Electric Blue and Catnip - 19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

After breakfast, Alexi left for the studio and Joshua sat in the living room reading the paper. He was busy doing the cross word puzzle when Lily walked into the penthouse rapping Japanese into her phone while she carried her briefcase with the other hand. She removed her shoes and padded into the living room on bare feet. Perching on an armchair she finished her phone call with a sigh.

“Has Alexi left for the studio?” she asked.

“An hour ago,” Joshua said studying her. She looked flustered. “Are you alright? You’re up and about pretty early.”

“It’s almost eleven o’clock.” Lily waved her blackberry at him. “You two ran away yesterday. No matter, I’ll catch up to Alexi soon enough.”

Joshua nodded to his mug on the table. “You want coffee?”

Lily fanned her face with her hand. “It’s hot out there. I’d love a tall glass of juice.”

“I’ll get it,” Joshua said getting to his feet. “What documents did you have for me?”

Lily adjusted the collar of her silk gray blouse and stood. He went into the kitchen and poured her a glass of pineapple juice adding cubes of ice. When he returned to the living room, she held out a leather folder. They exchanged and he wiped his right hand on his khaki shorts.

“When we did a background check, Alexi asked Taka to look into the situation with your ex-wife.”

Lily sipped her juice and sat back in the arm chair. When he glanced at her with a raised brow she smiled kindly.

“I’m sure it’s not easy getting used to us and how we do things but-,” she stared into her juice. “Take it as a thank you, Joshua.”

“A thank you,” Joshua said confused. “What are you thanking me for?”

Lily chuckled.

“I wish you’d met Alexi last year. He was a mess, especially when he couldn’t perform on stage. I couldn’t even get him to leave the house. This summer, however, he has changed a lot. I have you to thank for that.”

Joshua looked away from her. “I’m not sure you should thank me. We might be together right now, but the summer is ending soon.”

Lily gave him an unreadable glance and sipped her juice. “We shall deal with that when it happens. For now, let’s talk about you, Sherry and a sweet, sweet boy named Shane.”

Joshua couldn’t help the smile when she mentioned Shane.

“Taka reviewed the case before he left for Japan.” Lily pointed to the documents on his lap. “If you’re willing to fight for your son, Joshua, you and I have an appointment tomorrow with a family court lawyer who can help.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Lily placed her glass on the coffee table and turned to study him. “From what I understand, you married Sherry because of Shane. Thinking he was yours, you gave up yourself so that Shane could have a family.”

Joshua narrowed his gaze not liking her tone. “I was there. What’s your point?”

Lily’s eyes narrowed slightly. “So, you find out Shane is not really your son, and you just walk away?”

Hot anger boiled right through him. “Do you think it was that easy? You have no idea what was going on.”

“You asked Sherry for a divorce. She retaliated by getting a temporary order of protection. If you’d kept away, your lawyer might have been able to fight the order. Instead, you got drunk, went to the house and had a fight with Sherry. She used it against you in court and the judge was forced to make it a permanent order of protection.”

Lily looked away when he sighed. She’d obviously read their case files. He hadn’t meant to go back to the house, but not seeing Shane had driven him crazy.

“She was punishing me for telling her I was gay. She told the judge I wasn’t stable and that I might put her and Shane in danger.” Joshua shook his head in disappointment. “I had nothing left.”

“Why didn’t you try to fight for visitation rights?”

Joshua stared at the documents on his lap hating the past. Lily’s short summary didn’t come close to defining the hell that year had been. His family torn apart because of lies. He placed the documents on the table.

“The past is hard, isn’t it?” Lily said after a moment. “I’m a child of divorce, Josh. My mother left my father when I was five years old. She took me with her when she left him and he never tried to contact me. He married another woman the next year and he now has two sons. I was angry with my father for a long time. When I was in school and there would be father’s day, I’d be the only child in my class without a father seated beside me. I hated that my half brothers had my father’s time and I didn’t.”

Lily shook her head and turned to look at him. “I hated him for not looking for me. Strange, now that I’m all grown up, he doesn’t matter as much. I learned to survive without him.”

“Are you telling me your story because you think I don’t want to fight for Shane?”

“You seem a better father than mine was, Joshua. I don’t think it’s the fight you’re afraid of,” Lily said.

Joshua stood and paced to the windows. “I’ve never told anyone the whole story about why I can’t see Shane.”

“I figured that much.” Lily picked up her juice again. “Want to fill me in?”

“Not particularly,” Joshua turned around to lean on the window. “It wasn’t my best moment and I don’t like to think about my failure. Between Shane’s illness, Sherry’s anger and the horrid divorce saga, I’d say I hit rock bottom. My mom and sisters thought I was losing my mind when I came out. I was hardly ever sober those days.”

