Clueless Camping - 4. Getting more knowledge

The next morning we went down to the beach again after breakfast. We met up with the same crowd, and I felt much more at ease in their company. I had a long chat with Kathrine, during which I learned she was studying psychology. She was actually twenty-five years old, which surprised me and I managed to blurt out, “Really? I thought you were twenty-one or so.”

“Oh, you’re such a sweet boy, Russell. Especially since you’re sincere and didn’t mean it as a sneaky compliment. Anyway enough about me. You seem a lot more relaxed and happy today.”

“Mmm, yeah I guess I made some important decisions yesterday. Plus, I got in touch with Evan, and my twin’s OK, so that’s a relief. I still have to face coming out to the rest of my family, including Jacob’s parents and telling them we’re together. But I’ve decided it’s worth it to be with him.”

“You’re going back to Copenhagen, Jacob said?”

“I have to find out what to do next. My visa or rather my three-month visa-free tourist period will expire soon. I must leave Denmark no later than the 10th of August. But I can’t go back home.”

Her eyes got big. “You’ve been hiding in Denmark since the beginning of May?” I nodded. “What were you scared of, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“No it’s OK. I guess it sounds stupid, but I didn’t know until a couple of days ago. My mom said Father would use me to manipulate Evan into obeying him. I don’t know for certain what she meant, but I swore to hide until she told me to come home. I would do anything for my twin. And he’ll do anything for me.”

“So I assume your mum hasn’t given the green light to return?”

“No. But in any case I can’t now that I’m gay.” Kathrine’s face made me amend my statement. “I mean now that I have a boyfriend I want to be with.”

“Is your dad really that bad? What can he do about you and Evan being gay?”

I hadn’t told her directly about Evan, but I guess the truth wasn’t hard to deduce. “Nothing, but he cares about appearances. So he threatened to cut us off, unless we pretend to be straight. Evan has a boyfriend and he wanted to tell everyone at our birthday party. He and my father had a huge fight, I mean not a physical one, just shouting and Evan left. Mom sent me off to Denmark the next day.” For some reason it felt good to tell her and see her reactions.

“Bloody hell, Russell, it’s unbelievable. I know being gay isn’t always so easy in America, and I’ve seen stories in the news and…” Kathrine shook her head. “I can understand parents being upset and worried, but not like that.” She sighed. “I do some volunteer work, manning a hot-line for kids, and I also help out in a shelter for homeless teens. The amount of trouble they can get into… bad stuff like drugs, crime, prostitution, drinking, violence, and mental health problems. Parents should be grateful if you’re a happy, well-adjusted person with a bright future ahead.”

I stared at her, amazed and pleased at the way she put matters into perspective. I’d always felt inadequate, a disappointment to my father, a failure for not being clever and ambitious like Evan. Kathrine made me realize maybe I wasn’t to blame if my father didn’t appreciate my efforts to be a good son. I’d never doubted the love of my mom, and as I kept talking with the pretty, smart, Danish girl, several thoughts occurred to me.

Why did I crave my father’s love and approval so much? Well, obviously because I didn’t have them. But the reason they were withheld was probably nothing to do with deficits in me, but a lack of understanding in him. As I told Kathrine about various childhood experiences, she led me to see how my mind had been gradually molded into my present state.

Once I adopted a new perspective towards my father, one where he wasn’t infallible and admirable, it was much easier to see him as a person with weak and strong points. A man who should be respected for his good qualities, but resisted when he tries to force his views and standards on his family.

“You know Russell, rebelling against your parents is part of the sometimes painful process of growing up. Even to the point of running away. Not necessarily physical escape the way you’ve done. Young people can get out of their parents’ clutches in many ways. Some of them are sadly destructive means; fatal even.”

She didn’t elaborate, but I knew what she meant. I’d never seriously considered suicide, the taboo as a Catholic was too strong. But wishing I was dead… Now that was another matter.

She smiled. “Don’t feel bad about hating your parents occasionally. We all do as teenagers. The problems come if the hate is larger than your mutual love. Or if it continues when you’re older and prevents you from having a relationship with them as adults. – Or if the problem is them hating you for something you can’t help, I guess.”

She paused and turned her head towards the sea, squinting a bit against the glare of the sun on the waves. I stayed silent, absorbing her words and relating them to my own situation. Did I hate my father right now? A bit, but I also felt sorry for him. He was on the verge of losing his whole family if he stayed pigheaded.

