Enigma II. Fighting the Man - 1. Chapter 1 - And So it Begins Again

WARNING. There are parts of this story that are hard to read. It you get to a point where you think you can't read on then skip to Chapter 22 and give it a go from there, because that's where it all turns around

I am so excited I can barely keep it in. It occurs to me that half a year ago I would have been pleased but nowhere near so excited. The reason for my excitement looks up from his easel as I burst into the studio (aka my previously spare bedroom) waving an envelope.

He has paint smudges on his nose again, and one on his cheek. It always makes me smile. But not like Silver smiles. No one smiles like he does. It is still hesitant, still self conscious but it is the most beautiful thing in creation, so much more so because of the times I thought I would never see it again.

I pause, my excitement forgotten for a moment, as I drink in the beauty that is Silver. Now that his hair is shorter it is even more adept at escaping the band he uses to pull it back and long strands hang in his face. They are the cause of most of the paint smudges because he keeps brushing them back or tucking them behind his ear. They are beautiful... like the rest of him.

Just looking at him makes me dizzy and for a moment I am paralysed. He’s used to me now and he just smiles quietly and drops both the paintbrush he is using and the one he has tucked behind his ear, into the cleaning solution. He is still limping slightly as he moves across the room towards me but even that is beautiful. Every movement is crisp and precise, like finely orchestrated music. He still walks lightly on the earth and at this moment he is doing it just for me.

Ignoring the paint I accept him eagerly into my arms and stand, staring into his eyes. He lifts his hand and lays it against the side of my face. His long fingers gently brush my cheek. I know he is smearing paint on me but I don’t care. Our eyes lock and I almost gasp at the depth of them. Today they are clear and light, the silver sheen breathtaking in its purity. It’s a sure sign that he is calm and happy. When his equilibrium is disturbed, they are as grey as a stormy sea.

But there is no storm clouding the horizon today. His eyes smile and he blinks lazily. Tilting his head slightly to one side he lowers his chin and gives me ‘that look’. I close my eyes in sweet anticipation and the letter falls unheeded from my fingers.

At first it is just a gentle brush of his lips that sends a shiver through me. He presses his body against me, dropping his hand to rest casually on my hip. Unconsciously my arms tighten around him and our kiss deepens.

A long time later, when we come up for air, Silver purrs. “What were you going to tell me?”

For a moment I can’t speak. Those eyes are still holding me. Silver laughs his sweet light laugh and breaks the spell.

“The nursing degree.” I manage to gasp. “I got in. I start in October.”

With Silver there is no wild excitement. He is too contained for that. I have never seen him lose control, well except... He simply turns the smile up a notch and draws me close. “I am so pleased for you. I know you wanted it a lot.” And then he shows me how pleased he is with one of his ‘special’ kisses. Given Silver’s history, his special kisses should carry a health warning. Just as well he has his arms around me.

I know that Silver doesn’t understand about the degree. He has no idea why it is important to me, what it means, not even what it is, not really, even though I have tried to explain it to him many times. But he does understand that it means a lot to me and for that he is happy.

Silver has come a long way in the last three months. He is almost always ‘present’ now. The visit to David’s grave was cathartic for him. It was instrumental in drawing him back from the lip of the chasm into which he had fallen and was falling again. But there are still times when that chasm draws him back.

While he was recovering his strength, Silver was also recovering himself. In the time I have known him Silver had taken huge strides, of that there is no doubt, but there have been backward steps too. There are still times when faced with something new and scary his eyes go blank and then I have to coax him out with gentleness. But that happens less and less often as he grows more and more secure in his new life.

It isn’t that Silver is a coward, far from it. He is the bravest and strongest person I know, but seven years of total domination and subjugation has had its effects and they are not easy to overcome. Neither is the way it all ended. Silver had essentially been entirely shut off from the world and had everything he was before stripped away from him. He came out of it a slate wiped clean. He’s had to learn everything over again, from how to think for himself to what kind of music he likes.

