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Everything posted by Layne

  1. Layne

    Chapter 12

    nice chapter like always 😀
  2. Layne


    I’m so sad to see it end definitely one of my favorite stories. You did an amazing job writing this !!! ❤️❤️❤️
  3. Layne

    Chapter Thirty-Six

    I feel Noah’s mom should, it’s already been some time since he came out to her. I feel if she truly loves her son, she should. I love how Jordan is ready to spend his life with Noah. It honestly made me cry when he proposed. Their love has grown strong now even through all the obstacles they went through to get there.
  4. Layne


    A poem never felt so true... amazing!
  5. Yep, thanks for telling me that. :)
  6. Layne

    The Darkness

    I love how your poetry provokes emotions. This particular poem is deep.
  7. Layne

    Chapter Thirty-Five

    I am so happy that Noah and Jordan are rebuilding their relationship where things left off. They are happier together!!! 😊 I also like how Noah is becoming more comfortable in being himself in public.
  8. Isaac’s POV As Joey rested his head on my chest, soft sobs escaped from his mouth. His arms gripping tightly around my body as his short fingernails dug deep into my skin. I continued stroking his back to comfort him while his mind fought off the negative thoughts creeping in. Moving his body closer to mine to show him that it will be okay. Whispering serenely, “Don’t worry, it will all be okay. Just let it out, Joey.” Joey’s body quaked in agitation when he glimpsed at the sight of the beginning tears forming in my eyes. He released one of his arms from around my body, then proceeded to lean even more towards me as he caressed my neck in small circles. Tender eyes longly gazed at the white walls; waiting to see if the man would appear once more but when he realized the man would not torture him anymore. He peered back at my face. Which throbbed with grieving tears mixing in with the drips of mucus sliding out of nose from silently crying. The taste of saline dried my mouth. I gasped when I grasped the image of the person in my arms. Someone who was hurting from the flashbacks and voices. Puffy under eye circles, soaking with agony. The color from his eyes had been drained and appeared dazed as he had become lost in the world. Wondering if my actions were enough to help him… I kissed his forehead to let him know I care. “Are you okay, Isaac.” I realized that my tears began dripping on his soft face. “Yeah, just looking out for you Joey.” “I’m sorry,” he mumbled when he let go to stand up. He fumbled to stay up having been in the same position for almost an hour. He wiped away the last tears that slipped then he placed his hands inside the front pockets of his pants. Unwilling to accept any form of touch. “What are you sorry about?” He did not have anything to be sorry for. Joey should know by now that I am willing to give it all to him. No matter how stressful the situation rises, taking care of him will be my top priority. As long as he is here on this Earth, he would remain in my heart. I’ve seen him in his most vulnerable moments, including when his flashbacks intensified to the point where he would harm himself, yet my eyes saw through the broken pieces. “Everything, Isaac I wish I could be normal and not live with the constant frustration of wallowing in torment. Even though, my feelings are burning to be with you, the back of mind tells me it… it’s… “ he stumbled on his words as he sighed deeply. “It’s what?” “I don’t want to say…” he mumbled on. I pleaded, “No, please tell.” Tears stung my eyes burning with eagerness. “It’s not right!” He then added, “I’m sorry didn’t mean to raise my voice, but have you ever seen me? Damaged both inside and out. I’m worthless and ugly!” He shrieked while face flushed with worry. “What you are is beautiful, you really think I care about anyone else the way I do for you? I promise you one day we will be far away from this place to that beach. Remember when you told me about that one character who spent the night with the person he loved at the beach. It will the first place we’ll go,” I whispered into his ear. Believing my words, because I had hope inside my heart. “Hopefully one day,” he exasperated. “What if you leave one day and forget all this?” He asked timidly. Again the flushed cheeks with rolls of tears began falling. “I won’t. You know why? Because ever since the first day I met you in this place, I fell in love. The love inside me is growing at such a rapid pace.” He answered, “ Not sure how, but never would have imagined that you would return my kiss back. You were so kind yet kept a distance from me. You were only a fascination in my head that had become a reality. Hopefully one day I can leave here to be with you forever. “ “Don’t worry one day we’ll be so far away the past won’t even flinch back. I won’t ever let you go. I know you are not ready right now for this, but I promise I will wait for you. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. You will not find me with anyone else except for you. If you so deeply desire, we can things slow. The time I am willing to wait is further than anything in this world, ” I explained to him that my love is pure and so is the time I am willing to wait. He responded, “Promise me then… “ His body shifted nervously waiting for what would be told. While I wrapped my arms around his neck, I rubbed the side of his face with the tip of my nose. Responding to him with passion and sincerity in my voice, “Promise.” My pinky sticking out for him to wrap his pinky around mine. As he did, the light from his eyes had regained its color. Softly placing a tender kiss on his cheek. *** Joey's POV An interrupted voice could be heard soon enough, “Isaac, there you are. Dr. Schultz asked to see you in his office and it is an important message.” Martha. Why did Dr. Schultz want to see Isaac? Oh no, I knew he would be suspicious since we had not shown up to the group meeting. This can not happen. Hopefully Dr. Schultz gives him only a warning. I don’t know how my life could continue without Isaac as a part of it. I turned my head back to see if Isaac was still there. His body stood still unwilling to move at all. Maybe he knew too which is why he rather not go. “Come on Isaac before I call the doctor to come down to speak with you. You know how angry he gets when you don’t listen to his orders, so why not go now?” Why did Martha keep insisting he go? If Isaac felt the need to stay here, I say he is right. Who cares what the doctor had to say? He doesn’t know what we share together nor does he even want to know. So why should Isaac give him the satisfaction of defeat? I saw Isaac walk away. He barely moved on each step as he expected the worse to come. I don’t blame him either. My mind was thinking the worst outcome for us. I knew it wouldn’t matter anyways. Isaac had promised me that one day he’ll take me from here, I believed him. He wouldn’t lie to me especially when this is so sensitive within my heart. It was mine all the along, the love we had. Once he left, I groggily headed back into my room. Slamming the door behind me. Holding the ring that Isaac gave me tightly in my palm. Wishing I could have talked him out of skipping the group therapy session. Dr. Schultz had every right to feel that misconduct happened between Isaac and I. But what we shared is only wholesome not sexually motivated. Before we even had the chance to build on a relationship, it had already come crashing down by the barriers that held high between us. *** Someone shook my shoulder lightly as my blurry eyes regained consciousness. I must have fallen asleep while holding the ring Isaac had give to me earlier. I wonder what happened to Isaac. Did everything go well with Dr. Schultz or is he gone now? The light fingers soothed my shoulder causing me to jolt my head in the other direction. Only to find those same crystal green eyes beaming with delight. “Isaac? What are you doing here?” I questioned his presence here. Wondering why he was here? Don’t get me wrong, of course I wanted Isaac to be here. I just wasn’t expecting him to be here after speaking with Dr. Schultz. Dr. Schultz had the tendency to not play fair rules when it comes to employees. This is the reason why it was rare to see new employees coming into facility. “To see you, silly.” He leaned back on bed, lying right beside me as I turned on my side in shock. “But… I thought… ?” Stuttering on my words trying to figure out what Isaac had done to not be placed on leave. “Thought what? That Dr. Schultz had fired my ass.” He giggled softly at my reaction. “Yes… obviously. You know how Dr. Schultz is! He overreacts and takes everything out of proportion! Evil man if you tell me,” I sighed deeply. “Not doubting your words on that. Dr. Schultz was furious when I entered his office. To be honest, I was shaking the whole time, questioning what he was going to say. He went on about how rules are rules. Saying how relationships are prohibited in this facility and how horrible I must be even think of being with you. But what pissed him off the most was that we had not shown up to the group therapy. To my defense, I told Dr. Schultz group therapy sessions bored me out especially when he was the one leading it. I swear he was about to fire me on Spot. Luckily, he had calmed down when Dr. Ray entered the room. If it wasn’t for Dr. Ray lying about how he sent us to run errands downstairs, my ass would have been out the door.” Isaac shook his head in relief as he remembered the conversation. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders to show him how happy I am. To know he will be here at the facility with me. “You don’t know how worried I was, but it brings me happiness to know Dr. Schultz didn’t fire you. Also why did Dr. Ray defend our actions, if the other day he obligated you to be on dish duty?” Isaac’s hazel eyes were seldom when he spoke, “Me too… Joey. I could never bear to lose what we have. Seriously dude when I heard Martha call me to come into his office, my heart sunk. My breathing became rapid and unbearable. It felt as if my whole world had collapsed. Even when I entered his office, he was already in his mood swings. I thought to myself, ‘What chance do I have against this man?’ He has the ability to cut short what we have only began building together. Too soon, too short, too painful… I may have said words that I regret now but he deserved it. The way he spoke about how I only wanted to take advantage of you in a sexual way got on my nerves. Believe me Joey, the last thing I would ever do is hurt you. You mean more than anyone in my life. Please listen to me when I say that you are the first guy who has crossed into my heart this way. My main focus has always been on my Tennis career and education, but now my focus has shifted on something greater than all those combined. As for Dr. Ray, I have no idea why he would defend me. Wish he was in charge of you instead of Dr. Schultz. The worst part is Dr. Schultz is the one who gave me this job which means he could have done anything in his power but he chose to listen to his colleague, thankfully. “ Isaac appeared truefully appreciative of Dr. Ray had done for him as me for me, Isaac leaned in to give me a quick hug. “Isaac, always knowing how to make me feel amazing inside, but I am grateful to be able to spend time with you. As long as you are here, my whole world has light that it has never experienced before. May I ask, what is your greater focus on now?” I prayed inside that it would be me, but if it was not then all is well. It would not lessen the love burning in my heart. Isaac rolled his eyes in disatification, “As if you didn’t know already? Duh, it’s you. Haha, aren’t I here for you now?”There was that smile again. The heartfelt one that sent sensations of joy down my mind. I shoved him playfully as he fell back onto the headboard. “Ow! My head hurts now,” he whimpered. “I am slow, okay? You should know by now, Isaac. Aw, you are always judging me. And I am sorry baby,” I pouted my lips in defense making sure to hold back the laughter creeping up my throat. But I could not contain it as it bursted. Then I reached over to soothe his head, feeling the softness of his hair in between my fingers. “Me??? How could you say that?” He giggled loudly unable to stop. Then he pushed me into the bed as he proceeded to tickle me with his fingers. Oh my, his fingers touched every place so sensitive. “Stop it Isaac… ah… Isaac… oh my wow.” Truth is whenever he engraved his fingers deeply into skin, it would only send signals to my urging body. Urging for a desire that I had not felt before. A pulsing sensation in my most private area that has not been touched in a long time. Almost as if it longed for Isaac to be close to me. But not close as in a simple embrace but something more powerful than that. So no, I didn’t actually want him to stop. “Nope, you owe me one after last time. Oh man, I love your sweet laughs they are so intoxicating.” “Come on! I said I was sorry Isaac… haha!” “Sorry, Joey but it’s only fair.” When he did stop, his hazels eyes gazed into my brown eyes almost as he was desiring what I had. But as I proceeded to lean in for a kiss, he got up from my bed. Leaving me hanging as he straightened his clothes and fixed his hair. He appeared handsome even with his messy hair from tickling me. “Hey Joey… “ “Yeah,” I replied. “Maybe we should not risk anymore misunderstandings,” he hesitantly spoke. “What do you mean?” I questioned what he meant. From what I know, he is the one who started this all. “Maybe I spoke incorrectly. I meant to say maybe we should talk to each about what we feel for another. Instead of waiting for one of us to make a sudden move that might cause the other person to react negatively. I am sorry sweetie.” “Oh… you felt it too.” He shuffled around almost as he could not stand straight without leaning against the cabinet beside my bed. He replied, “Yeah just forget about it for now. We are not ready for that, we hadn’t even started dating yet. Like I promised you earlier, we will take this slowly in small steps. Only a few days had you confessed the way you felt… Even though I know you are the one, this is the best decision for the both of us. We can’t be thinking that way about each other. ” I understood what he meant. Though it aches to know that he felt that way, he had a point. We had to slow down on this journey. Even though in my mind, I wanted him inside of me. Making love to me to soothe every arousing thought. “Take that look off your face Joey. Here,” Isaac got down on one knee as he softly gazed back. My eyes had become intoxicated in his all. He then added, “Um, We can begin somewhere now to start the progress, if you want. ”. “Anyway, Joseph, my love, would you be my boyfriend? Here I give you this heart to promise my love and no matter what happens I will only ever seek you.” He then proceeded to sing with a gentle voice, Two of a kind We'll find a way To do what we've done Let me be the one who shines with you And we can slide away Slide away Slide away “As much as I want to yes, don’t I recall you saying a few minutes ago that we had to take this slow,” I replied only messing around with him. He sighed, “I know what I said but… “ “But what a promise is a promise?” “What if the promise intervenes with what we both want?” He pleaded with desire as his fidgeted around. Then adding, “So… what do you say, Joey?” Isaac bit his bottom lip waiting for my response. How could I say no when he had these wholesome gazing eyes? Besides this might be the only chance that we might have, maybe the time is now. Who knows? I am not ready to engulf this whole love scene yet Isaac was an exception to this all. He had come into my life without knowing what I had in store. He is willing to ask for me to become a part of his life even when he knows deep inside the consequences that were to come. Never once had he judged me when I had nightmares at midnight. What he would do was only provide my broken self with caring adhesive. Late at night, my thoughts had been driven by the desires of Isaac. Wondering if he ever even felt the same way, only to find out he did. Especially when he returned the long awaited kiss when he could have rejected it. The first time ours lips touched, my body felt so light almost as it was floating in the sky. Even though it has been a few days since we had confessed our feelings, I don't ever want to let go. Letting go meant giving way to someone else. This love is sincere even if it had just begun. I don’t know if it is the burning passion or the longing desire of love. If I take the chance to be his, it would have to be now. Far too long dreaming that he would love me like I do. “I know what you meant. And of course, is there any reason why I would say no?” I smiled at him as put the ring on my finger. He then kissed the ring with his beautiful lips. Isaac picked up my body as he pressed it close to his. Boyfriends almost as the word ever seized to exist. “Can’t believe the most gorgeous guy in the world is mine. Would you believe that?” He grinned as he spoke. Tears slipped from my eyes but not tears of sorrow but rather of joy. To finally be with him. He gently leaned me back on the bed. Wiping away the small drops that slipped. “Don’t cry, sweetie. I promise you I will the best boyfriend possible. I would sacrifice the whole world for you even if it means risking my life. You don’t know long I wished to call you mine. Since the day we first met, hearing your voice sent shivers down my spine. Almost as my heart knew you were the one. The one to be by my side forever and always. All that matters now is our love for one another.” “I doubt that I am the most gorgeous guy but thank you for everything Isaac. You cared when no one else did. I trust you with my whole heart,” I whimpered. He shook his head in disagreement to my first phrase, then proceeded to caress the side of my face. “Don’t ever say that, Joey. You are perfect in my eyes. I love you, sweetie. Hopefully, one day we can get married in a place far from this facility. Where Dr. Schultz would be pissed off to find out. Not even he can separate us apart now. We are one now.” Isaac laid right beside me on the bed as we held hands. “All this weekend, my mind kept wondering if you have ever felt this heavy sensation in your heart almost as if it will pop out any second from all the love pushing through." “To answer your question, yes. I am feeling it right now being beside you,” I replied. He moved closer to me as our arms came into contact. “Really?” He asked. “Of course,” I happily said. Isaac lifted one of his hands to place it on my face. “If you don’t mind, can I h… hear it?” He stuttered on his words which always means he is nervous. He should not have to be since what I mean is true. Whenever he is around, my heart begins to beat faster than average heartbeats per minute. Racing to see the one I love. I did not reply back but rather lifted the hand from my face and placed it on my chest. Close to where he could feel each heartbeat. Then he proceeded to place his ear on the area where his hand was. *** Isaac’s Pov Have you ever loved someone with pure passion ? Well, listening to Joeys soft heartbeats sent shivers down