“Sometimes people are justified in hating their parents.” Her voice was strained now, and I instinctively reached out and grabbed her hand. “The things I hear when abused kids call me, it’s scary. Even if we usually hand them over to more experienced counselors as soon as possible.” She squeezed my hand and turned her face to me with a grateful smile.

“But the awful thing about hate is the damage you can do to yourself if you can’t forgive. Oh, it can be hard and take a lot of therapy, and if the other party shows no remorse, maybe all you can forgive and stop hating is yourself.”

She suddenly got up and pulled me with her. “But no more of this psychology crap as my younger brother would say. You’ve obviously started on the road to a healthy independence from your parents,” she dragged me towards the water, where Jacob was playing around with a few guys, “and from your twin.” Hmm, Kathrine was devilishly clever at reading between the lines.

“You’ll do fine, Russell. Just be careful not to transfer your needs and become totally dependent on someone else.” Seconds later we reached my boyfriend and jumped him from behind, toppling him into the water.

By the time we had untangled ourselves from a sputtering Jacob and he’d chased us around and spanked us a bit for knocking him over, we were all breathless from laughing and shouting happily. It was only afterwards that I cottoned on to the notion of how neatly Kathrine had managed to distract me from falling into brooding after our talk.

I knew I’d probably think it over several times during the next couple of days. ‘And discuss it with Jacob’ I reminded myself as we walked back to the tent to pack up. I wasn’t about to make the mistake of excluding him from my issues again. Plus my time with Kathrine had brought home the point about how talking helped.

For a moment I even entertained the idea of following the advice she whispered to me, as we said goodbye. “Good luck, Russell. I hope everything turns out well. If you feel overwhelmed, please get in touch. I know a couple of good therapists. Or talk to your twin about getting counseling if you’re going back. There’s no shame in seeking professional help.”

I shrugged and focused on getting all my stuff into the backpack. I was OK now, no need for a shrink. But my father sure could use one. A small snigger escaped my lips.

Jacob looked up and smiled at me. “Are you looking forward to getting in touch with Evan and going back to Copenhagen?”

“Yes, in a way I am. I’ve enjoyed our camping vacation a lot and I know it’s been good for me. But I’m ready for more comfortable lodgings and regular email talks with Evan.” He looked sort of disappointed, and I went over to hug him.

“Hey, it’s been fun and I’ll probably want to do it again. But right now the thoughts of a proper bed and hot showers are very tempting; especially with you in them.” That got me a pleased grin and a scorching kiss.

“OK, OK, you’ve got a point. Let’s get this tent down and hit the road.” He sent me outside with a playful pat on my butt, which caused a completely different train of thought to start. I sort of liked it, when my boyfriend hit my ass with a firm hand. Was that weird? When we fooled around in the sea, one of his pretend slaps of punishment had been hard enough to almost hurt. It caused a tingle to go through my nether regions, and I suspected I would have boned up if not for the cold water on my groin.

Why did I have this reaction? Was it because he touched my ass? Jacob had caressed me there a few times, but only running his hand over my cheeks, nothing more. I’d already been hard on those occasions, but his touch had certainly increased my arousal. I knew I wanted him to do more. Vague ideas of being kissed and fondled more forcefully had popped up. Oh and of course the unexpected, insistent longing for him to push his cock into my hole. Probably any physical contact he made with my bottom excited me, including little slaps. Somehow, I felt there was more to it; I just couldn’t work out what.

We finished packing, loaded everything onto the bikes and began the long ride back into town and the ferry to the mainland. After we handed in the rented bikes and bought our tickets, we had a couple of hours to kill before the ferry left around six thirty. We had already decided to get a hotel room in Frederikshavn and catch the train to Copenhagen next morning. I couldn’t help wondering what might happen. Would I lose my virginity tonight? But Jacob soon distracted me.

“There should be an internet café close by. Let’s go there and you can get in touch with Evan. I need to tell my mum our plans, too.”

“Will you tell her about us?”

“No, I think I want to tell her in person. I’ll talk to her and Dad alone, and we’ll work out how to proceed from their reactions. But I’m hopeful they’ll be fine with us being a couple. In any case my mum will be able to advise you on how to stay in Denmark with me.”

He must have seen something on my face, for he squeezed my hand. “Russell, please don’t worry. I have no intention of letting you go, OK?”

His words didn’t quite dispel my anxious feelings, but on the other hand I respected him for being truthful. He didn’t pretend matters would be fine, if he wasn’t certain. Thus I could trust him to be honest, when he told me other things; such as him loving me and wanting me. Or that he found me beautiful and sexy. Most of all I could believe it, when he assured me of his devotion, saying he’d be there for me no matter what.