Some things have come easily, like his love for painting, emerging from the mists of his previous life to re impress on his new personality. Other things we have had to work on. It’s been very much a journey of discovery for both of us. Together we explore the worlds of music, art, poetry, literature, cookery and even film and television. The only world he shies away from is the world outside our front door.

It’s hardly surprising, after everything he’s been through that he’s wary of the world. I had thought that visiting David would help him get back out into the world again but, although it had so many positive effects, in this it didn’t help at all. I’ve watched him grow more and more withdrawn from what lies beyond our doorstep. Although he’s opened to me, he’s closed to that. I can’t work on everything at once and I have been pushing it aside. I suppose I’ve been hoping that it would right itself with time.

It’s all still very new to him and I had hoped that as he learned about the beauty of the outside world he would want to see it for himself and sometimes, I think he does. Sometimes I watch him stare out of the window, almost with longing in his eyes. Sometimes he looks at pictures of the sea, or of wide open landscapes with hunger. But he will not speak of it. He will not agree to venture out into it.

I have tried all sorts of things to try and tempt him out into the world. I’ve suggested trips to the sea, tried to take him away for a few days to a remote farmhouse, suggested outings to parks, museums, all sorts of things. He won’t even go to the art shop any more. I did try to force the issue and refuse to buy him any more supplies unless he went and got them himself but he was so pathetic and sad, that in the end, I gave in and bought them for him.

I can’t say no to Silver. He has this way of looking at me, a way of promising so much with a single glance, whilst at the same time showing a vulnerability, that melts my heart. Last week I was trying to explain it to Sam, but I couldn’t. Silver is indescribable.

I am constantly surprised by all the things he doesn’t know. He had no idea who the Prime Minister was, or even what the prime minister was. He didn’t know how to use a PC or telephone. He has never travelled on a bus or train. He has no concept of personal space or freedom. To him there was no such thing. He was so used to being nothing more than someone else’s property, owned by one master after another, that it took a long time to convince him that now, he belongs to himself. To be honest I think that’s one lesson he has yet to learn. I think it is going to take a long time.

In the early days when he was still weak and in pain, we spent long hours watching films and television. It had been something we enjoyed together at the care home. However this time, it was different. Silver still loved the closeness, we always cuddled up together on the settee to watch, but this time he was more... aware. Our discussions became less abstract and more focussed and many times he wept or became angry and upset. He hated the fact that people were so cruel to each other, so uncaring. For a long time it made him even more afraid of the world. I have learned to be very discerning in what we choose to watch or listen to.

In many ways it’s like having a small child in the house. In many ways Silver is a child. Even though he is very knowledgeable about the pleasures of the flesh and even though he has been a sex slave for more than half his life, he possesses a childlike quality of pure innocence. The mark of a soul untouched by anything it has experienced. It is the thing I love the most about him. It shines out of his eyes, even when they are grey and stormy.

I would never dream of saying it to him, never, but... sometimes it is hard. Sometimes I wish that Silver were more... normal. Usually I find his innocence, his childlike wonder refreshing and endearing but sometimes... It’s hard work, remembering that he doesn’t understand. I have to keep sharp all the time, keep thinking of him and the way he is likely to react to everything I say or do. It’s not as if I mind. Silver is so beautiful, and so sweet it’s never a chore, not really but... sometimes...

Silver’s refusal to go out into the world has meant that I don’t go out very often either. I work at a local supermarket to keep us going financially but at the end of my shift I am always eager to get home. Why would I want to be anywhere else when I can come home to him? All I want is to be with him. Mostly.

Sam had been a good friend to us. We have spent a lot of time with him and the only time that Silver goes out is to visit him and his family. Sam’s wife, Hester is an angel. There is no other word for her. She took to Silver the first time she laid eyes on him and they have been firm friends ever since.

