Standing In Shadows - 16. Chapter 16

SIS 16

The next morning I woke up, I searched the bed for Trouble, not seeing her asleep on the bed I sat up. The bedroom door was open, but I remembered closing it the night before. I slid out of bed already dreading the mess she was sure to make while I slept. I hesitated at the door remembering last night. I never really gave myself time to process it all. He had kissed me and I kissed him back. I didn’t really understand how I got to that point. I had trouble trusting him, but all that was forgotten when I tasted the salty butter of his lips. His breath tickled my cheeks from his nose. It was an awkward kiss, I wasn’t used to kissing other guys and kissing girls never seemed right. So it was all still a new experience, to kiss. It wasn’t really the awkwardness of it that had me hesitating in the bright guest room though, it was the memory that I liked it. I liked the kiss and the thought of Clinton kissing me. I was able to forget that I didn’t trust his motives and all the indecision that brought me to his house in the first place. Part of me wished he never answered the door, but that was because I was scared to now leave the bedroom and face him. I hadn’t trusted him last night, now that I’m here that part of me is coming back.

When I finally stepped out into the hall I saw that Clinton’s room was empty through his open door. I still didn’t run into any of the messes, so I turned and walked down the stairs. It was there that I was greeted by Trouble bouncing around my feet. I looked around the empty kitchen. I frowned wondering if Clinton cleaned up the messes that I was supposed to be responsible for. I was already slipping in her care and I could hear Dad’s voice in my head yelling at me over the dog.

“Good morning,” Clinton said from the living room entrance. He was holding a plate with a part of a piece of toast on it. Trouble bounced between the two of us, but his eyes never left mine.

“Hi,” I said, my voice cracking. I cleared my throat and swallowed hard. My tongue was dry and my hands were getting clammy.

“I took her out this morning,” Clinton said through the uneasy silence. I wanted to just leave, run away and not come back but that wouldn’t work with the part of me that wanted to remember how it felt to be kissed by him.

“Thank you,” I stammered, “I’m really not good at this pet owner thing.”

“No, you’re not really,” Clinton said offering me a tight smile. “She is probably starving.”

“Yeah,” I said scratching the back of my head. “I need to go.”

“That would probably be the best idea,” Clinton said and it was the first time I really saw that he was nervous about being around me. That his eyes watched me because he was still unsure of what I would do.

“I won’t tell anyone,” I said and I regretted it when he shot me an icy glare.

“I didn’t think you would, since you kissed me back,” Clinton countered looking down at his plate. His hands were clenched, his knuckles turning white.

“I’m sorry,” I offered and that felt like a mistake as well. He shook his head and brushed past me to the sink. I noticed that it was empty from the mess the night before and I wondered if he ever really slept at all. It was early in the morning and he looked tired and unrested. Even though I had problems sleeping, I hadn’t heard him stirring lastnight. The skin under his eyes were pink and he shuffled his feet as he walked.

I nodded my head when he kept his back to me and scooped up Trouble. I walked through the living room and out the front door. The sun was shining and the dew was heavy on the ground. I could see a path a little dog took this morning to use the bathroom followed by two feet. My car was still covered in the soft moisture as I opened the door and slid Trouble onto the passenger side. I started the car and backed out the drive and headed home.

When I arrived Dad was sitting on the front porch with Mom. Seeing me, she had a welcoming smile, but Dad was frowning. I sighed wondering how soon it would be before I wasn’t returning to this house, my home. I parked the car and he stood, dropping Mom’s hand. I could see her telling him something, but I couldn’t hear. He acted like he didn’t hear her either as he crossed his arms.I dreaded getting out of the car, but finally I grabbed Trouble and held her as I slid out of the car and closed the door behind me.

“You know son, you’re not very considerate,” Dad snapped when I was at the bottom step.

“Sorry,” I said and again I felt that it was a mistake. His eyes seemed to darken and I heard Mom stand up, the porch swing chains rattling. She stood beside Dad and looked me over. She seemed to read me better than Dad ever could, possibly because he never really tried. It was his way and I had to live by what he said.

“Go on in and feed the dog,” Mom said and Dad shot her sideways look.

“You’re too soft on him Cora,” Dad grumbled as I took a step onto the porch.

