Clueless Camping - 5. Copenhagen Blues

Unfortunately I slept so well, I even missed his cell phone going off. Jacob let me sleep while he took a quick shower, and woke me up with a gentle shake and a kiss.

“Rise and shine, Russell. It’s half past eight and we need some breakfast.” I grumbled and tried to burrow under the duvet. Next thing I knew, it was ripped away and I was naked on the bed. He rolled me over and laughed.

“Nice morning wood, but that’s not what I meant. Come on, sleepy head, or the next step will be a glass of cold water.” The threat and the embarrassment of having my hard-on exposed like that got me into the bathroom fast. A shave, a shower and clean clothes had me ready for food. In fact I was ravenous and we both put away a huge breakfast. Apparently Danish hotels believe in the full breakfast experience with everything from chopped fruits, eggs and bacon, to rugbrød with ten choices of meat toppings, and pancakes. We even made a couple of sandwiches for the trip.

At ten to ten we checked out and walked over to the station in plenty of time for our 10:16 am departure. Our train was there, since the station was the end of the line. We found our seats and managed to stuff one backpack in the space between the seat rows and put the other on the shelf above. Jacob had chosen for us to sit next to each other, so we only had one window seat this time. He insisted I should sit by the window so I could see the view, while he explained about the landscape.

It was a long trip, especially since after the first hour we had to switch to a bus to get around track upgrade work. Luckily the bus was nice with air conditioning, and it was only for 50 minutes. Another hour by train followed by a fifteen minute break at the station in Aarhus, and finally the last lap of three and a half hours to Copenhagen. Oh the train was comfortable, and once we boarded the train in Aarhus, we could relax in our seats across the islands of Fyn and Sjælland before arriving in Copenhagen. But it was still boring at times, even though I had my book, Jacob for company and nice views.

Most of the trip we had other passengers sitting at the other side of the small table in front of us. In any case there were plenty of people in the open train car, so private conversations were impossible. My boyfriend held my hand openly and even kissed my cheek and caressed my hair occasionally. The first time it happened I blushed and shot covert, anxious glances at the people across the table, but they didn’t react in any way.

Well, except for the grandmotherly lady who sat in the window seat from Odense to Roskilde. She smiled indulgently and I could almost see the thought bubble over her head ‘Ohhh young love, how cute.’ The amount of acceptance here was unbelievable.

I won’t bore you with all the touristy stuff Jacob explained on the way, but it did show me I’d missed plenty of sights. He reminded me about visiting Odense (birth town of the fairy tale writer Hans Christian Andersen) during my previous stay in Denmark. I was almost ashamed to admit I had little recollection of the trip, but I tried to make up for it by talking about my favorite HCA fairy tales, including the Ugly Duckling.

My mom used to read his stories to us when we were kids, although she’d get annoyed at some of the abysmal translations. In some cases she’d fetch her original Danish books and tell us an abbreviated but truer version in English. Oh and she hated the sugary Disney rewrite of the Little Mermaid.

At some point Jacob leaned in and whispered in my ear. “Did you know he liked guys as well as girls? Not that he ever did anything about it, apparently. Except masturbate.”

I gaped at him. “You’re joking.”

My boyfriend grinned. “Nope, he put small marks in his diary every time.”

“I’m not really sure I wanted to know this. And I certainly don’t remember any of this stuff from last time. I can barely recall going to see the museum.”

Jacob shook his head sadly. “You made the most amazing drawings of the things we saw in Odense. I can’t believe you don’t remember.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you about that. How come you have my sketchbook?”

Jacob looked down and fiddled with the hem of my T-shirt. “Sorry… remind…” His reply was an indistinct mumble.

“What?”

He leaned closer to whisper in my ear, “Sorry, I just wanted something to remind me of you. And no one ever asked about it.”

“But...but you said you didn’t…” I broke off, not wanting to blurt out private matters in front of the kind but probably also nosy old lady. Jacob had been pretty specific about not having romantic feelings for Evan or me five years ago.

My boyfriend shrugged. “No, but I still felt upset, and I wanted to remember a wonderful summer with my cousins. I looked through it again, when your mom phoned me, and it was like taking a trip back in time. I’ll show you when we get home. But…” He sent me a pleading look. “Can I keep it, please?”

“Yeah, sure. But I’d love to see it. Maybe I’ll get some happy memories back too.” He smiled and kissed me, and I settled down with my head on his shoulder and took a nap.

Finally we arrived in Copenhagen and lugged our backpacks up to catch a bus to Christianshavn. I was surprised when we got home to find windows open and the fridge running and full of stuff. My cousin just grinned. “Sometimes having a mum who’s a busybody pays off. She has a key and since I knew we’d come home late, hot and tired, I asked her to air out the apartment and buy milk, bread and butter.” He didn’t seem surprised there was a lot more in the fridge, enough to make us nice sandwiches.

He insisted we unpack and start some laundry, before setting up the computer for me to chat with Evan. “Do you want to Skype with him?” I hesitated but the urge so see my twin’s face and hear his voice was too great. “I’m going to ride my bike down to my parents and you can spend as much time as you like talking with Evan. I’ll ring the doorbell when I return; in case you’re in the middle of that detailed, private conversation you planned to have with your twin.” He winked and I blushed.

“I’m leaving my phone here. Don’t answer any calls unless the display says Morogfar[1], which will be me calling from my parents’ house. Their number is here. Promise me you’ll call if you need me.” He gave me the paper with the caller ID and phone number and waited for me to give my word.

“Are you sure you’ll be OK on your own for a couple of hours? You can take a shower and go to bed, if you get tired of waiting. And please help yourself to food and drink,” he went on.