my spine. Each thumping beat, held a longing desire waiting to be released. Spending the night with a lover close to my chest. We both dreamed of one another the nights before. Sharing the temptation of being close, close in a way more deeper than we would have ever imagined. Leaning in to delicately place a tender kiss on lips. Feeling the warmth of his saliva seeping through as his hot breath spread on my cheeks causing them to turn crimson. Pushing his tongue through the inside of my mouth as he hungrily moved his lips. Tongues gliding on top of one another. Lips, the endearment of an endless moment of pure passion between the one I love. Remembering the times we spent together only made the madness even harder. Moaning softly when I pushed his body on the bed. Never once leaving the solace of his tender lips that ached for this moment. To be lost in my lover’s movements. Out of breath once he pulled away. When he did, the sensation of loneliness settled in place as my lips longly desired the idea of being connected to his for an eternity. As he was my only way of survival in this world. My body lay on top of his as I nestled my head back on his chest. Once again hearing the heartbeats, faster than ever as he his breathing became rapid. . “Joey?” “Yeah…” he could barely speak almost as his whole voice had been captured by the moment. “I love you.” He replied with sincerity in his voice, “I love you too, Isaac.” He ran his fingers through my hair as his eyes laid half shut in a daze mode. “There is nowhere in the world I rather be than be here with you. Joey, if I am being honest, there is this urging sensation waiting to be released inside of me. Not to embarrass you or anything but I know you feel it too. The other day when we were alone and I began tickling you… I felt… well… hardness. Don't worry Joey. Touching you and sliding my body against yours caused me to also have an erection. I couldn’t control it. Seeing you giggle the way you do only worsened the yearning temptations. Then after having leaving the facility, my thoughts only intensified even more. Dreaming of intimacy but I promised you that we would wait longer. Which is a promise I will keep unless you object against it. ” “Me too which is why I longed to kiss you and feel you. If we took the chance to become one, then why not tonight?! Tonight we can love each other passionately with endless control. You and I,” Joey replied. “Are you sure?” I asked curious if you actually meant what he said. Taking the chance even when there is a possibility this can lead to consequences. Anyone can enter the room at any moment or even so Joey will respond negatively. I doubt it because he should know by now my intentions are nowhere near what that bastard did. Love prevailed all my insecurities, which is why tonight he is mine, I am his. With those words, Joey laid me on his bed as he got on top of me. He roughly claimed my lips when he pushed his tongue further in my mouth lustfully. My arms wrapped around his waist. His body thrusting up against mine. I returned the emotions with passion. Hips gyrating with force. My erection growing underneath my jeans, pleading to be released. Slipping my hand underneath is shirt, touching his hard nipples. I pulled away from his lips but only to lick his neck. Placing tender kisses all around his neck, sucking his skin deeply. Feeling lost in the moment as he continued rubbing his body against mine. He moaned softly in my ear which almost caused me to explode right and there. His fingers tugged at the button of my pants. After a few seconds of fumbling, he finally unbuttoned them only to have them taken off completely. Following soon, all our clothes fell off soon. Our naked bodies laid tangled up in each other. His body more beautiful than anything I ever imagined. We changed positions as I lay on top of him. As I inserted myself into Joey. My body felt an overwhelming amount of desire. Slowly sliding in feeling a moist sensation. Oh, he was tight as his skin wrapped around my hardness. He gasped for air, pressing his mouth onto the pillow as moaned every few seconds unable to control the urge. Thrusting my hips with more force to deepen myself more into my love. With each thrust, I could hear myself moan in desirement. Our bodies collided and his silky smooth skin glided on my body. Sweat dripped softly, "Oh God Joey! Uhh...uhh..." When I peered into his eyes, hot tears welled up in his eyes. Almost as he had seen the most unimaginable image. Fear nestled in his face when the tears began to drip down his smooth cheeks. Cheeks now glowing crimson. No, this can’t be. No! No! No! His body shaking uncontrollably as he repulsed my actions to hold him. He pushed me away causing me to fall back on the floor. I could barely move due to his forceful push and my erection was almost close to bursting. “What’s wrong, Joey?” I whispered with concern. “Just leave me alone…why are you doing this to me? What did I ever do to deserve this?“ he mumbled. He couldn’t be, no, no. Remembering? Panic ran through my heart not knowing what to say or do. What have I done? What will happen now? Why, Why, Why? Oh God, I’m so sorry Joey! I leaned in to give him a soft hug but it only worsened his reaction. The tears flowed even more aggressively. Bloodshot eyes pleading for mercy yet it was not possible. “Stop touching me! Okay, I know who you are and mom won’t be happy when she finds out. Please let go of me, please not tonight,” he whimpered. Soon led by screaming… pleas of help. What Joey and I built would soon be lost when I am terminated by Dr. Schultz. Dr. Schultz would find out soon about what is happening. The screams only became louder. Piercing every inch of my skin with fear. Every time I leaned in to hold him in my hands to add comfort, he rejected every touch. Only becoming worse and worse by the second. His hyperventilating was loud as he gasped for air throughout his cries. I tried to calm him down to reassure him but I knew better. This can't be happening. He was remembering...flashbacks... I was to blame. I shouldn't have pushed him to become intimate. It was wrong in every way. Oh what am I going to do? Guilt tripped my mind as this was my fault. I should have known he would react this way. Knowing damn well what occurred in his past! Yet I let my fucking yearning desire get over my head. I knew the consequences but didn’t think it over. Now here I was causing pain to my love. The only guy who ever meant the world to me. It is not fair. Joey, I am sorry? Never meant to hurt you… now it is all my fault. “No, no, no, stop… please,” he screamed at the top of his lungs. "Calm down Joey. It's going to okay. I promise you that. No one is going to hurt you. Shh, Joey I am here to care for you." Joey was hitting himself uncontrollably. Bashing his head with every blow. I tried to grab his hands but he resisted. He kept repeating," STOP!! NOO! NOOO!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!" “No, Joey it isn’t real.” “Nooo! Why? Why every night then?” He yelled with fury in his voice. “Why do you come in my room every night to take away the child within me? Is it pleasure?” With frustration in mind, my cheeks became soaked with tears. “No, Joey. The man isn’t here anymore. It’s me, Isaac. I promise he is far from this facility,” I cried. “LIAR! Now you’re denying what you have done. Huh? What are you going to again… beat my ass or what?” “No, Please don’t cry anymore. Everything will be okay!” By now my throat throbbed with rawness and was beyond sore due to my attempts to help him. Yet nothing worked. His wails were becoming louder. I wasn't about to give up. I ran to the cabinet to grab his medication. Before I could even give him one, I dropped the pills because the door opened. When the door suddenly opened, anxiety rose through my veins as the person came into view. Medicine bottles slipped onto the floor as Martha peered in shock at the sight. Her worrying expression turned to face me. She exasperated,” What have you done Isaac?” Disappointment fell on her face. The truth of the past which had finally been revealed after years of urging determination to find out why the nightmares felt so surreal. Martha shrieked in exasperation to Dr. Schultz, who was down the hall giving orders to the other patients in the facilities, “Doctor please come by now. This is an emergency. The patient Joseph is unstable now. “She leaned down to the floor where Joey sat. She tried to grasp her arms around his body, but he jerked his body away. She spoke firmly to Joey, “Joseph, it is me, Martha. Please take deep breaths, in and out. You are not alone, Joseph. I am here to help you.” She proceeded to put his clothes back on as she turned her head towards the door again to say, “Dr. Schultz I am doing what I can but need your necessary aid.” Joey bawled, “Stop touching me...please...just stop!” His fingers grasped his hair to pull, pulling with strength as it would make the flashbacks disappear. He shoved her body away as he ran over to the window ledge. Banging his head against the protected glass with force. “No! It hurts so much...ow just go away. I can’t take it anymore.” He stood by the window ledge pounding on the glass. Wailing, “Let me go! Get me out of here, he’s here! Here to steal it all again just like he has done always!” I moved his body away from the window as his body fell to the floor. I crouched down by his side whispering to him, “Joey, calm down. I promise everything will be okay. He is not here... right now, okay?” To see him this way was devastating. Burning red eyes glanced in my direction as I moved the strands of hair from his forehead. This