“You were the one that told him not to come home,” Mom said rolling her eyes. “It wasn’t even all that late.”

“It was late enough,” Dad countered, “and you weren’t feeling well.”

“I was feeling fine,” Mom said, “just a little worried.”

“About him,” Dad said pointing a large finger at me. It was inches from my chest, but I didn’t step back or flinch. I didn’t like knowing Mom was worried about me either. It only gave Dad more to fuss at me with.

“All mothers worry,” Mom dismissed turning back to me she waved me on. “Now go feed your pup Riley.”

“I’m sorry, Mom,” I said kissing her cheek as I walked by. She reached up and stroked my cheek and I entered the house. A heavy knot was in my throat and I didn’t want to stand outside with them knowing if I talked my voice would crack. Dad would look at me, his face would redden and he would start telling me to be more of a man. I opened the bag of puppy food and scooped a little out for Trouble then I took her water bowl across the hall to the bathroom and filled it with a little water. I set it beside her food then I fell onto the bed with a heavy sigh. It seemed I was only good at making mistakes lately. Like I didn’t know how to act around other people at all. The weight of it all seemed to smother me now in my bedroom. My whole life would be changing from this moment on, I felt it and knew it was. In the coming days we’ll be packing up everything in this small house. Mom will be applying for jobs and she’ll give up her small happiness she found in the store.

A soft knock sounded on my door. I knew it was Mom, Dad would have just burst through and started talking before I had time to react one way or the other. I looked up from the pillow. I didn’t make a move to wipe my eyes, she would know that I had been crying tears or not.

“Come in,” I said and she opened the door.

“Honey,” she whispered closing the door behind her. She carefully stepped over Trouble and sat on the bed. I made room for her and she took my hand. We sat together on the headboard, I was too tall now to rest my head on her shoulder comfortably.

“Don’t be worrying about me,” I said the knot in my throat coming back.

“I always will,” she said gripping my hand tighter. “It has nothing to do with all the mess I’ve caused lately. I started worrying about you when you were born and I’ll likely never stop.”

“You haven’t caused a mess Mom,” I said looking at her. She shook her head smiling.

“I have,” she said, “but we’ll get through it, I just don’t want you to think a lot about it and enjoy the summer.”

“How bad is it really?” I asked not wanting her to spare me any details and knew that she would.

“The offer I’m accepting will cover most of the debt the store caused,” Mom answered, “but it will take awhile before we’re back on our feet.”

“When does he want us out of the way?” I asked thinking of Cj’s Dad. If he was anything like him he would want us packed and out of the house by Monday. He was away though, so that could buy us a few days to get organized.

“By the middle of next week,” Mom answered looking down at our hands. “I don’t want to see you crying, it will be alright.”

“I know,” I said not wanting to say anything else. The move was just something on the list she didn’t know, but she didn’t know what else I was growing tired of fighting and worrying over. Part of me wished I was more like Dad and didn’t worry what people thought. He always did what he thought was right for the situation. It might have lost him a few friends when his temper boiled over, but he didn’t seem to be full of regrets. The thought about wanting to be more like Dad surprised me, I had always been more like Mom. Dad tried to toughen me up, but I never really did.

“So, have you settled on a name for her?” Mom asked nodding her head towards the puppy. She still had her head in her food bowl, her small kibble was about gone and her small stomach had grown.

“Trouble,” I answered and Mom giggled. “I’m sure she’ll get me in a lot of it.”

“Probably,” Mom added looking around my room. “Your Dad brought in some boxes, you can start packing some of the things you don’t use when you’re ready.”

“Ok,” I responded as she let go of my hand and slid out of the bed. She looked back at me before she closed the door behind her. Trouble took a few drinks from her water and I knew she would need to use the bathroom soon, so I got off the bed and looked at myself in the mirror. Every time I cried my eyes would rim with light red circles. It always faded a little while later, but it was still noticeable. I would have to avoid Dad until they were back to normal.

I picked up Trouble and ducked my head as I opened the door and walked down the short hallway to the living room. He was on the couch watching last year’s game tapes. He would be getting ready for football camp soon. We had a lot of Freshmen joining the team this year and he would be going over his playbook and getting ready to kick their asses into shape. I shuddered remembering my Freshman year and I had thought I was prepared, because Dad drilled me all my life for High School football. He didn’t look up as I walked behind the couch and out the front door. I set Trouble down and she went to the shade under the large tree in our small front yard. She sniffed and whimpered around until she started walking in a small circle picking a spot she liked to do her business.