“I’ll be fine, Jacob. Stop fussing. I’ll send Evan an email with your Skype info and let him set up the connection. I’ll ask for Chris’ email address, but I promise I won’t say anything about subs or doms.”

No need to mention I’d be too goddamn embarrassed to even hint of such things to my twin. I so did not want to know about what he and Chris got up to in private. Well, maybe I did, but my curiosity was not strong enough to overcome my inhibitions, not yet anyway.

Plus, there were more serious and urgent matters to attend to, such as coming out to my mom and Kristin. Fuck. And Charlotte. Maybe I should start with her, as it seemed less scary than explaining to my mom about Jacob. When Jacob had finished setting up his email and his Skype and left the apartment, I sat down and began the dreaded task. I rewrote the email to Charlotte several times, but ended up being pretty blunt. I figured she’d appreciate it.

Russell to Charlotte: Message from Russell. Please read in private.
Dear C. I’m writing this from my boyfriend’s email account, as I don’t want to use my own. I saw your messages, thank you. But as you can see I don’t need you to pretend we’re anything but close friends. At least I hope you are still my friend, even though I’m gay. I haven’t kept it a secret. I didn’t realize until I fell in love with Jacob. Sounds stupid, I know. Did you suspect anything? Have you heard any talk about Evan?
As you can probably guess, my father won’t be pleased. I haven’t told my parents and Kristin yet, but I will soon. But please don’t tell anyone including your parents, unless they ask specifically. I don’t want you to lie. I’m still in Denmark and I don’t know when I’ll be back. I’ll keep in touch from now on if you want me to. I hope you do, as you are probably my only real friend from school. Love, Russell.

Writing to my mom was awful, but I gritted my teeth and managed to get it done. The coming out part was easy, but the Jacob part took a while and made my guts clench with worry.

Dearest Mom I’m sorry you’re caught in the middle of all the trouble between Father and Evan and me. I’ve talked to Evan, and as usual you’re quite right. I’m gay too. But I didn’t realize until a few days ago, when I fell in love. Or maybe I should say I found out I’m in love with the most wonderful, handsome, caring guy in the world. And best of all he loves me too. So I’m happy even if I don’t quite know what will happen now. You see it’s your cousin Jacob.
I dread telling Father. I know he’ll be terribly disappointed. I hope he is still at the bank, so you have time to decide what to do. I’ll send him an email in two hours’ time, unless I have heard from you. I hope you still love me, Mom. I miss you a lot. Please don’t be angry with me. And please, please don’t be angry with Jacob. He has been a good friend and he is the best boyfriend I could wish for. I kissed him first, so it’s not his fault. I love him, Mom. He is with his parents right now to tell them. I hope they’ll accept me. I hope you will be happy for us, too. I love you, Mom, no matter what. Russell

I knew I was begging, but I couldn’t help it. At least coming out and revealing the identity of my boyfriend was easier by email than face to face. I got to say everything I wanted, without having a nervous breakdown. Finally I wrote to Kristin. I kept it to the bare facts about me being gay and knowing about Evan. I debated a bit about revealing the part about Jacob but finally wrote: “I guess I might as well tell you Jacob and I became boyfriends three days ago. It’s OK if you’re surprised, we were too.   Love Russell”

I had all three emails ready to send before I wrote to Evan and told him I was about to come out to Charlotte, Kristin and Mom. I added Jacob’s Skype info and said he was with his parents to tell them about us. “I hope you have time for a chat.” I pressed send, and moved on to send the emails to Charlotte and Mom. Five minutes later I sent the one to Kristin. I thought about writing the text for an email to my father, but I was unable to concentrate.

Then I did something really stupid. I googled BDSM and started reading the Wikipedia entry. That stuff was scary. I scrolled down and saw the parts about prejudice and coming out. Halfway through, I was freaking out by the description of this life style being even less acceptable than same-sex relationships. Oh and the pictures didn’t help, either.

Fortunately the Skype signal sounded. Closing the browser I was reading, I accepted the call from Evan. Within moments the fuzzy image of my twin was smiling at me. I immediately burst into tears.

“Shit, Russ, what’s wrong? God you look marvelous, so tanned and fit. Why are you upset? Where’s Jacob?” His voice got high pitched with anxiety and I managed to calm myself.

“I’m OK, I’m sorry. I’m just so nervous about coming out. And I’m so happy to be able to talk to you.”

“Hey, that’s OK, Russ. I’m glad to see you too.” He wiped his eyes and smiled. “So, you’ve taken the plunge and told Mom? I’m sure she’ll be OK with it. Including you being with Jacob. After all, she must trust him a lot to send you over to be with him in the first place.” As always my twin knew just what to say to improve my state of mind. He went on to talk about his summer, and kept me nicely distracted and smiling with his stories.

Jacob’s phone buzzed several times with messages, and it rang once, but I ignored it as instructed after glancing at it to see the caller name, Christian something. Finally a sound from the computer alerted me to the arrival of an email. “Shit, Evan. I need to check the email.”

“No worries, I’m staying right here.”

I switched to the browser with Jacob’s email account. To my surprise it was a reply from Kristin. I clicked on it and heard Evan’s voice. “Who’s it from, Russ?” Oh, right he could still see me. I said ‘Kristin’ while scanning the short message. After seeing the first words I began reading it out loud from the beginning.

Kristin to Russell: Good for you, little brother! I remember Jacob as a great guy, and if he makes you happy that is all I care about. You have my love and support no matter what. I’m going to give Mom a call to make sure she checks her email, since I assume you have written to her too. Take care, Kristin

“See, I told you Kristin would be fine about you and Jacob being together.” I went back to Skype and sent my twin a shaky smile.

