Enigma - 20. Chapter 20 - Going Home

The first thing I do when I leave the room is tell Aeron what’s going on. He reassures me that he will get on to his headquarters immediately and when I came back to collect Silver he will be able to tell me what arrangements have been made for our security after we leave the hospital.

My next port of call is to the hotel where Mr & Mrs Hart are staying. Although they are delighted their overwhelming emotion is as mine was, fear. We all know that Silver has been hiding a lot of the pain he’s feeling and we have been fearful for him. I suppose the fear comes from the way he has been and not the way he is now but...when you come so close to losing the person you love the most, it is hard to let go of that fear even when it becomes obvious that you are not going to lose them after all.

The Harts reassure me that they will help us all they can and I arrange to meet them at the hospital. They are going to come home with us to help get Silver settled. I am getting a taxi to the hospital so they can bring Silver home in their bigger and far more comfortable car.

Then I go back to the house to make sure that everything is organised and ready. While I am there I get a telephone call from Sam.

“Don’t worry River, it’s all set. Aeron will be travelling home with you and I’ll be over later tonight and will stay until the official protection plan is in place and they send someone to take over. We won’t leave you alone River so don’t worry.”

“I wasn’t worrying. Should I be?”

For a moment there was silence. “You haven’t heard then?”

“About the raids and Faith being after us? Yeah I heard about that. There’s no point worrying about it though is there? If he does come after Silver, and he probably won’t because he’s got his hands full with his own situation...we can deal with it then.”

“I think we need to have a talk when I get there.”

“Why? I know there’s a danger Sam, I just don’t see the point in freaking about it.”

“It isn’t that River... it’s best I talk to you face to face.”

“But...”

“Take care of Silver, River... I’ll take care of you.”

“Alright but I have to tell you that you’ve got me a bit spooked.”

“So you should be. Keep your eyes on the ball River. Who’s there with you now?”

“No one. I’m just getting a few things together then getting a taxi back to the hospital to get Silver.”

“Be careful.”

“I will Sam, don’t worry.”

I have thought carefully about what to take for Silver to wear home from the hospital. As soon as he was out of intensive care I went shopping for pyjamas for him and, to be honest I indulged myself by buying some new clothes for him too. Mrs Hart came with me while Mr Hart stayed with Silver and she had insisted on paying for a lot of things... some of which I was quite doubtful about... but time will tell.

I figured that Silver was going to be sore as hell and so, even though I hate the bloody things, I got him some joggers with loose tshirts and even a matching hoodie. I shudder at the thought but all I care about at this point is his comfort. I add underwear, socks and a brand new pair of trainers and I’m ready.

When I get to the hospital Silver is almost feverish with impatience. The nurse is having a hard time keeping him calm and only the warning that if he kept on the way he was they would have to keep him in for another day, finally managed to calm him.

“River... where have you been? It’s been such a long time.”

“It’s been just over an hour and the doctor said you couldn’t leave for two. If you don’t behave yourself then you are going to find that it will be much longer than that.”

Silver frowns then sighs. “I know. It's just... I hate it here. I feel like a prisoner all over again. I just want to be able to do what I want to do when I want to do it.”

“If you think you are going to get to do that when you come home you can think again. I don’t trust what you want to do so you are going to have to get used to doing what I want you to do... or else.”

For a moment he looks shocked and then he grins. “I’ll hold you to that.”

“Behave yourself. Right... I’ve got your clothes so are you ready to get dressed?”

“Are you kidding?”

Mr & Mrs Hart leave us to it. The nurse would have stayed to help but Silver is so indignant she leaves with a smile.

It is quite a challenge and, I am sure, an absolute torment for him, but we both manage to laugh a lot... too much at one point, when I become concerned that Silver is going to hurt himself. It is worrying to see how quickly his strength drains leaving him sweating and exhausted.

When we are done he is happy to lie down on the bed and is dozing in minutes. I stand for a while just looking at him. I hate joggers but on him they look great. Everything looks great on him. He is beautiful in whatever he wears, even when it’s nothing at all.

It is a nightmare waiting for everyone to get the formalities organised. Thankfully Mr & Mrs Hart take care of all of it but I have to sit through an explanation about pain relief, wound care and what to expect in the next couple of weeks, including what to look out for and what to do if things go wrong. I don’t want to listen, not to any of it. I want to go home and have Silver back to normal... but I know that can’t happen so I listen obediently, as Silver isn’t, and try to take it all in.

“Do you understand everything River, Silver? Do you want to ask any questions?”

“Huh?” Silver looks startled. He has not been paying attention at all, he’s been half dozing drugged by the heavy pain medication they have given him to get him through the journey home. The nurse frowns at him.

“Silver it’s important that you listen to this. It’s your comfort and wellbeing we’re discussing.”