“Well, I guess I’d better tell Evan about my decision to come out to the family. And I did promise to get in touch with him again today.”

We left our backpacks in lockers at the ferry terminal and went looking for an internet café. Luckily there was one only fifteen minutes’ walk from harbor. Jacob logged on to his email, and we both smiled at the sight of five new emails from Evan. Apparently he was impatient for more news.

Evan to Russell: Are you online? I’m at the computer for the next few hours, so please get in touch.

Evan to Russell: I talked to Kristin. I told her I had heard from you and you’re OK. She was relieved to know and she’ll probably tell Mom. I didn’t say anything about you and Jacob, of course.

Evan to Russell: Here’s an email I just got from Kristin, she sends her regards and Mom’s too.

Kristin to Evan: I talked to Mom and she is delighted you are in touch with Russell. She asked me to send her love to both of you and tell you she is trying her best to make Father see sense. Good luck with that, he’s one stubborn bastard. Almost as stubborn as you, bro. Did you tell Russell what the argument was about? If yes, how did he take it? Can I have Jacob’s email so I can write to Russell?

Evan to Russell: So what do you say? Can I spill the beans to Kristin? Or at least tell her you’re OK about me? Or haven’t you decided to come out yet? I can understand if you want to wait. After all I kept it secret for a long time too. To the family at least, I’ve been out at college since I met Chris.

Evan to Russell: Chris says we should go to Denmark and see you. I’m sure it’s only to shut me up. He’s probably fed up with me worrying about you. I can’t afford it, but Chris says he’ll pay for the tickets. But he refuses to go camping. He, he, my boyfriend is only 28 and he’s already gone soft and needs to sleep in a comfortable bed eveeeee

I chuckled as I imagined Chris reading over Evan’s shoulder and interrupting. Somehow Evan must have managed to hit send during the subsequent tussle. The last email had arrived half an hour ago and I wondered if Evan was still at the computer. Oh well, I would write a reply and wait for his return.

Russell to Evan: Hi Evan I’m online now and for the next hour. Then we’ll catch a ferry to Jutland. Tomorrow we are going back to Copenhagen, and we’ll probably arrive late afternoon. I’ll get in touch when we’re back in Jacob’s apartment. Love, Russ

I sent it and began a new message.

Russell to Evan: To answer your question, yes I’ve decided to come out to the family. However, I would like to tell them myself, if you don’t mind. Jacob is going to tell his parents about us being a couple and see how they react. I’ll probably write to Mom and Kristin at the same time. And to Charlotte; she has sent me a few emails and I think she’ll be supportive. I will let you know when, so you’re ready for the fall-out. Not sure how to let Father know. I haven’t even read his emails yet. But I don’t want Mom to have to tell him. Maybe if I write to her while he is at the bank, and give her time to leave before I send him an email with the news? What do you think? Love, Russ

I relinquished the keyboard to Jacob, who checked his own email and sent off a short message to his mom. It was in Danish of course, but he told me the content. ‘We’ll be back in Copenhagen tomorrow night. Can I come over and talk to you after dinner?’

He went online and bought and printed train tickets for departure just after 10 in the morning and found a hotel close to the train station for tonight. “We don’t want to get up too early and we should eat a big breakfast.” I nodded and tried not to think about other possibilities associated with hotel rooms; such as showers with plenty of hot water and a comfortable bed. I noticed Jacob had booked a room with a double bed which sent small shivers of anticipation down my back.

He logged on to Facebook and ignored the icon showing he had a large amount of unread messages. Instead he went into his settings and I saw the curser hovering over the ‘in a relationship’ button. But then he sighed and logged off. “My parents aren’t on Facebook but it might get back to them via my friends. I want to change my status, but it’s probably best to wait.”

My hug and kiss was most likely a surprise but he wasted no time in getting his tongue into my mouth. A ping from his email broke us apart.

Evan to Russell: Hi Russ, great to hear from you. Sounds like a good idea to warn Mom first. Being gay probably won’t be too much of a surprise, although I’m sure Father is still clinging to the hope of you being straight and pretending to be a good Catholic boy. But the boyfriend issue might be a different thing, especially considering who it is.
Sorry, but I’ll never forget Father ranting about Jacob being a pervert on the way home from Denmark five years ago. The bigoted idiot kept trying to find out if Jacob had molested us. Only he wouldn’t ask directly and I didn’t know what he was hinting at. I worked it out later, and in hindsight it was almost funny how he wanted to be sure nothing sexual had been going on, but didn’t want to spell it out in case it gave me ideas.
He wouldn’t even say why he thought our cousin was evil. But Kristin told me later and explained it wasn’t true. That’s how I knew she would be OK with me being gay. And later when I understood myself, I knew I had to conceal it from Father until I left home. In a way his behavior concerning Jacob began my slow re-education in what sort of man our father is. I know you kept on admiring him, but I hope you see him in a different light now.

