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This is why I don't do this. CONCLUSION



I'm drained right now. I did let him in and he's sleeping on the couch right now. Chaz is some where mad at me while I almost had to restrain Selene. I don't know what to do. I can tell that he really wants me back but at the same time I am getting used to the idea of having Chaz in my life.


Chaz came over and found us talking. His disappointment was clearly visible. He said he'd call me and took off. He hasn't called yet and it's worrying me. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt Chaz. Selene must have talked to him because she called a few minutes after he left demanding to know why Julio is here.


We had our talk, if you could call it that. He told me that he was angry at me for the wrong reasons and that I disappointed him because I couldn't make time for him. But then he thought about how I asked my friends to stay awy for a week and how I made sure I was always there for him when he asked and he realized that he had messed up. The thing is that I believe that he really is sorry and my feelings for him havent gone away, I am really in love with him.


Now here comes the hard part. I admit to him that I do have some feelings for Chaz and what happened while he was gone. "You cheated on me?" he asks, getting angry.


"No, I never cheated on you!" I yell back at him. "I would have never done that. You left me Julio, witha friggin note on a computer!"


He looks away I can tell he wants to say something. "Do you know how much that hurt me?" I ask him. "I never thought you'd do something like that to me."


I had to leave the room at that point. I walk into my kitchen and I can see someone pacing in my backyard. I look out the window It's Chaz. He's crying anf I can hear him say dad a couple of times. He's also crying. I swear it broke my heart. I am hurting him so I decided that I am not going to get involved with either of them. I can't hurt either of them.


I walk outside and I talk to him for a little bit. I telll him that the time isn't right. He seems to understand and he gives me a kiss. "I can wait he whispers," before he leaves.


Back in the living room Julio is sitting there looking at me. " So what now?" he asks.


"I know you and I aren't getting back together," I tell him. "You can stay here tonight but you have to leave tomorrow."


GREEN drained but with closure.

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Good Luck and Lots of Good Karma sent your way and Hugs....I know it can't be easy and the pain/hurt and healing that will be done.


My thoughts go with you.



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