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GREEN

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Blog Entries posted by GREEN

  1. GREEN

    Loveless

    By GREEN,

    Chaz has been gone for a week. I miss him and its affecting everything. I was almost done with the next chapter of Julian grace when the phone rang and I accidentially ripped the cord of my pc. I lost the whole chapter and the first half of The premier chapter to Mr. Black 2.
     
    Then I dropped hot cocoa on myself when the phone rang once again. I tripped over a table and I still didn't get to the phone in time. It was him to so I called him back but he didn't answer. It's driving me crazy because I havent talked to him in five days. He' s due back this weekend but I am already planning a trip to go see him at home. I called him yesterday and his mother told he had gone out with some friends so I ended up having a nice conversation with his mother and then his father who went as far as ofering to come get me.
     
    I declined and then they asked me how long we had been dating. I was in shock. As far as I knew Chaz had never told them about us. So I asked how they knew. They told me that they knew the first time we met. I told them we weren't dating back then. So Chaz's mother says, "Sometimes the loveless have love they are just too blind to see it." Then Chaz's father adds, "We knew you guys would end up together the first time we met you. Even if Chaz can't seem to tell us the truth." This made me miss Chaz even more now I'm freaking out because he hasn't called.
     
    Then there is the fact that everyone I know spent New Years together and I was alone in my house watching Crappy Seacrest trying to be a good host but he's blander than soggy rice. Even Selene had her daughter as companionship. Crap even that cumpulsive liar freak had my mother to spend it with.
     
    Oh and to top it all of my father calls me. Yeah the one I had decided to cut out of my life completely he called wishing me a better year and offered to come over. I said no I'd rather be alone and I hung up. So i don't know what to do with myself.
     
    Loveless GREEN
  2. GREEN
    Just when you think you know someone they write something like this and you are forced to look at them in a different light. My friend Jonathan Wrote this in one long breath of inspiration. I asked if I could post it here he said I could.
     
    The Center Of It All
    by Jonathan.
     
     
    There I was at the center of it all,
     
    where the shadow met the light,
     
    where water formed on glass,
     
    where the immortal box sang it's incessant tune,
     
    where the voices drown voices,
     
    where laughter tried and failed to mask the pain,
     
    where in the fog the fallen father gave birth to his prosperous son.
     
     
     
     
    There I was at the center of it all,
     
    where life is worst than death,
     
    where the evil is worth more than the good,
     
    where empty cups create the mood,
     
    where the wheel can't seem to follow the line,
     
    where the red giant stops the steel and commits a crime,
     
    where the wise men trapped the souls of man.
     
     
     
     
    There I was at the Center of it all,
     
    where the boy lost his mind,
     
    where the girl ate her word,
     
    where the world fades in red, blue, white and green gold,
     
    where red sheets cradle the night and fear came from the right,
     
    where the unholy endorse the one man show and the left seem to follow without a word,
     
    where wiser men could instruct the bold but choose not to because they are old.
     
     
     
     
    There I was at the center of it all,
     
    where what you got you never saw,
     
    where lines carry shoes,
     
    where the men bowed to pass the time,
     
    where the youth were wasted and then they were arrested,
     
    where the old laid rested,
     
    where the girls act not like mothers but like the boys that should not be fathers.
     
     
     
     
    There I was at the center of it all,
     
    where dreams were liquid,
     
    where smoke smells of wasted life,
     
    where right is wrong and no one seems to notice the night,
     
    where fake worlds control those who cannot communicate with words or lines,
     
    where opinion is granted but never asked for or wanted,
     
    where bullets enter five or more times.
     
     
     
     
    There I was at the center of it all,
     
    where the color black never fades,
     
    where sisters hide sins and brothers are outnumbered,
     
    where the lost ignore the light,
     
    where old men shared no tales and their wives mend their heads with black veils,
     
    where sight was pure,
     
    where sand flows with the color of the dead.
     
     
     
     
    There I was at the center of it all,
     
    where freedom comes in doses,
     
    where the concrete is as good as a bed,
     
    where friends become lovers and lovers threaten the holy herd with their choices,
     
    where roses are placed and anger is showcased,
     
    where work fled countries at a time,
     
    where the fearful gather away from the storm and disaster is amplified.
     
     
     
     
    There I was at the center of it all,
     
    where promise never rears it's epic face,
     
    where action never sees to change anything,
     
    where tears fall from those that saw you crawl,
     
    where purpose was taken from the fight and the young then find reason to take flight,
     
    where the shiny are royal and the normal are loyal,
     
    where the ones who escaped will be called back to fulfill their oily fate.
     
     
    There I was at the center of it all...
     
    ............................................................................................................................................................
     
    Crazy Huh?
     
    GREEN, Red, blue and white Gold
  3. GREEN

    BA Humbuggy!

    By GREEN,

    I am declaring this Christmas a happy and fun one. I am picking up all of my friends and were going in search of the best chinese food Restaurant in the city. Since none of us is particularly happy with our families right now we decided that we would be our own family this Christmas. Or Hannuka for david. My mom has guests coming and she's not happy that I will not attend and eat with people who would label me a faggot at my own table. I will not attend because I was promised at Thanksgiving by my own mother that they wouldn't come for Christmas but look here they are. No Thanks I'd rather die.
     
    This Christmas is For Selene who would have to deal with a volatile and cultist brother.
     
    This Christmas is for David who's parents that pretend that he doesn't exist.
     
    This Christmas is for Rob that hasn't had a good Christmas in years.
     
    So for all of you that deserve a happy holidays, I hope you get them and everything you wanted. I know that alot of you deserve it.
     
    GREEN and Red and White.
  4. GREEN
    I was so angry that I ignored Chaz the whole night and when the party was over and he tried to help me clean I left him to do it himself and I left to my room. He came in a few minutes later wondering why I was mad at him.
     
