Electric Blue and Catnip - 18. Chapter 18

Later that evening, after an afternoon spent playing volleyball at the beach, there was a formal dinner in the dining room at the house. Joshua sat beside Alexi sipping wine while he watched Alexi try to out wit his biologist aunt. His thoughts filled with the conversation he and Phillip Taylor had in the morning while they’d been fishing.

“Are you working towards tenure at NYU, Joshua?”

“Yes.”

“Why did you want to become a Professor?”

“I loved the idea of teaching what I know.” Joshua chuckled when Phillip raised a silver brow at him. “Alright, maybe I’d watched a few too many Indiana Jones movies. I figured adventure came with a pair of well worn boots and a dusty hat. Unfortunately, in this day and age, the furthest I’ve managed to go is a few trips to the East in comfortable business class. The adventure has been in dusty libraries and surviving food poisoning.”

Phillip laughed. “Sounds like a young man in search of himself to me.”

Joshua marveled at how easy it was to talk to this man. “Well, hopefully it will come together soon.”

“It’s quite normal.” Phillip assured him. “I’ve only known one person in my family who knew what they wanted from childhood.”

“Who is it?”

“Alexi,” Phillip answered with pride. “That boy used to spend hours on a piano his mother bought him when he was eleven. By the time he arrived in New York, for Julliard, I could see where he was headed. He’s always been too drawn into his world.”

“It makes him a brilliant musician.” Joshua commented remembering how focused Alexi had been when he’d been writing the film score.

“There’s no doubt about that.” Phillip agreed. “But, it blinds him from reality. There are people who take advantage of him, -and have done so-, while he trusted them.”

“You mean his ex-boyfriend,” Joshua said having expected they’d get to this topic.

“Yes, that Adrian Rosen, there was also a manager a couple of years ago before Lily.” Phillip shook his head. “He feels things deeper than most, so I’m sure Adrian’s betrayal hurt him more than he’s letting on.”

“Are you telling me this to warn me not to hurt him?”

“I’m telling you this because it’s something you need to keep in mind. His parents will take him with them in August. His Japanese tour will be starting, and you might not get to see him again. A man must know his odds, Joshua Randolph.”

Joshua winced. “I understand.”

“Good.” Phillip gave him a knowing glance. “It’s always best to know what you’re jumping into.”

Phillip’s words haunted him. He couldn’t compete with a national tour and the stardom Alexander Kotaru commanded. He had no idea what he had that could keep Alexi here in New York with him. No adventure, no prestige, and thanks to Adrian’s callous actions, even the promise to love Alexi forever wouldn’t hold that much of an allure.

Joshua frowned as Alexi turned to smile at him right then, his heart squeezed hopelessly at the sight of that smile.

“It’s almost time for the fireworks.” Alexi grabbed his hand pushing his chair back. “I know the perfect spot to watch them.”

Joshua felt like he was floating as he stood up, unbuttoning his jacket as he followed Alexi through the Taylor family crowd. Out in the night, a cool breeze sobered him and he held on to Alexi’s hand slowing him down.

“Are you alright?” Alexi asked as they walked behind Vic and John on the path to the beach. “You’ve been quiet throughout dinner.”

Joshua wrapped an arm around Alexi’s shoulders. “I want to tell you something important.”

Alexi stiffened pausing to look at him. “This can’t be good. You’re using your serious voice.”

“I don’t have a serious voice.” Joshua complained.

“Yes you do, I hear it all the time when you’re sitting in on the student lectures for the summer program. It’s very scary.”

Joshua chuckled and shook his head. He tried to moderate his voice to a lighter tone. “Alright then, how about now?” he asked.

“It’s not any better, now you’re just treating me like a scared student.” Alexi decided as they came to the beach and he led the way to a small sand dune.

Joshua waited for Alexi to sit first before he settled beside him.

“What is it? Tell me,” Alexi said turning to look at him in the moonlight. All around them the rest of the family found spots on the beach to settle down ready for the fireworks show. Beyond them, the ocean gently swept the shore.

Joshua turned to look at Alexi and forced a smile. “I feel like a teenager right now about to ask the guy he likes out for the first time.”

Alexi chuckled and lifted his hand up to caress his jaw. “You’re no teenager, Josh. I know that very well. You’re all man.”

Joshua leaned his head closer to Alexi with a small nervous chuckle. Looking into Alexi’s brown eyes, he took in a deep breath and sighed. “I love you, Alexander Kotaru.”

Alexi stared at him holding his breath.

“I know we’ve only known each other two and a half months, but it doesn’t seem to matter to my heart. This afternoon while you were chasing those two terrors in the beach, it just dawned on me that I can’t live without you.”