is my fault; I should have been more conscious in my decisions and actions. Yet, Joey has to deal with the memories he can’t control and forgotten places which his mind begs not to explore. Slips of tears slowly slid onto my hot cheeks as my mouth felt dry. I rubbed his back gently, but he tossed every time my hand slid up and down. Sweat dripped down his forehead as the tears soaked his cheeks with memories. Oh, Joey. “NO, no, no, I can’t breathe...no more. Please not again. No, please, I beg you,” he moaned with a noticeable hint of discomfort in his voice. His body appeared small almost as the small boy had emerged back into his place. The urge to comfort him again entered my mind, but I had to resist. Right now, is not the time. His whole face crimson with stained tears as if the color of his eyes had become sullen. Darkened by every touch. He blinked his eyes several times to stop the blurriness from occurring, then he just gazed cold at me for a few seconds. When he had entered, Martha explained to him briefly, “I did my best to comfort him but he would not let anyone touch him Doctor. I found him without any clothing, here with Isaac. I entered only because I had heard screams down the hall.” Dr. Schultz nodded as his head turned into my direction, disappointed. Wondering why I had done it. His eyes then peered at Joey whose state had begun to worsen. “Stay back Isaac.” Ignoring the Doctor, I leaned in closely to hold Joey into my arms. He rejected once again. This time he wasn’t so keen as he punched me with a force in the nose. Numbness fell upon the area as the blood seeped. It ached to know he could not even trust me in these moments, when my intentions were only to comfort him. I love him and the last thing I would ever do is hurt him. I know what occurred today was wrong, and it broke the beginning of our relationship. Yet, I had to muster the strength to not give up on him, for us. “Leave me alone! Stop doing this to me!” Wiping the salty taste of blood from my mouth, I leaned against the window ledge saying to him, pleading, “Please calm down Joey. Everything is going to be okay. Joey, I love you… whatever happened back then does not matter now because we have each other… I wish Icould take all the hurt away…, so I wouldn’t have to see you suffer this way… just please for us… Joey we... “ Bitter words escaped his mouth as he responded, “I do not have anyone. Especially you and mother! NO matter how much I begged for you to stop, you never did. You will never realize what you have done because you are too selfish to even recognize your mistakes. Your whole life was a lie. A life which you had no guts to tell anyone of what you did to me. Me, only a child. Did you ever wonder what I felt? How afraid I was every time I would hear the locks of the front door unlock and that similar scent? I knew every time you would do it all over again. Every time you did it. I would be left alone in shame. Shame to the point where I would harm myself. I felt I deserved the slice of the blade. Because I was never strong enough to fight off your body. Which slid inside of me.” Watery brown eyes burned with hatred as he faced me. His finger pointed in my direction. Dr. Schultz placed his hand on my shoulder as I spoke, “I am sorry but...” He interrupted me by spitting in my face, “I don’t care! Whatever shit comes from your mouth is only for fucked up purposes! You’re a bastard of a cunt who only…” “For God sakes I’m not him!” I yelled in frustration, later calming down, “I’m sorry, Joey.” “Don’t you ever call me Joey! Stop saying bullshit! Huh, aren’t you going to do it again, again, and again!? Was it never enough for you?” His eyes watered as he glared into my eyes with anger. I knew damn well who he was talking about but how could he know the difference? There was no point in even continuing to convince him who he was and who I am. For all, I know he was remembering the man who abused him in his childhood. I swung my head low. Ashamed. “Look at me!” His fists pounded my chest with force as my body almost fell back the ground. By now, Dr. Shultz had advised Martha to get the sedative which she quickly responded. Seeking a reaction from me, “I was only 8 years old...I just. I just wanted to be like all the other kids yet… you took that chance away from me... when you entered the room on the night of my birthday... touching me, every part. You didn’t care if I was screaming for help but rather kept going on and on. Stripping my innocence...sanity… all my life as I have ever known.” Soft sobs escaped from his quivering lips as his body sunk to the ground, defeated. “All my life,’ he repeated. “Oh, Joey,” I softly sighed. He mumbled, “What caused me to feel the most shame was the time I went to the hospital because my body bled from behind. The sharp pains were unbearable which is why I went. I told the nurses what had happened to me that night. Yet when you arrived at the hospital, you told them I was a liar who just had “bad sex” with a random guy. They believed you, and I was forced to recant my statement or else I would be charged for filing a false report. I had all the evidence to prove an assault happened, yet no one believed me. Since that day, I have lived with guilt. The guilt that ate at me and shamed me into embarrassment. “ His undereye circles were blotchy and swollen as his legs trembled in pure fear. “He’s already in me. I rather be dead than experience another night in his presence,” he whimpered. My gut wrenched in agony to know he felt this way. Maybe I am not the ‘superman’ who could make it all disappear. But what I do know for sure is the aching love in my heart and the overwhelming care I have for him. Martha returned back into the room with other nurses behind her. She handed the injection to Dr. Schultz. Dr. Schultz crouched beside Joey. He wrapped his arms around Joey who swung his head to face him as he noticed the syringe in his hand. Before he could even react to the needle being pressed into his skin, the sedative had already taken its toll. As his eyes became drowsy, his whole body sunk into Dr. Schultz arms. The doctor alerted the workers to take Joey into another room because he needed to speak privately with me. Honestly after hearing what had happened with Joey, I couldn’t care less about what Dr. Schultz had to say. “Isaac, what were you thinking? Or were you not thinking at all?” His eyes glared back at me. I refused to respond back because I already knew what he would say. First, he would review the mistakes I have made then fire me. Which could not happen, especially since it meant not being able to see Joey again. I rather not say anything which could heighten the situation. “Answer me,” He demanded. “I don’t know.” “Of course, you do. I knew since the beginning of this relationship. I asked Joey if anything had been going on between the two of you. To my dismay, he did not choose to disclose any further information. I should have fired you. Yet, I listened to Dr. Ray. This second chance was to show that no inappropriate relationship was occurring between the two of you, which according to regulations is against the policy of this facility. Only to find out a few days later, that Joseph had no clothes on when Martha entered the room. “ "I swear it's not what it looked like. I was just..." Dr Schultz cut me off," What the hell were you thinking? I warned you Isaac! You took a vow that you wouldn't interact this way. I believed in you Isaac only to find out the truth. Look at what you have done. You caused this young man to remember what we worked so hard for him to forget. Now he will have to live with the pain that was supposed to be erased. All because you wanted to pleasure yourself. Yet you were selfish in your decisions, not even thinking once about how Joey would react. He was abused for goodness sakes! Didn't I tell you this 2 weeks ago when I saw what I saw! Yet, you didn't listen. I specifically said he would react this way. I gave you a chance to redeem yourself Isaac. Now I ask you to leave my facility before I call the cops. I never want to see you here again. Not anywhere near my patients or even in my presence. Return your work ID at my desk. Go now!" "But Dr, I promise it won't happen again. Okay? I mean you can't do this. It is unfair! I let my love for him get too far, yes... but I never meant to hurt him. He means so much to me *sniffles* You don't understand the way we love each other. He even smiles all the time now and he barely has attacks anymore. You know what, he's been taking his medication regularly. He won't be same if I leave. I love him..." The tears slipped down my eyes. This could not be the end. Not now, not ever. Joey means the world to me, and without him, there is no real reason in loving someone again. Dr Schultz sighed," It was selfish. He doesn't even understand what he wants. The only reason he probably felt attached to you was because you were so nice to him. Regardless, he was a patient under my regulation. You made a promise, I'm sorry but rules are implemented in this facility seriously. Isaac because of your decisions, Joey will be even more damaged when wakes up remembering his assault. You did nothing but worsen him. He's already suffering, yet his panics willaggravate as the pieces of memories come together. There's nothing that can be done anymore. I advise you to leave now." “I can't go, Please, at least let me say goodbye to him, “I pleaded. “He is already fast asleep from the sedative. I suggest you just leave before there are more consequences.” I knew I wasn't going to see Joey. There was nothing I could do. I love him. I really do...
  9. Layne