    "Why didn't you tell me that he was your first?" I asked Chaz who was giving me a confused look.
     
    "Dude your my first boyfriend I've never seen that freak before that dinner," he said.
     
    "Then Why'd he say that?"
     
    "I don't know but he asked me to leave with him," Chaz said.
     
    The next day I saw the boy again and I asked him why he lied. And his answer was, "I don't know what you're talking about." So I ask him if he's insane. He takes a few steps away but then walks back. "look Its just that I can't help myself. I get really jealous of what other people have and when I cant take it away I go a little crazy. I'm sorry Green I wont do it again."
     
    I ask him if he goes to a therapist and I tell him about mine but he says that his family doesn't believe in shrinks and walks away.
     
    This is when his mother comes to me and tells me that she's sorry. Her son apparently has a tendency to lie, To lie alot and he can't help it. I ask her about a therapist and she says that he's been to so many and none ever work.
     
    I tell her what happened at the party and she tells me that her son isn't gay. I accidently outed the boy to her. I felt bad but not to bad, because of what he'd done. So she starts freaking out and she calls him over and asks if its true. He lies to her and gives me the look from hell as I tiptoe away.
     
    GREEN little lies.
  5. GREEN
    The party of course was great except for one thing, or rather one person, my ex. He wanted to know who the new kid was. This of course was the boy I had to invite because he's new in town. As my ex drooled over the boy, the boy kept glancing around for Chaz. He even went as far as asking where he was tonight.
     
    I told him that my boyfriend Chaz couldn't make it as he had previous engagements. But his brother is here and I pointed to our resident bartender Chaz's brother. He didn't seem amused but this is when my drunk ex decides to make his debut. He introduces himself and to my surprise the boy is actually interested. Maybe it was the drink my ex handed to him, which I quickly removed much to the boys chagrin. I wasn't about to let under age drinking happen in my house.
     
    So I slick my way out from in between them and I head towards the kitchen where Selene is making an ass of herself. Once again I find myself removing a drink. I ask Dave to take her to the bathroom as I finish both drinks in my hand. I have to have a little fun right.
     
    I walk back to the living room and the boy and my ex seem to have taken flight. I look out of the door and I see them talking to my boyfriend who was not supposed to be here. So my ex is trying to get the boy to leave but the boy who is clearly ready to jump my boyfriend's bones has no intention of doing such thing.
     
    So I decide to make my own little appearance. I run outside and I jump on Chaz taking him and my ex down so hard that my ex throws up on the boy, who screams and runs inside but not before asking Chaz to help, and I'm left on the ground laughing as Selene yells are you alright in a drunken state from my bedroom window.
     
    I run inside to find the boy trying to kis my now pissed off boyfriend and my ex yells at Chaz trying to defend the boy who he barely knows. David pulls my ex away and I take the boy outside. I ask him why he's doing this when he clearly knows Chaz is my ex when he tells me that he and Chaz know each other and that Chaz was his first before they came out...
     
    More to come.
     
    GREEN
  6. GREEN

    Stop that YOU! part one

    By GREEN,

    I went to my mothers house for dinner with Chaz last night. My mom was making this big dinner for everybody including her friend that is visiting with her son from Arizona. It has been a long time since i've seen her so I decided to go and say hi.
     
    The first thing I notice is that her son is no longer the twelve year old that used to play video games with me when I was fifteen. Now he's a grown man that is setting of my gaydar faster than a speeding bullet and he's extremely good looking. Not that he can compare to my own Chaz mind you. Even chaz who has no gaydar to speak of asks me if the boy is gay.
     
    As the night progresses we find out that they are moving back and that he will be going to our college. So I'm like oh no I'm not serving as gay ambassador. I can feel the boy staring at Chaz and I start to get a little jealous and announce that it's time for us to leave.
     
    The boy asks if we could get together some time all the while looking at Chaz with longing. I'm like hell no, but I say regretedly "Sure I'd like that call me."
     
    Crap so I get home and I receive a call from my mother who asks me if I thought the boy is gay. I said yes and she then asks if I could introduce him to some of my friends. In my mind I'm locking up Chaz in a tower so the boy cant get to him. I explain to her my policy on playing cupid, I don't do it.
     
    So I tell her about a party we're having that Chaz sadly will not be able to attend. I ask her to invite him.
     
    GREEN this is not over yet.
  7. GREEN

    Something

    By GREEN,

    I had a nightmare last night. It involved two of my friends that have passed away. They were sitting together talking and they motioned for me to come closer. Jonas was typing on a laptop. What ever he wrote Vladimir spoke. The first few things were just normal things but then he wrote this in red:
     
    "You're joining us soon"
     
    I started to run but I ran into them again this time it was in a car. I got in and Jonas started to drive looking at me from the rearview mirror as Vladimir just smiled from be side me. Then he said it again.
     
    "You're joining us soon"
     
     
    This when I woke up. Chaz was already gone and David was making breakfast. I swear I could hear someone in the closet moving. I looked at David he clearly seemed irritated. I knew Rob was in the closet (no pun intended) so I asked him to come out.
     
    "Obviously you two are dating and I've known for a whle now so please stop trying to hide this shit from me," I said, leaving them in the kitchen. I needed to talk to someone about my dream so I called my mother. She didn't answer so I called Selene. She had to take her daughter to the hospital so I couldn't talk to her.
     
    I went to school and when I come home I found Selene, David and Rob sitting together playing with Selene's daughter. They all looked at me and I just walked by them. I went into my room and found a toy she had left. I explained my dream to them and they all pretty much told me that I was stressing for no reason. I decided to make dinner for everyone when I get a call from Julio.
     