Silver looks up with a confused, upset expression on his face and it makes me angry. What the hell does she expect of him in this state?

“It’s alright.” I say in a very clipped tone. “I was listening and I know what to do.”

Looking a little surprised at my tone the nurse simply nods and hands me a sheaf of leaflets. I barely glance at them before I toss them in the bag with the bottles and boxes of pills we have been give, and promptly forget them.

Mr & Mrs Hart arrive with a wheelchair which Silver sneers at but is more than glad of when the mere act of getting off the bed leaves him shivering.

The journey home is a nightmare. I sit in the back with Silver and he rests his head against my shoulder. Mr & Mrs Hart keep up a steady stream of conversation from the front, most of which I am left to field as Silver is really beyond speech and keeps dropping off then jerking awake when the car goes over a bump or round a corner.

When we arrive at my house Silver is asleep and he barely rouses when I carefully slide out from under him and get out of the car to open the front door. He wakes when I open his door though and looks at me with eyes that are heavy and confused but a smile that is so sweet it melts me and makes my knees wobbly.

It is hard for him to get out of the car and I have to wonder again if it is too soon for him to be home. However he is so happy when he manages it that I don’t have the heart to voice any of my concerns to him. It suddenly occurs to me that he is used to pain, far more used to it than any ‘normal’ person and the thought of how he got used to it hits me like a fist in the stomach.

After taking a few hesitant steps Silver is struggling and I throw my arm around his waist to support him. He rests his head on my shoulder and whispers. “Thank you River. You have always been my support.”

I feel like I can fly, like I am the strongest man in the world. I am walking on air... at least until we get to the doorstep and the effort of climbing the two steps is so great that Silver half collapses against me and almost slips out of my arms.

“Silver!”

“I... I’m alright. I... just give me a minute.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

“Do you need some help there?”

The sound of the familiar voice makes my sinking heart soar.

“Sam. Where did you come from?”

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

“But I thought Aeron...”

“I decided that I really didn’t want to miss the grand homecoming and it seems that it is just as well I didn’t.” With a smile Sam sweeps Silver up into his arms with apparently no effort and carries him into the house, leaving the three of us to follow in somewhat stunned silence.

I have prepared the house well for Silver’s return and I got my friends to find a cheap single bed and install it in the living room so he wouldn’t have to either climb the stairs or sleep on the sofa. There isn’t much room and Sam has to negotiate his way through fairly tightly packed furniture.

Sam puts Silver down gently to sit on the bed and then collapses heavily on a chair. “Boy, you are not as light as you look. That pooped me.”

I have to laugh, and so does Silver although it is a small tired one. Focusing wholly on him again I fuss around making him lie back against the soft mountain of pillows and before I have finished tucking the quilt around him he is sound asleep.

It has been a long hard day and, to be honest I want nothing more than to collapse on the bed and sleep myself. It is an effort to entertain Mr & Mrs Hart and Sam. Typically of the Harts, although they really want to spend time with their son, they are sensitive enough to realise that we need that time to ourselves. They leave with the promise that they will return the tomorrow to help with the task of getting Silver up and ready for the day.

Sam sees them out and then goes to make coffee, leaving me alone with Silver. I sink thankfully into the chair and spend some time just looking at him, getting used to the fact that finally we are here together and everything is really going to be alright now.

“You know, you could see me a lot better from up here.”

“I thought you were asleep.”

“Almost. I would sleep better with a River shaped teddy bear to snuggle up to.”

“Sam’s here.”

“He won’t mind.”

I think about it and smile. “No, I don’t suppose he will... but no funny business. I’m too tired.”

“And I’m not?” He giggles as I climb onto the bed. “Did you get this just for me?”

“Yep... just for you, until you can manage the stairs.”

“What about you? Where are you going to sleep? You’re not going to leave me here alone are you?” He looks a little anxious and I wriggle my arm under him and draw him onto my chest.

“I plan to be in touching distance at all times. I have been sleeping in a chair for the last week anyway, so a few more days won’t make a difference.”

I can feel him frown even though I can’t see his face. “I can manage the stairs if you help me.”

“Silver you couldn’t manage the doorstep. There is no way you are going to be able to get up the stairs, not yet. You have to take it easy. It won’t be long.”

“Meh.”

“What sort of a word is that?”

“It is my sort of word.” He sounds tired now, dreamy and his head is heavy on my chest. He sighs. “Okay... I’ll be good.”

I tighten my arm around him. “You’re always good.”

Now I can feel his smile. It is so good to lie here, surrounded by my things, with Silver in my arms and Sam crashing around in the kitchen. I can feel myself relax and soon I am drifting.