When she was done I sat on the porch swing and watched her prance around with her nose to the ground. She didn’t have any worries in the world and wouldn’t as long as I remembered to feed her and take her out to use the bathroom. She seemed independent only glancing in my direction a few times as she sniffed and chased the bugs that flew out of her way as she bounced around the yard. It was getting hot out already the morning dew was already gone, the shine had left the grass. When I saw her ears perk up and look around, I heard the car coming down the road. She looked behind her before running up the steps to hide from the approaching noise at my feet.

I was surprised to see a large black truck slow down at our driveway. I knew the truck and saw Clinton look around as he carefully avoided the three cars in the narrow driveway to park his truck. It made Dad’s truck look tiny. I heard Dad grunt and stand up and his heavy foot falls walking to the front door.

“Why the hell is that punk here?” Dad asked and I shrugged as Clinton stepped out of his truck and walked into the front yard. Dad stepped farther out onto the porch and crossed his arms. It seemed to stop Clinton in his tracks for a few moments and I felt sorry for him.

“Corey you forgot your Wallet,” Clinton said as I reached inside my pocket and didn’t feel it. It must had slipped out while I slept. Dad shot me a look as I stood and walked around him and down the stairs. Clinton handed me the wallet and was about to turn, but I cleared my throat.

“Thanks,” I said feeling Dad’s eyes on me. I wished he would go back inside the house. I felt my face flush.

“Not a problem,” Clinton shrugged and Trouble barked at our feet causing us both to jump. Then I heard Dad say something under his breath as he turned and walked back into the house. I turned to watch the screen door slam shut behind him. When I turned back around Clinton was already halfway back to his truck.

“Can we talk?” I asked and I saw Clinton’s shoulders slump before he turned to look at me.

“Not here,” he answered looking past me to the screen door.

“Definitely,” I added then held up my index finger. I jogged into the house, which caused Dad to look up at me.

“Why are you friends with the little shit that tossed you into the river?” Dad asked and I stopped in the living room just in front of the door. Trouble hadn’t been fast enough to follow me and she was now whining and scratching.

“He apologized Dad,” I answered, “I’m just getting a few things.”

“Didn’t you just see him last night?” Dad asked crossing his arms. “Don’t you have better things to do?”

“Like what?” I asked, hoping I hid the annoyance in my voice.

“Like packing up all your worthless shit,” Dad answered, “you have camp soon so you don’t have a lot of time, but you do have a lot of junk.”

“It will be packed Dad, I promise,” I responded.

“It’s not like he will be doing much at camp, dear,” Mom said from the kitchen. She had already started organizing and labeling the boxes.

“The hell he will be Cora,” Dad huffed then turned back to me. “Get your ass out of here, you’re keeping your friend waiting.”

“Sorry,” I said and I saw my Mom roll her eyes from the kitchen table. I jogged into my room and grabbed Trouble’s food and a few toys. I kissed Mom on the way back through the house.

“If you’re going to be late, call us,” Mom said nodding her head towards the living room.

“I won’t be long,” I said, “I will call if something changes.”

“Alright then,” Mom answered, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I said and walked behind the couch and out the front door. Clinton had moved from the spot where he stood before I left. Seeing the small bag of dog food, he scooped up Trouble and packed her to his truck. I put the stuff in the back seats of his extended cab then climbed into the passenger seat. He handed Trouble to me and she sat in my lap looking out the windows, her tail wagging and her tongue jutting out as she panted.

“Where do you wanna go?” Clinton asked as he backed out of the driveway.

“You pick,” I said starting to feel the same nervousness I always did around him.

“I don’t want to pick,” Clinton countered shooting me a glare before he pulled out of the driveway and headed towards town.

“I’m sorry about last night, I shouldn’t have kissed you,” I said as Trouble started chewing on my fingers. I kept pulling them out of her mouth, but she’d just find them. She let out a small bark that caused Clinton to jump and the truck to swerve. He looked down at the dog in my lap and I saw the small smile playing on his lips, but he was still angry.

