84Mags

Well, THAT was hard to read! Good for Jay for not allowing Loren to do what he's done in the past to smooth over conflicts and keep the relationship in the same, emotionally safe, zone. With each spurned 'effort', Jay was giving Loren the gift of time and distance to really and truly figure his sh#t out. Loren grasping at the 'we aren't broken up' straw was as sad as it was funny. Realizing, even while in panic mode, that he could possibly see himself married to Jay is a turning point. Yay to Lars for saying exactly what needed to be said to his brother. Kudos to Matt and Seamus for pushing the two together for a much-needed talk now that Loren has exhausted all ridiculous efforts.

The chilly rainstorm at the end was befitting of the mood set for the chapter. Tani wants so desperately. Even as Dante grounded him first with touch and then linking their hands, Tani seems unable to believe that this time Dante is equally as desperate in his desire. They are moving forward, though, and hopefully Tani can release the pain of the previous centuries and embrace that this time he can have what he wants. Well, at least with Dante. Relationships between mothers and sons are often complex. Tani and his mother are next level complex! She allows her love and concern to become anger. In doing so she misses what Tani needs from her.

I guess I see it differently. I think Loren had a drink because he was at a celebration. I also disagree that committing to one person (which Loren has done with Jay) and having kids is 'ultimate adulting'. Perhaps in a heteronormative world that used to be expected. I know plenty of truly happy, satisfied, well- functioning, contributing members of our society who are either single (by choice or by chance) and / or without children (again, by choice or by chance) who are also ultimate adulting adults. But I get your bigger point. Loren did not handle the confrontation well. He snarked. But to be fair, he was not expecting it. He had set boundaries with Jay from the beginning. And even though it came out as snark (or perhaps panic), he really did commit to a relationship with Jay initially as a compromise. I am sure for many four years is a long time. However, I am a long game kinda person. I genuinely believe neither Loren nor Jay is wrong. But it is time that Loren hears Jay needs more than he initially agreed to and wants Loren to move into a deeper commitment. Maybe that will be children and marriage, but that is not what Jay is asking for right now. He wants them to move in together and make solid future plans. Hopefully Loren uses this forced break to reconsider and to face whatever fears he has about moving towards the next level of commitment in their relationship.

Oftentimes it is at transitional moments in our lives that we gain clarity. Jay retires from something he spent his entire life devoted to and is ready for the next parts of his life to begin. He gently confronts his parents, and he asks for more from Loren. I will go back to what I have said in previous comments; these men love each other and are deeply committed to the other. Loren was permanently scarred from the abuse he went through as a child. He is not broken, but he is scarred. Some wear those externally, and some, like Jay, internally. He built a wall around himself and allowed cracks in that wall for Jay to fit through. Everything Jay said was necessary, important, relevant and just. While I personally saw some compromises on the part of Loren at various times in their relationship, it is OK that Jay feels he has done the lion's share because it is true. They have some serious discussions ahead of them. I am glad Jay decided to remove himself from the situation. Frankly even one drink is that much too many when serious matters arise and need to be worked out. Loving someone who has experienced serious trauma can be difficult. Jay has more than proved he is up for the challenge. Now it is time for Loren to reflect and see if he is equally willing to meet Jay halfway. It is also interesting to me that this occurred during a time that Loren has reconnected with Lars. Hopefully that newly bonded relationship will help Loren as he does some much needed introspection.

Not much I can add to the already glowing comments! What a very satisfying ending to an outstanding story. My Friday mornings are going to be a bit dull now. I will mention to anyone who hasn’t gone back to re-read the whole series to do so. I did that about midway through this story and not only did it enhance this experience, but it brought to light details I’d either forgotten or missed the first read through. It also reminded me to read each chapter at least twice. There are always hidden gems.