    Flat Lining (Flash)

    I like how it ends.
  10. Nice chapter! I love your style of writing and the characters.
  11. Layne

    Chapter Thirty-Three

    Poor Noah... but Jordan seems happy now. I know Noah is hurting because he loved Jordan.
  12. Saturday morning traffic is exhausting especially when your work shift begins in 5 minutes and you are only halfway there. God why can’t the cars move any faster, I mean what is the big hold up? My heart was pumping as seeing Joey again was already sending electricity through my veins. Oh, would this car move out of the way? I need to see him, be near him, and hear his soft voice once more. Since today was Saturday, that meant I could have breakfast with Joey but not if I come in late. Once I finally arrived at the facility, Dr. Ray was standing there shaking his head as the clock above showed that I had arrived ten minutes late. ” I can explain Dr. Ray. The traffic flow on route 80 was heavy and I couldn’t go past it,” my voice frantically panting. ” Well, what are you waiting for Isaac? Go help serve breakfast with Jil before I think twice about your late arrival.” Dr. Ray’s face crinkled as I passed by his open office. Seriously it wasn’t my fault but whatever. As I entered the dining hall, there with a book in hands was Joey. He was waiting for his breakfast as I scurried into the kitchen to grab plates ready to be served. Whilst serving the other patients, my eyes wandered onto Joey. His back leaning against the chair as his legs were propped on steel metal as he seemed lost into whatever he was reading about. Strands of brown hair waved in front of his forehead while he gnawed gently on his fingernails. I know loving a patient like him was wrong in every aspect but when the sensations nag at your heart it is almost irresistible not give in. Especially since he had a way of causing me to a smile even when tiredness crossed my path. I don’t know he has this aurora that no one in my life has ever had, someone so special yet so unattainable. Finally, when I reached Joey, my entire world stopped… ” Hey Joey how’s it going.” His body jerked as he almost fell off his chair. Joey’s cheeks flushed when he turned around to face in my direction.” Oh God Isaac, I missed you last night. Before you ask I read your letter. When I woke up this morning, my head was aching from disappointment but then I found your letter… it is understandable.” My cheeks glowed as I responded, “Only for you Joey. I am so sorry for yesterday but I promise you today we can hang out. I will even stay an hour over just for you, bud. Anyway, may I have a seat next to you?” “Right, sure go ahead?” *** Joey’s POV I was gloomy that Isaac couldn’t come by room last night. I had fallen asleep hoping he would come by but I understood. He was hurting. Yesterday, he could not contain the emotions inside, he tore up as he reminisced what happened to his brother but he did not have it in himself to tell me. Though he was trying to be strong, I could see he was struggling inside so I don’t blame him. Isaac needs to be more open with me. I understand that he doesn’t want to cause me any pain but it was hurting me to not know how he’s feeling. I too want to care for him the same way he does for me. Sigh, Isaac... I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I’ve read enough books to understand what I’m feeling. This undeniable sensation is yearning my heart. It becomes more difficult when he wraps his arms to soothe me every time. He has always been there whenever my demon of a man attacks me, whenever I would wake up from my sleep he would be by my bedside. With a cup of water and eagerness to soothe the scars on my skin. Never once had he ever made me feel less than a person even when I knew deep inside that my supposed disorder is straining. Anyway, he left a letter on my cabinet last night. One so unimaginable. It said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t come by earlier. The hours passed, the sun shadowed away but the urging light of promise never once left my mind. Don’t worry about the fort because tonight the demons will have to pass through me to even be near you. These nights, my strength will protect you, though my presence was not there tonight. My heart was. Soon enough I realize that tomorrow will come again. We’ll meet the next day, bringing more fun than the day before. I promise you tomorrow I am all yours. Again sorry Joey.... much love. “ It was a letter I will always keep. No one’s ever said this to me. Is this what love feels like? To know someone cares enough about how you’ll react despite being in different worlds. He said love but I never quite understood the concept except from what I’ve ever known. Nevertheless, it made me feel longed for and tinkled sensations so desirable. Isaac asked if he could sit beside me. Of course I eagerly responded, “Right, sure go ahead.” My palms sweat as my stomach felt tension, not negative tension, but from nervousness that he was causing me. But as Isaac sat next to me at the table with the warm plate of fried eggs and bacon this morning, being close to him had sent chills throughout my body. I had almost fell off my chair because it shocked me to see him there, perfect as always. His tender hazel eyes had lines underneath probably due to the lack of sleep, I knew it. He was aching but still he grinned even when the tiredness showed between the lines. His hazel green eyes sparked as he leaned forward to my ear, “This morning there was traffic near here which is why I came here late or else I would have gotten here earlier to see you. Anyway, there is this song you should definitely here unless you have already heard it before, well after you eat then we will go to the rec room, okay?” “But we have group therapy today afterwards, ” I responded. “Oh, crap you’re right, uh then after.” His eyes fidgeted as he ran his fingers through his light brown hair. Embarrassed to having forgotten the schedule for today since he was supposed to helping us today along with Dr. Schultz. He added, “It’ll be fast Joey.” My fork stabbed into a piece of the egg as Isaac spoke again,” Let me tell you something. I honestly don’t like group therapy, I know it’s supposed to help you and the guys but the doctor insisting on recovery is annoying. I’ve learned that everyone copes at their own pace and not by force. So if you are feeling rebellious today, maybe we should skip the therapy and have time to ourselves. But only if you want, not saying you should.” I could tell he hoped that I would say ‘yes.’ He frowned as he thought my answer would not be affirmative to his proposal. I sighed, “You know I can’t say no especially when it means spending more time with you.” I knew it would piss Dr. Schultz when he finds out about us skipping. I mean he rarely cared about who came and what not, but Dr. Schultz had the intention in always being there for me. There was something off about him. Isaac’s eyes met my eyes when I agreed. The light had established in them as he knew we would spend time together. This wide smile spread on his face as his dimple appeared. “I knew you would give in but I promise you’ll love it. God, you’re so well...uh nevermind,” he stuttered on his last line, fidgeting his fingers again as what he was about to say was too personal. He pulled on the sleeves of his cashmere sweater as he turned back to face me. He spoke again asking, “How come you only ever talk to me and not with the other patients here? I mean there are some nice guys here especially Luke over there. I mean not that I don’t want you to continue talking to me. Is there something else or what?” I wonder what he meant but honestly what he just asked confused me. I responded,” Like I said last time you asked, you are the only one I want to be with. You actually care for me, well at least I think you do. There is another reason but it is better not to say.” His voice trembled, “Say it, please.” His eyes pleading for my response as my nerves rose. I can’t tell him for he will probably stop talking to me. But isn’t life about taking chances, even when it is embarrassing to say what you truly feel inside? Well here goes nothing… “I think you’re cute,” I blurted out while my cheeks burned with embarrassment. Knowing that this could be the end of the friendship that we had built. The only true friendship that has ever been a part of my life. Ah what the heck did I say? I should have kept my mouth shut. I turned my head away Isaac and began playing with my food on my plate. Isaac laughed a few seconds later. Does he think I am stupid? Oh no, no this can’t be happening. But he reassured me when he acknowledged my response, “ It’s okay Joey, sorry I shouldn’t have laughed. Look at me, Joey you're good man. But wow…” He shook his head in excitement. It confuses me on whether he was making fun of me or just as shocked as I am. *** The bell rung as breakfast had ended. I was waiting by the door at the entrance of the dining hall because Isaac had to clean the dishes. I couldn’t help but laugh when Dr. Ray told him that he had to because ‘ that’s what happens when you arrive late to work.’ He deserved it after the way he reacted to my response. Anyway, the face Isaac had on was undeniably hilarious. His smile went from 100 to 0 in a flash of seconds when Dr. Ray insisted, ”Well since your late arrival caused Jil stress and a delay in serving the patients. I knew there had to be a punishment for your actions so you’re on dish duty. So finish up your conversation and began working on that stack of plates waiting by the sink.” “Ugh, I’ve never realized how exhausting cleaning 60 plates was. Guess what?” He held up his hands to show the raw skin had peeled because how dry they had become from the sanitized soap. “The steaming water hose burnt my skin and dowsing my skin in soap definitely was pain in the ass, Ah my hands are aching. That’s not even the worse that happened..” I interrupted him to say,” Yeah I can tell.” I rolled my eyes as my eyes wandered onto his body. Isaac’s clothes were drenched with water so was his hair. Dripping all over the floor whenever he took a footstep. I couldn’t help but giggle seeing him all wet. Ah, too bad there wasn’t a way that I could keep this image forever because it would definitely be something to always remember. “Ow, what are you giggling about?” He pouted his lips. “Have you seen yourself lately? Definitely not the best impression.” Even though I won’t admit it, the wetness on his body definitely was hot. I could see the outline of his six pack not that it was the first time I ever noticed it. His cheeks flushed a tint of crimson as he shook his wet sleeves in my direction. Splatters of water splashed onto my clothing causing me to chuckle even louder. As the cool drops touched my body,” Stop Isaac, you are so mean,”I snorted. ”Mean? You’re the one who was laughing his ass off Haha, next time I will not be so nice. I might go back there and bring the hose so you’ll feel the wrath too. But God, I’m not coming late ever again.” “You’re so sure about that, ” a smirk spread on my face knowing this might annoy