“Your lawyer should have been able to fight on your behalf regardless-

Joshua chuckled bitterly cutting her off. “Lily, lawyers like to be paid for their work. Sherry and I had joint accounts and they were frozen when we decided to have a messy divorce. The moment she served the Order of Protection, I had no choice but to leave and start a new. I was strapped for cash, drunk all the time and on the verge of losing my sanity. Which lawyer do you know would have stuck around?”

Lily sighed. “Enough, I don’t want to hear anymore.”

Joshua frowned and she explained. “I figure you woke one morning, realized you were stuck and the best way to deal was to put distance between you and the problem. The distance turned into time and its now five years later.”

“You have such a way with words, Lily.” Joshua dropped his head down in shame. “Guilt and anger kept me away. I was so angry with Sherry for lying to me. The funny thing is I might have been a father to Shane if she’d told me the truth. I hated my family for not accepting me at the time. And Shane…” he shook his head. Shane was his guilt. He should have been stronger. “How could I promise to take care of him when I couldn’t even take care of myself?”

“You pulled yourself together and managed to make a new life. It got better, Joshua,” Lily said quietly. “Let’s forget the past and deal with the future. I’m adopting you, Joshua Randolph. We’ll get you and Shane back together very soon.”

Joshua laughed. Lily Mikado to the rescue, he was starting to understand why Alexi leaned on her so much. He strolled back to the couch and picked the documents on the coffee table. “When you see Taka, thank him for me.”

Lily reached out and patted his knee. “I’m sure you’ll get your chance. Now, about this order of protection…”

****

Alexi swiveled his chair from side to side, his attention focused on the music the orchestra was playing. Eyes closed, he went through the notes wincing when a section missed the tempo. They were close to perfection, but clearly a few more practice sessions were needed. He opened his eyes and stared at the music sheets before him.

“What do you think?” George asked standing beside him. She’d come down from her studio to listen to the orchestra play the score.

“I’m anticipating nights filled with frustration if the violin section doesn’t shape up.” Alexi marked the problem areas in his notes. The conductor stopped the music in the studio. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost two o’clock,” George said glancing at her watch casually.

“Two!” Alexi got to his feet gathering music sheets. “I knew these schedules were going to overlap this week.” He handed the sheets he’d marked to George. “Give those to the conductor. I have to run.”

With a quick wave, Alexi rushed out of the studio building hoping to catch a cab. His session at the university was starting in ten minutes. Running out of the building, he clutched his notes and cell phone against his chest with one hand and hailed a cab with the other. Luck was on his side as he saw one start toward him.

“Alexi.”

He froze turning to find Adrian standing a few feet away. His heart squeezed painfully when he saw Adrian’s haggard face. The cab honked and he fumbled with the handle on the passenger side. He was grateful when the cab driver reached back and pushed the door open.

“Alexi, I wanted to talk to you-,” Adrian was saying.

Getting into the cab, Alexi slammed the door closed and tried to breathe. Adrian was the last person he wanted to see right now.

“Where to?” the cab driver asked. “Mister-, your friend looks like he wants to share the cab-

“Please go, drive now!” Alexi ordered his voice shaking.

He was grateful the cab driver didn’t wait. Alexi turned in his seat to find Adrian still standing outside the studio.

His session that afternoon turned into a mess, he could barely concentrate on the activities the students were doing. When they asked questions, he fumbled the answers. When one of them corrected him, he decided it was time to quit. Giving them a short assignment, he left the room and went to hide in his office. Locking the door, he gave in to the panic, leaning on the wall with a tired sigh.

His arms tightly wound around his waist, he allowed the pain in his heart for a moment. He’d spent most of the summer trying to ignore what Adrian had done to him. Seeing him again, he sighed. He was in love with Joshua, but Adrian had taken a hammer to his heart. A rush of anger hit him as he remembered the woman he’d met at the precinct that day. How could Adrian even dare to show up before him?

A soft knock on the door interrupted his tumultuous thoughts. Clearing his throat he asked, “Who is it?”

“It’s Jenna, sir. I want to ask a question about the project evaluation on Friday.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. Wiping his face, he took in deep breaths and hoped he didn’t look as pathetic as he felt. He somehow had to get through the next hour. Getting his phone, he sent a message to Joshua asking him to pick him up. In case Adrian was really turning into a stalker and they met again. With that done, he opened the door five minutes later and tried a smile for the young lady.

Jenna was a second year music student with a talent for composition. She was shy and unsure; he was hoping to give her enough confidence to produce her own material. He spent the rest of his time talking her through her final project.