I agree. It was clear to me that during the conversation with Loren, Lars was hurting and trying desperately to process the new information given to him. He had obviously been manipulated his entire life, with specific lies and manipulations about his brother from age 7 onward. When Lars entered adulthood, should it have occurred to him that 7 year old children don't run away without a lot of multidisciplinary resources used to find them? I had to remind myself that it wasn't until the early to mid-1980's that the United States had federal and subsequent state missing children laws. It was the very late 1990's that basic internet and multidisciplinary teams were put into place. So it is reasonable to assume that Lars believed his parents and was somehow shielded from facts that other adults in his life must have known. I wonder about the family friends he lived with. I assume they kept a great deal of information from Lars. The question is why. Child Protective Services absolutely would have spoken to him. Did these family friends somehow divert the conversation assuring authorities that Lars had no knowledge of what transpired with Loren? This was an initial contact between the two. I assume we will hear more.

What?!!!! Nooooooooooooo. Oh my gosh, that was a heart racing, thrilling chapter. I am literally shaking as I type this. I keep reminding myself that Liebe and CJ are fine. It just doesn’t feel that way right now. Jeez!

Well now I am the one crying at work, and I actually do domestic violence counseling for a living! While it wasn’t exactly as I suspected for Lars, the outcome is equally as devastating. Loren is exactly the balm Lars needs. They have slotted back together and can figure out a future. The individuals who gave them life really do not deserve to be called parents.

After reading your poems I find myself going to each story and reading or rereading the chapter. It’s such a fantastic way to comment and your poetry enriches the experience.

Sorry.

It is always interesting to me the piece of a chapter that commenters seem to hook onto the most. Today I noted pretty much everyone (including me!) cooed and sighed happily over Loren and Aiden's relationship. And then most had... thoughts... about Lars and how he responded to Loren. This seemed to be the passage that had the most comments: "I don’t know if there’s a lot for us to cover after 23 years, or maybe not so much at all. Whatever it is, I’d rather not chat over the internet if it’s the same to you. We deserve face-to-face. Well, I deserve it. Let me know if you want to arrange something. I’m assuming that’s what this is all about." Here is my take, for whatever it is worth. It is my gut feeling that Lars has survivor's guilt. As the chosen child in a severely abusive and highly dysfunctional family it is very probable that Lars is wracked with guilt. I believe he thinks Loren wants to completely and utterly, verbally and emotionally annihilate him for any wrongs Loren perceives his brother was a party to. It is doubtful Lars understands that Loren knows Lars is not to blame, nor was he a part of how his parents treated Loren. Lars was a victim, as well. His torment was having to pretend to enjoy the 'riches' granted to him at the expense of his brother. He knew his brother was going without the most basic of necessities and had to choke down all the feelings that go along with that. There are prisoner of war studies that show one of the most successful forms of torture used to create compliance and break someone's spirit is for one prisoner to be fed, clothed and cared for while being made to watch a fellow service member be tortured and go without. Lars was literally made to watch his twin be starved, neglected and beaten. It meant Lars had to pretend to like and appreciate every privilege he received or risk his brother being treated even worse. He was also just a kid. It is telling that Lars changed his last name and obviously distanced himself from his parents. One can assume they are completely estranged. He has been following Loren's life in an unobtrusive manner. It is as if Lars believes Loren could never want him to be a part of his life, but Lars needs to know Loren is OK. So the line "Well, I deserve it." means to me that Lars thinks that he deserves being told off face to face. That he owes that much, at least, to his brother. Maybe he wants home field advantage so his wife can help pick up the pieces afterwards. Saying that he doesn't want to have it happen over the internet is, again, a way to say he deserves what he perceives to be Loren's wrath and that Loren has the right to do that to his face. I am sure there is a sense of shame and embarrassment, too. This happening in front of the public would be devasting to Lars. Finally, I think Lars waited for Loren to reach out assuming that he had no right to reach out to Loren. The next most commented thoughts were on Jay's feelings for Carson and having a baby, in general. Yes, there is a distinct divide between what Jay desires and what Loren wants. Well, all I have to say on that one is my husband and I were married 15 years before we were ready to have our first child. Yes. Fifteen years. Relax people. They love each other. They will figure it out.