him. ”Anyway, let me get some dry clothes from the storage then we’ll head out to the rec room,” he called. ”Well, then what are you waiting for, wet boy?” He rolled his eyes as embarrassment took over. Oh well, what a day. *** When Isaac came back, he had an oversized t shirt on and these sweatpants. Definitely not Isaac’s type of attire. The rec room was empty because the other patients had left to attend the group therapy session. I too agreed that the group therapy session is wrong in every aspect. It has never helped me once in recovering but rather worsened the fear of the demon even more. Besides Dr. Schultz had no idea of what he was saying. He blabbered on about how everyone can be fixed yet he says I will always have to be here at the facility. The dreams will never go away if I leave. Whatever that means. It has been three years yet the nightmares had taken a turn for the worst as the man had become so surreal. It felt as he was an actual person who had done me wrong but how could I know? When my memory is so lost that I can’t even remember what happened a few years ago. It honestly causes me fear to not know what my life was before. These questions are now so far away that there is no answer to them unless someone tells me about it. Which I doubt because it’s been years and I know nothing. Well, at least to me anyways. The rec room is small compared to the other places in the facility. I rarely ever entered here because well, I don’t really have any friends to play with. Most of the guys here are crazy anyway, just like me. Everyone is so isolated it’s almost unreal. Anyway, Isaac went over to the CD player in the corner near the TV. He reached into his pocket to take out a CD wrapped in a cloth. To be honest, the thought of hearing this song raises my adrenaline. To know this song reminded him of me and that he had the power to present this song meant dearly. As he placed the Cd in the player, he peered his eyes back at me to say, “I hope you like this song. Every time I hear it it reminds me of the times we spent together. You are an amazing friend Joey. The best one yet…” His voice became tense when the music played. Maybe I will never be All the things that I wanna be Now is not the time to cry Now’s the time to find out why I think you’re the same as me We see things they’ll never see You and I are gonna live forever As the song played in the background, Isaac swung his head in the other direction. His eyes could not meet mine even when I tried to communicate with him. Arms crossed while he tapped his foot in the song's rhythm. Finally, towards the end of the song watery hazel eyes turned my way. Fervent gaze peering into my heart as my body felt naked. He caressed the side of my face with his soft fingers slowly. ”God, you're so tragically beautiful even when you don’t try, “ he intensely sighed. “Here let’s sit down on the couch.” His hand on my thigh rubbing up and down. “You don’t understand how desirably I craved to be by your side, please tell me you feel the same way. Not going to lie to you, yesterday I was gloomy because of what happened. Seeing you today made me realize I can’t be crying about something that already happened, ” he moaned silently. Did he mean what he said? If only I had more experience on this topics it would easier to read his emotions. Yet, my heart aches to connect with his. After weeks of seeing him. There is no way I would ever imagine my life without him. In order to release the tension between us, I brought up a memory, “Remember when Dr. Schultz slipped on the orange juice that Billy spilled, he was angry because Billy had taken his laptop to play games. Whilst trying to get back the laptop, he didn’t notice the little mess. Oh, but he definitely deserved it because he acted like an ass that day. Ah.” I giggled softly reminiscing that day when Dr. Schultz got what he waiting for. Peering into Isaac’s direction again, disappointed flushed on his face. But a few seconds later when he noticed me staring back, he laughed. Then I shoved him towards the end of the couch. “Ow Joey, that actually hurt, haha.” Isaac’s POV As we were laughing together, I kept staring at his beautiful lips. I’ve never seen Joey so happy. It sent powerful sensations throughout my heart. There was no denying that I was falling for him. I remember the first we met. Dr. Schultz had assigned me to give medications to patients. My first patient to deliver to was Joey. I had apologized in advance for my clumsiness since I had dropped all the bottles of medications when coming into his room. When he first glanced my way, a part of me knew there was tension between us. A type of closeness I had never felt before. From the times I spent with him every night. Holding him in my arms doing whatever I could to protect him from the man. To the first times he showed me his collection of comics he kept by his drawer hidden for no one to see. His favorite ones were Justice League. He would recite famous lines while trying to act serious but he would always burst out giggling. I’d still cheer him on. To the time when he would show me his canvases of paintings lined up on his wall. It would make me smile when he would tell me out of the world fascinations involved in every one. Lastly, to the times we sat together at lunchtime or dinner. Joey would tell me he enjoyed my stories, and he wishes one day he could leave this place. I wish I could take him out of here but sadly he is under government regulation. They say he hasn’t gotten better, but I definitely seen a difference. He asks me so many random questions. I am never hesitant to give a true answer. Even if in the first weeks my heart was resistant on acting upon the intimate emotions in my heart that were aching to be released but this sensation overpowered every doubt I ever had. Yeah, I still question if this is right or not but there is no turning back now. Not when the one I want is so close to me. After Joey shoved me back playfully, he had ignited a flame of jubilant. Nevertheless, he neared me once again. He gazed into my eyes while he took the chance. The chance for us to become one. He was sitting on my lap with his arms wrapped around my neck. His lips were breathtaking. We were lost in a moment of one could describe as love. All the times we spent together was only a fraction of what was to come. I cared deeply for Joey. My intention is not cause him any agony but rather uplift him. He deserved the entire world. I will give it to him. Even if it meant risking everything. I’d be lying if I didn’t say these haven’t been the most admirable moments of my life. Loving him unconditionally. Love such a powerful word... something so untouchable yet reachable. Alluring eyes reaching a sight of luminance. My love is pure and reserved for only him. There is no one who I would rather spend the day with. Our tongues glided as our kisses became deeper. His sweet saliva… lips so tender with every move. That’s when Joey pulled away from our kiss. “What’s wrong Joey?” Shocked that he had stopped. Brown eyes burning with redness, “Why, why… me? I’m nothing… I don’t deserve you… especially this,” he mumbled. He then added, “I mean look at.. me? I’m crazy just the other guys here. The man in my head says that I am nothing compared to you. I will only cause you failure in life…” He wrapped his hands around me as he sniffled softly into my chest. “I want to love you and be with you. I’m sorry that I will never be enough. God, can he just leave alone? Stop, stop, saying that! I’m sorry Isaac… I’m sorry… that I’m broken inside,” he whimpered quietly. Bitter eyes with waterworks of sorrow building up as his grip became heavily dependent on me. ” Now wipe that tear away from your eye,” my voice trembled from worry because seeing Joey in this state provoked a sensation of desperation. I cared for him and it is not fair he has to suffer from the past. A past he had no idea that he went through because the facility does not allow him to reminisce especially when the other guys do have the opportunity to cope by remembering. My finger pressed his raw skin touching the cool tear. Poor soul aching in disparity as thoughts of resentment crossed his mind. His body shakes as hyperventilates. Soft brown eyes are so sorrowful from the fears that gnaw at his mind. Lips quivering in fear that the demons might come out, I understand that each experience is surreal in his mind.The yearning inside my heart ached to kiss his bruised lips, to heal every scar that been placed upon him. Holding him in my arms to keep him safe from every person who wanted to harm him. Wishing that the voice in his head would be quiet. “Just rest your weary head on my lap, don’t worry I will always want to be with you no matter what,” my voice shivered as I ran my fingers through his brown hair. I loved Joey despite what he was suffering. I had hope that he will be able to heal one day. One day where he won’t hear the voice of the man ever again. God, I wish I could be the one in his state, so that he would be able to live his life peacefully. He never had the opportunity to live his life with happiness due to being sexually assaulted at a young age by a man whose responsibility was to show the young child how to grow. Yet the young child lived every day with the thought that he would abused today. Now as an adult, he is aching at this facility. With the nightmares constantly reminding him of what happened but he doesn’t know it happened to him. He pounded on my chest with forceful hits. Joey moaned softly with noticeable pain, ” Leave me alone, please just go…” He released the grip of my arms, and the silver drops streamed from his eyes becoming blotchy. “No… I can’t, I can’t leave you in this way. Forgive me but I am not leaving…” “Why? There’s no point in being with me,” he cried. Tears descended down my face as my vision became clouded. No, he can’t possibly think that I would leave him. Not like this. “I want to help you, Joey…” my voice cracking in dispairment. “No , please leave Isaac. Let me suffer alone, you don’t deserve this...go...unless you can take it all away. Can you? All the nightmares that haunt me at night that cause me torture to the point where there isn’t even a line between reality or fantasy,” he whimpered with his bloodshot eyes pleading for urgency as he could not contain living anymore. I couldn’t lie to him I didn’t have it in me to pretend that it will all be okay. “No, I can’t take it away but remember I will always be there for you no matter what. I will do everything in my power to have protection over you. I can’t imagine a day without you because my heart desires us.” My lips kissed his tender forehead while he fell back into my arms. His body shaking with intensity yet he knew deep inside that my words were true. I would give all just to release him from the wrath of sorrow he suffers everyday so he can finally be able to live in peace. Joey is scarred by the man, a man who deserved to have death by his door. It angered me to know Joey will not receive justice for all that has been wronged. I have to be strong for him, for us.
  13. Layne