I wake gently to the enveloping arms of darkness and breathe in the sweet scent of the hair which tickles my nose. Silver hasn’t moved and is getting heavy and uncomfortable. Still, I wouldn’t have moved if it hadn’t been for the pressing need to pee. As it is I carefully ease Silver off my arm and slide it out from under him. He murmurs something in his sleep but doesn’t wake and I stand and look down at him for ages before the need to pee overwhelms the sheer joy of watching the way the moonlight from the window plays across his perfect features and catches in his hair.

Smiling broadly I creep through the dark and silent room, bumping into furniture that is now in unfamiliar positions, and swallowing grunts of pain every time. There is a light on in the kitchen and when I make it to the golden haven I see a strange man making toast and coffee. He is dressed in uniform and so I assume he is Sam’s relief.

“Hello. I hope you’ve made enough to share.” I joke. The man turns and smiles. Wow... he’s cute. Immediately feeling guilty for what I consider to be thoughts traitorous to Silver I blush and head for the bathroom to the sound of a light, musical voice saying:

“Sure, do you want coffee with that?”

I pause and turn, still blushing and feeling bad. The cute policeman is smiling at me and it makes my stomach do a little flip and then I laugh. The power of that smile is something wicked but there is another power within me against which it doesn’t have a chance. It enables me to smile back and respond naturally to his question.

“Sure, that would be good thanks.”

“My name’s Nick by the way. I am your guard and saviour for the night, please feel free to use me as you will.”

Gods... is he flirting with me? “Er... thanks. Actually there are half a dozen unfinished jobs around the house if you are handy with a screwdriver.”

Nick grins and shakes his head. “Crap. You should see my place... a DIY disaster.”

“Ah well.” I am grinning too now, the ice broken.

“I’m sorry... I can be a bit full on sometimes. I don’t mean anything by it. Guess I’m just a born flirt.”

“No, don’t apologise. It’s a... um... welcome distraction. Just don’t expect to get anywhere.”

“Don’t worry... no chance of that... I’ve seen your boyfriend and sadly my broken heart is well aware I can’t compete.”

He adopts a look of such broken hearted regret that I laugh out loud. “You are an incorrigible flirt aren’t you?”

“You know it.”

“I’ll look forward to that coffee then.”

I take my time in the bathroom, still smiling gently to myself. Although Nick is undeniably cute and, ordinarily I would have partaken of the game with just as much enthusiasm, I find that I have no interest in it. Isn’t it wonderful what love does to you? It isn’t that I have stopped noticing the cute guys, not even that I have that stab of guilt when I catch myself doing so. Nope, it’s all about the feeling deep inside that, although flirting is fine and looking is natural, there is no question of it going any further than that because, whether he is physically with me or not, Silver is always there.

I am full of him, filled to the brim with his scent, the sound of his voice, the feel of his hair and his soft skin, the look in his eyes, the... I am momentarily distracted by a crash from outside followed by a sharp cry and I smile to myself. My grill is a little tricky and if you’re not careful, when you open the front and take out the tray the whole thing has a tendency to fall off. I think I will stay in here for a few minutes and give Nick a chance to clean up so he won’t be embarrassed.

Washing my hands I start thinking about Silver again. The grave brown eyes regarding me from the mirror have more shadows than they used to but more depth too. There is a light shining deep within that makes me smile. The mirror me smiles too and the light increases. I know that the man in the mirror is thinking the same thing I am... Silver.

Shivering slightly I wipe my hands and open the door. The back door is open, presumably to let out the acrid smoke that is filling the kitchen. I smile to myself. So Nick burned the toast. The grill is still intact and the toast practically on fire. I wonder why Nick didn’t take it out. Maybe he burned himself and went to get something for it. I do that all the time as the scars on my hands can attest.

Taking the toast out of the grill I consider putting more slices under but I am not very hungry and figure that Nick now knows the mystery of the grill and so can sort it out for himself. I am suddenly very tired and, after my reflections in the bathroom I find that I am missing Silver and can’t wait to slip back under his arm and feel the sweet heaviness of his head on my shoulder.

As I walk in through the kitchen door I see a figure standing over Silver, outlined by moonlight from the window behind. Blearily I wonder why and am about to call out to Nick to ask if Silver is alright when I trip over something on the floor. Cursing to myself I pick myself up onto my hands and knees and come face to face with a pair of ice blue eyes, staring unseeing at me from a pale face stained red with the blood trickling from the open mouth.

“Nick.”

The light from the kitchen, which had previously made me night blind in this dark room now illuminates a scene of abject horror. Nick is sprawled on his back bleeding from two wounds on his chest, one that looks as if it went straight through his heart. He is clearly dead.

“Hello River.” a voice purrs from the direction of Silver’s bed.

“Faith.” I hiss.