“You don’t get it,” he hissed eyes still focused on the curving road. “I wanted to kiss you.”

“Well you did,” I said after a short silence.

“And it felt like you kissed me back,” he added, his voice careful and quiet. I looked over at him and his face was flushed. He wasn’t comfortable with this conversation and I felt my own face get hot. I noticed how tense his shoulders were, but I didn’t know how to make him feel relaxed. I wasn’t used to this sort of thing and it had surprised me last night. It had been different with Greg, I could see the attraction he held for me and he acted on it. I also trusted him more than I did Clinton.

“I don’t trust you,” I said hoping to get past all this awkwardness. “I don’t really know what I’m doing either.”

“Why don’t you trust me?” He asked glancing at me. It was a brief look, but I saw that he was no longer angry with me, there was something new there entirely. Something I saw back in his kitchen when Cj was antagonizing me. Like he wanted to say something, but didn’t know what. Something comforting to me or something mean to Cj to make him shut up.

“It wasn’t that long ago I was sitting in a muddy river,” I answered trying to breathe deeper to loosen the tightness of my stomach. My voice sounded shaky and I needed it to be strong. “Now Mom is losing the store and the house and we are having to move into Cj’s Dad’s stupid apartment building.”

“That really sucks,” Clinton said and I looked ahead to see that we were passing through the edge of town that would lead us out of the County completely. “You don’t have to worry about me giving you shit anymore.”

“Yeah?” I asked, “Not even when Cj gets back?”

“I promise,” he said, barely a whisper and I wanted to believe him.

“How bad is he going to be now that I’m paying his rich assed father rent and can’t play football?” I asked, but Clinton shrugged and I could see a hardened frown cross his face.

“I don’t really know what he’s going to do,” Clinton countered, “but if you can’t believe me and are too scared of him...”

“I’m not scared of him,” I argued and Clinton smirked and I saw the old Clinton, the one that laughed at me at the party after I was covered in muddy river water. It surprised me when it didn’t make me angry, instead I found myself happy to see it. It was a better look than the hardened closed in look I had been getting ever since he pulled into my driveway this morning to return my wallet.

“It will be bad,” Clinton said, “he will make fun of you for it, but try not to let it bother you.”

“What will you do, when school starts back?” I asked looking over at him. Trouble had fallen asleep on my lap with the tip of my finger in her mouth.

“I’ve been Cj’s friend all through school Corey,” he said sighing, “that won’t stop just because I like you, too.”

“Alright,” I said not surprised that he would stop being Cj’s friend, but the rest had my stomach turning and my face burning. I looked over at him to see him watching me from the corner of his eye as he tried to focus on the winding road as well.

“We have the summer still Corey,” he said smiling crookedly as we turned down the road leading to the lake he had taken me to when he had the boat.

“Not really,” I said, “I have football camp soon.”

“With your broken arm?” He asked and I rolled my eyes.

“Dad thinks he’s going to teach me how to throw with my left arm,” I said looking down at the bulky cast in my lap. The cast was starting to get dirty and I would have to go get the cast changed every so often. In the heat it caused my skin to sweat and itch. It was a bad break and my senior season was over once Dad realized it.

“That sucks,” Clinton said, “I was hoping the old man would let you join the baseball team.”

“No, he wants me focused on football, and doesn’t the baseball team suck?” I asked knowing Clinton played on the baseball team. They hadn’t really been good all four years of High School. Clinton smiled, rolling his eyes.

“And how good will the football team be without the golden boy?” Clinton asked as he turned into the parking lot of the lake.

“Cameron will be alright,” I shrugged, “when Dad gives up on me.”

“Will you lose any scholarships?” Clinton asked as he parked the large black truck. Trouble woke up when Clinton opened his door, causing the key alarm to ding. He grabbed the keys and slid them into his pocket.

“I haven’t really gotten any to lose,” I answered, “there have been some interest, but not much.”

“Then why is your Dad kicking your ass?” Clinton said as he watched me gather up all of Trouble’s toys and food.

“He does want me to get on at a college with a full athletic scholarship,” I answered, “kind of difficult to do now, better start doing all my homework.”