“Josh.” Alexi’s voice trembled, his fingers tangling with Joshua’s.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Joshua swallowed hard refusing to think about their future. “In fact, don’t say anything. I just needed you to know.”

Alexi stared at him at a loss, and then because the fireworks chose that moment to start, Joshua leaned down and captured Alexi’s mouth in a searing kiss. Alexi clung to his shoulders as they kissed, their fireworks bursting in a wild colorful riot in the sky.

******

"So, have you met Alexi's older brother, Josh?" Vic asked the next morning at breakfast.

"No."

Alexi buttered his toast and took a small bite. "Phillip hasn't made it to New York this year."

"So, Phillip is named after your grandfather, who are you named after Alexi?" Joshua asked with a smile

"Alexander the great," Vic and John both said with a laugh.

"Auntie Allegra is into history." Vic explained when Joshua raised his brow in question. "She used to tell stories about Greeks when she came to visit."

"You never told me this," Joshua accused Alexi.

Alexi shrugged. "I didn't want to scare you away. She can be persistent with that stuff. You won't be smiling when she starts talking about the Persian wars."

Vic and John both groaned.

"See," Alexi pointed to his cousins.

Joshua chuckled and ate his cereal. "Do you two live around here?"

"We wish." Vic sighed. "Summer ends and we're headed back to Boston. I'm starting my senior year and John was accepted into the Cornell Business program."

"Congratulations, John." Joshua praised. "You must be excited."

"It's half and half," John replied with a small shrug.

Alexi reached out to pat his hand. "It's going to be alright. Vic can always visit."

"Yeah, that's what mum said too," Vic said his head down. "But-, I'll be alone. Do you know we've been in the same school for years? I've always had someone to fool around with during lunch period. We join teams together, have the same friends. It's the everyday stuff I'm going to miss."

John bumped Vic's shoulder with his and said. "We'll survive, and next year you'll come to Cornell."

Vic agreed and smiled. Alexi felt their struggle. Staring at his toast he thought about Joshua's declaration last night. He'd written love songs, matching music to emotions he imagined people felt when they were in love. But last night-, he crumbled his toast.

He'd lied with his music. Love was not beautiful, it was frightening and unsure. He wasn't floating on clouds, he was terrified. Terrified to lose Joshua, terrified of the emotions bottled up inside him, afraid they'd disappear after the summer ended.

"Alexi?"

He glanced up to find Joshua watching him.

"Are you alright?" Joshua asked.

He stared into Joshua's eyes for a moment and put his toast on the plate. "I feel like ice cream."

"It's nine o'clock in the morning." Joshua frowned.

"I know." Alexi stood and headed for the fridge.

"There's no ice-cream." Vic told him before he could open the freezer. "We ate it last night."

Alexi sighed and opened the freezer anyway hoping to find a forgotten container. When he found none, he closed the freezer door. "Well, then let's go to town."

Vic and John pushed their chairs back and got up eager for a trip out of the house. Joshua sat at the table studying him. His blue eyes unsettling, Alexi cleared his throat and looked away.

"Are you coming?" Alexi asked as he turned to leave the kitchen. "Last one in the car gets to wash it later."

Vic and John ran off, their sandals loud on the hardwood floors. Joshua pushed his chair back and asked, "Ice-cream?"

Alexi nodded.

"You're freaking out because of what I said last night, aren't you?" Joshua narrowed his gaze and he shrugged.

"It's just ice-cream. Let's go before those two decide they're both driving." He turned and started for the front door.

"Scaredy cat," Joshua teased him.

"You get to wash the car later," Alexi told him with a laugh.

The trip into town took longer than Alexi had intended. Vic and John managed to take them around town to their favorite haunts after they left the ice cream parlor. They ended up getting to the house in the afternoon to find the rest of the family getting ready to leave. By the time they'd hugged all the aunts and uncles, cousins, nephews and nieces, he was ready to make his own get away.

Taking Joshua's hand, he led him upstairs ready for a moment alone. Marion intercepted them before they could reach their door.

"Can I see you guys for a moment?" she said. She led the way to the end of the hallway.

"Nonna, we really should get going." Alexi protested as Joshua led him after his grandmother.

Marion went up a discrete staircase to the third floor. "I wanted to show Joshua my library."

Alexi tried not to sigh. He followed them upstairs to the large room where his grandmother kept her precious books. His family was full of academics; maybe that was why he was so attracted to Joshua. In the library, Joshua let go of his hand when he saw the wall to wall bookshelves.