    I talk to him for awhile not noticing that Chaz is home. When I do he is glaring at me but I Gare back and I pout. That seems to calm him down but a half hour later he grabs the phone and tells Julio that I need to go and he hangs up.
     
    I yell at him for that and it puts me into a bad mood. Now he's trying to make up for it by making me some hot cocoa.
     
    GREEN of your dreams.
  8. GREEN

    I ran, I ran so close away!

    By GREEN,

    I went out with Chaz tonight we werent going anywhere fancy so I took my laptop with me. Chaz was a little annoyed but he ultimately understood that I'm not a freshman and I can't afford to slack. So as I did my work we alked and shared a nice conversation at our table when he told me something that I thought neither of us was ready for.
     
    "Green I love you," I looked up from my computer and in a lower scared voice he says, "even when you ignore me."
     
    I panicked and I grabbed my laptop nearly dropping it and I ran to the store next door. I was hyperventilating and cold because I left my coat. I didn't know what to say. I grabbed my cell and told Selene where I was and asked her to pick me up. I saw Chaz looking for me outside of the store so I ducked behind a dvd shelf.
     
    He came ino the store looking for me. He nearly found me too if I hadn't rounded the shelf as he walked by. When he left the store clerk leaned next to me. "Boyfriend troubles?" she asked and I nodded.
     
    "He said he loves me and I panicked," I said.
     
    "You should atleast call him and say your alright," she said.
     
    I called him and told him to go home I'm alright. He asked me where I was and begged to see me so I told him to meet me at my house. Selene pulled up five minutes later and drove me home. She like a good friend didn't ask what this was all about. I told her I'd explain later.
     
    Chaz was already at my house when we pulled up. I gotout and he handed me my coat and the laptop bag. I motioned him to come inside and I waved bye to Selene that made the call me sign with her hand.
     
    The first ting ot of his mouth is he's sorry.
     
    "No don't be sorry Chaz. You can't deny what you feel," I told him. I had thought alot about what he had said on the way home. I know I feel the same way but I can't seem to let it out now. Especially since I was being busy, but I broke down and I let him know. He was so happy. I've never seen him this happy ever.
     
    Now he's happily sleeping in my room as I write this.
     
    Green Running In Love.
  9. GREEN

    Down Boy!

    By GREEN,

    The time for finals has approached and it hs apparently made everyone horny. I had to peel Chas of me because I had a paper due an I couldn't be distracted. Rob and Dave have been going at it like rabbits and Unfortunately I had to hear them. Selene keeps telling me about her disgusting sexcapades.
     
    I mean seriously I really want to do these thins with Chas but the timing's wrong and I know once school breaks he wont want to do anything. Just my luck. Today he teases me by walking by me in his tight underwear. Yesterday he tried to get me to take a shower with him. Last night he kept rubbing his body against mine as I wrote.
     
    Earlier today David kept appologizing for being loud with Rob. He then added the details jus like selene. I explained to him my dilemma and he stopped but now Chas naked is all I can think about. Ahhhh
     
    I can never win.
     
    GREEN in sexual dilemma.
  10. GREEN

    I am excited about this.

    By GREEN,

    I have made a thread found here Character of the Year. It's a thread to nominate some of the great authors out there. I am working on a format but here are some of the categories I want to work with a panel of judges. We can let the Members nominate and the judges can pick the winner.
     
    Story of the year
     
    Best leading character
     
    Best supportive characer
     
    Best villlain
     
    Best sequel or spin off story
     
    Best writer
     
    Best GA hosted story
     
    Best GA Hosted Author
     
    Best Non GA author.
     
    Best non GA story
     
    Best accomplished author such as those that have more than five stories.
     
    Best fan fic.
     
     
    Please add your suggestions and let me know if you would like to be a judge.
     
    GREEN
  11. GREEN

    The Bunny Wars Redux 2

    By GREEN,

    I hvent seen my lovely neighbors in quite sometime and that made me happy. Today I saw them and as usual the mother was yelling at her oldest. He looked at me and I swear he was wishing a horrible death upon me. I have a restraining order so he can't do anything now. Of course that doesn't mean his brothers can't.
     
    So I went to do some errands when I came back home I found the police at my house and David was yelling in his boxers as a police officer held him backfrom coming out of the house. OH NO, I thought as I approched ny house.
     
    Apparently the bastard had sent his brother into my house that David forgot to lock and the kid found David doing something, well lets just say it involved one of his hands. The bastard ran back home and told the mother and now David is being charged with indecent exposure. It doesn't help that it was a minor who saw him.
     
    I explained to the officer that these kids have a tendency to mess with us. Then i showed him the restraining order paperwork and the bastard is going to get charges pressed against him. Poor David is still a bit shaken but my lawyer got the cops to drop the charges. I'm sure David will lock the door from now on.
     
    GREEN
  13. GREEN

    Why would they do this?

    By GREEN,

    Today I came home after some christmas shopping to find Davis and Rob watching a movie. I joined them for about half of it then I went to take a nap. The movie was boring me and for some reason I didn't feel comfortable all of a sudden. An hour into my nap I'm woken by a loud thud coming from somewhere underneath me. I leave my room and head down to see what happened when I walk in on Rob and David making out. I excuse myself in shock and I head back tyo my room for my keys. To my knowledge these two had never liked each other in this way and I really didn't expect to see them making out. Now I know why I felt awkward when iw as watching the movie. It made me wonder why they didn'tt eell me. I mean it's not like I'm going to disaprove.
     
    So I call Chaz and we make plans to go out for dinner. I put on some nice clothes and I do my hair before I head out. He asked if he could meet me there and I said that was fine I was looking forward to a nice quiet night just for the both of us. It ofcourse didn't happen that way. He brought his friends Andy and Jen along. I was less than happy with this and I pulled him aside and told him how I felt. He said he's sorry and he's make it up to me later on.
     
