Yeah, there's fallout from a situation in another country I'm watching very closely for that very reason. Disclusion is generally a bad thing, except excluding children from clearly adult-oriented activities.
It's mainly, because I don't want to hurt a woman's feelings. I've heard of situations getting out of hands, and even suicide in worst case scenarios. I don't want that on my conscience.
I mean, I'm like the opposite of those curious "straight" dudes. That's what makes me an oddity. It's harder for them to go for it, but yet I haven't when I could.
I'm not the latter. Come to think of it, I have touched vaginas though. It was literally my job. I was a certified nurse assistant. Does that disqualify one from gold star status.
I definitely am someone who has sex with members of the same gender. I've never explored more opposite sex attraction. I guess that makes me an oddity among LGBT people. However, as a matter of a political identity and for simplification, it's often easier to tell people I'm gay.
That's good, but I'm still one to be cautious about being rawdogged. I mean, I may be on Truvada, but it's still not the best idea to just have at it with strangers without condoms. I don't judge those who do. It's just not my thing, at least not with known HIV+ partners or even multiple partners who are HIV-. Bacterial STDs are becoming more dangerous to have, and a shot of penicillin no longer cures them.
My therapist warned me that surgery wouldn't fix the emotions. I'm roughly 80-90 pounds lighter, but on an emotional level, it's still not easy. I am going through a lot of changes. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror. It's scary. It's not easy to prepare. The fat in my face also hid signs of aging, and so my age shows more, at least in my opinion. So, at some point, I really feel like I need to get some professional makeup tips to boost my confidence.
Thanks. Mental illness has been a struggle for me for over half my life. It's hard to bounce back from it time and time again. I don't know what my mood is going to be from day to day. It's such a difficult battle that I've been fighting for 20 years.
Falling into the abyss
A place I’ve been before
I do not know when I’ll get out
Despair my one and only
Help me escape this pit of despair
I don’t know how to let the light in
Hope has been ripped away
Despair is but a kiss on the lips
I have lost 80 pounds since my surgery, but it's still an emotional rollercoaster. I am so isolated. It's depressing, and I really need to connect more with people. I need to be around more people. I feel like I haven't been in contact with anyone in far too long. It hurts me deeply.
I don't know how long it's been since I've posted a blog here. Last night, I totally freaked out, like completely. I feel like I've wasted years of my life. I feel like nobody really knows me. It makes me feel empty. I need to do something about this, like really do something about this before I just cease to exist.