Enigma - 24. Chapter 24 - Surprise Gifts

“I can’t put this on the grave. It will be ruined in the first dew.”

“I know. I have another surprise.”

I wheel him over to the church to be met in the porch by the vicar. He smiles at Silver.

“I have heard a lot about you. I owe you a debt... a huge debt...” To the enormous surprise of both of us there are tears in his eyes.

“Did you know him? Did you know David?”

“You could say that.” He takes a deep breath and lets it out in a long sigh. “He was my brother... my baby brother.” He tries to laugh, tears running down his cheeks. We both stare at him in shock. Silver glances at me.

“Did you know?” I shake my head dumbly.

“I’m sorry. Maybe I should have said something but when you contacted me and told me the story I was just so shocked. I... we... my family had resigned ourselves to never knowing what happened to him... and then when I heard it from a stranger... I suppose I freaked out a little.”

“I though priests were supposed to be unshakable.”

He laughs. “I’m not a priest; I’m a deacon... which means a trainee vicar. I’ve only been here for six months. I’m fresh out of college and training with an awesome vicar. In a way that’s thanks to David.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look... it’s cold out here. Why don’t you come inside and get warm? I can make you some coffee.”

“Sounds good.”

We manage to get the wheelchair down the aisle but it won’t go through the door to the vestry.

“I’m sorry. We’ve made an effort to make the church user friendly but we don’t often have people back here so we’ve not bothered.”

“It’s alright. I can walk.”

“Are you sure? I can bring the drinks out here.”

“I’m cold.”

He smiled. “I can see that. Do you need help?”

“No I... yes... thank you.” Handing me what he was holding Silver hauls himself out of the chair and doubles over with a groan.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

Slowly he straightens and grins. “The best I’ve had for ages.”

“Alright then... lean on me.”

Slowly and painfully, step by step Silver makes his way into the small and cluttered but warm and friendly room. There is an office area with papers everywhere and a computer that looks like it was one of the first desktops ever made. Then there is another area where, clustered around an open fire, four shabby, over stuffed arm chairs crouch around a low table. The table is cluttered with cups, mugs, coffee jars, tea bags and various other tea and coffee making paraphernalia... including a kettle.

Settling Silver into the chair nearest the fire, the deacon switches on the kettle and then turns to me.

“Please... sit down. Forgive the mess... we don’t often entertain back here.”

“No problem.”

“I’ve suddenly realised I haven’t formally introduced myself. I’m Robert... Robert Willis.”

“Pleased to meet you Robert.”

“Not as pleased as I am to meet you.”

After he makes the coffee Robert settles into a chair and sips with a sigh. For a while there is silence. I watch Silver as he stares into the fire. I am relieved to see that colour is coming back to his cheeks and his eyes are no longer dull but bright, almost amber with reflected firelight.

“Did... did David ever talk about us... about his family?”

Silver started at the breaking of the silence. “I... um, we... no. By that time... It was a huge thing for him to tell me his name. Everything was taken away from us... everything. We weren’t... we weren’t the same people we were before.”

“It must have been hard... living like that, stripped of everything. I don’t... really understand. When David went missing we did everything... everything we could to find him and then... then when... We didn’t know anything. All they could tell us was that he had been beaten and...” Robert paused, balking at the thought of speaking about what else had been done to this brother. “That he had been thrown out of a car but he was dead before... We had no idea what happened, no one could tell us... we had no... no closure.”

“Neither did I.” Silver whispers. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath but when he opens them there is more life there than I have seen in a long time.

“It... in many ways it wasn’t hard. I know that may be difficult to believe but... In the beginning it was awful... the things they did... the... But then... by the end... in many ways it was an easy life. I didn’t have to think, didn’t have to feel, didn’t have to worry about anything as long as I obeyed my master and didn’t break the rules.

“I was... people liked me and I only got the... I was treated...” His face twists with a look of intense pain. “I didn’t realise at the time how wrong it was. By the end I had no memory of who I was before, what my life had been like. I had no family, no friends, nothing before I was taken was real any more. I barely remember the first years. I was drugged most of the time and... and I suppose my mind doesn’t want to remember. By the time I... by the time I came to myself I wasn't... I wasn't myself any more and I never questioned... not until... until David. I hadn’t spoken my name for almost seven years.”

We sit in shock. Of course I had known... kind of. I had sat and listened to Nikki and I knew some of what happens but Silver has never spoken about what happened to him, not in detail and it had never really got home to me.

Now is seems that the lid has come off. Robert and I sit in silence as Silver talks, the words tumbling over themselves as he describes everything he can remember, from the beginning to the end. There is a lot that he either doesn’t or doesn’t want to remember but what he tells us is... the most horrific thing I have ever heard.

Silver’s story puts Nikki’s into the shadows. He was absolutely a commodity, bought and sold, never questioning, never fighting, never resisting. He was abused in one way or another on a daily basis and suffered humiliations and indignities almost ever moment of his life. And yet somehow, through all of that, he has held on to the core of what makes him who he is. He has maintained his humanity, his dignity, his self worth. I would never have been able to do that. I would have broken and crumbled but he never has.

Then he speaks of David, describes the friendship that grew into something else; his mixed feelings and fear about what was happening. He speaks of a boy who brought light into the darkness of his existence, hope into his despair.

