Accidents Happen - 6. Chapter 6 - The Music Knew the End

Chapter 6 – The Music Knew the End

Charlie awoke before the first rosy fingers of dawn had spread across the dark sky. He woke feeling depressed and could not figure out why, for the life of him. Sitting up, he stretched but felt completely out of sorts so he forced himself out of bed.

Charlie usually was graceful when he got up. This morning he stumbled into the bathroom, washed his face, and brushed his teeth. Then he took his time and carefully shaved his face. While he did, he stared into his own eyes in the mirror. What is wrong with me this morning? I know I got enough sleep. Why on earth do I feel so off?

Charlie felt a little more alert as he strolled out to the kitchen and turned on the coffee pot. Moments later the delicious aroma of coffee was floating through the apartment. Charlie could not help but breathe deep and feel more awake. He grabbed a bowl out of one cabinet and turned to another to grab his Raisin Bran. He quickly poured himself a bowl, put away the box, and went to the refrigerator. Automatically he poured milk into the bowl and set the milk down. He grabbed his favorite mug, a Star Trek mug that was a gift from Ted, and poured out his coffee and added the milk. Then without even thinking about it he put the milk away and took his mug to table.

Returning to the kitchen Charlie grabbed his cereal and a spoon and headed back to the table to eat. While he slowly munched his way through his cereal, he sat puzzling through what was bothering him. Unable to pin down what was bothering him he began to work his way through the day’s plans. The blueberry buckle he would wrap up and give to Marie, who had been an angel and arranged coverage and everything else for him. Besides, he thought with a smile, I know she loves blueberries and this will make her day. The students, on the other hand, would have their assembly today in the gym with the local police to discuss Halloween safety and ways they could help to keep themselves safe. Like keeping an eye on the area you walking in so you are not in an accident, he thought grimly to himself. Shaking his head, he walked over to the sink to do up his breakfast dishes and those he had left from the night before.

Once everything was done, Charlie went in to his bedroom and got dressed. This morning he was not taking any chances with his appearance. He pulled out a deep emerald shirt, a light green tie that had dark blue diamonds on it, and a dark blue pair of pants. Once dressed, he called a cab. Better safe than sorry is my motto today.

The morning seemed to pass by in a blur. Marie loved the buckle and grateful that Charlie was doing well. She had told more than one of the teachers what Charlie had done for her, even going so far to say how really delicious it was. She had cut right into it and had a piece with her morning office coffee before the students had arrived.

His class arrived in hush that day. They kept looking up to make sure Mr. Wagner was okay. Charlie had barely finished roll call when the questions from his students began.

“Did you get hurt?” asked Debbie a very outspoken first grader in the front row. Charlie hadn’t gotten to even begin to figure out what he would say when the next question was shot at him.

“Did you go hospital?” shyly questioned Tony, his big brown eyes wide open as he stared at his teacher.

Charlie took a moment to smile before he said anything. “Tony, the question should have been, did you go to the hospital?” Tony gulped, nodded, and looked carefully at Charlie. “Yes, Tony, I did go to the hospital. I wasn’t hurt though, okay. I went to see the man who saved me.”

“Is he a hero, Mr. Wagner?” solemnly quizzed Maya, her black ponytail bouncing in time as she asked the question. The little girl had barely said more than a few sentences all year so far. Charlie was happy to see she was concerned and wanted to know what was happening.

“Yes, Maya, Mr. Reeds is a hero.”

The students looked wide-eyed at him after that comment. Realizing that time was marching on, he glanced up and saw the last of the first grade classes heading out to the gymnasium.

“Okay row one line up by the door. Remember no pushing.”

The first row quickly lined up neatly by the door. Then row by row, the students joined the others until all nineteen were in two straight lines. Charlie turned off the lights and led his class to the assembly.

The students were good and listened carefully as two police officers explained how to be safe going trick or treating. The police explained to the students what not to eat and why from their treat bags. They also went on to explain how important it was to pay attention when walking around, check at corners for oncoming cars, and other important tips. They also had coloring books to help reinforce the lessons for all the first grade classes. The students loved it.

When the Art teacher arrived to take the students for their forty-minute class, Charlie sighed in relief. Talking to his class had reminded him how he needed to check up on Mr. Reeds and make sure he was doing okay.

“I need to be connected to room 515, Mr. Reeds' bed please.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Sir. Mr. Reeds was released about a half hour ago. They had only kept him overnight for observation on his ribs.”

“Oh,” was all Charlie could think to say. He hadn’t expected that Mr. Reeds would be released so quickly from the hospital. Guess I don’t have to worry about seeing those blue eyes again.

After the call to the hospital, Charlie felt even more out of sorts. His mind seemed to be buzzing but he figured he might as well try to get everything sorted out. He took a deep breath and quickly called Tina’s cell phone. It rang and went to voice mail.

“Hi, Tina. It is just me. I know you have dance class tonight. Please come see me after it. I will be expecting you around eight. We need to talk.”

