T.R.'s Tale - 7. Chapter 7

Doc went out back and to get the grill started and clean off the patio furniture. I had Bill chop some vegetables for kabobs. I knew Bill had something he wanted to tell me by several false starts. After the third, “Tar, uh, I, uh”. I washed my hands turned to face him and waited until he looked up from the chopping board.

“I find it hard to believe that a while ago I had my dick up your ass and now you act shy and hesitate to tell my something. What is it that is so hard say? Just spit it out.”

“Tar, it's not that it's hard to tell you. I'm not sure I should say anything. I mean considering my position, I don't have the right to say what I think I should say. Besides, I don't want to make anybody uncomfortable.” Bill looked like a little boy trying to confess to putting bubble gum in some little girl's hair. Like he was facing the end of the world. I turned back to the stove where I was frying bacon for a wilted salad. Bill apparently had decided what he was going to say to me, “Tar, I uh, I...” Well, maybe not.

The front door opened and closed then David called out, “Anybody home?”

I responded with a “Back here in the kitchen.”

I looked up from my bacon to see David holding two six packs of a micro-brewery beer. He was smiling his warmhearted smile that said he was glad to see me. I reached out to take the beer as Bill turned around from the chopping block. When David saw Bill, he became very pale and let go both six packs. They crashed onto the tile floor and a couple of bottles exploded.

David recovered enough to say, “You are T. R.'s friend?” It came out as a confused kind of shocked question. I am no Julie, but it didn't take a crystal ball to see that these guys knew each other or something about each other and whatever it was made them both more than a little uncomfortable.

David was still welded to the spot. Bill grabbed a towel and started moping up the beer while I moved the cartons to the sink. I took one bottle, opened it. Once the foam stopped I wiped the bottle and handed it to David. He took it without acknowledging me and to gulped almost half of the bottle. I gave one to Bill and I opened one for myself.

“Somebody want to fill me in? Obviously you two know each other.”

Bill looked from me to David then back to me realizing that David was not about to answer, Bill said, “Tar, David and I met online about six months ago. He was curious and I was horny. We met three times.”

David started gulping air like a fish out of water. He seemed to remember the beer in his hand, turned it up and drained it.

Bill continued, “The third time at his house, his wife came back early from a business trip. We were in bed when she came into the bedroom. She mumbled something then turned around and walked out. I got dressed and left. I called him later that day and then again a couple of days latter. He never answered and never returned my calls”

I know I'm no prude. I mean I think gay men should be more tolerant than most. I wasn't judging David or Bill for that matter. I mean I had questions for both and it certainly put mine and Bill's relationship in a questionable state. I realized some point after Bill finished talking that my mouth was hanging open. I sputtered as my eyes shifted from Bill to David, “I, I, uh, Da...” David jerked his head up at the sound of his name. His face was alive with emotion. When I said his eyes were billboards for his emotions I was right. He was anxious, fearful, worried and something else I couldn't quite read. His expression settled on sadness. David sat his empty beer bottle on the counter, turned and walked back toward the front door.

I would like to say that I handled the situation rather well, all things considered. Up to that point maybe I did. Then I remembered Bill had asked who was in the motel parking lot.

“Bill, you knew it was David in the motel parking lot.” It wasn't a question. The question was what did my talking to David in the motel parking lot have to do with our relationship now? Was Bill using me to get together with David?

“Tar, it's not what you think. When I saw you, I thougt you were the most handsome man I had seen. When I saw wou were talking to David. I figured you two had hooked up at the motel. I wasn't stalking David. There are a few places we have to show a presence. Most are left to locals and county, some we cover. That night it was you I wanted to meet. I had already given up on David and I getting together. I figured I would just be an unpleasant reminder to him. I guess just now showed I'm right.”

While he was talking. Bill moved to stand in front of me. His arms pulled me into his hard body. “Tar, it's you I want to get close to. I think you should go talk to David. I didn't intend to tell you about me and David. It's not my place to judge anyone about being in the closet. He and I happened before I ever even saw you. If he hadn't freaked and dropped the beer. I think it would have been a while, if I ever told you. Can you accept that... if you need time I can leave now.”

There are times when I hate the fact that I am a grown man. Sometimes I want to be childish and show my ass and get mad for no good reason. There are times when I have found myself childlike in my enthusiasm. You know those times when you're doing some simple thing and realize you are having a really great time. This was neither of those times. This was one of those times were you shift into a clinical mode and try to inject some logic into an emotionally charged situation. Logic was battling emotion. I wanted to be pissed at Bill and I wanted to be even more angry with David. Seems every gay man lies to me or omits some critical facts.