    So dinner was alright and I tried my best not to be a downer. I really did but when Selene called me and asked if I could do her a favor and pick her up at the airport. I knew I had lost my chance to have Chaz make it up for me. So needless to say I was wearing my emotions on my sleeve. I excused myself and headed towards the airport.
     
    It took me an hour to find Selene and by then I was fuming so I didn't say much as I loaded her thirty bags into my car. She of course noticed and decided to investigate the cause of my anger. So I give her the lowdown including how much it annoyed me that david and Rob kept their realtionship (if they do have one) from me. She apparently didn't know either and that strangely made me feel better.
     
    I dropepd her off and I headed for home. David and Rob where still there. I gave them the ugliest look I could muster and I headed towards my room where I locked myself in. Chaz called and I didn't answer so he's probably headed this way.
     
    GREEN
  14. GREEN

    Avante Guarde Turkey

    By GREEN,

    Hello everyone I hope your thanksgivings were good. Mine was very good even if it was weird. I went to mycousins house in NY I arrived about ten on wednesday night. I arrived to a party that was apparently in full swing. There were alot of people there. I'm introduced and then left to my vices which included drinking heavily spiked eggnog and talking to the people in the party. I can't remember any of them.
     
    The next day I woke to a pretty crappy hangover and the smell of food. I took a shower got dressed and I wondered into my cousins living room. My cousins were cooking and they motion for me to take a seat. "I'm sorry about last night we always have party before thanks giving for our friends," Ellie says, then explains that their friends don't celebrate thanksgiving.
     
    We talk for a few minutes then she puts me to work. I get to baste the turkey. When I walk over to the oven I look inside to find a deformed turkey. I mean I really didn't want to eat this thing. All I could think of is an Avant Guarde version of a turkey. It was missing a leg too. So i ask them about it and they explain that a friend had given them the turkey and they couldn't say no.
     
    So I say whatever and baste the deformed animal that actually smelled really good. A few hours later their guests begin to arrive. The first is the guy that had given them the turkey. As I suspected this guy was a wacko and he kept talking to me about the football players of Manchester United compared to Mexico and Italy's players blah blah blah. He moved on to the next guests as soon as they arrived which were a couple and their incredibly hot college jock of a son who also kept talking to me but this time about college football and the Texas A&M vs TExas Longhorns game coming up. My cousins kept looking at me with appologetic eyes.
     
    The next people to arrive where a couple of kids my cousins know from their job. We sat down to eat and we actually had a good time. The food even though it was deformed was actually great. I had a good thanksgiving after all.
     
    The next day I met with Jonathan and Jessica. I should give a you a little background on them. We all met in kindergarten a long time ago. We've been friends ever since. We lost ourfriend who commited suicide and a friends who is hooked on drugs we used to be five now were three. Jonathan moved away a long time ago then Jessica moved. I was the last to leave the city.
     
    Jessica is married with three kids and Jonathan lives somewhere near Boston. They are both totally in love with each other. They have been I guess since they met the first day of Kindergarten. Life however has intervened and they know that they will never be together. I know, I know romance novelish but it's true. I really feel bad for them because they are perfect for each other.
     
    At the grave Jessica cried as Jonathan held her and I just stood there holding my self. I didn't know what to think. Any one of us could have been there for him if he had reached us. I know that we had all moved away but we always kept in touch. I called a tleast twice a week you know? When he stopped calling and answering my calls I just thought that he was mad at me. That makes me angry. I feel like he couldn't trust me.
     
    I walk away with tears welling up into my eyes. They follow me. Jessica puts her arms across my waiste and Jonathan does the same from the other side. I found peace in this. I am thankful that they are still here with me. I can't imagine living the last seventeen years of my life without them. This peace however is short lived when I trip and I fall in a puddle of dirty water. I'm sure they are still laughing at me.
     
    GREEN eater of Avant Guarde Turkey and prone to fall into puddles.
  15. GREEN

    late night coffee.

    By GREEN,

    I couldn't sleep the other night so I decided to go get some coffee but there wasn't any in the house. I really wanted it so Idecided to go to Seven Eleven to pick up a can. On My way there I almost hit a cat who appparently is suicidal bacuse after I braked it kept putting itself in front of my car.
     
    So after five minutes of this I guess the cat put it's life in perspective and decided it was best to live. So he walked away. Fine so I'm still five blocks away when a man pull up next to me and says that my tail light is out. So I wave thank you and keep on driving. The guy pulls up next to me again and points to my back wheel. Apparently he wasn't pointing to my tail light I had a flat.
     
    So I pull over into Seven Eleven and I change my tire. It took about ten minutes, after I was done I walk into the store. My ex is working there now so I'm startled to find him arguing with some woman over something. So I head towards the coffee Isle when I hear him call me over. SH%$&, I thought but I head over anyways. The woman didn't speak english but she spoke Spanish. I helped him with that. All the lady wanted was a pack of cigarettes.
     
    So that smothed over I go back and I grab a can of coffee. Then my ex wants to talk to me. I'm like kid it's three in the morning I need to get home. He shruggs and starts to ring up my order. When his register breaks. So I say goodbye leaving the cofee right there.
     
    On my way back I decide to go to stop and shop. It's open late but when I pull into the parking lot there is a whole bunch of cops. Damn, I thought so I keep on driving. There is another store that is open late but it's on the other side of town. I'm stil not tired so I head over. Surprisingly It went smotthly until I leave the store and there is three guys I knew and hated from high school standing outside talking about some girl one of them boned that night.
     
    So I cringe and quickly head towards my car. "Green is that you," one of them asks right before I put my key into the door lock.
     
    "Yeah Jim, whatsup yada yada yada."
     
    One by one they tell me what they've been up to the last four years. Which is really nothing. They lie alot and I know this because Selene knows this. Well either way I get invited to some party and they almost beg me to come but I explain that I'm going out of town for thanksgiving. They shrugg and that's that.
     