He strolled through the music department hallways slowly giving Joshua a chance to arrive. He was walking by a performance auditorium when the frustrated sound of a violin caught his attention. One of the double doors was slightly ajar. Slipping into the room, he allowed his eyes the chance to adjust to the dim light. A lonely violinist stood on stage playing Vivaldi’s Winter the Four Seasons. The young man started smooth, moving into the second rapid movement with elegance, but he was unable to keep up with the rapid sequence. The music lost its pace and off key notes filled the theatre. Alexi smiled when a trail of curses followed.

He walked down the steps without a second thought, moving closer to the stage. Four attempts later, he admired the young man’s tenacity and worried for the safety of the violin.

“You’re impatient,” he said interrupting the young man’s cursing tirade.

“What?” the violinist demanded with an irritated frown.

“I said you’re getting impatient.” Alexi dumped his folders into a chair and went up the steps on the stage.

“Who are you? This is a private session, I still have-,” he glanced at his watch, “ten minutes.”

“You can have your time,” Alexi said with a smile. “I’m just someone who’s afraid you’re going to murder the violin at this rate. You’re getting over excited once you get the first sequence right. So much so, you’re fumbling the next set.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Play the first part of the score. Don’t think of the next sequence, just the first part.”

The violinist looked at him judging his advice. He wondered what the younger man saw. Alexi gave him a small smile and he must have passed the test because the violin went up to the shoulder.

“Patience,” Alexi repeated.

He pulled out a pen and used it to count time for his eager violinist. They moved through the first sequence without a problem. Alexi made him repeat it again. The third time, he took a step back and allowed the young man to play without assisted tempo; the result was a perfect first sequence.

“Now, paying attention to the notes and not the excitement you feel when you get it right, play the entire piece.”

Skeptical eyes met his and he offered up a smile. Raising his pen again, he counted time and the young man started, deliberating forcing patience. It took a few tries but the third attempt was a success. The young violinist actually played through the music sheets without a single mistake. His pace was off, but that would be fixed by practice, Alexi thought with satisfaction.

“Oh my God,” the young man exclaimed. “I’ve been trying to do that for a week now. My violin teacher was starting to loose hope. Thank you.”

Alexi chuckled. “All you have to do is watch your level of patience. If you get overexcited, your fingers play the wrong notes, unable to keep up.”

“Do you play?”

Alexi turned and stopped. He stared at the darkened theatre his heart beat speeding. He blinked and tried to keep calm. It was an empty theatre he told himself.

“Yes and no,” he said with a strained tone. How had he come up here again? “Uhm…

“Are you alright?” the young man asked. “You don’t look too good.”

“I’m fine,” Alexi said. He took in a deep breath keeping his gaze down on the stage floor to keep calm. His feet felt frozen as he tried to force them toward the steps that had brought him up here in the first place.

“Alexi.” Joshua’s voice, he sighed in relief and glanced up to find Joshua coming up the stage.

“Hey man,” the young violinist said. “Something's wrong, he’s really pale. He was fine a few minutes ago.”

“Thanks, go ahead, I’ve got him,” Joshua said taking Alexi's hand.

"Alright, thanks, Mister. I've gotta run I have to get to my job."

Alexi mimed a smile for the young man as he hurried off the stage. Once he was gone, Alexi slumped against Joshua and clung to his shoulders.

“I can’t move,” he whispered in panic. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Joshua wrapped his arms around him. “I’m right here. Talk to me Alexi. How did you get up here?”

Alexi sighed. “That kid was murdering Vivaldi. I came in to see what was going on and after his fourth attempt, I interfered. That’s how I got on stage.”

“Why didn’t you panic then?” Joshua asked.

“The music,” Alexi replied with a small chuckle. “I was focused on the music.”

“Why are you afraid right now?”

Alexi closed his eyes. He had no idea. “Can you help me off the stage?”

“No,” Joshua refused.

“Please, Josh, help me get off the stage.”

Joshua hugged him tighter. “We’re going to stay here until we figure out what is causing the panic. We should at least try, Alexi.”

Alexi trembled and clung to Joshua's waist when he started to step back. He hated this feeling. This helplessness inside him, forcing him to hate playing his music, he couldn’t help wishing for the days he’d just walked on to the stage with a smile.

Joshua stepped back forcing him to drop his hands from Joshua’s waist. Joshua took his hands in his. “Open your eyes Alexi. Look at me.”

He lifted his eyes to meet Joshua's, but the dark theatre behind Joshua attracted his attention. The dark deep abyss yawned endlessly ready to eat him alive. His grip on Joshua’s hands tightened. He fought the fear for as long as he could and then he started shaking. He begged, “Please help me off the stage, Josh.”