"You have a serious library, Mrs. Taylor." Joshua complimented heading to check out the closest bookshelf. He touched the hard covers with reverence.

"I've been collecting books forever," Marion said. She walked to a desk in the corner and Alexi followed her. "Have you told him about the foundation?"

Alexi sunk into a leather arm chair before the desk and watched Joshua pull out a book from the shelves.

"I haven't," Alexi said quietly turning to look at his grandmother.

Marion frowned. "Why? Aren't you concerned about seeing him after the summer ends?"

"I'm not making any decisions right now." Alexi shrugged as Joshua closed the book and returned it to the shelf. "August is still far away."

Joshua came closer. "What is still far away?"

"My grandson's common sense," Marion said with a smile for Joshua. She indicated he sit down in the chair beside Alexi's. "I help run a research foundation, Joshua.”

“Nonna,” Alexi started. He stopped when she gave him a short hard look.

Marion handed Joshua leaflets and the foundation brochure. “Look through these, if you find anything interesting, give me a call.”

Alexi glared at his grandmother and stood.

“We’re leaving now,” he said quietly. “I’ll see you if you get to New York before I leave.”

Marion sighed. “Come and give me a hug, Alexi. Wipe that scowl from your face, it’s not pretty.”

“It’s not meant to be,” Alexi grumbled and walked around the desk to hug Marion. She kissed his cheek and held him tight.

“I love you, kiddo. Take care of yourself.”

Joshua stood to greet Marion when she let Alexi go. Marion ignored his hand and came around the desk to hug him.

“It was very nice to meet you, Joshua,” Marion said. She patted Joshua’s back and stepped back. “I hope to see you again.”

Joshua thanked her for the brochures and they left her in the library. Half an hour later, after a quiet goodbye to Phillip, Vic and John, they were on their way back to Manhattan.

****

Joshua finished reading through the brochures Marion gave him and stuck them inside his bag. He glanced up to find Alexi watching him. He hadn’t missed Alexi’s little rejection in Marion’s library.

“Are we going to talk about these brochures?” Joshua asked when Alexi kept his silence. “You didn’t want your grand mother giving them to me.”

Alexi shrugged and shifted in his seat. Joshua hated the distance Alexi was keeping between them. Alexi was practically pressed against the door.

“Alexi-

“I’m sure they’ll be useful to you.” Alexi’s gaze slid away to the window. “Zantam Foundation is always looking for great researchers. With Nonna's backing, they’d fund any research you wanted.”

Joshua narrowed his eyes. “What is going on in your head right now? You haven’t been yourself all day. Why are you so upset?”

“I’m not upset,” Alex said. “I’m happy for you.”

“If that’s your happy face, I’m a bit worried,” Joshua said crossing his arms against his chest.

When Alexi didn’t rise to the comment, he decided to let him work through whatever was eating him up. He didn’t have the energy for a heavy discussion right now anyway. The brochures Marion had given him had him thinking about the future. After Alexi left he was going to need a project to occupy his time and his thoughts.

He sighed and leaned his head back. Closing his eyes, he drifted to sleep and hoped when he woke up Alexi would be in a better mood.

The car braked hard and jolted him awake. He rubbed his eyes and lifted his head to find Alexi’s head on his lap. He blinked sleep away and dropped his hand on Alexi’s shoulder to steady him.

He glanced out the windows and found they’d arrived at Alexi’s building. The driver knocked on the window gently. Shaking Alexi awake, he glanced at his watch when Alexi sat up with a groan.

“We’re here,” he said while Alexi rubbed his eyes. Alexi yawned and stared at him. “Feeling better?”

Alexi nodded and leaned to press a kiss on his jaw. Joshua took that as a peace offering although at some point he knew they were going to need to talk about the future.

****

A week later on a sunny Tuesday morning, Alexi sat at the kitchen table in the penthouse staring at the schedule Lily had brought him. Peter, his agent, and the sponsors involved in the national tour had spent the last month getting him slotted in for eighty shows over four months.

“You’re kidding me.” Alexi stared at the schedule and felt fear swamp him. “Lily, some of these dates are back to back full venue performances. Have you guys forgotten I’m a human being who must eat, sleep and rest?”

“And you haven’t had a full tour in almost nine months.” Lily sat across him going through the contracts that had come with the schedule. She’d never made it to the Fourth of July party. When he’d asked, she’d blushed and said that she and Taka had decided to spend the day together. “Your fans are missing you.”

“Don’t sell the tickets before we approve this schedule.” Alexi shook his head at the thought of refunding entire stadiums when he couldn’t make it to a show. “Tell Peter we need to talk about this.”