    So I head for home. When I reach it David pulls up behind me with a can of coffee. I swear the first thing out of his mouth is, "Your ex talks too much." He heads inside and I literally die right there in my parking lot.
     
     
    GREEN light no sugar.
  16. GREEN

    No Longer Alone.

    By GREEN,

    I talked to Chaz today. We had a long talk about what he wants and what I am able to give. So as of today were in fact together. I think we've waited enough to actually let ourselves say that. We've decided not to tell anyone just yet. He's going away for thanks giving so I'm a little sad.
     
    I talked to my father once agin and I let him know that I wouldn't be talking to him for a while. I need to get away from him to be able to deal with him. He didn't take that well but I know that this si what I need. I love my father but at the same time I hate him and I don't want it to be this way. So I won't be talking to him until I can talk to him without screaming.
     
    I talked to my mother and I told her that I would spend Thanksgiving alone she decided that I needed people here. SO now I'm not spending it alone but with my cousins Steve and Ellie. Which I am thrilled about be cause they are really cool. I'm going to their house In New York I leave tuesday. I also get to see my friend Jonathan friday, he'll be in New York too and we're going to do some stuff.
     
    I am also going to go to a friends grave. He commited suicide a few years back and My friend's Jonathan and Jessica are going to go to his grave. We all decided that we would wait until we could go together since we weren't told about his suicide until a year after he was gone. By then we were living in separate states.
     
    I'm meeting Chaz on Saturday and we're going to go back home together.
     
    GREEN no longer alone.
  17. GREEN

    I can't do this.

    By GREEN,

    I had another fight with my father today. He wants me to come over for thanksgiving. I of course said no because I know that we'll just fight again. I can't do this any longer. It seems like verything that comes out of his mouth is the wrong thing. The man is incapable of saying something nice and as long as he's like this I can't talk to him.
     
    Today the first thing out of his mouth is this, "That friend of yours Chaz, he's a faggot too?" Then he says this, "He can come too. I mean I don't have a problem with you queers as long as he don't hit on me." First of all my father is not an attractive man there is zero chance of that happening.
     
    Then after I yell at him for talking like this for upteemth time. He says this, "If I knew my only son would have came out queer I wouldn't have had children, but I learned to love you just like you are." I mean did he have to say the first part? Alright so I was going to take this as progress until he asks me this, "Are you planning on having children? Because I don't want any adopted children."
     
    I went off and told him once again how much I hate it when he speaks this way. Chaz watched me go through this tonight. This has never hhappened in front of my friends. I always made sure my father didn't meet any of my friends. I mean I went to great lenghts to stop my friends from seeing me argue with my father. Chaz is the first to see how this man affects me. When I was done I was shaking. I wanted to cry but I was too angry to do that so I left. Chaz followed me but I told him that I just needed to be alone.
     
    I called my psychiatrist but he wasn't there. So I went to the beach where I walked alone for a while. Chaz called me and I told him where to meet me. This affected me so much that I bummed a cigarette of a woman. I talked to her until Chaz got to where I was.
     
    When Chaz arrived he gave me a huge hug. First thing out of his mouth was this, "You have to let people in. You can't carry this all by yourself."
     
    I know he's right it's just that I'm so used to keeping things like this personal. I've always been like this since I was young. I always kept my anger bottled in until it exploded and I reacted by either yelling or throwing my fist. I've lost so many friends that I'm afraid to lose the ones that I do have so I keep things like this to myself. I don't want them to see the ugly parts of me.
     
    GREEN hiding behind a hard exterior.
  18. GREEN

    The manly KISS?

    By GREEN,

    I drank a little too much last night and I did something I shouldn't have done. I kissed a gurl I thought was a guy, who I really shouldn't have kissed because I have a boy, and this is why we don't drink on weekdays. I went to David's friends house with David. They were having a party I really wanted to go out but everyone else was busy so I went.
     
    Turns out I knew most of the people at this party. Including my ex who was slobbing all over some poor fool and that culty guy I hit last week. He stopped when he saw me and made his way to my direction. At the same time my ex spotted me and headed to wards me. My fist started to close but to my surprise that guy I hit isn't mad he just wants to talk. To my surprise he appologizes and says he's sorry for scaring us. So I ask him why he followed us to the bar? He says that Selene had dropped her purse and they wanted to give it back to her (yeah right). Yeah right, I got the feeeling that he wanted to say more but he said bye and walked away.
     
    This is when my ex asks me who that was and I share the whole story. We talked for quite awhile which is weird because we normally end up fighting. But we had a good conversation. I told him about my feelings for Chaz and how I really had liked him a little more than I thought. He tells me about this new guy he's dating which isn't the guy he was slobbering over.
     
    As they night passes on I turn my cell phone off because Selene kept calling me in despair because her mother is driving her crazy and Tom is still calling me. Chaz shows up after a while but I barely remember because I was so drunk. So I really can't tell you how I ended up kissing that manly girl, I just know that it was what I wanted at the time. She even gave me her manly number. Crap even her name was manly. Her name was Stevie.
     
    At least I ended up sleeping next to Chaz.
     
    GREEN shopping on both sides of the isle... sort of.
  19. GREEN

    Come set me off!

    By GREEN,

    Today was a marvelous day. A marverlously horrible day and I want my revenge. It started with a call from Selene. She needed me to give her a ride to the airport, so she could go to her mother's house. An hour later I was stuck in traffic. Let's just say she never made her flight and she's probably still stuck at the airport right where I left her.
     
    David moved into my spare today but I didn't think he was going to move in a whole entertainment system too. So now we have a movie theater in my basement. I know what your thinking, This is good why am I complaining? Because it was directly underneath my bedroom. I had to ask him to move it to another part of my house and that meant I had to help Blah!
     
