peter rietbergen
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Everything posted by peter rietbergen
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[Memory, Senior Year, May] – Terrible Mistakes
peter rietbergen commented on Laura S. Fox's story chapter in [Memory, Senior Year, May] – Terrible Mistakes
Are we really to believe that L would ever forgive B for this! Come to his wedding? Act, both with B and A, as if nothing had happened, all those years ago? -
Running on the wrong fuel... A nice simile. Pancakes with bacon for breakfast? The wrong fuel altogether but that's because I'm Dutch and supposed to eat wholesome stuff. Those games? Wholesome? I simply have no inkling... Nor do I know how to write a recommendation. Never found the proper icon/button. But you're free to use everything favourable I ever wrote about your stories on the cover of anything you care to properly publish.
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"I Know You're In There"
peter rietbergen commented on Nuno R.F.C.R's story chapter in "I Know You're In There"
Thanks, but of course: the best writer makes the best reviewer😉 -
Yes, the memories are there, and so is the goodwill - but in the end economic ties with "Trumpia" will prevail....
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I am not normally given to indulge in delusional prayer, but for the World's sake...
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The other candidate... Yes. He's risen to greater heights of greed, power-lust, madness. Three more long, devastating years of him to use the world as his and his family 's playground. He'll take Greenland because he can. And then...Canada?
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"I Know You're In There"
peter rietbergen commented on Nuno R.F.C.R's story chapter in "I Know You're In There"
The best melodrama in times...! Or, to put it otherwise: fans of Bette Davis would have loved this too.- 13 comments
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I love the beginning of this chapter, that shows the transforming power of (being in) love. It may be - well: not realistic. But it is not sacharine. Indeed, it is what one wishes people to experience. Well done.
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I'd love to believe in the 'power of the few', the "willing". But Canada is so big, its towns so vast, the Americans are, presumably, so many... I wonder hoe you're going to make this courageous resistance a working, winning force.
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I Needed to See How It Would End
peter rietbergen commented on Laura S. Fox's story chapter in I Needed to See How It Would End
Good HEAVENS: group therapy? You cannot be serious - or, and I apologize: you are American... We are dealing with emotionally stunted men who never grew up - Lynton least of the three, with that stupid question of why A loves him. B seems the only adult, though the pregnancy may be her choice, only - made to carve a life for herself after all. Obviously, in the end all will be well that ends well, although I would not have L for a partner, even if I were Alexander, whose unwillingness to reconnect with L after three years (8 - 5) I find incomprehensible in view of the few days it took him to seduce L in the wedding-week. -
Chapter 4: Domestic Violations
peter rietbergen commented on Kileoli's story chapter in Chapter 4: Domestic Violations
While, admittedly, in real life I would have left L to his own devices after a few months, in this tale of madness he's fun, though R is more so.... -
Of course the Kieran-saga always was a "Bildungsroman", a coming-of-age story. And it was a good one, a very good one, even. But yet: that sequel. Somehow, even in the outline, something doesn't feel good. Something tells me it will not work - for me, at least. But who am I?
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Yes, (you) writers are cruel creatures. Not to your characters - who, however compelling, are but paper people. But to us, your readers. As to a sequel to Kieran's saga: as a reader I think I am permitted a say. Do not go there. Sometimes - often - what has been created should stand alone. But then again- you are a creature, too: created by your need to tell stories. So I Will await your ...
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Advice, both welcome & unwelcome
peter rietbergen commented on Robert Hugill's story chapter in Advice, both welcome & unwelcome
Wouldn't it be lovely if the two virago's - or harpies -:did band together to rescue their pet-men and clean out the Stables of any creeps from the Continent (Dutch-or otherwise-speaking) ? -
Chapter 5 - Long Night
peter rietbergen commented on ChromedOutCortex's story chapter in Chapter 5 - Long Night
I admit I don't understand what is being told us, here. For from my perspective the major part of this chapter, from the meal onwards, is one long, continuous, extremely loving 'question' from Henry about what Christian has gone through, needs, wants. Therefore I cannot accept the author's suggestion that the few manipulatieve R made do shake C' trust. It now seems it wasn't firmly grounded in the first place. -
Chapter 3: A room full of unlocked doors
peter rietbergen commented on Kileoli's story chapter in Chapter 3: A room full of unlocked doors
Yes, AI, e.g. when it is used as a psychotherapist, can do that: kill people or, at least: let them kill (themselves, or others). -
Secrets in secrets in secrets, riddles in riddles in riddles. Lovely.
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Before We Say ‘I Do’
peter rietbergen commented on Laura S. Fox's story chapter in Before We Say ‘I Do’
Actually, and despite my admiration for the learned discussion(s) above, I feel that the story really hinges on the non-converdation(s) between L and A - certainly in "the present" - and the question whether it is believable that two men in their late twenties/early thirties have allowed themselves - for more than 8 years! - to not address issues that, as the author wants us to accept, were/are vital to their lives. -
Chapter 4 - Chance Meeting
peter rietbergen commented on ChromedOutCortex's story chapter in Chapter 4 - Chance Meeting
I must admit to some doubts about believing this tale (though it is well-written). Would I - would anyone, really - accept that someone whom you've met once and hardly talked to then appears in your life and asks such intimate questions? And why would R always "report back" to M about how great H and C are, individually, and as a couple? -
The question is: if the dominator turns lover, what happens to power-structure?
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Given that my country is now covered in snow and people are struggling to either decide to move, or stay at home, I fully connect with these two. It'll love seeing how your one day-snow-tale develops...
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Chapter 4 - Chance Meeting
peter rietbergen commented on ChromedOutCortex's story chapter in Chapter 4 - Chance Meeting
The first paragraphs of this chapter repeat H's thoughts expounded in the previous one. And Maya's email- answer repeats hers in the previous chapter, too. And why doesn't she ask H why he insists on knowing more about R? She must note his unease? And, apologising for the criticism: why do you "mar" a promising story with asides that warn your readers about what is going to happen? We already see that clouds are coming, and don't need these warnings. -
Chapter 3 - Party Time
peter rietbergen commented on ChromedOutCortex's story chapter in Chapter 3 - Party Time
There is a paragraph in this chapter that repeats itself. -
Yrs, this is an excellent chapter. Not, I will admit, because of the (for me: over-)long sex-scene. But definitely for what came after: revelatory confessions that both stabilize and Imperial the relationship.
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The unlikely and yet likeable threesome are/is an awesome invention. The emotional, far more than sexual, complexity of domination /possession /submissiveness - obvious in each one! - becomes ever more visible.
