Subtle Beauty - 23. Chapter 23

His eyes said it all. As soon as the hotel room door closed, Michlinked his hand with mine and fixed me with a gaze that made me want to melt. He leaned in to close the short distance separating us and I found myself waiting, wanting. I caught my breath, bracing myself for the surge of emotions I knew would come. When his lips met mine, my eyes closed on their own. Bliss. When would I get used to this feeling? Probably never.

My eyes fluttered open when he broke the kiss, withdrawing his hands which roamed my body. A mischievous smile played on his lips. He offered me his right hand and I took it, together we went toward the bed.

Mich sat down and patted the space beside him. Feeling like we were about to do something we shouldn’t, I joined him on the bed.

“Are you ok?” Concern plastered his face; his forehead wrinkled in a slight frown, lips pursed together.

I felt myself blush, the warmth spreading toward my ear. “Sorry, Mich.I’m ok, really. Don’t let me ruin our moment, please.”

A long sigh escaped him. Straightening a lock of my hair, his hand moved down my face as his fingers brushed against my cheek ever so slightly. “We don’t need to do this if you’re not up to it. Let’s just go to bed, ok?”

“No!” He flinched at my sudden outburst. “I’m all for this, Mich, as you could probably tell earlier. Something just invaded my thoughts. I messed up, fuck!”

Laughter filled the room. With creased eyebrows, I peered at him through slitted eyes. “What?”

“Nothing.” Michbreathed in and out to control his laughter. “Ok, listen. You said ‘fuck.’ That’s exactly what I want us to do.”

Shaking my head, I gently shoved Michwhich threw him into another fit of laughter. “Sometimes, you can be so crude.” Watching him, I couldn’t help but join in his glee.

When our eyes met, his face turned serious. Tentatively, I reached out to him and he welcomed my touch. With my hand on the back of his head, I pulled him toward me and we shared a kiss followed by some more. His lips barely left mine as he stripped me of my clothes until I was fully naked. He took the time to admire my body and I savored the attention he gave me. Fingers lithely caressing my chest, he proceeded on devouring my chin and neck as I lay down the bed. Downwards he went leaving a small moist trail on my skin where he kissed me. Finally, he took me into his mouth and I gave in to the sensations it brought.

I had no idea how long I had my eyes closed, but when I opened them, Mich’s nakedness came into view. When did that happen? His muscles flexed with the slightest movement. Unable to control myself, I touched his arm making him look at me.

We shifted on the bed, it was my turn to give him pleasure; time for him to anticipate what I would do next and watch. I let my hands roam free, mouth making contact on places I knew would almost send him over the edge. His moans were my reward.

Moving in sync, we consummated our love until we both reached satisfaction. Tired and breathless, we sprawled on the bed while we held hands. When the euphoria passed and our breathing evened out, we moved to our sides and prepared for a good night’s sleep with my arm draped around him.

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“We’re here.”

Michgently hit the brake and shifted the car into neutral. He looked outside, taking in the scenery, then shifted his attention at me with a confused expression on his face. “Where exactly is here? And why did you insist we come here immediately when we could probably pass by later this week? I mean, I barely talked to your parents, Coop. Are you trying to make me look bad?”

Taking his hand, I smiled at him. “You have to see this before you go home. This place is dear to me. I used to hang out here when I was a kid. If my parents ever find out, they’re going to freak out for sure.”

A mischievous glint appeared on his eyes. “You made a mistake of taking me here then. I am so going to tell your parents when we go back.”

I merely smiled and stepped off the car. Outside, the familiar scenery brought a smile to my face. It’s good to be back. Standing at the foot of a knoll overlooking the sea below, calmness and contentment filled my heart.

“I must admit, this is quite a view.” Michstood behind me, his warm breath brushing against my nape.

“You haven’t seen the best part yet.” Stretching my hand, I extended my index finger and pointed to my left. A few seconds later, a whistle escaped his lips.

“Oh wow.”

Turning to him, his eyes shifted to me and he grinned like a kid on Christmas Eve. “We’re going there?”

He wrapped me in his arms when I nodded. “Come on, let’s get going. This is going to be awesome. It’s a first for me.”

Hand in hand, we faced the knoll with smiles on our lips. “So you’re not pissed anymore that I dragged you here, right?”

Squeezing my hand, he glanced sideways at me with a playful expression on his face. “Ha, think again! Making me look bad in the eyes of your parents, did you? Well just wait until they find out about this place.”

I matched his steps, surprised by the ease with which he ascended the knoll. He barely broke a sweat when we stopped facing a cliff, an old but still functioning lighthouse towering above us.

“I don’t believe this. It’s more amazing up close.” Mich’s eyes scaled the height of the lighthouse’s chipped white body. “How old were you when you discovered this?”

Remembering the first time I caught a glimpse of the lighthouse in the horizon, I couldn’t help but grin. “I was twelve. Back then, my dream was to become a pirate so I was naturally drawn to the sea. There’s a beach to the west and I was walking the shore one day pretending to search for buried treasure when I saw this lighthouse. Curious, I abandoned what I was doing and ran toward here. It was a long trek, but I can’t even recall being tired.”

Mich’s eyes darted to the lighthouse again. “Wow, twelve. This place probably looked impossible to climb back then.”