“I would have died for him. I wanted to die for him. I tried... but they wouldn’t listen... he wouldn’t listen. He wouldn’t keep his mouth shut, wouldn’t stop fighting for me. I didn’t want it. I didn’t want them to hurt him.

Hoarse from the talking, his coffee ignored and cold in his hands which are white from gripping the mug so hard, he turns tortured eyes on Robert. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have led him to that. I shouldn’t have let him love me. It’s my fault. It’s my fault he died. I know you can never forgive me but... I did love him... I really loved him.”

Robert is on his knees gently taking the mug out of Silver’s hands and then holding them gently between his own. There are tears running down both their faces and I hold my breath.

“Silver... I can’t forgive you.” Silver winces and turns away. Robert raises his hand and turns his face back, forcing him to look at him by sheer force of will. “I can’t forgive you because there is nothing to forgive. You have no idea how much it means to me, how much it will mean to my family, to know that whatever went before, at the end David found love, a love that was strong enough for him to be prepared to die for it. That is something that most of us never experience no matter how long our lives are.

“I knew David, probably better than anyone else on earth. He was my little brother, my baby brother. I was seven when he was born and I cherished him from the beginning. He was such a bright little thing, full of excitement about everything. He was always headstrong and stubborn and he knew his own mind more than anyone I have ever known.

“I can completely understand why, when he gave his heart to you it was so absolutely. He was always like that. You couldn’t have stopped it even if you had wanted to. He was very single minded and I don’t suppose they would ever have been able to change that.

“I am so grateful that at the end he wasn’t alone, that he had someone who was prepared to fight for him as hard as he fought for them. I am grateful to you Silver, more grateful than you will ever know. Having met you I can see why he loved you. You’re very much like him. Not to look but on the inside. You shine as brightly.

“From this moment on you will be in my prayers every day because I will thank God that David found you... every day of my life.”

They both crumble and Robert takes him into his arms and holds him while the healing tears flow.

Eventually Robert draws back and looks up at Silver, gently unsticking the hair that is plastered across his cheeks and tucking it behind his ear.

“But now it’s time to move on Silver. You have a good man here, who loves you very much. He has gone to a lot of trouble to bring you here and he has been very worried about you. I knew my brother very well and I know without any shadow of doubt that he would have wanted you to find love again... to love and be loved as he would have loved you. He would never have wanted you to be alone, to throw away the life you could have had because of him.

“You have to go on. You have to live and love to the greatest extent you can. That’s the way to honour his memory. That’s the way to make his sacrifice worth something.”

Still weeping Silver nods and turns his head to look at me, an expression in his eyes that I had been afraid I would never see there again. I smile a watery smile through my own tears and Silver turns back to Robert. “I’ll try.” He whispers and Robert smiles widely.

“If I make you another coffee will you drink it?”

“Yeah... I think I could really do with that now.”

While Robert makes the coffee he talks about David, about his memories of what he was like, what he did, what he thought, the kind of person he was. Silver nods thoughtfully.

“He was still like that. They never took that away from him.”

“That’s good to know. Everything you have said today has been good to know. It hasn’t been easy to hear but at least now we know what happened to him... and we know that he died as he lived... loved and full of fire.”

“He was that. Yes... full of fire.”

“Maybe it would be a good time for you to give Robert what you’ve brought.” Robert looks surprised and Silver initially confused and then uncertain.

“I... I don’t know. It seemed like a good idea but... I... I’m not sure.”

“I am. Give it to him Silver.”

Nodding reluctantly Silver holds out his hand and I pass over the canvas. Silver hands it to Robert who freezes and stares at it for the longest time. I know why.

It is one of the paintings that Silver did in the care house. It is about a foot square and is my favourite. It shows David sitting on the same bench that he painted in the very first painting but it is far more detailed and more focussed on the subject. The sun is shining from behind, lighting David’s hair into a halo of fire. He is laughing, his face turned slightly to one side and the whole painting is full of life and fire. You can practically feel the energy pulsing from it and, from what I have heard here today it captures the essence of who he was perfectly. Most of all it is clearly painted with love.

“He looks older. I don’t know why but that surprised me. I suppose I have held on to my memoryof him so hard that he will always be fourteen for me. He looks like a man... and... he looks happy.”

“It’s how I remember him.”

Robert nods, speechless. “River told me that you had something you wanted to add to the tribute. As soon as I mentioned it he said that he knew the perfect thing that he was sure you would want to give but could I find a place indoors for it. I never expected...” He looks up at Silver with a look something like awe in his eyes.

“I’m not going to put it there. There is somewhere much better... Come with me.”

This time Silver doesn’t struggle so much to get to his feet and when I take his hand it is warm and instead of tolerating my support he welcomes it and rests his head on my shoulder as he used to. My heart is soaring.

Robert leads us back into the church and helps me settle Silver back into the chair. Then he wheels him to the very front, right before the altar. Behind the altar is a stained glass window depicting an angel with its wings spread, smiling down on the congregation with benevolent eyes.

Beneath the window a banner hangs... I don’t know what is written on it, I don’t have a chance to take note because Robert goes straight to it and takes it down, hanging David’s image instead. It blends perfectly with the angel above.

“Now there are two angels watching over us.”

“Are you sure? Are you sure the vicar won’t mind?”

“I’m absolutely sure of it.”

There is something in his voice that makes me tilt my head and look at him quizzically. Robert laughs. “The church is kind of a family business for us... the vicar is my father.”

“Oh.”

We all laugh and the tension is released in the laughter.