Russell to Evan: Yes, I know what you mean. I still love him and I hope he’ll change his mind and accept us. But I won’t let him stand in the way of my happiness. Apart from the ‘gay thing’ I’m going to take up drawing again and I’m canceling my enrollment at business college. But I’m not sure what to do with my life except I want to be with Jacob. Forever.

This time I got pulled from my chair into Jacob’s arms for a long heated kiss until the next email arrived. I was glad we’d chosen a booth in the corner, where few of the other customers could see us. And what on earth had happened to being shy and my aversion to PDA? Apparently getting kissed by Jacob trumped any objections.

Evan to Russell: Wow Russ I don’t know what to say. I thought you had given up on drawing. It upset me because you’re extremely talented. I showed Chris some of your old sketches and he says they are impressive for a fourteen-year-old. I know you aren’t keen on the courses at college and I guess you can’t stay at home with things as they are now. Maybe you can take a gap year, if you can convince Mom to allocate funds. Take tuition in art classes or something? I know she was proud of your talent and pretty sad to see you lose it. Can you stay in Denmark and find someone to teach you there?

Russell to Evan: I don’t know. In principle I have to leave after three months, which is soon. But Jacob thinks his mom may be able to suggest a solution. If I can go back to the US without causing problems with Father, Jacob says he’ll come with me. We might travel around for a bit and maybe I can get a job, while he writes his thesis.

Evan to Russell: What’s his major?

Russell to Evan: Computer science. Software design I think.

Evan to Russell: That’s cool. Chris thinks it shouldn’t be too difficult for Jacob to get work over here. He knows a couple of people in the business. Maybe he could introduce them. It would be awesome if you came here. I’ll look into local art colleges if you like. Oh Chris reminds me Jacob would need to get a Green Card.

Russell to Evan: Well, that is no problem.

Evan to Russell: ???

Russell to Evan: Work it out for yourself  

Jacob was faster this time. He had me on his lap and was kissing me silly for several seconds, but paused to say in a low voice: “You bet I want to marry you, Russell. And not to get a Green Card, but because you’re MINE; and I love you and want you. Forever.”

The email pinged again.

Evan to Russell: Hi this is Chris. Well, you’ve done it again. Evan is running around in circles squealing and crying. We’ll be back when I have calmed him down. Let me know when and I’ll book the flights.

We returned to kissing and whispering sweet words of devotion. Jacob wanted to know if I’d like a church wedding, even though it would have to be non-Catholic. The alternative was the town hall in Copenhagen, which sounded just fine to me. I told him all I needed was Evan as my best man and my mom and sister to shed a few tears of happiness for me. I quietly thought I might have loved a father beaming with pride too, but I doubted I’d get that.

Jacob tapped my nose, lightly. Then he laughed and pulled me in tighter. "I'd marry you anywhere, with or without anyone in attendance, just to stand up proud and tell the world you’re mine." How could I not kiss my hot Danish fiancé? And so I did until a sound announced the return of my twin.

Evan to Russell: He has asked you to marry him already? I can’t believe it! Chris had better come up with something good to match that. Oh wait, he has just reminded me, he is paying for us to come over. I get to be your best man, right? You’ll be mine, if C manages to get off his lazy butt at some point and pop the qqqqqq

I giggled as I imagined Chris trying to stop Evan writing the last part and my twin squirming to hit send. Jacob continued to kiss the nape of my neck, but his suggestion wasn’t welcome. “Do you want to be a virgin on your wedding night, my love? I can wait as long as we are intimate in other ways.”

“Hell, no! I’m not waiting one minute longer than necessary.” I turned to stare angrily at him, but we both dissolved in laughter. After all, I might be romantic, but there’s a limit. And I was one horny teenager with a deep longing for cock in my ass. Specifically the hard one I could feel against my butt that very minute. Jacob grunted when I did a surreptitious grind against him. The email pinged again.

Evan to Russell: Never mind, I have a wonderful and considerate partner who keeps me happy and satisfied. He has reminded me about us being ‘committed’ too, in our own way. Sniffle. Plus he is clever and handsome and – oh he’s gone to make coffee now. So tell me everything!!!

