Electric Blue and Catnip - 20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Joshua lay staring at the ceiling listening to Alexi’s soft breathing. Turning on his side, he propped his head on his arm and watched Alexi sleep. It was five o’clock in the morning, as per the blinking clock on the bedside table. Alexi shifted, hugging a pillow, and giving a soft sigh. His heart squeezed tightly and he leaned to press a soft kiss on Alexi’s jaw. Pulling the covers higher over Alexi’s shoulders, he stroked Alexi’s jaw before he got out of bed, careful not to wake him.

Grabbing a pair of sweat pants, he pulled them on, and stopped when Alexi turned on the bed. He smiled when Alexi reached for his pillow and pulled it into a fierce hug. Picking up a t-shirt he’d dropped on a chair, he pulled it on, leaned to kiss Alexi’s head and sauntered out of the bedroom.

The apartment was quiet. In the kitchen, he went straight to the coffee maker and started a fresh brew.

“Can’t sleep?” Lily asked behind him and he turned quickly surprised he hadn’t heard her approach.

“Lily,” he said in greeting watching her walk in wearing pink fluffy sandals and a long silk nightgown. Her hair was standing on edge, definitely the first time he’d seen her look disheveled. She yawned dramatically and sat on one of the island table stools.

“I’ll love you forever if you pour me coffee too.” She leaned her elbows on the surface and placed her phone on the table.

“Do you ever put the phone down?” he asked.

“It’s down,” she said. “It just doesn’t stop ringing at odd times of the day, or night for that matter.”

“Talking to Taka?” he asked hiding a smile when she glared at him.

“No,” she said rubbing her eyes. “Work, time difference kills me sometimes. Someone needed a few questions answered.”

Joshua nodded and turned to get mugs from the cupboard above. “Planning Alexi’s tour?”

“Yes.”

“What happens when he can’t get on stage?”

When Lily didn’t answer, he turned to look at her. She’d been sleepy and relaxed a moment ago. Her dark eyes were alert and watching him keenly now.

“Why would you say that?” she asked carefully.

He shrugged. “I’m just concerned.”

Lily narrowed her gaze on him. “Something happened at the university yesterday. Other than Adrian showing up of course, tell me what it is.”

The coffee maker finished and he poured the fragrant liquid into two mugs. Returning the pot, he carried the mugs to the table and passed one to Lily.

Joshua sipped his coffee. “How do you balance being his manager and his friend? It can’t be easy pushing him to do certain things.”

“By being good at my manager job,” Lily replied. “Like this tour, I fought it when Alexi’s agent brought it up last year. I don’t know if Alexi’s told you about his break-

“He did, a little bit.” Joshua looked at her. “I know about the negative reviews, how much he’s afraid to get on stage. His panic attacks during the last concert tour.”

“I’m sure you’re familiar with the once you ‘fall off a horse, get back on it’ adage. I have to get him back on stage, Josh.”

“What if he can’t?” Joshua asked again, remembering Alexi frozen on stage unable to get off. He couldn’t imagine that happening before an audience.

“It’s my job to find a solution.” Lily leaned closer touching his hand. “If something happened yesterday, Joshua, you have to tell me.”

Joshua sighed. “Alexi was helping a student on stage, when he finished, he froze in panic. I found him trembling, unable to get off the darned stage.”

Lily cursed under her breath and picked up her phone. “I should have known it wouldn’t just go away.”

“What are you doing?” Joshua asked.

“I’m getting professional help.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to a doctor.”

“I don’t see another choice at the moment. I brought him here to heal. He’s started writing music again, thank goodness, but if he still can’t get on stage-

“Maybe he just needs practice.”

Lily frowned at him. “Is that what you saw yesterday? Do you think the way you saw him yesterday is going to be fixed by practice?”

Joshua stared at her. He didn’t know what to say. Alexi’s pale face filled his thoughts and he sighed. He didn’t have the skill to help here. He could only support Alexi and watching him fall apart had felt-, he’d felt helpless.