Sighing, I took in the lighthouse until my eyes rested on its red roof. “I don’t know about that. All I can remember is I felt both scared and excited when I took the first few stairs. After that is this overpowering anticipation; I couldn’t wait to get on top. Then—”

“Stop right there!” Michgripped me by the shoulder. “Hope you don’t mind, but I’d like to find out for myself what it’s like up there.”

Weird as it might seem, I could sort of understand why he didn’t want to know. Not knowing is part of the adventure. I moved closer to him and kissed him softly.

When we broke apart, he grinned from ear to ear. “This is like the best day ever. Let’s go!”

We walked toward the wooden door with his arm draped over my shoulder. “Can we even go in? It looks like it’s locked.”

Grasping the doorknob, it didn’t budge when I tried to turn it. The disappointment could not be mistaken on Mich’s face. My eyes remained on him and after a while, I couldn’t hold it down any longer. I laughed.

“This isn’t funny, Coop. I was so looking forward to going up there. Now I feel like I’ve been robbed or something.” Turning his back to the lighthouse, he plopped down on the concrete step in front of the door.

Sitting beside him, I nudged him with my shoulder. “Cheer up. I brought you here to climb this thing and climb it you will.”

He picked up a handful of pebbles and threw them one by one at the water below us. “Unless you can pass through solid walls, there’s nothing you can do about this.”

“I can’t pass through walls, but I know a practical solution to our predicament.” I got on my feet and walked a few paces to the right of the lighthouse’s door. Leaning against a wall, I waited.

Minutes later, Michfollowed, his curiosity getting the better of him. He regarded me with eyes that seemed to wait for me to pass through the wall. Shaking my head, I beckoned him closer as I sank to my knees. I parted a shrub and showed him a missing brick on the wall. Plunging my free hand on the gap, I groped inside for a bit. When I finally pulled out, I held a mall packet in my hand.

Offering the packet to him, Michtook it and turned it around in his hands. Shaking it against his ear, I saw as his mouth formed into a small O. His eyes widened in disbelief as he pulled a key from inside. “How?”

“When I first came here, the place was locked, as it should be. Imagine the troubles a kid could cause on a place like this. I didn’t let a closed door stop me though, I still kept coming. Then one day, I saw a man approaching. He took one long look at me before telling me to go away. Let me tell you, I was spooked so it took me a while to get a move on. Good thing too because I was close enough to hear the key turning followed by the door opening.”

Mich listened with rapt attention. When I stopped talking, he opened and closed his mouth a few times as if trying to put into words what he wanted to say. “So he let you inside, just like that?”

I shook my head vigorously. “No. He banged the door close on my face. No matter what I say, despite the countless promise that I won’t touch anything inside, he wouldn’t let me in. After a few times, he allowed the door to remain open while he cleaned and made sure everything was working in the lighthouse. We talked while he worked or shouted is probably the right term. Mr. Simmons, that’s the caretaker’s name, lived alone so I guess he welcomed my company. Months after, I offered to accompany him inside and I was surprised that he agreed. I helped him with his work whenever I visited and when I turned fifteen, he gave me my own key.”

“He probably saw how responsible you are.” We made our way back to the entrance of the lighthouse. Mich unlocked the door and we stepped in. To my surprise, he began stretching.

Minutes later, I couldn’t keep in my confusion any longer. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Oh. We’re going to race to the top, of course.” Is he serious? Like I’ll do something so childish. “Ready?”

Taking two steps at a time, he started to climb up. When he didn’t stop to wait for me, I ran after him. We went round the staircase with me a few steps behind the entire time. Upon reaching the top, I held onto the railing to steady myself while I caught my breath. Meanwhile, Mich looked around seemingly unaffected by the trek upstairs.

“I could understand why you didn’t tell your parents about this place. The view is worth all the risks of coming up here. But to be honest, I can’t picture you as the rebellious sort.” He moved beside me and placed his chin against my right shoulder.

Leaning my head against his, I closed my eyes. “I didn’t come here to rebel, I came because I wanted a place where I could hangout alone. Like a place of my own, you know? Didn’t tell my parents because I didn’t want them to worry. It’s one of those ‘what they don’t know can’t hurt them’ excuse.”

“No need to worry, I understand. And your secret’s safe with me.”

It’s time.“Actually, I’m done keeping secrets.” I hope he can’t hear the loud beating of my heart. “Babe, do me a favor, please? Close your eyes and don’t open them unless I say so.”

Mich’s eyebrows furrowed, but he did as told when I mouthed ‘please.’

“Feel the wind against your face and just listen. Hear the sighing of the wind and the sound of my voice.” Positioning myself behind him, I wrapped my arms around his body. Tears fell from my eyes onto his shirt. “Mich, I lied to you. I made myself believe that I deserved this one week with you, but it gets harder every day. You need to know the truth, you’re entitled to be happy, but most of all, you deserve to be free.”

In one swift movement, he was facing me. “What’s wrong? And why are you crying?”

“There’s no better way to say this so… I’m dying. I wanted to tell you, but every time I opened the topic of death, you freak out. Mich, I made my peace with it and there’s only one thing left for me to do, I have to let you go.”

The urge to touch him overcame me and I stretched my hand to caress his face. He stepped to his side making my hand fall limply on my side. With a last look at his scared face, I turned and began the long trek down.