“Yeah, but it’s Mom I worry about. She’s…” Another ping interrupted me, and Evan and I stared at each other.

“Go on, read it. But maybe it’s from Charlotte. Or Jacob gets emails too, I suppose.” I checked and let out a shaky laugh.

“It’s for Jacob.” But even as I was looking at the screen, a new email arrived. Mom had replied. Shit. I felt the blood drain from my face, and Evan’s voice receded to a background noise. As if moving through an interfering cloud of cotton I reached out and double clicked on the email to open it. The content was short and made me swallow, hard.

Dear Russell. I’m fine with you being gay, and I’ll tell your father he needs to accept it too. I’ll have to think about the other part. I’ll get in touch with you later, as I have to leave immediately. Love, Mom

“Russ, Russ! For Christ’s sake, say something! Russ, you’re scaring me. FUCK. Russell !!” Finally, Evan’s shouting got through to me. I switched back to Skype and looked at my agitated twin.

“She’s OK with the gay thing. She’s going to tell Father. She’s not sure about me being with Jacob. And she’s running away again.”

“Fuck, Father must be on his way home. Or else she wants to pack for a longer stay with Kristin. What exactly did her email say?” I couldn’t bear to read it out, so I just went back to the mail and forwarded it to Evan. As I did, I realized my initial message was included, but I decided it was OK. I needed to stop having secrets from Evan, including how I felt about myself.

My mouth was dry and I was shaking slightly. I wished Jacob were here to hold me. Should I call him? No that would be silly. I needed to stop depending on him to prop me up all the time. Plus, I had Evan with me, sort of anyway. I went into the kitchen to get a drink, my throat felt as if it was closing up. What did Mom mean when she said she had to think about ‘the other part’? What would I do, if she didn’t approve? Maybe Kristin could talk to her?

I stood in the kitchen staring out the window without seeing anything. I managed to take small sips of water, enough to wet my tongue without making me retch. I felt dizzy and alone. My whole world has been turned upside down. I’m a stranger in a strange land, unable to speak the language and in less than two weeks’ time I won’t be welcome here anymore, officially. I’ve lost my home, the approval of my parents, my future (never mind that I dislike my chosen college studies). My twin has left me and found his own life and love.

My only friend might still like me, but I doubt her parents will want her to associate with the useless gay boy. My mind cringed away from the thought of worse epithets, which I’m likely to encounter from now on. Anyway, if the ‘sub’ things Jacob suspects about me are true, I probably deserve most of the sneers, pity and disgust from normal people. Not that it would make much difference to the status I’ve held with the surrounding world for the last four years.

And it’s true, isn’t it? I’m worthless, a failure, stupid and spineless. Always looking for someone to take care of me, tell me what to do, give me approval and a sense of belonging. I have clung to Evan for most of my life and now I’ve attached myself to Jacob. Like a parasite, demanding and insatiable, preventing him from getting on with the life he’s planned; maybe even alienating him from his parents. Forcing him to deal with all of my issues, even tricking him into agreeing to marry me, so I’ll have him forever. Pathetic. Better if I…

The sound of the doorbell startled me and I knocked the glass over. There wasn’t much water left and most of it fell into the kitchen sink. I just stood there, unable to move, waiting for the next calamity to hit me. Jacob would come into the kitchen and tell me he’s sorry, but we have to break up. Maybe my mom has called his parents and complained about their son corrupting her innocent boy. I suddenly wished I had persuaded Jacob to fuck me last night. Now I might never know the sweet agony of taking his manhood inside my body, surrendering to his love.

I heard the front door open. Next Jacob’s voice sounded from the living room, calling my name, then saying something to Evan, and calling my name again. Moments later he appeared behind me in the doorway. I could see his reflection in the kitchen window.

“Russell? Why are you standing out here in the kitchen?” The sensual tenor of my boyfriend’s voice sent a shudder through me. “Evan is yelling on the Skype connection. He seems desperate to get hold of you. Is something wrong? Did you have a fight?”

Suddenly his arms encircled me from behind and I whimpered. “Did you get hold of your mum? What did she say?” At least I could answer this question.

“You can read her answer if you like. Kristin’s too.” Tears started to trickle down my cheeks as he nuzzled against my neck. God, I love him so much. The thought of not having him in my life made my knees buckle.

“Whoa now.” His strong arms held me up. “Let’s go sit down and get Evan calmed down. Then tell me about your mum.”

I couldn’t face Evan right now, I just couldn’t. “Can you go and tell him I’m OK and I’ll email him when we’ve talked?” Jacob hesitated, but I managed to straighten up and pull away from him slightly. I busied myself with running the cold tap and filling my glass. When I heard him talk to Evan, I sighed with relief and rubbed the tears from my face. OK deep breath; drink some water, pretend you’re fine. Calm. Not freaked out at all. Right.

I meant to walk into the living room, sit down next to Jacob and discuss matters in a rational and collected manner. Enquire about his parents’ reactions, get his opinion about the possible meaning of my mom’s statement, debate the best way to inform my father of his ‘misfortune’. But I was still clutching the edge of the sink, fighting the nausea and dizziness, when Jacob came back. I had sort of registered the silence and assumed this meant he had read the emails from Kristin and Mom.

“Russell? Sweetheart, why are you still out here? Evan was freaking out and I’m getting worried too. Are you upset about your mum’s reply? I thought it was OK. I mean at least she accepts you. It’s only natural she has to get used to the idea of us being together. My parents are a bit shell-shocked too, you know. But they’ll come around. They love us and they’ll be pleased for us once they realize…”

Luckily, Jacob had made his way to my side as he spoke. When he got to the part about his parents being shocked, the last part of my tenuous control broke, and while I heard his subsequent words they made no impact on my frantic mind. I felt my body go cold and numb, I thought I was going to be sick, and a small keening sound reached my ears. Then everything went black.