As for their son Jake, he is Silver’s shadow and often comes round to our house after school, even though it takes two buses and three quarters of an hour, just to show him the latest game for his hand held or the PC. He is the one who has taught Silver to use both. I think perhaps he regrets it now because Silver learns quickly. I have to be very careful what I say to him or what I expose him to because he soaks up knowledge and experiences like a sponge. His keen mind and deft fingers pick things up remarkably quickly and he never forgets.

Silver is a miracle. Despite the difficulties we have faced and will continue to face Silver is my own personal miracle and I wouldn’t change him for anything. Yes, it’s hard work and sometimes I wonder and wish, but on the whole I really wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s so... so... He’s just so beautiful.

All of this passes through my mind in a moment and then I am no longer capable of thought.

“You have paint on your face.”

I grin. “So do you.”

Silver smiles his slow smile and takes me by the hand. I know from the look in his eyes where he is leading me and I am in no way unwilling to follow. He tows me across the landing and into the bathroom, and then he closes the door. He turns on the shower and then spins so quickly he takes me completely by surprise as he slams me into the door, pinning me with his body.

“Careful.” I gasp. “I’m fragile. I break easily.”

“If that was true, you would have been in pieces by now.”

“Who says I’m not?”

It isn’t often that I allow him to use his skills; the skills that were beaten, tortured and conditioned into him. It took a while to realise why he was such a different person when he was making love to me, but when I did it scared me. For such a long time he was just an object, a possession to be bought and sold. For a long time he existed only to please and the only thing he had to give was his body. I have been trying to teach him self worth, that his body is his own and no one has a right to demand anything from him.

Sometimes when he was pleasuring me I would catch a look in his eyes, a look that made me shiver. I know that there have been times, many times when his conditioning overtook him and he was bound again by that compulsion to please, to give everything, not because he wanted to but because he had to. It wasn’t that he felt compelled by anything on the outside... this compulsion was hardwired into him and it’s going to take a long time to completely put it to rest.

Very early on I started to teach him a different way, a way that was as much about accepting in as giving out. He finds it hard to receive... anything... but even more so during love making. He still tries to take control but I am slowly and gently coaxing him into giving it up, to simply let his body experience and feel without analysis or direction.

It’s hard to know where to draw the line. I want him to be spontaneous, to have respect for himself, to be more relaxed and less... precise and controlled. But I can’t demand it. I can’t tell him what to do or how to do it. If I do then I will be no better than they were. He has to find his own path.

However sometimes, when he is very determined, he sweeps all my resistance away. This time I don’t have time to put up any resistance at all. Before I know what’s happening Silver has stripped both of us and we are naked.

I lean against the door for support as, with his hands mouth and eyes, he plays my body like a finely tuned instrument. Before he even touches me below the waist I find myself dangerously close to the end.

“Silver I... I...”

“I know.” He whispers into my ear, making me shiver. He always knows, to the second he always knows. Taking my hand he leads me into the shower and allows me to rub shampoo into his hair. This has been one of my favourite occupations since the day we met. There is something about running soapy fingers through the silky locks that is so erotic it makes me hard just to think about it.

When I really can’t find any excuse to keep massaging his head I move close and spoon him, licking the water from his neck. I feel the shudder that passes through him and smile. He isn’t the only one who can play these games, even though I am an amateur compared to him.

I run hands slick with soap, over the soft curves of his body. He leans against me and lets his head fall back onto my shoulder so that the water is running over his chest. I turn my head to meet his lips while my hand follows the water down. The groan that escapes his lips is one of pure pleasure and that pleases me.

Still kissing him I pull him close against me and slide my hands up and down over his body, feeling it tremble under my fingers. I close my eyes and let my fingers wander where they will. They trace the slight ridges of the scars on his chest and abdomen. They circle his nipples. They follow the hardness of his muscles, the soft curve of his hip.

I hear the speed of his breathing increase and feel the thump of his heart. It plays in tune with mine. Breaking free of my lips he whispers, “Please... let me please you. Please...”