    Chapter 28

    I hope you’re okay now. You’re right abusive fathers have no right to mercy not after all the damage they cause. They always find a problem in everything and nothing is ever good enough for them. Grew up with one too and he could never admit his faults. Always tried to play the good guy yet behind doors he would hit us until our bodies were bruised as children.
  14. Layne

    Chapter 28

    I feel so bad for Zach and Brody. Zach has been through hell, hell that isn’t even his fault yet he blames himself constantly. Hopefully one day Zach will be able to cope...😢
  15. Yeah I realized that too but I promise next chapter will be more detailed. I just wanted to start somewhere with my characters and be able to set a plot in place.
  16. Sometimes I feel like I'm running away from all my problems to avoid the feelings that come attached. My name is Joseph but Joey for short. I live at a home for young men who suffer from mental illnesses. It's like a mental facility except we have more amenities. I don't recall the reason I was sent here. But to be honest, it is the only place that my memory recalls. It is not like this place is unbearable but an actual place that I call home. The food is exceptional, and each person gets their own room. You might wonder why this place is my home. Well, the only place that's been my home for the past 3 years. After my grandma passed away, someone left me on the streets. The rest of the pieces I can't remember because they're only fragments in my mind that have been lost. The reason for this is that I suffer from severe post-traumatic stress disorder. Well, at least that's what the licensed therapist says though I don't believe her. I have felt none of the symptoms. I remember nothing bad happening. Anything to stay here right? Well I'm happy being here. Especially on Thursdays because Thursdays are the days we have a gathering. Where the staff prepares a nice dinner with lots of food. Everyone is always laughing and grinning on these occasions. Afterwards, we always finger paint on canvases. I have kept all the canvases and every painting I have made. It reminds me of the future. Even though the therapist says I will have to always be here. The new caregiver begs to differ. He had just begun working here about four weeks ago. He was an 18-year-old senior in high school tackling a job here. His name is Isaac. He has become one of my favorites since he cares for all of us. He always tells us fascinating stories every night about his experiences at school. This was interesting to us since most of us never experienced high school to its full extent. My favorite talks from him are about the recent shows he has seen and the music he listens to. Isaac said his favorite show was The Walking Dead. I have not met anyone who gushed about a show the way he did. Isaac was obsessed with it and would talk constantly about what should have happened and what could have happened. I only owned the comics, but I always tried to support his arguments. There was something deeper to Isaac then simple night conversations. I couldn't pinpoint the feelings I had for him. It was rather confusing. He made me feel strange especially since he was younger. I am 20 years old. I don't feel like I am though. I'm sure in his mentality I'm just another guy. I am not even sure if he even feels the same way nor can I thoroughly fathom the emotions within my heart. Not that it matters because I am nobody to anyone. But yet the sensations within me could not keep a distance from Isaac. His attraction is fulfilling. He has these bright hazel eyes that are sometimes a bright green with light brown hair that's almost a deep blond color. Isaac dresses in a preppy style with his button down shirts and slacks. It was almost impossible not to stare at his graceful athletic body when his clothing hugs every inch of his body so sculptiously. But he will never ever be interested in someone like me. I mean have you ever met me? I barely shower, not because I don't prefer to but it's mainly because I'm anxious to be alone. Whenever I'm alone, the demons come back to taunt me. Every time they do I always end up hurting myself until I blackout. It's a difficult process. I rather not harm myself and if I ever shower, it's because someone is there to help. My hair is rather a greasy dark brown as you may have inferred. My body is thin for someone my height even though I eat the most here. I hear a knock at my door. Man, it better not be that man. The man who haunts me at night who makes it unbearable to sleep. Does my demon want to put me through hell again? I wish he would just leave alone. I have wronged no one to deserve this cruelty, or have I? I shake my head brushing out the negative thoughts that creep in but the knocks become more urgent. At first I tried to ignore it, but he enters anyway without my permission. "He's not real, not real, not real," I kept whispering to myself that he cannot attack me anymore because he is only a fragment of distress. But it was the eyes that threw me off, and he set a fire while laughing. I had to tell myself it wasn't real. The fire burned around me; I saw hands erupting from the flames touching every flesh on my body. Only a hallucination...not real. But with my medication wearing off, I didn't know the difference. This could be real and I'll get hurt. I can't risk it. I hid in the corner of my room. My skin felt the sensation of the scorching heat while I was holding onto the cabinet in the corner. Then butterfly's flew around my room. All of them chanting my name in unison. "Joseph, Joseph, Joseph..." Expecting the worst. The man appeared soon even closer. This man deformed, hideous, and monster like. He was the demon who I continued seeing in my nightmares every single time. No one would believe me not even Dr. Schultz. I walked towards him... as the weakness in my body could not keep a distance from this man. His aggressive body pulled against my skin as he soothes my hair. Dark black eyes with insanity knowing he finally got what he craved. The inexperienced boy scarred with broken innocence let him touch places that should have never been exposed before its prime. When my head swung towards the reflection on the window, deformity swormed in my face. It kept shifting to these inhuman faces. This person who was me kept screaming in agony and hitting himself. It was all my weaknesses and mental illness trying to be put into my mind again. As the tears began rushing down, my head swung low in embarrassment. Then I woke up... I must have fallen asleep. My head was in pain and I could hardly hear anything except for a faint knock. The images is what made this dream horrific. I was soaked in sweat. My body was swelling in warmth. "Joey open this door now, come on Joey. " It was Isaac's voice. I unlocked the door quickly as I greeted Isaac with a nod. He sat down on my bed. He had pills in his hand. I knew they were for me. They had prescribed me clozapine to secure that the nightmares would not worsen. Isaac was here to give it as they conditioned him to. I clumsily sat right next to him as he persists ,"Joey take this, please. You'll feel better, okay? Oh god you’re sweating, here let me wipe away your tears. So please take this!" He placed the dose in my right hand as he charged for a warm towel. As he began wiping away the wetness, I responded sheepishly," I will do so if you stay." I pouted my lips. His eyes darted in my direction as he sighed. He always falls for it plus I was afraid to be alone especially after what I saw. His company would allow for me to sleep in comfort instead of a trapped hole of sorrow. Isaac sighed in despair. Then he reluctantly answered with a 'yes.' I swallowed the medication with a sip of cold water that Isaac handed. I even showed Isaac that I truly took it by opening my mouth wide enough for him to peer inside. He smiled. He asked, " What do you want to do tonight, the usual Joey?” I suggested to Isaac that we should make a fort to keep the monsters away. He chuckled. You know I like it when chuckles. His cheeks turn a tint of crimson every time he does, and it is so cute. He grabbed sheets off my bed. It shocks me every time that he remembers the format. He drapes the sheets across my bed to the couch. He crawls under to lie down a blanket and some pillows. Then he sticks his head out to say," Come on Joey." Yes! Yes! Yes! I roll right next to him. His eyes peering into oblivion. He says "How come you don't talk to the other guys here? You are always alone in the corridor, maybe it would help if you would interact with others or even make a friend. I know it may be difficult for you but the experience will absolutely be worth it," His deep tender eyes meet with my eyes as he reaches to sweep away loose strands of my brown hair. "You are my friend, my only friend… besides the other guys here are not as entertaining as you." His hands wrapped around my neck as he embraces me. "Just looking out for you bud. Anyway, do you want to know what happened last night? Oh my God let me tell you.." He spoke about last night's episode, but my head drowned out every word he said. After his embrace, all my heart ached for was his closeness. I began to tickle him with my fingers after he finished. He laughed breathlessly. "Wow...stop... Joey... stop... Shh you'll wake up the other people." His face grew serious. I stopped quickly. "Joey please be quieter people are trying to sleep. I must go if you make a noise, here sleep. It's already night. "Isaac turned his body away from me. Which saddened me because I wanted to see his face while he slept to see what he dreamed of. As his snores became prevalent in the growing night, my body to fell asleep.Thankfully with no nightmares of the man. *** " I saw you last night in Joey's room. You know you're not allowed to be in patients' rooms at night if there isn't any medical assistance... It's wrong Isaac. The boy suffers from severe ptsd. You are only causing him more confusion." I saw Dr. Schultz speaking with Isaac. Isaac appeared annoyed. I hate Dr. Schultz he tolerates no fun in this facility but he would be the one to confront Isaac. Isaac sighed and gestured to Dr.Schultz. "We did nothing, if that's what you're wondering. I stayed with him so he could sleep. Besides, he's a grown man, I am sure he doesn't recognize what he wants." Dr. Schultz shook his head," With a mind of a child. I'm just telling you next time I'll ask you to leave. Now go help serve breakfast to the patients." I quickly scurried to the dining room. Where everyone was already settled in. Isaac was already handing food onto trays. He didn't look too happy but I could tell he was just stressed out. I sat alone because I didn't have the best social skills. No one wanted to talk so I was better off alone. Once my food was given, I ate vigorously since I had been starving. Today we had fresh pancakes with oh maple syrup and a fruit salad on the side. Definitely was enjoying it until I heard a voice. It wasn't any voice either. It was the man's voice, and he wasn't too nice. He spoke gruffly, "What the hell Joseph! Why are you always getting people in trouble? You're the most downright stupidest person I have ever met. Look! For your fault, Isaac is on watch. All because you insisted to play your childish games. Huh! You're worthless and good for nothing." His voice ran out of my mind. No, he can't hurt me. He's not real is he? My mind couldn't figure out! I hit myself in the head with my two fists. Agh, not real...this can't be real. Thump...thump...THUMP. I could feel my forehead begin to swollen His voice lingered on haunting, "You are not escaping me, I will be the first one on your deathbed. You are…” I felt dizzy. Someone wrapped their hands around me as I felt a syringe jab me through the side. Numbness took over my body. My eyes slowly closed until blackness took its place. *Isaac’s POV * I would be lying if I said Joey wasn't on my mind. I constantly worried about his state since he had the tendency to hurt himself. It was because of his hallucinations and the voices constantly harassing him. It wasn't like Joey could control his actions. Because from what the doctor has told was that Joey had developed a case of dissociative amnesia too. His post traumatic stress disorder caused this delay. A past that can only be discussed on files. I know I should not have read his private records but it was too tempting. The reason Joey suffered was because he was sexually assaulted as a child and this ‘grandma’ caretaker never existed because he ran away from home at 17 where he found himself on the streets. On the streets, he was an addict who became suicidal. I do not think he remembers any of the pieces. The doctor has told me the man he is afraid of is...his uncle who along with his mother who is now deceased raised Joey, but Joey doesn't know that. It is better not to remind him. He is more happier only having broken fragments of loss memories. Even if he remembers nothing before entering his shelter. I found Joey repeatedly hitting himself. He kept yelling,"Leave me alone!" I flashed for the doctor's attention. These types of episodes always tested my strength. Joey knew no right. He would keep doing this until he eventually blacks out. I ran to him to cradle his body. The doctor came rushing with an unopened syringe in his hands. They