Lily patted his hand gently. “Trust me,” she said quietly. “I’d never do anything to hurt him. We have three weeks, Josh. Alexi needs to talk to someone who isn’t so close to this situation.”

“You know best,” he said quietly. As long as Alexi got better, he decided.

Lily sipped her coffee. “Are you nervous about meeting your lawyer today?”

There was the other reason why he couldn’t sleep. Between Alexi and Shane, he was going to get gray hairs soon.

“He’s very good at what he does.” Lily promised him for the millionth time.

Joshua smiled. “It’s funny, every time you say that I get more nervous.”

“Why?”

“Hard to tell,” Joshua shrugged. “It’s been such a long time since I felt this way. I used to dread waking up during the divorce. A mixture of guilt and fear that I was losing everything I loved in the world.”

He’d hated the guilt that had plagued him. Often thinking that if he hadn’t come out, he and Sherry would still be living in the same house. With Shane down the hall, happy with two parents who loved him. There were nights he thought about the life he’d be living if he hadn’t left Sherry. It wouldn’t have been a happy life. That much he knew. Down the road, he’d have gotten tired, hiding so much of himself.

“What are you guilty and afraid of right now?” Lily asked gently.

Joshua glanced at her.

“Not guilty,” he shook his head. “I promised myself never to feel guilty for being who I am five years ago. As for afraid,” he gave Lily a small smile, “it’s the first time I’ve ever had so much to lose.”

The divorce had been expected he decided. At one point, he’d have made his stand; he and Sherry would have ended up apart. He’d gained himself with the divorce. With Alexi -he hugged his coffee- having Alexi leave was going to crush him to bits.

Lily picked an apple from the basket on the table and took a bite. “I think having fear is healthy, Joshua. It means you are living.”

He sipped his coffee, his eyes bright with humor. “I’d love to meet your mom, Lily. Does she know you’re a tyrant?”

Lily laughed at the use of Alexi’s description of her when she was pushing too hard.

“She taught me,” Lily replied. “Come visit Japan, and I’ll make sure you two meet.”

*****

“I’ve filed the necessary petitions,” Malcolm Deveraux said gently. “We’re going to ask for mediation. A gentle approach seems the best way to go for the sake of Shane.”

“What if Sherry doesn’t agree?”

“You two were married when Shane was born. That makes you his father, regardless of the fact that his real father is now married to Sherry. Your name was on the original birth certificate.” Malcolm closed the file he was reading and glanced at him. “Your previous lawyer could have easily worked to lift the order of protection. But he was incompetent.”

“I had a lot-

“I’m making an observation,” Malcolm said with a small smile. “I know that period of time would have been a difficult time. With patience, we’ll fix it. Tell me, have you seen Shane since that day at your mother’s house?”

“No,” Joshua sighed. “I’d like to, but Sherry and I, we don’t get along.”

“I understand.” Malcolm pulled open a drawer and produced a brown diary. He held it out to Joshua.

“What is this?” he asked surprised to see it was brand new.

“Write out your daily activities, Professor.” Malcolm sat back in his chair. “You’re obviously a different man than the one they saw in court five years ago. We need proof to show that. A diary of your daily life will help along and of course character statements from colleagues and friends. You will be glad to know Lily wrote hers the moment she hired me.”

Joshua smiled at the simple gesture. Flipping through the empty diary, he glanced at Malcolm. “And you’re sure this will work?”

“I will be as committed as you are,” Malcolm replied. “It will be a long process, mediation takes time and patience. From what I’ve read about Sherry, she might initially be resistant to the idea. But, I’m good at my job, Joshua. I’ll make sure you will be seeing Shane.”

Joshua nodded. “That is good news. I’m happy.”

“Good. That’s all I wanted to talk over. Here’s my card,” Malcolm held out a white card to him. “I’m sure Lily gave you one, having two around is not bad. If you have any questions or need me for anything, call me.”

“About billing,” Joshua said taking the card.

Malcolm put his hand up to stop him. “This was asked of me as a favor for Alexander Kotaru. He’s sent a lot of business my way in the past years and I’m looking forward to more in the future. I don’t expect anything from you Joshua.”