    This afternoon I had a date with Chaz who cancelled because he had to write a paper. I thought hey maybe this is a goodnight for me to get some work done, but no my father calls just when I get to my laptop and we get into one of our famous arguments. He still thinks that he can run my life. The idiot wanted to know why I'm not trying to get Julio back because he likes Julio. I yelled so much that my voice became hoarse.
     
    Rob stopped by to watch a movie with David of course the movie was the worst movie ever made so I didn't bother to join them. What is the movie you ask? Bleeping "Crossroads" Starring bleep bleeping Britney Spears. God I'd rather die. So I put my headphones on and turned my ipod on and started to write a little when my mother calls and asks if she can come over. I'm like duh why are you asking?
     
    Ten minutes later she comes by for one of our famous talks. She wants to know how I'm doing, this means that she's having trouble with something and wants to talk about it. This one involves the fact that my whole family is coming for thanks giving. She wants to know if I'm alright with that? I decide right then and there that I wont be going to my mothers for thanksgiving. She gets mad at this and asks if I want them not to come. So I tell her that it's alright with me if she wants them there but I will be staying at home.
     
    David is going home with Rob to his family's and I call Chaz. He says that they are going to montana to his grandmothers. So I will have to cook for myself this thanksgiving. .
     
    All by myself, I'm going to be, all by myself.
     
    GREEN all by myself.
  20. GREEN

    Go away swingers from hell!

    By GREEN,

    I went to a party last night. A couple of people from one of my classes invited me. They seemed like they were fun so I went to the party. I actually had a good time at the party and I went without any of myfriends because I don't like to bring people where they arent invited. My class mates made sure I felt confortable and introduced me to a whole group of people.
     
    As the night progresses I end up with a guy named Tom and a girl named Tanya. We get into this really good conversation about music and movies. We talked for hours. Around ten oclock at night they tell me that they are headed to a club and ask me to go with them. I Just wanted to go home so I asked them to give me their info and I gave them mine. I said goodbye to my class mates, Tom and Tanya and I head out.
     
    My house is about three minutes away. So my drive wasn't long. When I pull into my driveway. I hear someone pull up behind me. It's Tanya and Tom. Tanya asks me tocome over and she asks if I'm dating someone. Kinda," I tell them.
     
    "Well how serious is kinda," She asks.
     
    "Enough to know that it will be serious one day," I tell her.
     
    "Well We were wondering if you're into relationships with multiple partners?" She asks me.
     
    "Um no I'm sorry I'm really not into that," I barely let out because I'm already freaking. I mean I could have died there. This is when a drunken selene walks up to my house. I mean who is already drunk at ten p.m.? Normally I would be really pissed at this but at least she took the spotlight from me.
     
    "Who the @#$# are these people," She asked. A second later Chaz comes up behind her equally drunk.
     
    "Dude can we crash here? We can't find our keys," Chaz says. "Oh and we need money for the cab."
     
    Somehow this turned into a small party at my house including Tom and Tanya who were drooling all over Chaz. Some of my class mates and I still don't know who's idea it was to play twister or at what time did David, Rob and Selene's boyfriend who retreated to my guest bedroom with Selene in tow, show up. Somehow I had gotten drunk enough to play strip poker. Thank god Chaz and I won this time around because I really didn't want to strip in front of Tom and Tanya who were still drooling over Chaz. Creepy well around midnight more people show up. Chaz's brother comes over and I'm sitting on my couch with my head on Chaz's lap. This is when Tom asks me if it was alright for him and Chaz to get it on? I"m like hell no! Tom gets angry and asks Chaz if it was alright with him. Chaz says no and he gets angrier and he grabs Tanya and they leave.
     
    Not ten minutes later I get a call from one of them I can't remeber but they beg me to let Chaz go with them for one night. I think they even offered me money. I went off. I told them how disgusting I thought this was and how dare they ask me to do this. I think I even went as far as calling them disgusting peices of crap. This really wasn't cool with either of us.
     
    So the night progresses and around two in the morning we all decide to go to get something to eat. The problem is that everybody was drunk and I had confiscated keys. So I call a chinese food place to see if they could deliver. They were already closed so that means I had to cook. I already decided that everybody was going to stay at my house so I went into the kitchen and I pulled out everything I could.
     
    I made omelets and pancakes and I pulled out a frozen pie I had. Every one crowded around the kitchen table and started to eat and we all shared stories. My class mates then started to talk about Tom and Tanya and how they never seem to get anybody to go with them because they are creepy. We share some laughs and then Selene points out that we did this exacly a year ago. I had dinner with all of my friends a week before thanksgiving and this was the same.
     
    Except last year I had different friends with the exception of David and Selene everyone was different. Wow, I thought. A whole year changes all. Well after we eat everyone crowds around my living room and after ten minutes of devate we all decide to watch the newest starwars movie. WHich for some reason no one had seen but me.
     
    I swear ten minutes later everyone had passed out. My phone rings again. It's Tom and Tanya again and they want to talk. They are waiting outside. I walk outside and I tell them once agin that I want them to leave me alone. They then give me, I swear I'm not lying a flyer for a swingers get together. Tom says I should try it before I judge it. Tanya then says, I should really reconsider letting chaz join them.
     
    "I don't want to do that it's disgusting please leave before I call the cops," Chaz yells in an angry voice from behind. "I already told you no last year and I havent changed my mind."
     
    GREEN
  21. GREEN

    Are You kidding me?

    By GREEN,

    Well things are settling down here once again. No drama, no exes today and Just aswell because I'm getting tired of feeling sad. I called Julio today and I told him just that. I told him that I'm tired of being mad at him and I'm tired of not being happy because he isn't. The weird part is he took it well. He told me that he was sorry for busrting back into my life like that. We decided to be friends.
     