have used the syringe many times. It contained a sedative known as Benzodiazepines. As the medicine took its place, Joey's head leaned back against the chair. His eyes flickering until they shut down. He was officially sedated. It was my job to take him to his room. His body was light. Joey was was smaller than I was even though he was older. His slow heart beats could be felt against my chest. I laid Joey on his bed. I covered him in a blanket so he could rest easily. It was my duty to stay until he regained consciousness again. I sat down on the small couch right beside his bed. Oh Joey...he needed to realize that he was not a child anymore. It is not possible for him at the moment unless he confronts the past. Which he is not ready for. As I watch Joey rest, I sigh. Joey's feelings towards me are obvious. He likes it whenever I'm around. Every time I enter the room, his eyes stare at my existence. He tries to hide his liking, but it's just out there. To his disadvantage, I do not feel the same way he does. Don't get wrong ... he is a nice-looking guy with a sweet personality. Well the ‘I don’t feel the same way’ is lie, when In fact Joey is the only guy who has ever captured my attention. We could always have a conversation for hours. Even though I might act annoyed sometimes, it’s only because we have to keep distance. Especially with Dr. Schultz overcharge on Joey. My career at this place could be on the line if I ever attempted to act on my feelings lingering in my heart. He's a troubled mental patient at this shelter. Besides relationships between workers and patients are prohibited. I could be fired. Another reason was because I was not ready to be with someone who was suffering internally. Therefore I was pissed earlier because Dr. Schultz probably thinks I'm fucking around with Joey. That is not the case. "Hey what are you doing here?," Joey groggily said with a sly smile. "Watching you sleep. Don't you remember what happened?" Joey pondered until he replied," Not really but thank you. I appreciate your patience with me." Joey got up and sat next to me on the couch. He hugged me. His warm hands cradling my neck. I could smell a foul scent. He probably hadn't showered yet. I winced at the smell but didn't refuse his hug since it was a kind gesture. Like I stated earlier, he meant something to me. He sat there quietly when I finally broke the ice. I asked him," Do you ever want to explore what's outside?” His eyes pondered onto his painting of a warm colored beach. "Yeah, I was reading a book. One of the characters described a scene. I drew every detail. In this specific part, he was holding a person who he would marry close. He said it was one of the happiest moments of his life. Deep inside they felt a connection of foreverness. One day I want to leave this place and be held by someone who fits the missing piece in my heart just like he did on the beach. " His eyes began to water as he turned his head towards me. “Oh Joey...that is amazing! Maybe you will find that piece someday because I have hope you will leave here soon when you are okay bud.” With his lips quivering, Joey replied,” Thanks Isaac. Hopefully, hopefully, a word sole in mind. But love it is not possible for people like me Isaac. Is there any sense of truth in the words I speak?” ”Of course love is possible for you. Honestly Joey, you are one of the most generous guy I have ever met. Anyone would be lucky to be with you.” Tears welled in his eyes as he mumbled,”Yeah, if only.” As I leaned forward to embrace his body close to mind, Joey’s head swung to face mine. That’s when he did it! Joey leaned in closer. Our noses touching as his hands tugged me closer. His heavy breath warming. Joey's dark brown eyes glowed as his lips touched mine. It was a brief kiss until he backed away to see my reaction. It shocked me. It hasn't occurred he would even dare. His lips were cracked and dry but it did not matter since the kiss washed away every flaw ever placed. Joey flushed a crimson color when he noticed me staring back at him. Out of nowhere, he swung back another kiss. This time more passionate and longer. His tongue slipping into my mouth. As our saliva intertwined. I returned the kiss with a longing desire. My heart raced as he softly but intensely moved his lips. He pulled away amazed. His eyes glowing with excitement as his cheeks burned with color. Our intense eye lock prevailed for a few minutes until... My phone buzzed. It was Dr. Schultz. I excused myself to Joey to be able to converse. "Hello Doc." Dr Schultz replied," I was wondering if Joey had woken up yet because I need you to help Luke. Tell him to take his medication before he sleeps. He has been crying all day. Well?" "Don't worry I'm on it. Joey woke up. I'm just going to make sure he's okay and give him his daily dose. Then I'll go check with Martha to get Luke's medication. Bye Doc." With that, he hung up. “Don't go Isaac! Please I need you! I promise there won't be any games just please stay. I'm scared to be alone, please." Joey’s eyes watered as he pleaded for me to stay. I couldn't stay even though I enjoyed being with him. Though what I say is contradicting, Joey isn't like the other patients here. He has a childish demeanor to his sense. He likes to play around and he has a fascination with cartoons and comics. Which makes me feel like I have to be in charge of him. I had to go check on the other patients. I didn't want to be out on a pedestal of suspicion. "I'm sorry Joey. We'll talk tomorrow but for now please take your medication. I want you to sleep without nightmares." I squeezed his hand. After he got into bed, I left to see Luke. The next day, I arrived at the facility at 5pm. I was ready to see Joey. It was almost dinner time. Today I wasn't on serving duty which meant I could talk to Joey while he ate. As I entered the small dining room, there Joey sat alone in the corner table. He stares at Jil, the other nurse who works here. She was speaking to another patient. "I missed you Joey. Can I sit next to you,”” I asked as Joey swifter his eyes towards me. Joey nodded his head. He playfully punched me on the shoulder. "Me too...so how was your day?" I couldn't resist grinning and answered," Well I had three exams today. I'm so worn out honestly, but it is obligatory to show up to work still and to be with my best bud. Oh, and something happened with my brother Lee." Joey gave a concerned expression. "Wow hope you're feeling well now. What happened to him?" I sighed in disparity," He has been...well nevermind.” I cut my sentence before I said trigger words that could remind Joey of his past. It would not be the right time. My brother Lee has been abusing alcohol for the past few months. A 17-year-old junior at his school...it was wrong for Lee do this. I found his unconscious body. The face had been bruised with open sores and busted eyes. I grabbed Lee forcefully but he wouldn't budge. His hands gripping onto the carpet as his last move was to call the ambulance for help. I didn't understand why he was doing this. I finally pulled him away but the boy's face was blue. I quickly dialed 911. I ran over to Lee in order to give him compressions. Each compression, my mind desperately desired his heart beat. "Lee What hell did you do? What the ..? Oh my he's not responding. Please oh please!" Lee was not himself. I knew it was crashing down as his life was in danger. It saddened me to know his life was on the line. I wasn’t there to help him when he needed me the most. "Are you okay Isaac?" Joey was rubbing my back. Oh god I was crying wasn't I ? "You know you shouldn't have come today if you were feeling down. Like you always tell me, sometimes we all need a break from the world." My tears formed a puddle onto the table. It was still emotionally new to me. I shouldn't have remembered. Definitely not in front of Joey. He didn't deserve this so I wiped away my tears. I worked up a smile so he wouldn't be concerned. Joey knew I was hurting but he chose to not push it anymore. "Once I'm finished eating, we can go back to my room. There we can play battles. Each of us will build a fort and whoever's fort falls to its demise will be the loser. The main weapon is pillows so make every hit count." He snickered. There he was making me feel better. "As much as I would like to, I have to help organize files with Dr. Schultz then deliver daily medications to the other guys." He answered," Ah! Forget Dr. Schultz! I giggled," If I lose my job, I won't be able to see you anymore. I'm not willing to risk that chance. Especially when my love for you goes millions of light years away. " I knew Joey wouldn't comprehend my last line but it was irresistible not to say. "Tell you what, I'll come by at 9pm. Wait for me I'll be ready. Okay Joey?" With that dinner was over. Everyone began to scurry back into their rooms. No one gave me a problem today except maybe Dr. Ray's assistant Jim. I was in the back room organizing products when he started laughing at me in the most cynical way. Then he began following me on the way upstairs. I was about to open Rod's room to drop off a letter that his mom had sent him. When Jim grabbed my hand off the knob and pushed me away. He opened the door while ripping the letter from my hand. Then he threw it Rod who was writing. Rod jumped up afraid. While Jim laughed," Stupid fucker." I swear it was a foul move. Rod began getting red. He was always in a bad mood. It never really occurred to me why he got the job in the first place. He's rude to patients and has zero tolerance. I never could understand what was wrong with the guy. How does he expect for these guys to be cured if he's always belittling them? I'm so happy Joey doesn't have to see him. Joey doesn't deserve that type of rudeness. After I was finished giving medication to Tim, this boy who suffers from schizophrenia. I headed downstairs to see Joey. I had promised him earlier I would go by but hopefully he's still awake since it was already 11:33pm. I let time slip between my fingers. I ran to his room. It was open so I turned the knob to let myself in. He was sleeping like a cub. His knees pressed up to his chest. Cradling himself with his arms. He didn't have a blanket on and the sheets were on the floor. I had realized he wanted to build the fort, but he sadly fell asleep. I was quiet so he wouldn't wake up. Poor baby...all he wanted to do was share some fun. He probably thinks I didn't want to be with him tonight. Which wasn't the case? I liked spending time with him. He was one the sweetest people I have ever met. I would lying if I didn't say. These past few days, he's been on my mind and the only reason I've been happy. Despite our differences, I feel so connected to him. I can't quite explain these feelings. I ran my fingers through his dark brown hair. Not that it bothered me or anything but he finally washed himself. His hair felt smooth for once. I could hear his soft heart beats as he snores quietly. Seeing Joey resting peacefully gave me reassurance. Usually Joey has nightmares about a man who tries to attack him. The nights I spent here at the facility. I've always been the first one to cradle him. While the nurses usually rush to give him syringes full of sedatives so he'll fall asleep. I never liked that idea they would just rush with a needle. Yes it helps to keep him from hurting himself or causing more damage. But what Joey needs is comfort. That's the reason he trusts me. He knows I wouldn't hurt him. He's watched me from a distance enough to know I wouldn't ever leave him in sorrow. No matter how stressful his attacks got. I tried my best to soothe his tears and wipe away any pain that spreads through his body. Joey doesn't deserve what happened to him. What makes this worse is that he doesn't even know why he experiences these flashbacks and nightmares. For all I know, Dr. Schultz gave him pills to clog his memory which is why Joey doesn't remember the trauma that occurred to him. Him not knowing is actually a death sentence for him. He'll never get past his nightmares if he doesn't know the answer to it. Joey needs to heal and confronting the past is the only way he will. Joey shuffled around his bed. It was 12:02 am already. Oh man, it tired me. Hopefully I'll be able to see Joey later today but seeing how things are going at home. It's almost inevitable. I gave Joey a light kiss on cheek. I went to his cabinet to leave a note I had written. I would miss him but I had to go home. “I love you Joey…”
  17. Layne

    Chapter Thirty

    This chapter was sad. Noah’s parents reaction shocks me! How can they say that to their own son and not be willing to accept him for who he is? The reality is that this happens all the time when children come out to their parents... 😢
  18. Joey is a mental patient living with severe PTSD after experiencing situations which still affect him till this day. The doctors suppressed the memories with medications which only worsened him. As he tries to navigate his way in a world that has wronged him, he finds love with Isaac within the facility until they are separated by the facility who does not tolerate their relationship. Joey is also forced to deal with his memories as they begin to flow back. Both learn to grow and recognize that life presents you before trials before revealing what is to come.
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