Will Hawkins

Finding a cousin in the rain is a bit contrived I fear, but it will add a personal touch to the young man' sad tale – an all too frequent one where a stepfather is concerned. Misterwill

protagonists .. the main character in a play, the word you are looking for here may be 'antagonists'.'Persons who actively oppose.' Hidden desires are always painful, to both parties, it will take many occasions of honesty to bridga the gap for these two with two fathers to whom 'coming out' is an anathema

Unfortunately 'conversion therapy' is still practiced, even though it is now illegal. There are a number of 'camps' sponsored by fundamentalist religious organizations, which 'cure' homosexuality by electro-shock therapy hidden under the blanket of 'freedom of religion'. The only difference is that now their practices are totally hidden from legal authority. They get their inspiration from a selective reading of Bible passages even though there are contained in the Bible, just as many passages commanding us to 'love one another' without any restriction about whom we may love. The passages commanding that we not lie with another of the same sex were written in an era when the Jewish religion wanted to increse its numbers and therefore forbade sex that would not produce children. Today it is just as important NOT to have children as we are already straining the resouces of our home planet to provide space and sustenance for the population levels that exist. Indeed, homozexual relations should be encouraged, not denegrated, as they create families which have room to care for many of the 'accidental' and unwanted children that are produced. But then, I am a gay man and many, if not most. of the people living with me on my earth do not agree with me. misterwill2@live.com

"I clicked my teeth." Plese explain that, I don't know what it means or how it is done.

Still having the confusion between breath nd breathe – "I am out of breath and need to breathe."

to fine me – to find me

Another 'breathe' in this chapter. Remember 'breathe' is a verb and 'breath' is a noun.

involuntary woh — this is the second time I have seen 'woh', if you mean 'stop' like a command to a horse, the word is spelled 'whoa'- By the way, I have not been very polite to you, I have not mentioned how well you do with 'pace' and 'characterization' in your dialog, it makes for a great read, especially because the reader always knows who is speaking and from where they are coming. Good show!

Thick scares from – Thick scars from I have detected many small punctuation errors, but English Punctuation is a morass from which no one ever escapes, so I am going to ignore all of them – it is an area for an Editor to go into. I am not an Editor, I am just the troll who lives under the bridge that nips at the bare toes of the Authors thst cross over to get to publication. misterwill2@live.com

another big breathe – another big breath

air ducks – air ducts all for not – all for naught the fuckin cealin the fuckin ceiling Just a few suggestions. Ace. If you object I wiil cease making them. I read quite a few stories by different authors on GA and some authors like the suggestions I make but it pisses off others, so I always give a new author (new to me) the opportunity to elect whether to see them or not. Let me hear from you by email whether to continue or not. misterwiill2@live.com

Besides, going to a summer camp with 1-200 other boys and a girls camp within reach, creates opportuitie for an author to create 'situations'.

I wish ihad your ability to turn an incident, such as getting onboard a train for summer camp, into a story in itself, bringing out the personalities of the characters in just a line or two. Damn, you are a good writer. I can come up with situations and involve my characters in them, but 'characterizing' them in just a few woeds or lines is the mark of a true artist. Its much like being able to draw a portrait with just a few strokes of the pen. Mister Will

I don't know if you want to go any further with publishing this but I have seen several places where the incorrect case of a noun appeared as the object of a verb. I did not mark them, but you may want to have your editor look over the chapters again. What I am speaking of is 'using the objective case' where a pronoun/noun combination appears as the object of a verb. Look up the rules for case in Grammarly or any other reference. It is no big deal, but your English usage is so correct otherwise, it just sticks out when you make a little mistake.

Careful boys — making threatening noises (and with a noose in your hand) could be considered assault with a weapon. But at this time, Eric has no recourse except to pee in his pants!

I can not see the two taking any physical revenge on little brother, they are both too nice to do that, but little brother's income just got hit by a shit storm. I do not anticipate either of them getting much back from him, he probably has spent all the extra bucks from his blackmail. Now Chris and Steve are faced with the lesser problem of working things out with the parents. It would seem that crucifixion is not in the program as nothing physical would get their money back if little shit has not already spent it all. Let's read on and see how they solve their problem.

It is all your fault, Dude. The first story I read was Circumnavigtion, yes everyone of the over 300 chapters. It was a long time ago, but lets not go into that. I was hooked and have been reading stories on GA ever since. Normally I read longer stories, but the title of this one caught my eye. I remember 'No shirt, no shoes, no problem' signs on restaurant doors from when I was living in Arizona and Florida. Now I am living in the near outback of Bahia Brazil and I have given away my last pair of shoes. I tried them on a day or so ago and discovered that my feet have spread out so much I couldn't even tie them. So, you see what you started! MrWill

I find that the comment by @Centrex. . . Meets my feeling very well. 'Well written and flowed well. . .

This is the seconf ime this morning I hae gone through the comments for this chapter. The first time my choices of approval did not register (were not accepted) this time everything worked fine. I think there may have been a temporary glitch with the feedback mechanism. At any rate, all is fine now so I will hop ahead and read the 'plus two' chapter that I was about to read when I skipped back. Strange happenings, ah well, ever onward. . . . .

You say 'in rural Ohio', but your grammar and spelling is very British! What gives?

'Land of the long white cloud,' – New Zealand, to us dumb Yanks, from the Maori language of Australia.

gaurantee – is this a spelling error, my computer tells me the word should be 'guarantee'? If so, congratulations are in order as it is the first 'error' I have spotted! And guarantee appears, spelled correctly in several spots further along in the story. The only reason I spotted it was that my computer goes ape-shit at misspellings with red underlines and all. MrWill

As a North American (Yankee) I am constantly amused and enthralled with the 'British-isms' in your story. Sometimes I have to use the dictionary to understand a word, but the grammar is just enough different from North American (US) standard to be interesting – such things as 'different to' rather than the US standard, 'different from' make my reading even more enjoyable, and, of course the progress of the group into Fairy Realms, adds another layer of interest. You are a creative writer (and I am so tired of the teen-aged 'coming out to negative parents' type of story which is so common of GA.) Keep up the great work, you have a fascinated (foreign) reader! MrWill

I think that Kieran is learning about powers he has always had, but has forgotten about, or the way they operate has been submerged in his mind by outside forces. And I have a suspicion that Rhys is either a companion or a guardian for him because of the magic of his fingers.

"The sacred totems of the North America First Nations people", The totems of the people are not in any sense sacred, they do honor to the owner's ancestors, but do not have a sense of being "sacred". They rather tell a story to one who is experienced in reading the symbolism, the story of a life and honoring the ancestors, but not in a magic or mystical way. MrWill