    Chaz came by tonight and I took him out for dinner. It was our first official date and things couldn't have gone any better. We ate Thai food at a little place I know. He had never been to a thai food place so I had to order for him but he liked what I ordered. We had a long conversation and he told me that he had actually liked me before I even met him. He saw me with some friends one day and then he found out about the previous friendship I had with his brother.
     
    He also told me that he had confided this to Selene before he kissed me that one time. SHe wouldn't let him tell me because I seemed so happy with Julio. Which I was.
     
    After dinner we took a walk around a park nearby. It was perfect especially when he leaned into me. We talked some more then. I told him how I really didn't know what I felt when It came to him. "What are you kidding me?" he says. "I knew you liked me from the first time you met me."
     
    I smile and let him win. I reallly didn't know but I let him think that. I did. It's a small battle he could win. I didn't feel like arguing anymore. He bought me a hot chocolate at a starbucks before we left for my house. Yes he's here right now sleeping in my bed and I'm freaking.
     
    GREEN fields of happyness.
  22. GREEN

    last night.

    By GREEN,

    Last night around ten I received a phone call from my friends David, Rob and Selene. We were pulling an all nighter like we did when we were in highschool. We used to sneak out of the house and go do stuff late at night. I got dressed and tip toed around the living room I didn't want Julio to know I was out.
     
    "Where are we going," I asked my friends.
     
    "The beach, we're having ourselves a late fall barbecue party," Rob says. Rob's family owns a beach house they never use and it has this big brick barbecue grill.
     
    "Wait let me get my laptop," I said and I ran back inside. Julio is sitting down looking at me. I walk by him and I grab it then I leave. I had nothing more to say to him.
     
    When we reach Rob's beach house there is already a few people there. I know quite a few of them so I go say to them. We have a good time sharing old stories. Selene's finally introduces us to her boyfriend who is actually very smart and very attractive up close.
     
    The fun part came when the police showed up asking us to put the fire out but Rob showed them his fire permit and they left defeated. We had a good laugh after that.
     
    Around two oclock I snuck away into the house to write the conclusion of last nights post. When I was finished I felt someone watching me. I look around and there is Chaz. "Hi Green," he says.
     
    I guess I gave him a disappointed look because he got one too. "I'm sorry I bothered you Green," He said and walked away. I know I should have followed but I can't do that right now. It's best for all of us if we didn't get involved so I put my laptop away and I headed out to the party. Selene's boyfriend had already left so I sat down next to her.
     
    "Why did you have to invite him?" I asked her.
     
    "Because I want you to be happy. I also want him to be happy and that's only going to be if he's with you."
     
    I look over to the swing on the porch. I grab a couple of beers and I head over in his direction. I sit next to him and I hand him a beer and I lean into him as he puts his arm around me. "I'm sorry Chaz," I told him.
     
    "I'm sorry too," he says rubbing his hands through my hair. I have to admit that was the best moment in my life. Us two just sitting there on a swing watching the fire in the barbecue.
     
    This morning we woke up next to each other on a bed. (We were dressed you pervs) Well any hoo when I returned to my house Julio was gone. I just sat in my living room and thought about everything for a little bit. Now I know what I want and I guess I'm happy that it's there.
     
    I want to thank everyone who posted their comments. thank you.
     
    A stable Green place.
  23. GREEN
    Hello guys.
     
    I'm in a good mooood today. I went out for lunch with my friends David and Rob and they bought me a lolly. We even went to a toy store where I was hit on by an old lady that thought I was cute. We had a good time but that's when the weird crap started once again.
     
    On our way home we saw my friend Selene yelling at someone on the side of the road. We were too embarassed to even ask so we kept on driving. David drove so we dropped off our friend Rob , and then headed towards my house.
     
    On the way to my house we saw Selene once again. This time she was yelling into her cellphone and driving which is really scary knowing how she drives. David cautiously pulls over until she's far away then we drive again. David needs to go to the store so he pulls into one on the way. This is when I see Selene for the third time. She's still on the phone arguing while trying to open a bottle of Pepsi.
     
    Alright so as far as I knew Selene wasn't dating anyone. Not one that she's told us about at least. Well this really tall guy comes over and grabs her. I'm about to go do something when he kisses her. Now this wasn't just some random kiss, this was a romance novel kiss that would make even the romance novel writers blush. David returns at this point and I point over to them. His mouth drops and the sounds, Oh EEEE OOOH, come from his mouth.
     
    This kiss was crazy the leaves were falling perfectly around them, time was slowing down, her hair gently flowed in the breeze and his big manly hands caressed the back of her head. Crap they were even dressed like they were a part of a romance novel. He had a suit and she was wearing a red slip dress with spike heels that could kill you if thrown the right way.
     
    I pat David on the arm and motion for him to drive away. I really didn't want her to see us because I really didn't want the explanation. We pull out of the stores parking lot and head towards my house. When we pull up my ex (first ex not Julio) is waiting for me on the front steps with Chaz and his brother.
     
    "What's up guys," I ask noticing that Chaz is avoiding my eyes.
     
    "Nothing we were waiting here for ya," says my ex. "I heard what happened."
     
    "Really and?" I ask him.
     
    "Don't be like that. I just wanted to make sure you're alright," My ex says. Chaz scoffs at this and his brother hits his arm to shut him off.
     
    "What's that f-er doing here?" miss romance novel, Selene yells from somewhere behind me.
     
    "Hi Selene," everyone except my ex says.
     
    "Good to know that your weight is still bigger than your mouth," my ex says. Silence is all that you can hear from everyone. Seriously we were expecting her to explode but she doesn't she just smiles and walks over to him.
     