I came back to consciousness in my favorite place in the world: Jacob’s embrace. I was in his lap, his strong arms were around me and the side of my face was against his chest. I sighed contentedly and moved my head to nuzzle against his neck, enjoying his unique scent. To my surprise his whole body tensed, “Are you awake, Russell?”

“Hmmm, you smell nice. Love being in your lap, Jacob.” I didn’t want to open my eyes. I was tired. I wanted to sleep like this, except it was too hot. Jacob was already sweating, and even though I had felt chilly just now… My brain was slowly coming back online, and I sort of tried to work out when and where and why I’d been cold.

“I love having you here, Russell. But you gave me a bit of a scare, fainting like that.” His hands caressed my hair and turned my face up for a gentle kiss. I wanted more and tried to entice him into deeper kisses, the kind I could lose myself in. But he pulled back and I reluctantly opened my eyes. It was still light outside, but I knew the twilight wouldn’t arrive until about ten o’clock. We were on Jacob’s bed, and I’d no recollection of going into the bedroom.

“Russell, look at me. Are you feeling OK?” I finally met my boyfriend’s worried blue eyes and took in his words.

“I…I fainted?”

“Yes, in the kitchen. I just managed to catch you before you hit your head on the table. I carried you in here. You’ve only been out for a minute or so.”

“Oh. I can’t remember. Just feeling dizzy and sick and cold. I feel great now; warm and safe and comfortable. Can we go to bed? I mean just cuddle and sleep.” I didn’t want to think or talk. I hid my face in Jacob’s neck and kissed his warm salty skin. He sighed.

“OK, Russell. But tomorrow we need to talk.” Fine. Tomorrow, not now; I relaxed and purred contentedly into his neck. I kept my eyes closed, as Jacob undressed me and tucked me under a sheet, as duvets were too warm to use. I ought to get up and brush my teeth, but I couldn’t be bothered. I was so tired.

My boyfriend (such a lovely term) bustled around for a while, before coming back to bed. I was almost asleep when he kissed me goodnight. But I still heard his soft whisper and it made me smile.

“Good night, Russell. Sleep well. Everything will be fine, I promise. I love you.”

I surfaced at some point during the night, desperate for a pee. I managed to find my way to the bathroom, and I took the opportunity to brush my teeth. As I got back into bed, Jacob mumbled sleepily “OK, Russell?” I kissed him and whispered ‘bathroom’, and both of us succumbed to our dreams. Mine were vaguely disturbing, but I couldn’t remember why when I woke up.

For the briefest moment I was confused at the lack of tent canvas above my head, but then I recalled being back in Copenhagen. Next the events of the previous day hit me and I sat up with a gasp.

Jacob woke immediately. “Russell, are you OK? Did you have a bad dream?”

“I wish. But now I remember us coming out to my mom and your parents yesterday. Fuck, what are we going to do now?”

Jacob pulled me down next to him. “Hey, it wasn’t that bad. Sure, they were surprised, but once they get used to the idea, they’ll be happy for us.”

I looked at him suspiciously, trying to work out whether he was serious.

“Evan and Kristin are pleased, aren’t they? Now, more importantly I’m worried about you fainting like that. It’s not the first time you’ve gotten dizzy spells. Is this an aftermath of your TBE problems? Maybe you should see a doctor.”

My mouth fell open and I stared at Jacob uncomprehendingly. He went on about getting my blood pressure checked and blood tests etc. in between asking me how I felt. “Do you have a headache? Should I get you something to drink?”

Our parents disapproved of our relationship, and my whole future was uncertain, and my boyfriend worried about my head spinning occasionally?

Finally I found my voice and managed to interrupt. “Stop fussing about a stupid little black-out, Jacob. I’m fine. In fact I’m probably more fit and healthy than I’ve ever been in my whole life. Thanks to you dragging me all over the country and making me walk, and swim, and cycle, and canoe, and I don’t know what, you crazy Viking.”

I tried to pout, but my lover’s smirk made a giggle bubble up inside me. OK so maybe some of most recent exercise had been utterly fun and hot.

I continued, “You need to focus on the important stuff now. What exactly did your parents say? Have they talked to my mom? Shit, I never got round to sending Father an email. Oh, and I need to get back to Evan too.” I bit my lip. “I should see if there’s a new message from Mom. What… what do you think about her reply? She was probably pretty upset about us. Fuck.”

“Russell, you need to calm down. Is this what caused your fainting episode last night? You’re freaked out about what our parents think about us being together?”

I nodded and looked down on my hands, which were tightly clenched. Jacob gently parted them and soothed me with kisses and small rubs of my fingers and palms.

“Being shocked and having to think about surprising information isn’t the same as not accepting or approving, Russell. It’s natural for parents to be anxious about who their children want to marry.”

My wide-eyed speechless expression must have told him how I felt, because he burst out laughing. “Oh Russell, you’re so cute when you’re all freaked out. Come here, sweetheart.”

He manhandled me onto his lap and his strong arms held me tight around my shoulders and hips. I clung to him and hid my face in his hair as I straddled his legs. I tried to ignore the hard warm pole which immediately started to tease my backside, and focus on his words instead.

“Now first of all, my parents were generally OK with us as boyfriends. They asked the usual questions, and as expected, they did worry a bit about you being so young and inexperienced.”

I let out a squeak, and he chuckled. “No, not sexually, silly boy. My parents may be progressive, but I can assure you they don’t want to think about what we do in bed.” He patted my back and I tried to relax.