“But-,” Joshua frowned. “I pay my dues.”

“And you will,” Malcolm said with a warm smile. “In time and patience -practice patience especially- but not in money. I have a prior engagement in the next few minutes. I’ll call to tell you the dates we appear in court. I hope you have a wonderful day.”

Joshua stood at the same time as Malcolm. Shaking his hand, Joshua thanked him again and left the office in an excited daze. As he rode the elevator down, he wondered what Alexi had done for Malcolm to warrant such a favor.

******

Joshua met his sister, Alicia, for lunch at Maison at two o’clock. He ran a few minutes late and found her seated at one of the outdoor tables, ordering lunch. There were shopping bags under the table; she looked vibrant and happy as he leaned down to press a kiss on her cheek.

“Sorry, I’m late,” he said as he sat down. “I was caught up in a meeting.”

“Meeting with whom?” Alicia raised her eyebrow placing her menu aside. “It’s summer, Josh. You don’t have meetings.”

He chuckled taking the menu the waiter handed him. “I do sometimes, how is Patrick?”

“The hospital has swallowed him up again.” Alicia shrugged. “He’s had double shifts this whole week, I hardly ever see him, and we live in the same house.”

“Married life,” Joshua teased her.

“Keep joking like that, you’re just like me. Alexi is not exactly running a relationship friendly career.”

Joshua picked up the glass of water at his elbow. He sipped it casually hoping to wash away his own fears. He cleared his throat and shrugged. “I’m sure we’ll work it out somehow.”

Alicia watched him for a moment before she changed the subject. “What had you excited this morning when you called?”

Joshua grinned eager to tell her the good news from Malcolm. He had to wait though because their waiter arrived then to take their order. He ordered a grilled sirloin steak, that came with French fries and a very cold beer and Alicia got a grilled chicken sandwich.

When the waiter left to get their food, Alicia leaned on the table and waited expectantly.

“I met with a lawyer this morning. His name is Malcolm Deveraux. He says he can help me see Shane again.”

“He can help you get visitation rights?” Alicia asked in surprise. “That’s good news. Tell me how.”

Joshua smiled. He’d liked Malcolm Deveraux on sight. Impeccable in a navy blue suit, his blonde hair slicked back, Malcolm was distinguished, a bit too polished but his personality was friendly.

“He started the paperwork the moment he got my case files,” Joshua said a bit overwhelmed by the possibilities. Being allowed the freedom to see Shane as he pleased, he smiled at Alicia. “I still can’t believe its happening.”

Alicia sat back in her seat. “Why now?” she asked quietly after a few minutes. “You’ve been perfectly capable of fighting for this alone. Why now, Josh?”

“I never felt worthy of Shane after the divorce. So many hard things happened that time. I was so bitter,” Joshua bit his lip. “Seeing Shane again at mom’s house made me want the chance to see him again.”

Alicia sighed. “I’m not proud of how we reacted when you came out to the family. For my part, I couldn’t imagine you and Sherry not being the perfect couple that you seemed to be. One minute, you two were happily married, the next-,” she broke off looking around the room guiltily, “you’re gay, getting a divorce and Shane is not your son. I thought you were losing your mind.”

Joshua swallowed hard. Old pain creeping up on him, he fought it back ruthlessly.

“It’s water under the bridge,” he said with a shrug. “I made peace with that time, Alicia. You should too.”

“I wish you’d get angry and yell or something. You never did you know. When you told us what was going on, you let us rant, say our piece and then you walked out.” Alicia’s eyes shone with emotion. “We hurt you-, I hurt you. I should have supported you, Joshua.”

“You’re supporting me now,” Joshua pointed out. “Helping me with Shane…” he thought about Alexi, who was currently working down the street, “accepting me with Alexi too. That means more to me than holding old grudges. I’m to blame as well; I probably should have handled that situation better.”

She reached over the table and took his hand in hers. “I love you big bro.”

He squeezed her hand and laughed. “That’s all I need to hear. Besides, I might call on you for character references. I expect glowing accounts of how awesome I am.”