Russell to Evan: Definitely not. I’m not committing anything in writing to a lawyer. You’ll have to wait till you see me. And you have to tell me about Chris first; in detail and in private.
But please do look at possibilities for me to enroll in art colleges near you. Oh and Jacob says he’ll send Chris a resume on the computer stuff he likes to do and what his thesis will be about. He would actually prefer to do an internship while writing if possible and he is willing to adapt his subject if necessary.
We’ll have to go soon, to get a meal before we catch the ferry. But I’ll be in touch tomorrow evening. I’ll let you know as soon as I have any news. See you soon no matter what. I promise. Twin bond. Love, Russ.

Evan to Russell: Love you too, Russ. Take care – or rather tell Jacob to take good care of you. I’ll be there for you no matter what. Twin bond. 

We logged off and I took a quick peek at my own email account. The only email of interest was one from the college I had signed up for, welcoming me as a new student. I copied the content and Jacob opened his email account again and saved it as a draft. I knew I’d have to cancel my enrollment within the next week or I might lose the whole fee for the first semester. We also copied Charlotte’s and my mom’s email addresses, so I’d be able to write to them from Jacob’s email.

After closing down every browser, we left the place and walked back to the harbor holding hands. We bought a meal on the way, pita bread with salad and chicken. The ferry had just arrived, when we got to the terminal, and we walked on board after retrieving our backpacks. We found a place to sit and bought drinks to go with our dinner. Jacob also got a Danish newspaper and told me various news items while he read it. I was getting tired, but luckily there was only a short walk from the harbor in Frederikshavn to our hotel.

Once we checked in and got to our room, I spent a while in the bathroom, taking advantage of proper plumbing. When I came out, I noticed Jacob had laid out our clean clothes for the next day. We’d been clever enough to pack them separately at the top of my backpack. I collapsed on top of the bed and sighed contentedly. “Mmm it’s going to be so nice to sleep in a real bed with duvets.” My boyfriend – no, fiancé – chuckled and agreed. He used the bathroom too, and I was half-asleep when he came back.

I heard Jacob rummaging around and opened my eyes to see what he was doing. He was getting out the bag with our toiletries. He took both shavers and went into the bathroom to plug them in. We’d managed to charge them at various places during the trip, but they were running low again. He got out his cell phone, turned it on and did something. Setting the alarm, I guessed. There were multiple sounds announcing the receipt of text messages, but he ignored them and switched the phone off again.

With his preparations done, Jacob came and sat next to me on the bed. “Do you want to shower first or together?”

Suddenly I forgot all about being tired. “Are you going to f-fuck me tonight?”

“No, Russell, tonight I’m going to teach you to suck my cock.”

I stared at him like a rabbit caught in headlights, both turned on and scared by the prospect. I hadn’t touched Jacob’s naked cock or even seen it erect since the night I sneaked after him. He’d sucked me twice and I’d loved it. I wanted to please him but I didn’t know how. I’d thought about it, but as it turned out so had Jacob; for quite a bit longer than me.

“I’ve been waiting for this for some time now. Do you remember when we had an ice cream in Skagen? The day after we’d been to Grenen, where I realized I was in love with you.”

I thought back and suddenly knew he’d looked at me with exactly the same expression in his eyes, only I’d been oblivious to the meaning. “I… yes… you were… ehmm you wanted…”

Jacob chuckled. “You asked me if I wanted to taste your ice cream.” I blushed, recalling my confusion as to why my cousin looked greedily at my half-eaten and rapidly melting ice-on-a-stick, when he had his own cone. I’d licked the whole length in an attempt to catch the drops, in between taking the top half into my mouth.

“I wanted to replace your ice cream with my dick. See your pretty lips and naughty tongue on my shaft, have you suck me instead of the ice. If you hadn’t been so innocent and clueless, I would have been tempted to unzip right there and then and…” he reached out and ran his thumb over my bottom lip. I moaned and he slid the tip past my lips, and smirked when I suckled on it like a nipple. By now my erection was trying to burst my briefs.

“So cute and eager, I love that, Russell. I can’t wait. So unless you’re ready to start your lesson right now, I suggest you jump into the shower.”

To my surprise I couldn’t wait either. I wanted to tell him so, and at the same time I wondered how he’d teach me. Would he be on his back or standing up as the last time he sucked me? I had a fleeting vision of me kneeling in front of him and him thrusting into my mouth. It was surprisingly erotic and my dick got even harder. Without thinking the question popped out, “Are you going to fuck my mouth?”