Joshua sighed and stepped closer to wrap him in a comforting hug. He put his arm around Alexi's shoulder and led him toward the short steps. Once they were off the stage, Alexi sunk into a seat and Joshua knelt in front of him.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t visit a psychiatrist? What if there’s something wrong with you?”

Alexi closed his eyes when Joshua ran gentle fingers through his hair. “I can fight it. I got up there without help, didn’t I?”

Joshua leaned over and pressed a kiss on his forehead. “I don’t like it, Alexi.”

Alexi managed a chuckle. “I’m sure watching me turn into a simpering child is not pretty.”

“Stop joking around.” Joshua shook him slightly. “Come on, I think I’ll be happier when you’re actually breathing fresh air.”

Alexi dropped his head on Joshua’s shoulder. “What a strange day. Adrian was waiting for me outside the studio this afternoon.”

Joshua froze.

“Did you talk to him?”

Alexi shook his head. “I ran away like a coward. I haven’t managed to face him since the day Lily and Taka had him arrested.”

Joshua cursed under his breath and stood. "Let's get you home."

“Let’s go to the park for a while," Alexi said allowing Joshua to pull him up.

Joshua took Alexi’s folders from the chair on the second row and led the way to the exit doors.

"What do you think Adrian wants?" Joshua asked when they were finally out in the cool evening. They crossed the street on the south side of Washington Square Park headed toward the fountain.

"I don't care." Alexi grimaced at the bitterness in his tone. "I can't stand the thought of him trying to apologize to me."

"Alexi." Joshua touched his shoulder. "I heard Lily say that you refused to sign a restraining order. Maybe you should think about it seriously? If he's waiting for you at the studio, what about when you go running in the morning? He knows your address, if he were to wait for you-" Joshua shuddered.

"I don't think he'd get that extreme." Alexi shrugged. "Why should I change my way of life because of him? He's not going to-

Joshua grabbed his right arm making him stop. "I'm not kidding. What if he tries to hurt you?"

"Do you remember what I told you that day at the park when you tackled me?"

"You told me to get off you.”

"The other thing," Alexi said

Joshua stared at him clueless, Alexi sighed. "Let's just say you're not the first person to worry about me being picked on by bullies."

"You mean the kungfu threat?" Joshua asked with a wide grin.

Alexi scowled in annoyance. He took his folders from Joshua and dumped them on the grass. Taking three steps away from Joshua, he grinned and motioned him to move closer. Joshua bit back a smile and started toward him. Alexi grabbed his left arm, turned and flipped Joshua over his back to the ground. Joshua landed on his ass on the grass. Alexi dusted off his hands and stood over Joshua.

"Are you alright? It wasn't too hard was it?"

Joshua groaned and lifted his head off the grass with a grimace. "How the hell did you just do that?"

Alexi chuckled and held out a hand. "Judo classes with a hellish man I called the enforcer until I left for Julliard." He pulled Joshua to his feet and bent to pick his folders. "I can hold my own on a fight."

"You just threw me to the ground." Joshua complained staring at him in surprise. "I'm not too sure what I should feel about that. You’ll have to show me how to do it."

Alexi laughed and leaned up to kiss him. "I'll make it up to you later."

"You'd think the martial arts would take away the panic disorder." Joshua teased him.

"Hey, I don't throw that many people to the ground."

"Alexi," Joshua said softly.

"I'll be fine, Josh." Alexi promised. "Don't worry."

The park was littered with people as was to be expected on a balmy July evening. Alexi tangled his fingers with Joshua’s and slowed him down. "If you were to make a wish right now, what would it be?"

Joshua squeezed his fingers. “There are so many things I'd wish for."

"What is the biggest wish you have off the top of your head?" Alexi urged as they walked along a path that would lead them to the fountain.

"I'd wish this summer doesn't end."

Alexi nodded at the soft declaration. "Me too," he said quietly.

They walked along in silence. Alexi pushed all his worries aside. He had no idea what the gods had in store for them in the future. Instead, he decided he was going to greedily enjoy these moments.

If this were a painting, he'd name it life in color because his soul felt so alive in Joshua's presence. So alive, he was afraid the moment he left New York his soul was going to wither away and die.

However terrifying that notion was, he'd never give this love up. He'd rather have a withered heart later than never have walked through this park with Joshua and hear him gasp in elation when they found the fountain filled with water.

"The fountain is on," Joshua declared with a laugh.

Alexi smiled watching Joshua take in the spraying water. The lights made rainbows in the fading light. He'd rather a withered heart, he decided, than never have met Joshua and loved him.