“Yeah,” he said looking at my cast. “Come on, let’s go rent a boat for a few hours.”

“I thought your parents didn’t want you out here while they were gone?” I asked as he took the small bag of dog food from me. Trouble was squirming, but I didn’t want to set her down in the parking lot, the lake was busy and the asphalt looked hot.

“Not in our boat,” Clinton responded smiling.

“I think they meant the whole lake,” I said, “I mean it is what my parents would expect.”

“Loopholes Corey,” Clinton said waving his hand as I followed him to the large building where the Fish and Game manned the lake and the land around it. There was an older woman at the desk when we entered and she smiled at us.

“Campsite or swimming?” She asked seeming to recognize Clinton’s face.

“Renting a boat,” Clinton answered looking at me he slid his I.D out of his wallet and across the desk. The woman raised an eyebrow, but slid it back with a smile.

“What would you like to rent?” She asked looking at her computer screen.

“Pontoon, something big,” he answered and I looked around as she asked him questions and entered information into the computer. When it was finally over she handed him a safety sheet, two life vests, and the keys with a numbered label on the keychain. Clinton waived his hand for me to follow him.

When we got outside he led me to the docked boat that matched the number on the keychain. It was a large Pontoon, more fit for a crowd of people than just the two of us. I wondered how much it cost him to rent the Pontoon, but I hadn’t paid attention when he paid her and signed the receipt.

“You faked your I.D didn’t you?” I asked as he let me start climbing up the small ladder first while he held onto Trouble. When I was near the top he handed her to me and I carefully sat her down inside the boat. Then he passed me up her food and toys.

“I sure did,” Clinton answered winking at me.

“Then we’re in deep shit if something happens,” I said as I climbed into the boat and he followed after me.

“I’ll be careful,” he said cocking an eyebrow and walked around me and entered a small cabin. Not wanting to leave Trouble outside I scooped her up and followed him into the cabin. He started the engine as I closed the door behind me. I watched as he slowly backed away from the dock then turned the large boat out towards the deeper water. At first he did go slower, but as we made our way past all the jet skiers and smaller boats he turned up the speed. We were headed back to his favorite part of the lake.

When we arrived he killed the engine and dropped anchor. We weren’t completely alone, with a small fishing boat at the mouth of one of the rivers that fed the large lake. It was just one person and Clinton slid his shirt off and opened the cabin door. I followed with Trouble smacking the back of my heels as she moved faster than we were. There were lounge chairs folded and clipped to the boat. He unclipped two and unfolded them.

“I always wanted to relax on one of these,” Clinton said smiling as he slid into his lounge chair.

“Wouldn’t it be easier just to buy a chair?” I asked and he laughed hiding his face from the sun until he was able to find his sunglasses in his backpack.

“I meant on a Pontoon,” Clinton answered still laughing. I placed mine beside him and used my cast as an uncomfortable pillow. He handed me a second pair of sunglasses and I slid them on. Trouble was panting as she looked for a shady spot on the boat to lay down, but there wasn’t one out here so she made her way back to the cabin.

“I’m sorry I freaked last night,” I said and he looked over at me.

“We’re both new to it I guess,” Clinton answered, “although there is a rumor about you and that Greg guy that came in for Jenny’s Sister’s wedding.”

“Really?” I asked frowning.

“Is there truth to it?” Clinton asked leaning onto his elbow to to study my face.

“Not really,” I answered trying to forget the way Greg made me feel while he was here. It wasn’t something I wanted to relive, because I missed it.

“I see,” Clinton said as I closed my eyes not wanting to explain anything. Then I was surprised by a slightly sweaty torso sliding against mine. Then I felt his fingers slide over my chin, turning his face towards him. “Try not to freak out on me this time.”

“I won’t,” I whispered just before his lips connected with mine. Unlike last night there was nothing rushed or fevered about it, so his lips were noticeably softer and they felt fuller against mine. I jumped slightly when his hand slid down from my chin to my hips and when he was about to stop, I kissed him back. I heard a small grunt and I smiled trying not to laugh.

“So, forget about him yet?” Clinton asked, both of us breathing heavier with more sweat glistening our skin.

“No,” I smiled and he rolled his eyes.

“We have all summer,” he said and he leaned over and kissed me again.