He frowned slightly. “What is it with you insisting on using the ‘f’ word? Is it the thrill of being a good little Catholic boy using naughty words, getting to be a bad boy?” A shiver went through my body as his voice got deeper on the last two words, and my dick lurched in my pants. Apparently it liked the possible consequences of being a ‘bad boy’.

“Or are you turned on by the idea of me using your mouth? Holding your head and feeding you my cock, making you suck me?” The blob of pre-cum deposited in my brief at the enhanced visual created in my head was a definite ‘Yes!’ “You like me being in charge, Russell? Telling you what to do, how to please me? Showing you how to have sex with a man and submit to his manhood?”

Jacob was lying next to me by now, whispering in my ear and holding my body firmly, almost possessively. His warm hand had enclosed my aching hard-on, rubbing gently, and as his last words entered my mind, I exploded. He claimed my mouth as I cried out and my orgasm filled my briefs with cum. Calming down from my unexpected climax, I blushed, but managed to whisper “Yes.”

“Yes what, my love?”

“Yes to all of those things.” I felt Jacob’s body tense against mine, and for a moment I worried about his reaction to my confession. Especially since the first word he uttered was ‘shit’.

“Shit, it really is true, isn’t it? You’re a natural sub. I didn’t believe it when Mathias warned me, even if Oliver agreed. Fuck, I need to…” His voice died out but after a bit he continued rambling. “That photo, I wonder... Russell, next time you email Evan, can you ask him if Chris is a trained dom? No never mind, I’ll tell Evan to ask Chris to get in touch with me. We need help with this…”

I turned in his arms to look up at him and Jacob immediately kissed me. “Don’t worry love, nothing’s wrong. But maybe we should take a shower together, hmm?” He chuckled as I blushed at the reminder, and in truth the cold, sticky feeling in my crotch was getting uncomfortable. “It was utterly sexy to have you come like that, Russell. Don’t be ashamed, please.”

We got up and he led me into the bathroom. As we stripped, my mind was trying to do several things at once. I tried to make sense of Jacob’s words, but failed. Why would he think me a substitute and for what? Why did he need the help of Chris, and what was a trained dom? And what did it have to do with the way I felt about his questions?

At the same time, I was trying to undress and ogle my boyfriend as he stripped. It was obvious Jacob was erect and I looked forward to seeing him naked and hard for the first time since the moonlit night a few days ago.

Jacob shed his clothes quickly and got into the shower to turn on the water, before I had more than a glimpse of his impressive manhood. The thought of getting to suck it later on had me drooling. I kept my briefs on, thinking I might as well wash them too, and joined my man. All I could think of right now was getting my hands on the sexy body in front of me. All other matters had to wait.

I tried to ignore my lover’s grin when I got under the spray and quickly rinsed out my briefs before dropping them. Jacob seemed pleased when I grabbed some liquid soap and began washing him. He shampooed his hair and rinsed it, then stood patiently while I ran my hands all over his body. I avoided his erection as much as possible, but every time I bumped into it a small thrill went through me.

I didn’t quite dare slide my hands between his legs, although I fondled his muscular ass avidly. Finally Jacob took charge. He grabbed some soap and washed his intimate parts including pulling back his foreskin to make sure he was clean all over. After rinsing off he took my hands, “I want you to touch me now, Russell.” He placed one hand on his cock and the other on his balls. I almost whimpered from lust and need, as my fingers closed around his hard shaft.

I think I may have gone a bit crazy, but fondling my lover’s manhood for the first time was awesome. I touched and stroked and squeezed and played, relishing the feel of his heavy balls and the long thick member pulsing against my trembling fingers. My knees were weak with longing and it seemed completely natural to slide down until I was face to face with the object of my desire. Before I could do much more than kiss the tip, Jacob pulled me back up.

“Not here, Russell, it’ll be too uncomfortable. Let me wash you now and we’ll go to bed.”

I wanted to scream with frustration, but my lover’s hands on my body thoroughly distracted me. Apparently, Jacob had no qualms about touching me intimately, and his soapy fingers slid between my buttocks and found my virgin pucker. I was already erect, but when he took hold of my dick and gently penetrated my anus with a slick finger, I achieved a new record for size and hardness. He didn’t even enter me with more than the tip, but it still had me shaking and whimpering with need.

“Oh yeah,” he whispered as he leaned over my arching back, “you’re going to love it so much when I finally do fuck you. But not tonight.” My feeble protests went unheeded. “No babe. Tonight you’re going to suck my dick while I play with your sweet little ass.”