I looked into Bill's eyes and the clean, clear blue told me he had no interest in David. His eyes held only concern for me. “Okay, I'll go talk to David. You just need to know that next time I get you naked and alone I won't play mister nice guy. I am gonna remind you that you shouldn't hesitate to tell my things you think I should know.

Bill stepped back and washed my body with a skeptical look, “Tar, you hiding ropes and whips and chains under your bed? You can't leave any permanent marks. I do have to shower sometimes with the guys after a workout. I got a macho image to uphold.”

I arched an eyebrow and said, “We'll see. Now finish cooking that bacon boy, while I go talk David out of his closet.” I grabbed two more beers from the sink and headed out to find David.

As I moved into the hallway, Bill called out, “Just don't talk him out of his pants.” Bill seemed to be almost too comfortable with this situation. I am not into rough sex. Still, I have to admit that playing rough with Bill had been fun and the thought that I now had an excuse to play rough had my cock swelling. Or maybe I was just plain horny.

I found David sitting on a porch swing on the side porch. His feet on the floor moving the swing back and forth. His head was bent so he didn't see me approach. David was mumbling to himself, “I could have told him, I should have told him...”

I don't like it when people sneak up on me, so I announced my approach, “David, you ok?”

David's head jerked up at the sound. His eyes searched quickly searched my face. I offered him a beer. He took it, opened it and long swig. “T. R. I'm sorry. I should have told you when you came out to me.” I could sense he wasn't expecting a response. I moved to lean against the porch rail. I opened my beer and sipped as he continued, “Bill wasn't my first. I wanted to in high school. I fooled around some in college. I met Susan my senior year in undergrad school. She was something.” At this a smile played across his face and vanished. “She seemed to know what she wanted and for whatever reason she wanted me. I got the idea I could change who I was. So, I let her have me.” David stood and walked to the rail beside me. “It was ok, for a while. I enjoyed the sex and there was a long time there that I didn't think about being with a man. I suppose the demands of Vet school kind overshadowed all my other problems. It wasn't until we moved here and I developed a routine. When things settled down into what became an ordinary life, I began feeling those old desires. I had hoped they would go away after I got married. Bill, told you how that worked out. Susan was actually a lot more understanding tham Bill suspects. She actually wanted to try and work things out. It was I that wanted the divorce. I told Doc the day after Susan caught us. He was understanding and supportive. He is the one who made me think about the divorce. He didn't push the idea, he just made me think about being honest with myself. I am sorry I wasn't honest with you. I guess I didn't trust myself to be alone with you in a motel room.”

“Ahem.” We both looked toward the noise and saw Doc standing at the corner. “You boys get some things straightened out?” Looking at me he said, “T. R. it wasn't my place to tell you about David. I don't apologize for that.” An enigmatic smile came to his face and he said, “Don't go thinking you were hired to be a roll model for David. You were hired for you skills. Not because of nor in spite of the fact that you are gay. I don't believe orientation should ever be considered unless you're wanting to have sex with someone. Then it's real important.” Doc chuckled at his own joke. “Boys, I think we should get back to fixing supper. I'm so hungry my belly button is hugging my backbone.” With that he turned and headed back into the house.

An uncomfortable silence fell. I supposed it was my turn to talk. “David, I'm not upset about you and Bill. I just wish you had told me sooner. I was... I mean I... Well, I was attracted to you from the moment we met and well, I guess I can relax now and work on just being friends, okay?” I had been watching David half hoping he would say something. I just wasn't sure what I wanted him to say.

His reply was, “Sure.” accompanied by a shrug. We entered the kitchen to find Doc taking up the bacon and Bill on the patio setting the table. The marinated steaks were on the counter waiting to be taken to the grill. Bill came back in to grab more tableware and seeing David was the only one not gainfully employed suggested, “Dave how about slapping those steaks on the grill.” To which both Doc and I almost shouted in unison, “No!”

Everyone laughed and David blushed. He explained to Bill all about his culinary skills or the lack thereof. Bill told us his mother said him that if God had not given us microwaves and take out her only son would have starved to death long ago. Doc offered that in his youth there were no microwaves and “take out” was what the Dentist did to your teeth or you did with a girl. I couldn't help myself, I said, “I don't know Doc, even with my limited experience I know there are other things straight guys do with girls.” That comment went over like a lead balloon. I admit itwas lacking conceptually and perhaps the target demographic presented a challenge. But the delivery was spot on. So why did it bomb like a loud, smelly fart at a funeral. Some people just don't have a sense of humor.

Doc stepped to the fridge and asked, “Anybody for a, beer, while I'm fetching? Handing the beers around, Doc, said, “T. R., I thought it was funny.”