“What is there to talk about?” Lily demanded staring at him. “If you’re worried about the stage fright, we need to get you to a psychiatrist before we go back to Japan. I’d love to avoid the headlines about you being treated in Tokyo.”

“The last time we tried these back to back shows, I lost my ability to write music.” Alexi put the schedule on the table and shook his head. “Reduce them or stagger the dates, I won’t lose it again.”

“Staggering them will extend the amount of time you’re on the road. Is that what you want? Look at the schedule again, if you notice, I’ve made sure that you’re off most Mondays and Tuesdays. You’re mostly active on the weekends, and the times when you have to travel, I made sure you got a full day to rest before the concerts start.”

“Eighty shows?” Alexi demanded again. “When do I get time to breathe?”

“Why do you always argue about the schedule?” Lily asked pushing away the documents before her. “Huh? Why can’t you give me a break? Do you know what it took to get that arranged that way? Do you, Alexi? Each of your sponsors wants more time than they can have for what they are paying for. You have no idea what it takes to manage bureaucrats.”

“Knock, knock.” Joshua called from the kitchen entrance. Alexi glanced at him for a moment before he returned his attention back to the schedule. “Is this a bad time?”

“I don’t think there is going to be a good time from now on, Randolph.” Lily declared getting off her stool. She walked to the coffee maker and reached for a mug. “Alexi has started his habit of being impossible when it comes to tour planning. Welcome to the drama.”

“What drama?” Alexi picked up the schedule and waved it at her. “You’re a tyrant Lily Mikado.”

“Each of those venues will be filled with people paying for a ticket. That money pays for me and all the other things you require in your life Alexi. Think about that.”

“Oh, that’s-,” Alexi gaped, shaking his head at her. “What is that? How can you even tell me something like that?”

“Go through those dates before you start complaining.” Lily took her coffee and walked back to the kitchen table. She gathered her contracts and papers giving him a hard glare. “I want an answer before the day ends, stop being difficult about this, Alexi. The number of shows won’t change, so decide whether you’re adding one or two weeks to the tour or keeping it the same. Josh, Taka left you some paper work. See me before you leave.”

She left the kitchen in quick strides and Alexi dropped his head into his hands and let out a small groan.

“She reminds me of my high school principal.” Joshua came around the table to pull him into a hug. “What is this, I leave for a few hours and I return to find you guys fighting.”

“I hate tour planning.” Alexi sighed and turned in his seat so that he could rest his head on Joshua’s chest. “Did you see Alicia? How is she doing?”

“She’s pregnant. I’m going to be an uncle.”

“Oh wow, remind me to call and congratulate her.” Alexi pulled back and returned his attention to the schedule on the table. He pushed it aside deciding to give it his full attention later when his mind wasn’t full of the idea of facing millions of people.

“Are you needed at the studio today?” Joshua asked quietly.

“No, today I’m strangely free. The students in the summer program are preparing their projects for next week’s graduation. The orchestra is practicing for next week when the Night Guardians director and I will be recording the final score. That leaves me here with you today.”

“Want to do something fun?” Joshua asked picking a flower from the vase in the middle of the kitchen table. He brought the rose to his nose.

“Like what?”

“I think you need a good dose of scream therapy.” Joshua decided putting the flower back in the vase.

“Scream what now?” Alexi demanded as Joshua took his hand and pulled him off the stool. His brain froze momentarily as Joshua kissed him for a minute. When they broke apart, he found he didn’t care what the hell scream therapy was, as long as Joshua kissed him again soon, he’d go.

An hour later, Alexi clung to Joshua’s upper arm and adamantly shook his head no.

“I’m not getting on that thing.”

They were at Luna Park in Coney Island and Alexi was sure Joshua had lost his mind at some point when he woke this morning.

“It’s exactly what you need, I promise you, you won’t even think about it when you’re on the ride.”

“That thing looks like it could kill a person.” Alexi shook his head feeling like an idiot. They’d been on the line to get on the ride for a while, and now that they were so close, he wanted nothing to do with it. “My brother took me bungee jumping once. I gave up when the attendant had finished strapping me in. I don’t do roller coasters.”

Joshua ignored his tirade with a small smile and helped him into the seat. The attendant buckled him in with Joshua’s help. The young woman was smiling at him with a knowing smile. He scowled at her and tried not to hyperventilate. Joshua took his hand and gave it a small squeeze.

“You’ll be just fine,” Joshua promised.