Well that could have gone smoother. I wonder why I was so nervous about it. I mean I will simply set up a nice dinner at her favorite Italian restaurant and make it a night to remember for her.

The lessons for the remainder of the day went smoothly. Charlie only had time to brood during lunch when his students ate and he also had his lunch break.For some reason he couldn’t put his finger on, the later it got in the day, the more agitated he became. He found he kept checking the clock and was feeling as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.The final bell rang and Charlie took his students out and put them all on their buses. Then he returned to his room, cleaned up, and packed up the few things he needed to grade tonight.

Charlie strolled down to where he could catch the local bus back to his apartment. He decided he would stop at the Chinese restaurant for dinner. He didn’t feel like going back to cook for himself tonight. Instead, he grabbed some fried wanton, a small container of chicken fried rice, and a small container of egg drop soup. He went home and snacked his way through the evening while he graded his papers then cleaned up the apartment.

Feeling sort of lonely waiting for Tina to finish her class, Charlie turned on his cd player. In the machine had been the last Adele album. Slowly the old Bob Dylan song came on and Charlie began to sing along. Careful Charlie, you might discover what you don’t want to. Charlie wondered where that had come from. Suddenly he stopped as he listened to the next few lines.

I’d go hungry; I’d go black and blue.

I’d go crawling down the avenue.

No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do

To make you feel my love.

Charlie stopped cold. Oh, lord. I cannot believe it. That is what she has wanted. Charlie had to sit down and think. His own parents suddenly filled his mind. He could clearly seem them. Charlie could remember the times that his father slipped in silently from work and placed a rose on his mother’s papers. Then he could picture seeing her turn to look at him with a look of such devotion on her face. The times his mother rushed home from work to bake up a batch of chocolate raisin oatmeal cookies because she knew that his father loved them. The surprise hugs one or the other slipped around to let their mate know how much they cared. That is what Tina wanted. She wanted to know how much I cared for her. Then the thought he had been hiding from all day surfaced. However, I just don’t love her that way. If Charlie had not been sitting down, he would have fallen from the impact.

Charlie sat there stunned at what had just happened. The music continued to play in the background as he tried to digest what he had just realized. He tried to argue with himself at first but there something honest about it. He wouldn’t be able to lie to Tina. The time had come to set her free and Charlie knew this was just going to be a disaster.

Charlie was still sitting at the table when there was a knock on his apartment door. Looking up Charlie noted Tina was five minutes early. She always likes to make sure she is on time. Somehow, I think she will even be early for her own funeral. Stop that. You care too much about her, so don’t you dare do any more to hurt her. This is all your fault so let her down easy and let her hate you as much as she needs to. The thoughts flew through Charlie’s mind as he walked over and opened the door.

Tina stood there looking relieved. Charlie could almost see the hope that she had for them. It hurt him to look at her when he knew what he had to do.

“I’m glad you came, Tina. I wasn’t sure you would after what you had to say to me,” Charlie said softly as he looked at her feet. Look up Charlie. You owe her that. He knew now some part of himself was going to make sure that he gave her what she needed.

“Charlie, I’m sorry. I never should have made that ultimatum. I was so frustrated. I realize I wasn’t fair to you. I love you. You know I do.” There were tears in her eyes and Charlie could see how much she truly cared about him.

“I know you do, Tina. However, you forced me to look at us. Really, take a good look at us. I realized something you already knew.” Charlie swallowed and looked Tina in the eyes. This was going to hurt and he could not let her think he was a total coward. “I don’t treat you right. I don’t treat you like my parents treat each other. I know you love me Tina. You show me that every chance you get. However, I never have done that with you. I didn’t realize how much I was hurting you. I just did whatever you wanted. Whatever would make you happy was the easy answer. It made me happy.” Charlie paused. Tina was already beginning to cry. The soft sobs showed how she was trying very hard to keep it together. Charlie’s heart was breaking. It would be so easy to lie and just make her happy for now. He knew he could with a few words but she would hate him so much more and he knew he would hate himself.

“The thing is Tina you were right. I never initiated anything at all. Just before you got here, I was listening to that Adele album you bought me. One of my mother’s favorite songs came on. You know the song, Make You Feel My Love, well it began to play. I finally realized what you wanted from me. Tina, you know me, you know me better than almost anyone does. I can’t be that. I don’t know how. I can’t hurt you anymore.” The tears were now streaming from Charlie’s face. He didn’t know what to say as Tina’s sobs grew and wracked her body. He reached for her but as his hands touched her she suddenly jerked away. Through tear-streaked eyes, he watched her turn and walk out. He heard her crying as she walked away again. This time he did not think he would be seeing her return ever again.

Wordlessly he closed and locked his apartment door. He walked like a zombie back to his room and stripped down to his boxers. As he climbed onto the bed, he wrapped his arms around himself and cried himself to sleep.