Alicia laughed, the guilty look on her face disappearing.

“How’s Alexi taking the news?” Alicia asked when their waiter came. “He must be excited for you.”

“I haven’t told him yet.” Their food was mouthwatering, but then again, he hadn’t eaten much this morning. He’d been too nervous about meeting Mr. Deveraux and the news the man would have for him. Lily and Alexi had headed straight to the studio after a call from the producer leaving him to face his demons alone. “Alexi is at the studio today.”

Alicia picked up her knife and fork and cut her sandwich into quarters. Taking the toothpick that had come with the sandwich; she took a bite of one of the quarters. “Mmm…good, I was starving. I went shopping for the kitchen. Settling in to the new house is taking forever.”

She watched him cut his steak then asked using her toothpick to point at him. “I’m flattered that you chose to call me first, but shouldn’t you be calling Alexi as well?”

“I’m pretty sure he’s lost in the score right now. He gets that way when he’s involved in his music. Lost to the world, nothing else matters.” Joshua chuckled. “This morning he was stressing about the violin section not keeping tempo, and the studio is anxious about the deadline. Not to mention an upcoming tour that is scarier than I can tell you. Do you know Alexi has to make eighty appearances in the space of three months?”

“Sounds exhausting,” Alicia answered watching him with a peculiar expression on her face. “But isn’t that his job?"

“I think it’s insane. He and Lily keep arguing about the concert dates. He can be so lively, and at times so fragile I’m afraid to even let him out the house. I haven’t touched any research this summer, odd for a person who’s trying to publish as much as possible to get tenure. I can’t imagine what fall is going to be like. I’m going to be so swamped with work. What’s wrong?” he asked when Alicia stopped eating.

“I’m mesmerized,” Alicia said dramatically. She sat back in her seat and smiled. “You’re in love with him.”

“Is that shocking?” Joshua asked, blushing mildly.

“Nope,” she put her toothpick down. “Alexi is a great guy. You are perfect together.”

“But,” he said for her with a frown.

“No buts, I really do mean that.” Alicia picked up her orange juice and sipped. “Besides, he’s the first one to charm Mom so much she keeps talking about him. She keeps saying she’d like to see him again.”

“I don’t know if that will be possible.” Joshua stared at his steak his appetite vanishing. No matter how many times he tried to escape the future, it still managed to creep into conversation, or his thoughts, and even Alexi’s thoughts. He’d seen the sad looks Alexi wore when he thought Joshua wasn’t looking. It was easy to guess what Alexi was thinking considering they had three weeks remaining. Three weeks.

“Alicia,” he said quietly dropping his fork and knife. “What do I do? He’s leaving and I can’t stop him.”

“Josh, just love him the best you can. Leave the rest to fate.” Alicia matched his tone, her gaze steady.

“What if fate is an angry old woman who doesn’t like me?” Joshua stared at his steak. “She hasn’t been very kind with me in the past.”

Alicia bit back a laugh making him glance at her.

“What?”

“An old woman,” Alicia asked with a raised brow.

She started laughing and he couldn’t help but join her.

“You have the weirdest expressions, Josh. I’m sure the old woman named fate will be kind with your heart this time.”

Joshua picked up his fork and sighed. “I hope you’re right.”

His cell phone beeped and he reached for it as Alicia took a bite of her sandwich. The message was from Lily. Alexi and the orchestra were doing the final recording.

“What’s wrong?" Alicia asked.

“Want to come see Alexi with me?” Joshua asked her.

She stared at her food wistfully. He smiled and motioned a waiter over. In minutes, they had Alicia’s food in a doggy-bag and were walking down the block to Silver studios.

He hadn’t been back to the studio since Alexi had finished writing the score. Taking the elevator to the second floor, he led Alicia to the studio, his blood singing with excitement. Opening the door to the recording room expecting to see Andy, he stopped in surprise when he found the room empty.

“Are we in the right place?” Alicia asked beside him with a small frown.

Joshua reached for his phone ready to call Lily.