And this, my friends, is what family is really and truly all about. The start of the chapter’s united front against Kelly’s parents, the engagement and baby announcement, the teasing and later the heartfelt conversations, preparing for the baby, and always being the support the other needs, is family. Welcome Carson, you are loved.

Good point! We live in such a town. My front door is often unlocked. But no one ever just walks in or knocks and then walks in. And to clarify, we have people who have keys to our house. But folks with boundaries. If we don’t know they are coming or heading over for an emergency no one would just come in. Our college kid wants total privacy. So no key. As a parent you’ve gotta respect boundaries. That scene with Jay’s folks is a great one in that it literally shows that lack.

1. You are not in trouble for the dream sequence ONLY because the scene with Jay's parents catching the blowie was so hilarious and well written. It was also a great way to keep Jay in the game. Mrs G: kudos to you on the major gotcha. 2. Benadryl is the devil's serum. It should be banned for all humankind. Loren: switch to Sudafed. You are welcome. 3. What grown-ass person gives a key to their place to their parents? I don't even have a key to my college age kid's apartment ... AND I AM PAYING FOR THE PLACE. Jay: get your key back. It's on the wall mounted key holder in your parent's laundry room (because that is where every midwestern parent ever keeps their keys.) 4. Jay's brothers both remain my favorite siblings ever. I would trade my two brothers for them. Everyone: shhhh, don't tell. 5. Lars! Oh Lars: ready or not, here Loren comes.

Well that was unexpected, and I don’t mean the extra chapter drop. The butterflies in this chapter were no match for the ones in my stomach during CJ’s conversation with Jinzhang. And then to learn that Jinzhang essentially outed himself as a spy to CJ? That is particularly unsettling.

… “ I’m looking forward to a couple of quiet months.” Yikes! Why did he have to tempt fate?

Yes.😉

I admit it, I absolutely did not see that coming. I guess that I should have. But I didn’t. Dang it. And even though 97.8 % of me knows Jay will be perfectly ok, that last scene is heart wrenching.

….And another thing, that slithering snake of a photographer needs to be strung up by his hairless testicles. What kind of person has a ‘friend’ that encourages you to cheat? What kind of person seriously considers it? What a serpent!

Oh my lord with these two and their missing each other and their loooooooooooving each other and their sexiness just for each other! Whew!!!

One of the aspects I most enjoy in your stories is the use of secondary characters to move along the plot line for the main characters using seemingly effortless and routine interactions. In this case, Joe Huard and the interviews with CJ and his coworkers (and Northman 🙄) not only cements what we know about CJ but gives us glimpses into his future.

Sometimes things work out much differently than our internal monologue or expectations. Loren prepared for the worst, but reacted naturally to each situation whether it was intimately with Jay, cautiously with Jay’s mom, hilariously with the brothers, or compassionately with their fiancés. Perfect is in the eye of the beholder, especially when it comes to families. @Topnotchis right. Jay’s brothers stole this whole chapter! It was funny, well paced, informative, true to life, and flowed perfectly. I don’t live in Wisconsin, but do live in a Midwest subdivision smack dab in America’s small town heartland. And, there is a cow pasture directly across the street from our main entrance. …like I said, chapter is true to life.

Another chapter where everything feels right with the world. And, yes, I mean everything. My gut is that Lars isn’t a threat. My hope is that he is trying to find a way to reconnect with Loren and work through a tremendous amount of survivor’s guilt. And if you haven’t been christened by little boy pee then you haven’t been loved by a little boy. Many years ago while changing a diaper, my husband got it bullseye in the mouth from our son 😆🤣!

“A defeated Northman shook his head and slunk away.” What an excellent way to start a Sunday morning!

Ugh, Fernando! You write characters that instantly resonate with readers. And although the actual song has absolutely nothing to do with this Fernando, I now have that horrid Abba song stuck in my head. Thanks for that. 😫