“If I die, I’m coming back to haunt you, Joshua Randolph.” Alexi promised as the ride started. The slow steady ride to the top had him relaxing despite his fear. Joshua held his hand tight and he frowned just before they crested over the top. The scream came involuntarily. He was trapped in a metal contraption, held back by a safety belt and bars, while they dropped straight down. The ride was fast, exhilarating; his heart was pounding with…excitement. He laughed out loud as the ride finally came to an end.

“How do you feel?” Joshua asked when they finally got off. “Feel better?”

Alexi shook his head in disbelief. He had no idea why he’d been so afraid before, roller coasters were invigorating. “I’ve never screamed so hard in my life. It felt good. I want to go again.”

Joshua took his hand and led him away to another ride. “I told you it would be good for you.”

They spent the day riding roller coasters. By the time they got something to eat, Alexi was sure he’d screamed more than he ever had in his life.

“We can’t get on another ride,” he said as he took a bite of his hot dog. “All this will come out.”

“I think we should finish the day at the movies.” Joshua declared as they strolled through the park. “We should watch a soppy romantic movie and make out in the back of the theater.”

“Josh, keep this up and I’ll think you’re romancing me.”

“I thought you’d already caught on.” Joshua teased.

Alexi paused by a trash can to dump his used napkins. “I’m game for anything that will keep me out of Lily’s radar.”

Joshua dumped his empty bottle and pulled him into a short hug. “I aim to please.”

They got back home at midnight. Joshua pulled him into a steamy kiss in the living room, but before things got out of control, Alexi led the way to his bedroom.

******

“I can’t avoid that schedule,” Alexi whispered the next morning. He lay on his back staring at the ceiling while he clutched a pillow to his chest.

Joshua turned on his side, propping his head up with his left arm as he studied Alexi. “Are you worried about going on stage?”

“I’m worried about everything.” Alexi confessed with a sigh. “It gets wild, Josh. I wish I could explain to you how crazy tours get. I’ve spent the whole summer ignoring my issues with stage fright.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Joshua asked gently. “What does the fear feel like?”

Alexi closed his eyes and for a moment Joshua thought he might refuse to talk about it.

“It feels like a panic attack.” Alexi started opening his eyes; he took the pillow and put it behind his head. “The first time it happened I was doing a show in Sapporo. Full theatre, high profile guests, I was standing backstage staring at the piano in the spotlight and my feet couldn’t move.”

Joshua placed his hand over Alexi’s chest hoping to comfort him. He waited while Alexi kept quiet.

“I couldn’t breath, Josh. My heart was pounding and everyone backstage was panicking. It was a nightmare.”

“What happened?”

“Lily turned the stage lights off and dropped the curtain. She gave me water and took me to the piano. I sat there for a full ten minutes trying to regain my balance. I have no idea how I played that night, but I managed.” Alexi closed his eyes in mortification. “We changed how the performances started after that. I couldn’t walk on to the stage, so instead, the lights would be off and the curtains down. All I had to do was start playing: three more times of that and the tour ended.”

“Do you know why it started? Why you’re afraid of walking out on to the stage?”

Alexi shook his head and turned on his side toward him. “I read a review written by a Tokyo critic of the last three performances in that tour. He called my music mediocre, a sham, and a shadow of what a younger Alexander Kotaru had delivered. He said my talent was ‘decaying with age’. What does that mean?”

“That guy has obviously never had a good vintage wine.”

Alexi chuckled. “I told Lily I was never performing on stage again. Five months later, here we are, haggling over tour dates once again.”

“How can I help?” Joshua ran his hand over Alexi’s bare back, loving it when Alexi moved closer to him. “We can try more screaming therapy, or making a speech at the park.”

Alexi chuckled. “As fun as screaming my head off yesterday was, I don’t think my throat can take anymore. I don’t know about public speeches. Wouldn’t we get arrested?”

“Well, I can always take you to the theater department and we can sit in the middle of the stage for a few hours.”

“You would do that for me?” Alexi asked tilting his head back to study him.

“I love you,” Joshua replied.

Alexi wrapped his arms around him. “I love you too.”

“What?” Joshua asked in surprise. He tried to pull back so that he could look at Alexi’s face. “Would you repeat that?”

Alexi laughed and shook his head.

Joshua tickled Alexi’s back and he rolled away trying to escape him. “I won’t stop until you repeat what you just said.”

Alexi smiled biting back a laugh when Joshua threatened him with seeking fingers. “I love you, Josh.”

Joshua lay over Alexi and kissed him. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing you say that, Alexi.”

*****

Hello, Hello, EB&C ch, 18 is here. Yes the three little words have finally made an appearance.  Exciting stuff!! Do tell me what you think, Sui wants to know.  Was it special?   lol