“We’ve changed studios to accommodate the orchestra,” Lily said appearing behind Alicia.

She looked beautiful in a short white sleeveless dress and muted green high heels. He liked her short haircut, made her look like a tough pixie. She smiled at Alicia and Joshua realized that he’d never introduced them.

“Lily,” he said taking her hand when she moved into the hallway. “This is my sister, Alicia.”

“I have heard so much about you,” Lily said to Alicia, her smile never wavering.

Alicia took her offered hand with a matching smile. “I hope it’s all good.”

“Only praises, I promise,” Lily assured her. “They’re about ready to start, Josh. We should probably hurry.”

Lily led the way back to the elevator. She sent it down to the second sub level.

“When we got here, Alexi and the director had a long talk.” Lily glanced at Joshua briefly. “Alexi has been working the orchestra all morning.”

The studio Lily took them to was the size of a cathedral hall. Floor length glass divided the recording room from the main studio. There were technicians seated before the various control boards in the room, he recognized Andy who waved to him.

Alicia clutched his arm tightly and he turned to look at her.

“Nelson Brown,” she said with excitement nodding to an older man standing by the glass watching the action in the studio. “You didn’t tell me! I watch all his movies.”

Lily led them to a set of chairs that gave them a great view of the main studio. She patted his shoulder and went to talk to Nelson.

“Oh my, this is quite the production,” Alicia said staring at the orchestra.

The studio philharmonic orchestra was huge. Dozens of musicians seated in sections on a lighted platform set right in the middle of the room. Violins, cello, violas and huge drums at the back, there were other instrumentalists mixed in. Standing before them was a conductor and to his left, George held her violin reading through the music sheets on her stand.

Then there was Alexi. He caught his breathe. Alexi looked handsome in black, his hair a wild mess from running fingers through it. His trim figure behind a grand piano, where he sat on the bench reading notes as he listened to the conductor instruct the orchestra.

“We’ve ran through this a dozen times today,” the conductor’s voice filled the recording room. “This time is no different. I think we should go ahead and take the plunge.”

Nelson moved to Andy’s station and pressed a button. “Alexi, what do you think?”

Alexi lifted his hand and nodded giving the all clear.

Andy started counting down. “Recording starts in ten seconds. Ten, nine, eight…

Silence filled the room, Alexi and the orchestra sat up ready to perform.

Alicia gave a soft gasp, her fingers digging into his knee as though she was freaking out. He smiled at the reaction. It didn’t make sense that his heart was pounding in nervous excitement. This was no longer Alexi writing and making mistakes. This was the real deal. What these people were doing here was going to end up attached to a movie forever. What a moment, he thought as the count down ended and the music started.

He’d asked Alexi once why he didn’t write his music using computer programs. Alexi had laughed and told him he liked the old way. Putting notes to paper was authentic and having people play what he’d written made it real and emotional. Watching him now, the orchestra backing the stunning music Alexi had written, he dared say he understood Alexi’s emotions.

The amazing dance between George’s violin and Alexi’s piano filled the studio accompanied by full bodied notes from the orchestra. Their music reminding him of an epic battle for the souls of man in an open field, it was a soundtrack to his and Alexi’s own romance.

The unexpected summer, he thought.

No matter how he looked at it, he was going to miss Alexi like breathing.

*****

Lily watched Joshua and Alicia discretely. Her thoughts were on Malcolm who had called her after his meeting with Joshua, the lawyer had wanted to tell her to consider the case resolved. Malcolm had liked Joshua and considered him a victim of an ugly divorce.

Good news for Joshua, she looked at Alexi who was playing like there was no tomorrow. She wasn’t sure this was good news for Alexi at all. Joshua’s priorities were with his family. A close knit family, she thought staring at the sister. Alexi on the other hand, she sighed.

“Is that Alexi’s boyfriend?” Nelson Brown asked quietly.

She turned took at him in surprise and he grinned. “Word travels, kiddo. You can’t put a lid on everything. So, is he?”

Lily smiled in answer.