    "At least I know that I'm not going to die alone one day in some gutter holding a bottle of cheap rum that I stole from a bum, wishing that I was still young so I could trick some young kid into giving me a blow job," Selene said and stepped into my house.
     
    The look my ex had almost made me want to go over to him and give him a hug. What I said almost. I walked into my house behind Selene and Chaz followed with his brother and David. My ex just left, yelling something about calling later. Everyone crowded around my living room and we put in a movie. Slene looked to pissed for me to ask about that guy. David and Chaz's brother passed out, Chaz kept looking at me and at some point motioned to the kitchen.
     
    Selene un fazed grabbed the remote and changed the channel. Chaz was already in the kitchen looking perfect, leaning on the counter. "What's up," I asked.
     
    He looks at me and tells me that my high school crush asked him out. I told him that it was great. But he doesn't seem as enthusiastic about it. "Are you sure you're alright with this," he asks. I have to admit I was a little jealous but not enought that I wouldn't be happy for him.
     
    "Of course," I tell him. "Why wouldn't I be?"
     
    "Because I'm not. You told me how you felt but I need you to know how I feel. I want you Green and I can't deny that," he says.
     
    "Look Chaz, I can't it's too soon," I try to say but he's moving closer.
     
    "And I can't wait," he says planting a huge kiss.
     
    This is when Selene burst in and says, "I have a Boy.." her mouth hangs open. "We have boyfriends."
     
     
    GREEN and crazy nights.
  24. GREEN
    I'm drained right now. I did let him in and he's sleeping on the couch right now. Chaz is some where mad at me while I almost had to restrain Selene. I don't know what to do. I can tell that he really wants me back but at the same time I am getting used to the idea of having Chaz in my life.
     
    Chaz came over and found us talking. His disappointment was clearly visible. He said he'd call me and took off. He hasn't called yet and it's worrying me. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt Chaz. Selene must have talked to him because she called a few minutes after he left demanding to know why Julio is here.
     
    We had our talk, if you could call it that. He told me that he was angry at me for the wrong reasons and that I disappointed him because I couldn't make time for him. But then he thought about how I asked my friends to stay awy for a week and how I made sure I was always there for him when he asked and he realized that he had messed up. The thing is that I believe that he really is sorry and my feelings for him havent gone away, I am really in love with him.
     
    Now here comes the hard part. I admit to him that I do have some feelings for Chaz and what happened while he was gone. "You cheated on me?" he asks, getting angry.
     
    "No, I never cheated on you!" I yell back at him. "I would have never done that. You left me Julio, witha friggin note on a computer!"
     
    He looks away I can tell he wants to say something. "Do you know how much that hurt me?" I ask him. "I never thought you'd do something like that to me."
     
    I had to leave the room at that point. I walk into my kitchen and I can see someone pacing in my backyard. I look out the window It's Chaz. He's crying anf I can hear him say dad a couple of times. He's also crying. I swear it broke my heart. I am hurting him so I decided that I am not going to get involved with either of them. I can't hurt either of them.
     
    I walk outside and I talk to him for a little bit. I telll him that the time isn't right. He seems to understand and he gives me a kiss. "I can wait he whispers," before he leaves.
     
    Back in the living room Julio is sitting there looking at me. " So what now?" he asks.
     
    "I know you and I aren't getting back together," I tell him. "You can stay here tonight but you have to leave tomorrow."
     
    GREEN drained but with closure.
  25. GREEN
    Today I ran into my highschool crush who so happens to be a good guy. First thing he asks me about Chaz. My face was so red that you put a heinz ketchup bottle next to it and not know the difference. He starts telling my how much he digs Chaz and how he would like to see him again. Meanwhile I feel like a deer caught in the headlights because of what happened last night.
     
    "He's such a great guy I hope he gives me answer soon," he says as I slowly die before him. "Hey maybe you and your boyfriend could go on a double date with us." I feel so guilty at this point and I just want to crawl under a rock and die. So much for having Chaz as a boyfriend.
     
    This is all that comes out of my mouth. "Chaz kissed me last night. I didn't cheat Julio dumped me."
     
    "God I knew it," he says shaking his head. "I knew it the other night at that bar. He kept looking at you," he says. I'm like why was this so ovbious to every one but me? He asks me what happened with Julio and I explain every thing. I'm still waiting for him to hit me because I took his gorgeous man when he looks at me with a weird smile.
     
    "Maybe you could hook me up with his brother," he asks me and I'm like damn boy slow down. I kindly explain to him my policy against hooking up friends. Not that I would want him to date him anyways.
     
    My second encounter of the day would Be Chaz's brother himself. Not five minutes after I said goodbye to my high school crush I run into Chaz's brother who is looking very agitated. I walk over to him and I ask him what's up? (In retrsopect I don't know why I did this). He then gives me this whole drowned out story about his whole meager existence that I really could care less about. As you know Chaz's brother and I arent exactly best friends but I am civil towards him because let's face it's Chaz's brother.
     
    So I give him some advice that seems to calm him down. Then he starts asking me about my ex. I'm like OH NO I don't play cupid. So I give him the same rundown on my rules that I gave my highschool Crush. he seems to understand and I go about my way.
     
    Class was good and fast today so I didn't need to do much before I headed back home. When I got home I found Julio sitting on the front steps. "Hi," he says. I notice his bags and he just smiles. My whole world just stopped. I was angry and hurt and I wanted to kill and hug him at the same time. I can't deny what I still feel for him but I wasn't having this. NO he can't just decide to leave me then show up a week later. Hell no!
     
    "Leave," I told him and he looked at me.
     
    "Green look I know I messed up but I thought." Slam the door went and I locked it right away. He still outside waiting for me to let him in as I write this. I know'll I'll eventually let him in and then a huge fight will ensue. I am just preparing myself and my fists.
     
    GREEN slamming the door in Julio's face.
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