He finished washing me, and if I hadn’t come in my pants recently, I’d have shot all over the shower wall. As it was I clung to his shoulder, while he soaped and rinsed my dick. His other hand stayed busy between my cheeks and I spread my legs and thrust my hips wantonly, trying to get more friction and deeper penetration.

Jacob indulged me with a few strokes of my cock and one thick, soapy finger going in to the second knuckle. I’d never dreamed masturbation could feel so good. Why had I never played with myself this way? I was definitely going to spend lots of time in the shower from now on. Except I bet nothing I did could compare with having my lover finger-fuck me and sucking my dick. The thought of his mouth on me nearly undid me, but luckily Jacob stopped playing and briskly rinsed me. He shut off the water and grabbed two large towels.

Once we were dry, he hung up the towels, but took a smaller one and made one end wet. “In case we make a mess,” he smirked and put his arm around me. He led me to the bed and I removed the blanket and crawled under one duvet, while Jacob turned off the lights, except for one dimmed lamp on the table. I watched in fascination as he came towards me, his erect manhood leading the way. I would finally get the chance to take it in my mouth and taste my lover.

Jacob pushed his duvet up to the headboard and reclined against it. “Now you get to explore, Russell. Take your time and do what you like. I’ll tell you what feels good. Just be careful not to scrape me with your teeth.”

Okay, these instructions were easy to follow, and I dove in. I spent a short time on his nipples, but soon descended to the main attraction. Sitting on my knees next to him I studied the challenge with trepidation.

Reaching out I once more held the warm cock I wanted to worship with my lips and tongue. Again I started with a soft kiss, my lips parted to let my tongue feel the slick surface of the exposed crown, and I hesitantly lapped up some of the fluid at the tip. The taste was mild and bland, nothing to distract me. I kissed and licked carefully, and Jacob moaned, making more love liquid for me. He was staring at me with such a lustful gaze when I glanced upward, that my gut clenched.

All by itself my mouth opened and I descended as far down his manhood as I could. I’d no idea what to expect, but I got less than half-way down before I gagged.

“Take it easy, my love, only do what’s comfortable.” His voice was strained but firm in giving instructions as I worked on making love to the huge cock in my hand. At least, having an inch or two on me in length makes him impressive to me. Plus, even if Jacob tells me I have delicate hands, I know my fingers only just managing to enclose his full girth equals big.

Apart from the determination most of what I remember from giving my first blowjob is the wonderful feeling of having my mouth full of the most erotic thing in the whole world. I assumed my pleasure would be due to knowing I gave my lover joy. But I loved the firm pressure on my tongue and the slightly stretched feeling of my lips. Sucking at the head and exploring every ridge and fold was delightful and moving up and down as if fucking myself orally on a hot throbbing pole had me whimpering and slobbering like a maniac. I was totally addicted.

It got worse when Jacob ditched the duvet, turned me around and made me straddle his head. I’d never heard of a sixty-nine, but I became a devoted fan the moment he gobbled up my dick. I did my best to emulate his moves, except I couldn’t swallow him whole. But I played with his balls, caressed his taint and even dared to circle a spit-wet finger on his anus. Since the reaction was to spread his legs wider to grant me better access, I assumed Jacob wasn’t adverse to some finger play. Maybe he enjoyed getting fucked too? Somehow this idea didn’t appeal to me.

Any thought of where my dick could potentially go disappeared immediately, when Jacob opened a whole new chapter of sex for me. He pulled my butt cheeks apart and my ass back onto his face. It was probably a good thing my mouth was stuffed full of his cock, because when his tongue speared my unsuspecting entrance, I screamed with shocked rapture. Having his soapy finger penetrate my ass in the shower was powerful, but a warm wet tongue licking and prodding my virgin hole was a revelation bordering on divine. I assume only his cock can top the experience.

My reaction seemed to amuse and delight my lover. “So you like rimming, love? Good to know.” Oh fuck yeah, I adored the sensation. I squirmed and begged and rubbed my leaking dick against his chest.

My sucking of his cock became frenzied but more erratic, and I clutched at his hard buttock with one hand, and used the other to form a wet sheath around the part of the shaft, which wouldn’t fit in my mouth. Jacob’s hips thrust upwards rhythmically and I loved every moment, as he finally fucked my hand and mouth.

His fingers found my dick and all it took was a few strokes to make me convulse and spray my juices all over his hairy chest and my smooth stomach. He growled into my ass and that sinful tongue never let up, as he began his own ascent to ecstasy. No warning was necessary, I knew exactly what to do. In fact more than anything I wanted to receive my lover’s seed and make it part of me. Having him come in my mouth was the crowning glory of the most awesome event in my life, so far.