“I... I don’t...” The truth is that I want him to. I want it so much it makes my legs tremble. But I also know that every time it happens a part of him slips away into the past and I have worked so hard to draw him away from that. While I am still hovering he takes the choice away. Spinning in my arms he pins me against the wall and presses his body against me, sliding his slick hips over mine so it is all I can do to keep my feet.

“No... no Silver I...”

“Ssh.” He whispers slipping his leg between mine and forcing them apart. He covers my lips with his and breathes his sweetness into me as his supple hips massage me while his thighs slide over mine, making them tremble.

Slowly his hips and chest undulate, playing my body and stealing my will. I know what’s coming. “Please don’t. Please...”

“I will. I will please.”

“No I don’t... I don’t want to...”

“Ssh.”

Silver draws me away from the wall and runs his fingers lightly over the small of my back, pressing me against him, parting my thighs further with his knee so that he can rub his upper thigh against my balls and perineum. He has never done this before, well... not to me. He has never been strong and supple enough to balance like this. He has never been strong enough to...

“Aaagh.” Pushing my shoulders back against the wall he slides his hands under my buttocks and effortlessly lifts me to sit on his raised knee.

Lowering his head he kisses my neck and breastbone then lifts me higher to reach my nipples. It occurs to me to wonder how the hell he does it but I forget again as his tongue teases me as his hand slides under my balls and his fingers massage me. I never realised that my taint could be so sensitive. The sensations he provokes by simply pressing his finger into me penetrate deep into my pelvis and make me gasp. Reflexively my legs curl around his waist and I use them as leverage to rub myself against his thigh.

After that I get a bit hazy about precisely what he is doing to me. I know that it goes on a long time and that at some point we move to the bedroom. He must have carried me because I have no memory of walking. He has found erogenous zones I didn’t know I had, I didn’t know anyone had. He has made me tremble more by massaging my feet, not something I would normally have expected in the middle of a steamy sex session, than anyone else has from the most intimate sex act... and I can’t even think about what he did to me when he was massaging my inner thighs without getting hard. There was one point when he dug his thumbs into joint, between my thigh and groin when I very nearly lost control of my body completely and I felt my eyes rolling. I swear if he had kept it going I would have passed out cold, especially as he was doing unbelievable things with his tongue at the same time.

He is twisted into an impossible position, his legs wound around mine, separating them and holding them in a vice. My buttocks are against his abdomen and one of my legs is wrapped backwards around his waist. He has entered me from behind while twisting around my side to take my cock into his mouth. It’s impossible. He can’t be fucking and sucking me at the same time... and yet he is.

I can’t move. The position he has me in makes me completely helpless. I am pinned in every way and I can barely breathe let alone move. In many ways he has come so far... so very far. Physically he is incredible. I had no idea how strong and supple he could be. I do now. And yet... and yet he has fallen back too. I see it when I look into his eyes and as much as he has me trembling and feverish... and has had me here for... a long time... there is something in the experience that terrifies me.

Silver’s movements are sure and certain as if he is dancing a dance that he is very familiar with, that he has danced many times before... and I know that he has. I know that he has danced over and over and that when you dance like this the dance takes over and possesses you. There have been moments when I have wanted to ask him to stop. Moments, just moments. For most of the time I have had neither the focus nor the will to think at all.

I am feverish and shivering, half conscious and exhausted. He’s had me on the verge of orgasm for so long that all the panting I have been doing is hyperventilating me and making me so dizzy I am not even sure where I am or what I am or where I end and he begins. And then I feel the rippling in his cock, the slight change in rhythm that warns me that he is going to end it. His mouth turns my cock inside out and he drags my orgasm out of me while he fills me with his own.

For a moment everything fades out and I think I am going to faint. I have been panting for so long that when I stop breathing as I cum my body gives up. I’ve never believed that it was possible to pass out from cumming but after this I’m not so sure. Silver is making soft sounds, resting his head on my stomach. It takes me a while to realise that he is crying.