“That’s going to be a tough one to forget.” Nelson returned his gaze to Alexi. “I’ve met a lot of composers. He’s one of a kind, the music matters more to him. That’s part of the reason I chose him to write the score. He understands what I was looking for in this movie.”

“Which is?” Lily asked with a raised brow. As far as she was concerned, she and Peter had urged Alexi to take the job in order to get him out of Japan.

“He’s all heart,” Nelson answered. “It’s very hard to find that kind of person in this industry. We’re all cold, calculating bastards, always taking advantage to get ahead. Alexi,” Nelson shook his head, “he wears his heart on his sleeve and that’s how he writes his music.”

“That just means its right there to be trampled on by everyone,” Lily said thinking about Adrian.

“It is,” Nelson said. He nodded to Joshua and winked at her. “May be not by him, though, he watches Alexi like he’s going to disappear forever in a few minutes. I can’t get my wife to do that.”

Lily chuckled. “The one in Tampa or the one in Malibu?” she asked.

Nelson laughed. “Neither, they just want alimony.”

“A new wife, promise you’ll send me an invite to the wedding next time,” Lily said with a smile. “You’ve done an amazing job with this movie. Night Guardians will sell out at the box office.”

Nelson shrugged,” Even if it doesn’t, the movie has a hell of a soundtrack. . Your boy is golden, Lily. I’m envious.”

*****

“Alexi, you’re awesome!” Alicia exclaimed as she pulled him into a hug. The studio had prepared cocktails and finger food for the orchestra members. Lily had insisted they join them as they celebrated the end of recording.

Alexi laughed pulling back. “Thank you, there’s still work to be done. Clean up, Andy gets to do that and perfect the sound.”

“You’re done though,” Joshua asked.

“I’m done,” Alexi confirmed meeting Joshua’s gaze for a moment.

He should be in ecstasy, Alexi thought. He’d proven his composing ability. He’d written a ton of music, enough to fill four albums. Instead of joy though, his heart felt heavy.

Turning to Alicia, he kissed her cheek and touched her hair because that was easier than thinking about his melancholy.

“You look lovely, glowing,” he said. He touched her stomach. “How’s my nephew doing?”

She laughed. “What if it’s a girl?”

He loved her energy. If he had a sister, he’d want her to be just like Alicia. Rubbing her stomach over the red top she was wearing, he made a show of listening.

“It will be a boy. Are you going to find out the gender?” he asked.

Alicia tossed her hair back and touched her stomach over his hand. The gesture protective, she was going to make a lovely mummy, he thought.

“We’re debating about that,” Alicia said. “Patrick wants to be surprised but I want to know so I can prepare the nursery.”

“Find out and don’t tell him,” Alexi advised making her laugh and hug him.

“I’m impressed,” Alicia told him. “The studio, all those people, the music, I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Joshua pulled him out of Alicia’s arms. “Alright, all this adoration is enough. You’re giving him a big head.”

"I love my big head,” Alexi said slipping an arm around Joshua’s waist. “So, after tomorrow’s summer program final ceremony, I’m free. What should we do? I vote take a vacation.”

“Aren’t you in a vacation right now?” Alicia asked.

“A working vacation, I want a fun vacation,” Alexi said already imagining lying on a beach somewhere with Joshua watching the sun go down. He could live with that.

Lily appeared out of nowhere. “Not so fast, buddy.” She cut into his dream with razor sharp precision. “You and I need to have a long two weeks of concert planning before you start planning vacations. And Joshua can’t go yet. Malcolm might need him for court appearances.”

“The tyrant strikes again,” Alexi scowled, “always bursting the bubble.”

Lily gave him an unreadable glance before she headed out of the lounge.

Alexi sighed. “Give me a minute, I’ll be right back.”

Alexi hurried after Lily and caught up with her at the elevators.

“Lily, I was thinking. May be I can cancel the tour or push it back another month.”

“You’re out of your mind.” Lily grabbed his arm and pulled him to the wall. “You’re not an amateur, Alexi. I know you understand the consequences of what you’re suggesting.”