****

“We’re flying in on the fifth of August. We’ll stay for a week and leave with Alexi,” Allegra said.

“I understand,” Lily replied carefully marking her diary. “Your hotel reservations are ready. I’ll coordinate with your assistant so that your schedule works with Alexi’s.”

“Is he doing alright?” Allegra asked.

“He’s fine. He’s about to finish with the studio next week. After that, we’ll start getting ready for the tour.”

“Good. I like it best when he’s in Japan. I’ll call in case of any changes.”

Allegra hung up soon after and Lily stared at her diary with a sigh. Three weeks until that visit. The last week before Josh and Alexi were parted. Nibbling on her pen, she wondered how that was going to work. Summer love was hard to let go.

The elevator doors opened and Alexi and Joshua walked in. She closed her diary. “There are the love birds. I ordered dinner,” she said dumping her diary into her bag. “I figured we should try some barbecued ribs.”

“Yes, I’m starving.” Alexi dumped his folders on the coffee table and sunk into an arm chair with a groan. “I didn’t get a chance to eat anything at the studio.”

“How was practice?” Lily asked watching Joshua when he moved to sit beside her.

“They’re close. Still missing that perfected quality.” Alexi smiled at her. “We’ll have to see what happens when it comes down to the recording session. We might have a trying all-nighter.”

“Adrian was waiting for him outside the studio.” Joshua prompted.

“Josh.” Alexi protested giving Joshua an annoyed glance.

Lily sighed. “I knew he was going to appear sooner or later. What did he want?”

“To talk,” Alexi replied with a scowl. “I got in the cab and left.”

Lily studied Alexi for a moment, noting the stubborn jaw and his hard brown eyes. She didn’t feel up to an argument. “Call me the next time he shows up. Don’t hesitate, Alexi.”

“Is that all you’re going to do?” Joshua asked with a frown.

“It’s all we can do for now.” Lily stood. “Come on, I’ll feed you guys. Taka stocked us with a few wine bottles before he left.”

Alexi held out a hand to Joshua and Lily smiled when Joshua took it. They were both so handsome together.

“When is Taka coming back to town?” Joshua asked as they headed to the kitchen.

“He’s coming to New York with Alexi’s parents on August 5^th.”

“That will be fun,” Alexi said with a groan. “These days are moving way too fast.”

Joshua wrapped an arm around Alexi’s neck and kissed him. “We must be having fun.”

Lily didn’t miss the sadness in Alexi’s eyes as she turned to open the oven. One day at a time, she decided quietly.

****

Alexi laughed through dinner because Joshua kept distracting him with lame jokes. He offered to help Lily clean up. When they were done, Lily got a call from a friend and disappeared in her room.

Alexi found Joshua in the shower in the master bedroom. He stood listening to the water run. Lily’s news was making it impossible to ignore the future. He and Joshua needed to talk. He closed his eyes. His heart squeezed painfully. Not talking was easier, ignoring the future made it distant, unreal. Foolish thoughts, but what was he supposed to do?

He pulled his t-shirt over his head, and dropped it on to the tiles. Undoing his belt, he dropped his trousers and briefs. Slipping into the shower stall, he smiled when he found Joshua’s arms braced against the tiles. Hot water pounded his back as though he was washing off frustration.

He ran his hands over Joshua’s back, massaging the tense muscles. “What are you thinking about under the hot water?”

Joshua groaned in appreciation when he dug his fingers gently into his shoulder muscles. “That feels real good.”

“Stressed?”

Joshua turned and slipped an arm around him. “Not anymore,” Joshua murmured.

Alexi stared into electric blue eyes. He sunk his fingers into Joshua’s wet hair, “I love you, Josh.”

Joshua pulled him closer into his arms and leaned to kiss his shoulder. “I love you too.”

Alexi wrapped his arms around Joshua. Joshua sunk fingers into his hair. He lowered his head till his mouth covered Alexi's. A deep sound of pleasure escaped and Alexi clung to Joshua, his hands sliding down sleek muscles to cup Joshua's ass.

Joshua's fingers slowly dug through his hair. His tongue stroking Alexi's lips and when he opened them, it sank deep into his mouth, filling and stroking, reminding him all the reasons why he loved being with Joshua.

Alexi moaned when Joshua turned him away from the water, pressing him against the shower tiles. He lost himself in Joshua’s kiss and the mind numbing pleasure when Joshua stroked him to ecstasy. He loved taking showers with Joshua. Arching in ecstasy, Alexi decided he’d much rather make love than talk about a future without Joshua driving him insane with bliss.