“They want to be sure you’re not just having a crush on me and I’m not taking advantage of you. I bet this is what concerns your mum too. We know what we have is real, but you have to admit, our relationship has gotten serious pretty fast. In fact, my parents mostly freaked out when I told them we wanted to get married. I noticed you didn’t even tell your mum this.”

If he hadn’t held on to me, I might have jumped off his lap and right off the bed, I was so surprised.

His blue eyes were utterly serious as we gazed at each other. “I want to marry you, Russell. My parents couldn’t believe it when I told them you made the proposal and not the other way round. Of course when I told them you didn’t even ask me directly, but told your twin first, they were even more surprised.” The small twinkle in his eyes revealed that future teasing about my backwards proposal should be expected.

Jacob kissed me before he continued. “But if you hadn’t, I would have been on my knee in front of you sooner or later. We’re going to look at rings today. I’m not letting you get away from me as long as you still want me.”

Holy sh.. Talk about upside down. I suddenly recalled with absolute clarity my irrational despair and fear of rejection from last night, my conviction that I was the one trapping my partner.

His words implied a completely different understanding of the situation, and my mind had difficulty wrapping itself around this amazing concept. Apparently, Jacob was determined to hold onto me by any means. My handsome blond lover was anxious to secure my hand in marriage – sometimes those old fashioned expressions have a lot of significance. It was unbelievable, but delightful to contemplate. I had to keep thinking of him as my 'fiancé'.

Apparently I’d been lost in thought for too long, because my nose got tapped. “Læsø.” When he had my attention, my fiancé’s eyes narrowed. “I hope you’re not having second thoughts, Russell. If you’re playing with my affections…”

Oops, fuck.

“No, no, no, Jacob. Absolutely no second thoughts about getting married or being in love with you. Yes, I’d love to go look at rings today. And I don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks, as long as you love me too. I love you more than anything. I want to marry you and be with you forever. I just have a hard time believing you’re as interested in me as I am in you. Sorry, I know I’m being silly. But last night…”

I hesitated. Saying out loud what I’d thought in the kitchen seemed ridiculous. And there was no way I was going to admit my small search stupidity right away; soon maybe, but not now. The insecurity stuff was bad enough.

Jacob still looked serious but no longer upset. He kissed me and stroked my hair. “Tell me everything, Russell. Never mind if it’s silly. After all, if it scared you enough to make you sick and faint, it must be pretty important. Come on, close your eyes and tell me exactly what happened after you got the email from your mum.”

He pulled my head down on his shoulder, and I gave in. Slowly I worked my way through how I felt and thought; how I worried about being too dependent on him. I even told him about the talk I’d had with Kathrine.

“Please don’t think I doubt your love, Jacob. I know, I’m being stupid, when I get those ideas. You certainly tell me and show me plenty, how much you care. But like you said, our relationship is still new, and at the same time my whole future hinges on the choices we make, but also on how my mom will react. I mean I know Father will have a fit, no matter what.”

I suddenly sat up. “Although, us getting married might just tip the scales. He might be able to accept the words fiancé or husband as respectable in contrast to talking about his son’s ‘boyfriend’.”

I tried to think back to situations where I’d heard my father give his views about same-sex marriage. “Hmm, you know, I’ve never actually heard Father talk about gay people. Not even to condemn them. It’s like it was sort of a non-topic at home. I can remember once where my father was watching the news and I came into the room to get a book. He ignored me, but then an item began about marriage being legalized in … I can’t remember which state. He suddenly turned the TV off and asked what I wanted. I left the room quickly and never thought about it again until now.”

Jacob grunted derisively. “I’m not surprised. I bet he didn’t want you or Evan to get any ideas. And face it Russell, he did a brilliant job of shielding you from even the notion of wanting a relationship with a guy. He probably regretted his outburst about me in front of Evan, once he realized I’d already told Kristin.”

He sighed. “I don’t want to crush your hopes, but I find it highly unlikely a staunch Catholic like your dad would be persuaded to accept us getting married.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. How did Kristin take it, when you told her? Was she OK with it from the start?” I preferred to talk about family members who supported me.

He grinned. “Nah, she was pretty shocked to tell you the truth. Your sister may not have been an innocent Catholic schoolgirl, but she was still fairly sheltered even after two years in college. Coming to Denmark and meeting my friends was quite an eye-opener. Not just meeting my boyfriend and a couple of other gay guys, but also some of the girls I hang out with. Plus, all of my straight friends hit on her, of course. Kristin is hot you know, even I can see that. She’d probably be an awesome fag hag.”

“A what?! Why are you calling my sister a hag?”

“Oh man, I really have to get you to read some gay romances and erotic stories.” He grinned. “Well as far as I can work out, fag hag is slang for girls who are good friends with guys like us, and do their best to help them. Either by keeping their secrets or with getting them together with the guys they’re interested in.”

Jacob shook his head. “How did we get derailed into this discussion? Are you trying to change the subject on purpose, Russell?” He gave me a stern look, and I giggled.

“No not really, I’m still talking about how my family will react to me coming out. You’re the one going on about Kristin being hot.” Suddenly my stomach decided to participate and declared its interest in breakfast with a prolonged rumble. We collapsed laughing and got out of bed.

“OK, breakfast, showers, some email time and more talking, lunch and then we’re going shopping. My parents want to see us for dinner tonight. Nothing formal, but I assume you’d like to look your best when meeting your future in-laws.” I stumbled and Jacob pulled me into a hug. “No freaking. It’s fine and we need to talk with my mum about whether you can stay in Denmark or we should go to America. Although I do have another idea too.”

“What?”

“Wait and see. What would you like for breakfast?” I tried to wheedle the answer out of him during breakfast, but my questions ended abruptly when he jokingly threatened to spank my nosy ass if I kept plaguing him. After that, I focused on eating and getting my instant boner to subside.