He knew the consequences. Breaking contract terms and disappointing sponsors could lead to litigation. He was starting to think it might be a better solution than leaving.

“I don’t want to leave Manhattan,” he said firmly.

“I’m telling you, you don’t have a choice,” Lily replied. “What the hell is going on in your head right now? I hope it’s just the excitement of finishing with Silver Studios.”

“I’ve never been in love before,” Alexi said lamely.

It was a stupid explanation but nonetheless the only one he could come up with. He wanted to be here when Joshua finally won the right to be with his son. That was an important thing, and there was no doubt Malcolm would make it happen. He wanted to see Joshua everyday of his life. He wanted to share Joshua’s life, his happiness, his sorrows, hell he wanted to go grocery shopping with Joshua every day for the rest of his life.

Lily let go of his arm. “I’m sorry, Alexi. You’re expected in Tokyo for your first concert rehearsals in three weeks. I’ve called Dr. Marshall to come-

“What?” Alexi glared at her. “Why would you do that?”

Dr. Marshall Foley was a psychologist who worked for the Zantam Foundation doing research with his mom. He and Alexi had uneasy relationship since his mother always preferred him as the family doctor.

“Why would you call that man?”

“Josh told me what happened to you at the theater,” Lily said meeting his gaze. “You need professional help that will agree to come along on tour with us. Dr. Marshall won’t mind-

“This is not happening. Josh had no right-

“He loves you,” Lily cut him off. “That means he worries when you can’t get off a stage without freaking out. Frankly, I can’t watch you ignore this anymore myself. It’s the right call.”

Alexi shook his head refusing to think about talking to Dr. Marshall. “I don’t need a doctor to tell me I’m going nuts.”

“Wake up, Alexander!” Lily snapped with a sharp tone. “You can’t live in a dream world forever. The summer is ending, reality is at our door and you need to find a way to get on stage in three weeks. Your career depends on it.”

The elevator doors opened and he frowned when she stormed in and punched the button, he was left staring at the closing doors.

“Alexi?” Joshua called behind him.

“Why did you tell her?” He turned to look at Joshua feeling like he was losing control. The moment Marshall showed up and his mother found out he was still having problems… He shuddered.

He needed more time in New York, and it was dwindling with every moment.

“You need help, Alexi.”

“I’m handling it.”

“You are falling apart on stage. How is that handling it?” Joshua countered placing gentle hands on his shoulders.

Alexi stepped back hating the pity in Joshua’s eyes. He didn’t need pity right now. Here he was trying to find ways to stay, hell he was actually contemplating breaking contracts to stay longer. And Joshua was eager to get him gone on tour.

Joshua tried to reach for him again and he slapped his hand away.

“I don’t need another person dictating my life. I have plenty of those around me. Between my mother and Lily, I can barely breathe, Josh.”

“Alexi,” Joshua started.

He turned away from Joshua shaking slightly. “I’m going home.”

“I’ll come with you, we can talk about this.”

“No.” Alexi stopped at the stairwell door and shook his head. “Get Alicia home. I’ll see you tomorrow at the university.”

“Alexi-

He pushed the door opened and ran up the stairs. He needed to think.

*****

Joshua stared at the stairwell door running fingers through his hair. He’d told Lily to help make Alexi better. To erase the sight of Alexi practically breaking on that stage, he’d wanted to fix it!

Why the hell didn’t Alexi want to as well? It couldn’t be fun to lose control like that?

This was the first time they’d end up in separate homes since-, he paced. He couldn’t remember. It had to be the night he stayed over his mom’s house with Shane. Two months and some days, not one night alone, they had always stayed together, his house, Alexi’s penthouse.

How dare Alexi punish him this way for caring?

“There you are, you disappeared on me,” Alicia said coming down the hall. “Where is Alexi? I think I’m ready to get home now.”

“Josh?” she frowned, when she got close. “Are you alright?”

He pasted on a smile. “I’m fine. I’ll get you a cab.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” She cocked her head to the side.

He wasn’t. Maybe they did need time apart. It would be good practice for the hell that was coming in August.

*****