Bondwriter

How would you like to see the story end for Eric? 1/ Thaddeus sells him as a slave in a Canadian brothel. 2/ He gets shot by the Piedmont Sheriff as he's about to spill the beans on the evil law person's involvement in a large illegal porn ring. 3/ He dies of thirst in the desert. (Positive side: he provides much needed proteins to vultures) 4/ He dies in a car crash in a stolen vehicle. 5/ He amends, and after a short stay in prison, gets a business degree, and becomes the successful CEO of a large multinational company. After downsizing and outsourcing production in Africa, setting a new trend for the 2010s (last continent with cheap labor) he's elected CEO of the Year in 2014. 6/ Other (please develop)

I'd have questions on this about someone who gets picked up for a job in a parking lot. I mean, he's gonna get a serious degree from university, and someone comes up to him and asks him to come pose shirtless at the entrance of a store, and he says sure! More seriously I agree, this type of interviews has always puzzled me. It used to be female models who went through this sort of treatment, so does this mean the male audience want brainless sex objects? Kris has a very cute smile, by the way. The rest's not bad either.

Another good chapter indeed. A lot has changed in Aaron's and Brian's lives since the beginning of the story! The church episode is great, and the change Brian's dad has gone through is even more impressive than the boys'. As apparently it rings true to lots of people's ears, cheers to this great character. Aaron won't be spared the hearing. But at least there's now serious evidence of the reckless driver doing it. Though there's little hope the police will apologize for behaving as jerks.

My sympathy also goes to the poor rattlesnakes who'll die instantly if they ever bite into the mean little b...'s leg. I'll get in touch with the Humane Society.

1/ Being the guy's little brother. 2/ Setting up the cams without him being aware of it. 3/ Providing him tons of sex partners. 4/ Charging people a fortune for watching. (Uh, CJames, you know the account number in the Cayman Islands where to transfer the 500$ of my fee for this shameless FTL promotion)

Adding my two cents: first of all, I'm just talking about what you write, not about you as a person whom I don't know, so don't take anything as a personal remark, but as constructive criticism. This is quite important, as I intend to be supportive yet sincere. You do have skills to develop to be a writer. You also have to work hard. First, use a word processor and the spell checker. It's perfectly OK to have problems with commonly confused words. But if you can get rid of typos yourself, you save time for your proofreaders/ editors. Then Jack's advice to get an editor is to be followed. There are indeed resources here, use them to improve. It would be useful too to have someone help you out as you go with your stories. For instance, in the Escape, there is a need for developing certain scenes. I think that you may easily double the length of the story so your characters have more flesh and the action is more vividly described. One advantage of working with an editor is that it gives you motivation. So go and ask for one. I second Krista on feedback. Though I don't have to complain about getting lots for my anthology entry, I got more from other places, just because of the genre. And it didn't come overnight. And I had a story posted on another site last week, in seven days it got 5972 hits (this site provides a counter for the authors) and just two people who gave feedback, though it has the same type of feature to provide feedback as eFiction. And actually, one was negative by the way! Toot your horn. I too found out with this thread you had contributed to the round robin. The round robin can be promoted with an eFiction announcement, and there's a thread in Nickolas James' forum under "Shared Authors". Use your signature as Jack said. And in the eFiction discussion there's yet another thread. So, hang around, get in touch with people, and know it will take time and work to get results. Hugs, F.

Darn! I feel quite humbled. Excellent motivation to look at Jack's story EVEN CLOSER in the future. *OK, this one really hurts, but I can't really do without* Sorry, Jack.

I vote against using goats' brains in designing biocomputers. Unless they're meant to use 'fuzzy logic'. But if you implied I was both a dimwit and a victim, then...

Now doubt overcomes me and clouds my mind in its shades of red and grey. Two possibilities: 1/ I'm a dimwit who tried to look smart at the expense of poor Jack, and failed miserably. 2/ I'm a victim of Jack's devious behind-my-back editing. The weasely author just went to correct the problem I pointed out and tries to make me look like a fool. Isn't there a stalker around here who may access the editing info on eFiction? Someone with dark sunglasses? Hooves? A goatee?