“OK, let’s wash up. Do you want the shower first, when we’re done?” I shook my head and went over to the sink. I washed and Jacob dried, but I kept an eye on where he put things, for future use. Once we were done, Jacob jumped in the shower.

I went through the clean clothes which had been left in my suitcase as unsuitable for camping. I tried to decide whether any of them were usable for dinner with Jacob’s parents. I refused to think of the other term for them, to avoid jitters, and I couldn’t remember their names. Hmm, I had a pair of nice socks and some dark jeans. But they were probably too warm, and did they even fit?

I decided to try them on and just as I stood, pulled them up and zipped them, Jacob came out of the shower, naked and wet. Instant erection. No problem as there was room for more.

He came over while drying his hair. “What are you doing?”

“Try… trying on some of the clothes I brought from Florida.” Interesting how quickly I’d shifted away from calling it home.

“They don’t seem to fit. Try letting go.” I shook my head. “Russell, let go, now!” In my surprise at the mock growl and unexpected order my trousers slipped out of my fingers. Unfortunately they kept going and ended up around my ankles, exposing my tented briefs to the captivated gaze of my boyfriend.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” Jacob ran a finger up the length of my raging hard-on, and I moaned. “Very nice. Your turn in the shower, Russell. If you’re still hard when you get out, I’ll take care of it.”

I groaned and almost ran into the bathroom. What a difficult choice! I wanted to jerk off and finger myself in the shower, but I also wanted one of Jacob’s awesome blowjobs. Maybe I could play around for a bit, and let him finish me?

Washing my hair and trying to comb out the tangled ends, I was reminded of my need for a haircut. It might improve my status as Jacob’s fiancé if I didn’t look shaggy and shabby. Worrying about my looks and my clothes distracted me nicely and I copied Jacob’s behavior and excited the bathroom naked. When I didn’t see him on my way to the bedroom, I called his name. His answer came back from the kitchen.

“Jacob, do you think I could get a haircut today?”

“That’s a good idea and I need one too. I’ll book time for us after lunch.”

“What are you wearing?” Please say ‘nothing’.

“Shorts and a T-shirt for now. I’ve laid out yours on the bed, they’re almost dry.” Damn.

I went over and grabbed the pair of shorts I had bought in Thisted. We’d washed them yesterday and Jacob must have hung them up to dry. The T-shirt and briefs were from the suitcase. I shrugged, got dressed and went looking for my boyfriend.

He was now sitting in front of the computer with a fresh cup of coffee. He looked slightly disappointed when he saw me. “Did you get yourself sorted out?”

“Well, I have the feeling hardly any of my old clothes fit me. Even my underwear feels loose.”

“Is that why I can’t see your erection? Or did you have fun in the shower?”

I blushed. “No, I was a good boy.”

He smirked. “So why didn’t you come and get your reward? Were you still hard when you came out?”

I shook my head, and Jacob looked almost sad now. “Hmm, obviously I have to work on my blowjob skills.”

“What? No, you’re wonderful and I love it when you… well you know.” God I couldn’t even say it. I’m such a prude.

“Well, apparently not so good that the promise of a blowjob will keep you excited for ten minutes.” He looked utterly dejected and I scrambled to explain, before catching the small twinkle in his eye.

“No, no, I just got distracted by worrying… oh you’re pulling my leg, right?”

“Not entirely, I was looking forward to seeing you walk in naked and excited. But your worries often distract you, don’t they, Russell? What was it this time?”

“Oh, ehm, well, how to make a good first impression tonight. By the way, I’m sorry, but I can’t remember the names of your mom and dad.”

“It’s Benedicte and Jens. And we’ll find you some nice but comfortable clothes to show off your great looks, Russell.” The smile he gave me dared me to protest his compliment, but I knew better. Anyway, if Jacob wanted to think of me as beautiful, I’d be stupid to object.

“OK, thanks. So are there any new emails?”

“Oh yes. Brace yourself. Your mum has talked to my parents and the news has spread rapidly.” Shit. I walked around the table to look at the screen of Jacob’s laptop.

The first thing I saw was his Facebook page and I gulped to see the number of friends who’d posted on his wall to inquire where he was. Including a few hot guys who seemed to be more than friends. At the top Jacob had posted an update in Danish and English which was rapidly gaining likes and comments and demands for pictures and more information.

Jeg er tilbage fra den bedste ferie i mit liv. / I’m back from the most wonderful holiday of my life. Jeg har mødt min fremtidige mand. / I’ve met my future husband.

Wow. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry for joy, or jump up and down and hug him. Maybe I should just kiss my lover and tell him, I feel exactly the same way. And I love him even more for shouting it proudly to the whole world.

”I’ve also changed my status to in a relationship. Please change yours too.” He logged off and switched to another browser showing my Facebook page and I started shaking. He stood up and I sat down in the chair. His warm hands began kneading and soothing my shoulders and neck and I tried to relax. With trembling fingers I logged in and accepted the Friend requests from Jacob, Chris, Oliver and Kathrine. I went into settings and clicked the ‘In-a-relationship’ button and selected Jacob.

“Why don’t you upload a new profile photo?” His hand took over the mouse and opened a page which showed a photo album with pictures from our camping trip. He pointed to the one with me in a Speedo on the beach and laughed when I shook my head violently. He clicked on another photo and it enlarged. This one was a head and shoulders close-up and I was wearing a T-shirt. I stared at the tanned, smiling face of an admittedly pretty guy and had to tell myself this wasn’t Evan but me.

