (I think whatever other information Alex provides may answer questions about Charlie's history), to David in his early teens, and Steven (at this time possibly the eldest). More, with the mysterious locked door that turns out to a a spacious (full height?) attic that Carleton thinks would fit 10 more single bedrooms? Even with 'Jack & Jack' shared bathroom between 2 bedrooms that's a BIG attic. Good thing the architects on the way. Okay CL, we're solidly hooked for the next 23 chapters. TC-SS-SD-WTM (easier? ) Tony
-
Oh André, what a chapter, and a unspeakably horrible incident with Ry being kidnapped, beaten, raped and purposely left to die by the M-E 'Prince' and his henchman, saying "...this is how we treat queens in our country". Thank god for young puppies like Rascal that need 'walkies' often. As 'puppies' they're too young to be trained to search, so this was him instinctually seeking Ryan and finding him where no one would have known to look until it would be too late. Horrible what Andrew had to see upon finding Ry, but he pulled himself together to fight for Ryan's physical and emotional recovery and their recovery as a couple. Andrew's new found strength is clearly shared with Ryan and evidenced when he gave his victim statement in court, facing his abusers and saying; "...they do not treat rapists well in our prisons and I hope you get everything you deserve." Their 25-year sentence will see to that. We see Drew and Ry working together to overcome the event, going forward with plans for a new home, a couple of babies through surrogacy, and a family filled future. And now we eagerly await coming chapters. Please? Thank you for this chapter André. Stay Safe Tony
-
One more chapter? No, this can't be the end. What about Kevin goes to Kollege (sorry but pun spelling doesn't work with 'Uni'). Or maybe Kevin moves to Kanberra? Okay, I know that's really reaching, but 'Covids' has been providing a morale boost, especially as WINTER starts to descend on Northern Hemisphere. Not what passes for winter in OZ. In Canada (and northern U.S.) we're talking meters of snow, ice, freezing rain. Looking forward to next chapter.
-
Good chapter, 'continuity' issues (see frosenblum post) that can't be easily dismissed as "it's fictional do we have some latitude". Bad 'hand over' / exchange of yachts, but not surprising in S.E.A. / IOT. As is 'on the record'. Over the last four decades , 3rd party (delivery) crews of 2nd and 3rd party brokers on super yachts have seen damages, high jacking of yachts for more money, and using the yachts 'in transit' for 'alleged' illegal activities. At least Edwin got the upper hand. Now it's on to more fun & games with the 'party down below' passengers.
-
For last 70+ years, if flying on private plane / jet to an FBO (Fixed Base Operation) airstrip in U.S. (and most countries) from a foreign country, passengers and crew must go through Customs and Immigration. Unless Alex's 'company' uses really private airstrips where no Customs/Border/Immigration officer are, how does Carleton explain why his son David Paul Jeffries doesn't speak English? Or are the 'officers on 'the pad'? Otherwise, good chapter. And if Carleton is an , then Alex is a . TCSSSDWTM Tony.
-
Noted and changed CL. (ed)
-
While Carleton was lucky to have connections with 'agencies/organizations' and people like Alex, he was cursed with working with them to do something to rescue children from prostitution. All of it while "...as I remember my young friend sleeping in a graveyard". Despite EU and the ICJ (International Court of Justice) aka 'The World Court' in The Hague's working towards making prostitution illegal under 18, there are thousands of girls and boys under 14 being kidnapped, sold into prostitution and worse! This included nations where religion bans sex before marriage, but actively turn a blind eye and allow using children for sex. (Having worked for a leading NGO I 'know' this to be true!). While there may be 'some' people trying to do what Carleton does, the need to rescue continues unabated. Let's see how many more boys Carleton helped in the past, and if new house owner Robert, once he finishes reading Carleton's 'book' /diary, agrees to help Steven and 'The Trust'. 'Tony'
-
Ouch. Sometimes when you tear a bandage (plaster) off it hurts like hell. Sometimes there are scars (physical and mental) that need time and help to heal. Dan and Jenny need lots of help.
-
Another good chapter, a few typo's appearing in chapter but not same repeating. Most can be caught by proof reading before posting and Don't rely on Spell Check Apps because they are not 100% accurate. As for this chapter, it checks most of the boxes: (x) Ty moved in; (x) Ty meets Colt and doesn't out or embarrass himself; (x) Buh-bye dinner with 'rents' (x) Introduced to dad's Frat Alum & invite to party to check things out. So far, so good. Now it's on to Frat House Party & intro. Hope neither Ty nor Colt have too much beer & Jager shots, and don't let anything slip. (yeah, right), cuz they're just . Stay Safe, Keep Distance, WearTheDamn
-
And with one last overnight trip for his grammar school profs, the 'Jane' sets off to Singapore to retrofit for new owners. Hopefully no Calamity befalls Edwin or the yacht or delays their safe arrival to collect his newer, smaller externally but larger internally (more cabins less space?) yacht. Perhaps when he names his new yacht, Lord Edwin will honour the two most important women in his life, with the name: MV Elizabeth Bea OR Elizabeth B. Fair winds and calm seas.
-
Chapter 39 – Belated Birthdays and Helping a Friend
Anton_Cloche commented on Bill W's story chapter in Chapter 39 – Belated Birthdays and Helping a Friend
Well Bill, you've written another very interesting chapter. It's been another busy Autumn for the Currie family with more than a half dozen birthday parties plus Thanksgiving. As some family members head back to out of town college and university, the family patriarch - Josh - has to deal with a new minister at their church, and the possibility Rev. Belec may have a problem with gay families and gay children. Never a dull moment for the family, but they're up to the challenge. Stay safe and well Bill. My usual admonitions apply about Covid - safety, distance and wearing masks. Even with encouraging news about possible vaccines, we've got to get through winter, so hang in there. Tony -
André, another wonderful chapter. Well written, creating stunning images of sea and landscapes. Despite some upset tummies (thank goodness for dramamine and trans-dermal patches), the final sail home went well. I think the deliciously described meals made me gain some weight. Marie and Paul's comments on Belle Catherine's decor and appointments being a natural extension of the lodge and an expression of Andrew and Ryan talents and "...personal touch..." is 'spot on'. So looking forward to the coming chapters along with whatever photos accompany them. As always, to you (and everyone out there), Stay Safe, Socially Distant and yes, #WearTheDamnMask. Thank you. Tony Ps: Despite hopeful vaccine news, we're months away from 'normal' (old or new). That's why, IMHO, well-written stories like 'Never Walk Alone' are so necessary and helpful for morale.
