Colorado State Patrol - 8. Beef Up

“Well, well, look who crawled in. Long time no see, Officer Espinosa. Where have you been hiding?” Macon Streep looked me up and down as you would a hog you’d been fattening up for slaughter. A native of Colorado, he’d grown up on his father’s ranch, raising cattle for sale. The man had learned how to butcher a cow out of curiosity as a teen and now did it full-time for a living. He was in charge of the meat department at my Whole Foods Market.

“Hey, butcher man. Stop looking at me as if I were a side of beef you wanna carve into, would you?” We’d become friends over recent years and our banter kept everyone around us entertained. “Anyway, had a few days off and ended up taking snowboarding lessons from a kid at the resort. Otherwise working lots of hours, the bad weather means we’re busy.”

“Snowboarding with a kid, eh? Anyway, I was looking at you trying to figure out what was different. You’ve been having too much chicken, buddy.” This was an old, ongoing routine between us: I tried to eat healthy while he kept trying to stuff me and beef me up. “Looking a bit scrawny there, I need to get some meat in you.”

“You just want me to have love handles like yours.” Macon was something like ten years older than me, same height, but a much thicker build. He’d gone almost bald at an early age and now shaved his head. The rest of his body was smooth all over. His friendly face, anchored by a broad nose and framed by large handle-like ears, sported a trimmed beard with red tones in it. I thought the man was sexy as hell, couldn’t understand why his wife had left him for a geeky math teacher.

“Lots more of me to love, Trooper. What can I get you today?”

“You’re gonna think I’m crazy… I’m sick and tired of this cold weather, so I’m going to have myself a cookout this weekend. Gonna make believe it’s summer and fire up the grill. Set me up for a good pork-fest.” I/d go back to chicken sometime afterward.

“Now you’re talking! How about a rack of baby back ribs and a nice pork belly? You’ll have enough leftovers for shredding and making tacos or burritos.” Speaking of pigs, Macon made it a point of wiggling his eyebrows when he mentioned burritos. I think the man thought about sex even more than I did!

“Sounds like a plan, set me up.” The pork belly would need to cook for a while so I needed to stock up on beer. “Hey, what are you doing Saturday? Wanna come over and help me cook and eat this stuff? Come early, we can have a six-pack or two and hang out.”

“Hell yeah! Sometime after lunch? I’ll bring you a beer, and a nice thick sausage to munch on as an appetizer.”