Warm, salty spurts of thick, slightly fishy blobs landed in my mouth and I swallowed and sucked and cried with pleasure and ignored my taste buds telling me they didn’t much appreciate the experience. As far as I was concerned they could bloody well acquire a fetish for spunk, as I meant to make it a steady part of my diet from now on. I’d do anything to hear those sounds of gratitude and ecstasy from my man as often as possible.

Naturally, afterwards we had to shower again, as no towel could deal with the mess I’d made between us. But it did help prevent any wet spots on the sheet. Once we were back in bed, we cuddled up and exchanged a few sleepy sentences of mutual appreciation, as well as lots of kisses.

Although tired, sleep eluded me, and suddenly my cousin’s obscure utterances prior to our first shower popped into my head. I wriggled around for a bit and finally sat up. Jacob sighed, but turned on the bedside lamp.

“What is it, Russell?”

“Ehm, it’s not important.”

“Well, obviously it’s important enough to prevent you from going to sleep, so spit it out.”

“It’s just, I was thinking.” I paused and tried to work out how to ask. Finally I gave up and blurted: “What did you mean when you called me a natural sub? Who am I a substitute for?”

Jacob buried his face in his hands and uttered something which sounded like mix between a curse and a chuckle. I waited and after a couple of deep breaths he looked at me.

“What do you know about sex, Russell?”

I squirmed, but answered honestly, “Well, if you assume I know nothing, and go from there, you won’t be too much wrong.”

To my surprise Jacob seemed as uncomfortable with the subject as I was. “Ehm, well you obviously know about mutual blowjobs or oral sex.”

Yes I did, now. Been there, done that, loved it, wanted more.

“So I guess the main thing to discuss is fucking, or anal sex.” I nodded, and he took another deep breath.

“Okay, so when two guys fuck, they either top or bottom. The bottom is the guy who gets penetrated, and the top is the guy who does him.” He glanced up at me, and I nodded again to show my understanding. Right, I was going to be ‘the bottom’. No problem.

“If a guy likes to do both, he’s called versatile. However, lots of guys prefer to either top or bottom.” A pause, but I kept silent and waited. I had a pretty good idea what my preference was.

“I’m primarily a top, although I’ve tried to bottom a few times, mainly to know what it’s like. Some people maintain you can’t be a good top, if you haven’t been on the receiving end. Now, I don’t have to ask you, if we’re compatible, Russell. Ever since you came out, you’ve been sending clear bottom vibes. And let me tell you, it turns me on so much, I want to rip off your pants and bend you over and fuck you senseless.”

I gasped at his words and felt a twitch down below as if my dick was trying to jump back to life, in spite of being sated.

Jacob sent me an inscrutable look. “All right then,” he cleared his throat, “so quite often the top is also the dominant part in the relationship, at least when it comes to sex, and the bottom is sort of…” he hesitated, “submissive.” Another glance seemed to reassure him, I was still on board with the topic.

“Well, for some people it goes further and the submissive partner likes to be told what to do, to be obedient and even controlled. This can be formalized in various types of role play and even in some sort of written agreement: a ‘contract’. It can be confined to the bedroom or spill into their whole relationship. Or at least that's how it's portrayed in the stories I've read. Oh, and lots of straight people play this game too.”

Now Jacob held my gaze, and his words were clipped and his voice taut. “Usually, such interactions are called Dom / Sub relationships. If there’s bondage or pain involved the abbreviation BDSM is used.” I felt myself go white, then hot and dizzy as the meaning of his words washed over me. My boyfriend pounced on me, as I swayed from the impact.

“Shit, take it easy now, Russell. I’m not saying we’re going to do this kind of sex play. And we’re certainly not doing anything like that so soon. I love you and I’m going to take care of you. This includes discovering what you like to do in bed. We’re never doing anything which scares you. I’m ecstatic about the things we’ve done so far. In fact, just holding you in my arms and kissing you is fucking awesome.”

He proceeded to show me and I gradually relaxed. I knew we’d return to this subject at some point, but it was a relief to forget about the ‘submissive’ thing for now. In addition, we were truly exhausted and once I calmed down, Jacob soon fell asleep next to me. I decided to focus on the fact that I loved giving blowjobs and had every intention of practicing as often as possible. Maybe even tomorrow morning if I woke before my man did. Surely Jacob wouldn’t mind…