“You’re a good photographer, Jacob. I didn’t even notice you take this picture, and you make me look almost as handsome as Evan. I’d like this on my Facebook page.” I got up and let him upload it, since I’d forgotten how to do it. My previous picture was two years old and unflattering. The contrast was astounding.

“Do you want to upload some of the pictures from our trip?” I shook my head and averted my eyes from the various posts and messages asking about my whereabouts and status. Even if I rarely used Facebook, and mainly had pseudo-friends apart from Evan and Charlotte, I’d still accumulated quite a few how-are-you notes over the summer. Probably school acquaintances who wanted to keep up with any gossip or ingratiate themselves with Evan by politely inquiring about the well-being of his twin.

“Would you mind if I shared a few of the photos on my wall?” Jacob said. I hesitated, and he hurried to reassure me. “You can help me chose and I’ll limit the access to friends. But people are dying to see what my boyfriend looks like. To be honest, I’m also eager to boast about you and see their reactions when my friends find out how gorgeous you are.”

I rolled my eyes, but wisely kept my mouth shut. Denying any merit in appearance wasn’t an argument I was going to win as far as Jacob was concerned. But to tell the truth, I was curious too. Would his friends actually comment favorably about my looks?

This curiosity probably led me to agree to slightly more revealing photos than I might otherwise have done. Jacob was so cute when he begged for this or that picture to be uploaded, and I got rewarded with huge smiles and kisses whenever I agreed. I insisted on him including several pictures of himself, which I’d taken.

Of course the picture of me sitting in his arms was chosen, but I also conceded to one of me at Grenen, another of me bare-chested running up a dune at Råbjerg Mile, and – reluctantly – two of me in the Speedo on Læsø. “They’re awfully revealing, Jacob. And this second one looks like you’re focusing on my butt.”

In the photo I was lying on my stomach talking to Kathrine. I was leaning on my forearms with head and chest off the sand and for some reason this caused my ass muscles to tighten in a most scandalous manner. Even I could see it looked sexy.

“That’s because I am. It’s such a delicious, tempting little butt. And it’s going to be mine as soon as I’ve put a ring on this pretty hand.” He took my right hand and kissed it.

“Jacob!” I didn’t know whether to be flattered or outraged. Plus something in the way he said it made me suspicious. "Wait a minute, do you mean as in… wedding band?”

“Yes, Russell. You’ll have to wait. You’re going to be a virgin when I take you on our wedding night. Think of it as an extra incentive to say yes to me as soon as possible.”

He pulled me down on his lap and let go of my hand. He finished uploading the last photos to Facebook under the headline ‘My lovely boyfriend’ and minimized the browser. Behind it his email account was open, and I gasped at the number of new messages in the Inbox.

There were two from Charlotte as answer to my email, five from Evan, one from Kristin and four from my mom from two different accounts. Those were just the ones with my name in the header, which were still unread. In addition, there were messages to Jacob from Evan, Chris, Kristin, Mom and Benedicte (his mom). These had been accessed. I noticed a new folder in the list on the left side of the main window. It was named RFproof and contained five unread mails. “What’s going on, Jacob?”

“First of all, your mum seems to have left your dad. She phoned my mum last night and said she was on her way to Kristin. My mum revealed our plans to marry, and this made your mum send us both an email when she arrived at your sister’s place. I hope yours is better than mine. My cousin sure grilled me about my intentions.” Jacob laughed, but turned serious as he continued.

“Secondly, it seems your dad has access to your mum’s email. Shortly after she’d sent her message, I got one from him. I don’t know how else he could know we’re together, or what my email address is. Your mum said she left him a note saying she’d divorce him unless he came to his senses and accepted his sons. But nothing about us and you haven’t told him either, have you?”

I shook my head. I’d forgotten all about my intentions to write to Father last night.

“Most importantly, we now have the tentative support of my parents and your mum to get married. Kristin and your mum are both going to come over as soon as possible. Evan and Chris have already booked flights and they’ll be here tomorrow.”

Jacob was grinning as I began to bounce excitedly on his lap, and at his last words I jumped up and started flapping my arms about.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe it. Evan is coming tomorrow. Oh wow. That’s awesome; I can’t wait. How long are they staying? Oh man, Evan and I can go shopping together; he’ll love buying new clothes with me. And we’ll need to get suits for the wedding, oh wow Evan will be my best man, I’m so happy.”

I suddenly caught sight of my boyfriend’s face. He was looking at me with a tender amusement, but also a slightly pouty mouth.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I’m absolutely over the moon about us getting married, Jacob. And even more now your parents and my mom are OK with it. Please don’t think I’m taking you for granted. It’s just the thought of getting married seems too crazy and incredible. But Evan arriving tomorrow will make it feel real; as if it’s actually going to happen. It’s like a dream come true.”

Jacob reached out and snagged me. I’d been bouncing around the room in small circles while babbling and letting out little squeaks of excitement.

“Calm down, Russell. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised you’re more excited about seeing Evan than getting married to me. I might as well get used to him being as important to you as I am.” I tried to make denying motions and words, but he shut me up with a kiss.

“I’m joking, Russell, but only partly. I have a friend who’s an identical twin, and I know from him how strong the bond is. I’m not jealous or upset. I’m glad you have a loyal and protective brother, and you need to stay close all of your lives.”

Jacob finally managed to get me calmed down enough to read my emails. The ones from Evan were first him being worried about me disappearing on him last night, but soon progressed to plans for coming to Denmark and ended with Evan saying he’d talked to Mom on the phone.

“Just so you know, Russ, she was quite ready to arrange a huge wedding reception for you, either here or in Denmark. I managed to persuade her you’d prefer a small, intimate ceremony with only the close family. But I did add one friend to the list: Charlotte. So you owe me big time, bro.”