David groaned, “Damn Doc, you don't have to suck up. We got reinforcements he ain't going nowhere. If he tries to leave town Trooper Bill here will have his ass in the back seat of his cruiser. Course someone's gonna have to come by and let Bill out of the back. Cause if T. R.'s fine ass is back there you know Bill will be too.” Now, why the hell did that get a laugh all round? Ok, they got a sense of humor, but it's screwed up. How the hell can David be making jokes after just being outed. Then it occured to me, I was the only one who hadn't known he was gay.

It occurred to me that the joking was the way old friends might kid each other. I wondered how we seemed to be so close so quickly. Looking around the kitchen, I decided there must be something about Doc. When he was around, everyone was more relaxed. The only time he wasn't was when he was talking about Jed. I must have drifted off because I suddenly became aware of them calling my name. I had been tearing up the mustard greens and the romaine lettuce, having already chopped the radishes and green onions. I reheated the bacon grease and add the vinegar sugar and water. By now the steaks were ready, the asparagus had been grilled and brushed with soy sause and the twice backed potatoes... well, had been baked twice. The guys were at the table, I brought out the dressing and poured it over the greens, the sizzle was impressive.

I will say the meal was a big hit. Who could complain everyone helped so no one could really complain. Even David helped by brushing the asparagus.

At the end of the meal when everyone had been sated, Bill insisted he and David clean up. They hauled the dishes into the kitchen while Doc and I sat at the table. “Son. that was a fantastic dinner. You can tell everyone enjoyed themselves. I don't want you to take this as patronizing, just as a friend. I like Bill, I suspect he's a good man. Whatever was between him and Bill doesn't seen to be an issue for either of them. How do you feel about it?”

I wasn't sure if Doc knew about Bill and David, but I figured he must know something. “Doc, what happened before I met Bill and David is done. It is how we get along now that counts.”

Doc smiled at my attempt to not “out” David. “Look son, I know David told me shortly after it happened. He was concerned there might be some fallout that would reflect poorly on the clinic.”

“I came in this afternoon earlier than you boys know. Since both your vehicles were here and your door was closed, I assumed you were getting, uh, better acquainted. That's alright, just use protection. I told you before if you want to have overnight guests that's perfectly alright. I just felt like if you knew I knew, I wouldn't feel like I was sneaking around in my own house. Are you gonna hold it to one friend at a time?”

I was insulted. I held my tongue but I didn't like it. Seems Doc thinks all gay men are sluts. I stared across the yard and bit my lower lip so I didn't piss off my boss, my landlord, my mentor and my friend...

Doc started laughing. I took some comfort in his laugh it sounded like a bad imitation of a Canadian Goose. He honked. He saw I had found no humor in his calling me a slut. “It's not what you think. I am not saying your a slut. I'm letting you know that David finds you attractive. He would stay the night if you asked. He already likes Bill sexually, you... well it's a little more than sexual.”

I was confused first he calls me a slut, then I'm not, then David is and David likes me? “What makes you think David is attracted to me?”

Doc smiled stroked his chin in a blatantly phoney contemplative gesture. “Well, as soon as he could he called me and asked why we didn't get a picture faxed to us cause you were, “drop dead gorgeous”. I could tell you that his mouth drops open when he watches you walk away. Of course if your wearing a lab coat he just stares, there is no drooling. He finds any number of excuses to get near you. If you walk into the room his face lights up like a spotlight. I figure those are pretty good indicators. I tell you this so you won't go hurting him unknowingly. I like both of you boys, this private stuff you can settle it yourselves. Just keep it out of the clinic. T. R., I told you this so you wouldn't offhandedly hurt David. You should understand that both those young men are very much, uh, infatuated with you. If you encourage or allow those feelings to grow in both, someone is going to be heartbroken.” I would have liked to mulled over the ego boost Doc just gave me, instead I began to consider what Bill and David meant to me. I didn't want to see either of them hurt.

I really felt like I needed to get away. Not from Doc, or Bill, or David. I needed to get away from this life that seemed to be rushing at me with no letup. I feel like, unless I'm asleep, something important or significant is happening almost ever minute. I would like to go to work, come home, have a drink. Maybe talk to Doc about some patient or my dreams for the future or the fucking weather. “Honey, I'm home. What's for dinner.” Suddenly sounds very appealing....

Fuck, I need to get some control. Maybe I should ask Bill to give me some space. To back off. He would think it was so I could go after David. David would probably think the same thing. Then if I didn't go after David he would be hurt and Bill would already have been hurt.... I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. So, the answer is obvious, just do what I feel is right. Make no promises I cant keep. Someone is going to get hurt, no matter what happens and there is no guarantee it won't be me.