I just caught up with 19 & 20 at the same time. I certainly hope that Raul and Catherine's devious ways come back to them twice as hard. It's smart to have the drama building up in the background with our three heroes wondering about college and having all their end-of-high-school issues. So the story's well on its way. A motorbike for Jacob? Mmmmh... I hope it is indeed an expensive graduation gift, and not a cheap narrator's technique to end up the story in drama with a death on the road...

I agree with Nick about keeping discrete in case she tells people you wouldn't want to know. But is it better that you tell her and that eventually (I don't believe in secrets being kept for eternity especially NOT in families) your aunt finds out or that it's the family gossip/ questioning for the next few months of "is Kevin gay?" because she reports what she witnessed in Houston? So yes, you know these people best, and I bet you'll make the wisest call. If you have trouble making a decision, you might always toss a coin. (Just kidding...)

Cheers to this new chapter, that still manages to mix successfully the informative/ educational aspect and the fictional/ narrative one with talent. Great info above, and thanks to Dyllan and Brad for adding a little freshness in this thread through their comments.

I can relate to this, definitely. Well I found out my mom had done the job for me last year, since the family communication network is pretty good at spreading news. Thanks, Mom! You say you want to tell her face to face, but can't you manage to tell her on the phone before she comes? I mean, so you avoid feeling all nervous when she gets there? Just a question, not even an advice.

How could you be aware of such a thing? Only a stalker would know! But yes, I had to fix it, since I always try to post the best possible messages. The old quality VS. quantity issue. :king:

Hey guys, tune your fiddles! Did Jack say the goddess of editing or a Goddess of editing? This makes a whole lot of difference.

On a more positive note, the CRAZY reference is quite to the point. But then with their friends' reactions, why don't Steph and Ben tell them they love each other?

So if Matt wasn't there at the beginning, shouldn't his entrance be mentioned? Or maybe Matt has supernatural powers allowing him to appear out of thin air? To change age easily? Is he a demon? A vampire? A ghost? If you think "picky", annoying", or" hair-splitting", I'll say: "Darn right!"

Oops, sorry for the sly remark, Sharon. But actually, it was not as much the porn magazine as Matt walking on his brother having sex that bothered me. (In my memory, Matt was 13, so it did depend on the nature of the porn, but it didn't seem completely outrageous, whereas him giggling seeing his brother having sex, I don't know) Oh, that's really too bad you don't get to meet Steph and Ben, Jack. (Hey do you realize they're fictional characters, they're only figments of your imagination)

I hope you pull through all these hardships. It's hard seeing a loved one lose it. Bunnies and duckies frolicking in a meadow? That's an interesting concept... I'm all for bunnies in stories!

That's what happens when changes are not overlooked by your team! By the way they are really nice, despite my sly remark, and add interest to the episode. But now I'm confused as to Matt's age... I'll have to go check it back.

This chapter brought some heated debate! As for the first aid issue, it didn't shock me as I read. Having taken a little training, I hope I could stop someone from bleeding to death in such a situation. I think it's a narrative trick to make Chris look good, and the Lonesome Valley Police bad. Sorry Emoe, if you happen to be an articulate geek. I guess some people in every trade will realize that using jargon will keep them from being able to work in good intelligence with others.Just my experience with computer specialists, but then it's yet another stereotype, isn't it? I thought the same thing when they discovered the cameras. But then I expect more revelations, and an even more complex web of misdeeds behind all this. It seems Chris and Steve are up against a particularly nasty opponent, or set of opponents. But many criminals are either arrogant or stupid, or both, and that's how they get caught. And the last thing we'd want is the bad guys to win at the end, despite CJames' claims not to yield into clich

Well, Thaddeus

ROFL! Thanks Connor! Yep, poor Eric, people just don't seem to understand him. Yes, let he who never thought of setting up a website displaying relatives in the nude engaging in sexual activities or any aspects of their intimacy for that matter for the purpose of making money cast the first stone. Way to go goats!

Well, he's been quite active lately... But I won't believe his aims were as base and low as trying to reach a landmark. Congrats, Kevin! Let's dance! (Sorry, couldn't help it, I love this animated GIF!)