I’ve had a few requests from readers to reappear and explain my long-ass absence, so that’s what I’m going to do. I started out the summer with really ambitious intentions on all my life fronts, but that’s all been pretty shot to hell.
So here’s what’s going on. First off, I’ve been dealing with a lot of family shit. You know, the fun things like sick parents, job changes (not mine, spouse’s), and that kind of stuff. I feel like I’ve been living in one of my own soap operas, but without as much money.
The big thing, though, that’s hammered me is my health. I was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL) back in May, and that’s seriously fucked with my head. Shit, it took me a month to just remember how to spell ‘lymphocytic.’ In a way, this is just so typical of my roller-coaster ride of a life. I get cancer, which is pretty awful, but I get one of the better kinds to get (such that that’s possible). At this stage, the CLL could stay at pretty low levels and cause me limited problems, and the plan right now is to watch it and do nothing. My doctor tells me that he’s had patients at my age and CLL levels that went 20 years and didn’t even need treatment. So that’s good news.
Only the limited problems are pretty crappy. My most obvious symptom is fatigue, where I get tired out a lot easier than I should. I’ve had to learn to pace myself a bit more. But the worse problem is what this has done to my libido. It’s like I have almost completely lost my sex drive. It’s gotten to the point where I’m starting to think I’m asexual. It’s weird, because things don’t always work like they’re supposed to, and quite frankly, it’s not that big of a deal.
I could tell you all that the fatigue is what’s slowing down my writing, but in reality, it’s the libido deal. It’s hard to write stories with a sexual/sensual/romantic tone when I’m not feeling those feelings at all.
I’m hoping this is just something I have to work through, and that I’ll end up getting back to my old self, including writing again. I’ve had a few moments of inspiration this summer, but they don’t last long. We’ll see. The bottom line is that I have no intention of abandoning the two sagas I’ve been working on, but until things change, progress will be painfully slow.