“T. R., you alright?” When I mentally rejoined the real world Bill was nudging my shoulder while Doc and David looked on without expression. With my response I demonstrated the keen wit for which I am renown, “Huh?” Ok, so nobody loves me for my humor or wit.

Doc caught me up on what was being discussed, “Bill was asking if we were going to provide beer. I explained that we do this sort of thing about once a quarter. There has not been a problem yet. We've insisted that anyone who drinks must have a designated driver.” I suddenly remembered David's smokey gray eyes. When I looked I found them already staring into mine, he smiled guiltily and turned to look at Doc. I almost turned my attention back to Doc but I glanced at Bill to find he was scowling at David who seemed oblivious to Bill. Doc continued, “Juanita had a sister killed by a drunk driver, she brings bracelets to match each drinker with his or her designated driver. She would make a fine prison warden. What do you think?”

I was trying to figure out why Bill would be so upset with David, a guy who apparently he'd has sex with at least three times. I hadn't heard much of what Doc had said but I heard the silence and realized that again they were waiting for me to say something... I racked my brain and quickly put together what Doc had been saying.

I'm not one to judge and to be put on the spot like this, just didn't seem right. Especially since this was coming from Doc. I had to question his judgment, “Doc, Juanita seems like a real nice person. She's great with the patients, caregivers, children. Do you really think she should be in prison? What exactly has she done? How many DUI's does she have?”

Ok, I could tell by the looks I was getting that I'd said the wrong thing again. Doc looked at me as though I were a specimen he was trying to identify. David looked as though I needed intensive analysis STAT. Bill, Bill just looked bemused. I looked back to Doc and whatever look he had was now wiped away by a smile that broadened into a chuckle and then into a honking laugh that shortly had tears streaming down his face while he repeatedly slapped the table. Of course Bill and David joined in the Hee Hawing, jackasses!

I excused myself, got up and left the three of them guffawing their collective asses off. I walked around the side of the house and kept walking until I couldn't hear them anymore. I wasn't even thinking, I just stuck my hands in my pockets and kept walking. I got to the road and without thinking turned in the direction of my morning run. I wasn't really pissed at the guys for laughing at me. I suppose it would have been funny to me too, if I knew what was wrong with my response. I was still thinking about Bill and David. The way David looked at me was just the way Doc described. Bill didn't like that look at all. The truth was that Bill had no right to react to the way any man looked at me. I am not sure any man would ever have that right. I am not a possession.

I heard my name being called and looked back to see Bill jogging to catch up. I was surprised to see how far I had walked down the road. I turned and started to walk toward him. When he caught up he was breathing hard. He was gasping for breath, “Damn, you are a hard man to catch and even harder to hold onto.”

I couldn't help but smile. He was bent over with his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath. I pushed him hard enough that he almost lost his balance. “Hey, I'm almost dying here and you want ot push me into an early grave.”

“Bullshit, and you better not use that phoney heavy breathing act around the office. They're probably already looking for a pervert caller and could identify you with voice recognition software.”

Bill straightened up and got a serious look in his eyes, “Tar, I got a feeling that Doc said something to you that got you to thinking. I saw how David was looking at you and I didn't like it. I have no right to like or not like how any man looks at you. You don't belong to me and never will. When you choose to spend time with me, I know I am a very lucky man. I'm not stupid. I know that David likes you and you like David, some. You both are Vets and you have a lot more in common with him. Plus he doesn't have to stay closeted. I just hope you'll give me and you a chance.”

We had not started back. We stood looking into each others eyes for the longest time. Only when I heard a vehicle stop alongside us did we break eye contact. “Well, Timothy Reed Boudreaux, as I live and breathe. You know you are one great kisser. I wound up jerking off before I left the parking lot. I'm hoping you'll find sometime this weekend and have that, uh, dinner we talked about and maybe, well... you got my number and of course you can find my house. I'll catch you later.” Without another word or waiting for a reponse he just drove off.”

When I turned to look at Bill I could see that he was a little unsure if he wanted to give “him and me a chance.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets and headed back to the house. Before he could get out of reach, I stepped toward him and pulled him around and wrapped my arms around him and kissed him. At first he didn't respond. When I felt him pushing my arms away I let go and stepped back. This time he pulled me to him and kissed me deeply. His tongue was hot and probing each place it touched burned like a brand. Bill was marking his territory. I broke the kiss and whispered in his ear, “Straight Trooper wanna spend the night with this cowboy and get roped and branded?” I don't know if it was something I said or my hot breath in his ear, but his body trembled in response.