Jacob said, “I think we both owe him, Russell. I’d hate to have a huge wedding. My mum might also go crazy, but now you’re only having a few people over, she’ll have to restrict herself. I’ll ask my closest friend to be my best man; luckily Christian is back from holiday. I’d like my godmother to be there, she’s my dad’s younger sister and we’ve always been close.”

“How soon can we get married? Aren’t there papers to fill out, and do we have to book a time?”

“Yes, and we need documentation of you being single and maybe your birth certificate, but your mum’s bringing both. However, I’ve discovered a major problem: there’s a six weeks wait for the marriage application to be processed. And you have to be in the country legally, which won’t be the case in two weeks’ time. My mum is trying to find another solution. But in the mean time we can fill out the form and for that we only need a copy of your passport.”

“Hmm, so it’s not like going to Vegas and getting married after 48 hours?”

“No, but that might be an option, if all else fails.”

“Seriously? Ehm, by the way I’m not sure Nevada allows same-sex marriage.”

“Oh. Well in any case, I’d prefer another place for my honeymoon. Plus, I’d like us to be surrounded by family and a few close friends. But the important thing is to have a commitment ceremony. We can exchange rings here and go somewhere else for the paperwork.”

“If my father accepted Evan and me and our boyfriends, would we be in such a rush?”

Jacob sighed and kissed me. “To be honest, no. We’d definitely get engaged and make decisions about where and when to get married. I hope you agree we’re a committed couple no matter what?” I nodded and kissed him.

“But this rush to get married is stressful and not what I want for our big day,” Jacob continued. “Plus it’ll be difficult for everyone else to take us seriously. It’s unfair, but think how you’d react if your friend Charlotte told you she was getting married after meeting her fiancé three months ago and becoming his girlfriend less than a week ago.”

“I’d say she was crazy and it wouldn’t last.”

“Exactly, and I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been trying to work out a different solution for us. But we still need to fill out the papers.”

“I don’t need a ring on my finger to know you love me, Jacob. However, if a wedding band is the only way I get to lose my virginity, I’m going to have to insist.” This earned me a long heated kiss and a promise of imminent deflowering.

“I guess putting the ring on your left hand will do the trick.” I laughed, because this referred to my mom’s favorite tales of her youth in the US. When my father proposed to her, he did so in the American manner with a diamond engagement ring. She accepted and asked where his ring was. Since he’d actually bought their future wedding rings as part of a set, he got them out and showed them to her. She was completely puzzled about why he’d gotten her an extra ring. Confusion ended in laughter and kisses when they finally worked it out.

Couples in Denmark usually both wear engagement rings on their left hands. Often they are plain and subsequently used as wedding bands worn on their right hand. Since my parents got married in Denmark, they decided to follow this tradition. Thus Mom wore both rings on her left hand while engaged and then shifted her wedding band to her right hand. Father did the same with his ring. This caused several amusing situations where people in US thought they were already married. When they addressed mom as Mrs. P… she’d say: “It’s Miss H., I’m not married yet.” Confusion and consternation.

The funniest story was my mom shopping for a wedding dress in the US. She’d go into a shop and ask to see a dress in the style she wanted. The shop assistant would immediately look at her left hand. Mom soon worked out this was partly out of curiosity – ‘how flashy a ring did he get her’ – and partly in order to work out how expensive a dress she might want or be able to buy. As the woman spotted the wedding band, she’d get all confused and say “Did you say a wedding dress, ma’am?” Mom got so tired of explaining, she ended up buying her dress back in Denmark.

Secure in the knowledge I’d get what I wanted, once we were engaged, I went on to read the messages from Charlotte. The first one was short and to the point.

Dear Russell. I’m so relieved to hear from you and I’m happy you’ve found someone to love. Of course you are still my best friend; I don’t care about you being gay. Except that I’m sorry if it causes problems with your father. Please keep in touch. Love, C.

The second one was slightly more excited.

Oh my God Russell, I got an email from Evan saying you are going to get married!!! He asked whether I wanted to go to Denmark for the wedding! Are you serious? I’d love to come over if I can find the money, and my parents will let me. Please get in touch. And send me a picture. Evan says Jacob is an absolute hunk. Love, C.

I laughed so much I could hardly type my answer.

Dear C. We are definitely getting engaged, but I hope we’ll be able to postpone wedding plans to a more convenient time. No matter where and when, you’ll be invited and my mom will probably pay your trip. It’ll be less expensive than the huge reception Evan has persuaded her to drop. I’m asking Jacob to friend-invite you on Facebook; he has uploaded several photos from our camping trip. Be prepared for an unnatural amount of bare skin; Danes are quite relaxed about this. Love, Russell.

Attaching the photo of me sitting in Jacob’ arms, I sent off the email. I jumped back to Facebook and found Charlotte. Then I logged off and let Jacob get on his page and send the invitation. I couldn’t help noticing a long string of comments and likes on the lovely boyfriend topic. Most of them were in Danish but quite a few were in English. They were invariably flattering and in some cases frankly naughty. I tried not to blush and motioned for him to return to the emails. I was eager to read the messages from my mom – but still anxious about the content too.

While I tried to work up my courage, Jacob got online and booked us appointments for haircuts. He was able to get us consecutive slots with his favorite stylist, but we had to be there at twelve-thirty. “Never mind, we’ll eat a quick lunch in town before we go look at rings and buy some clothes for you. We’ll be back in time to check emails again and for a shower to freshen up and get rid of any loose hairs. This time I intend to wait in the bedroom, and you’d better not get distracted in the shower.”

Mean boyfriend; giving me a boner before I have to read emails from my mom. Not cool, but – I have to admit – a great distraction. So were his kisses. Right, no more evasions or procrastination…